Barriers Up, by potionsmaster
Rating: T for language, violence level expected in the game
A/N: Um...yeah. I have no idea where this came from. Game 3 feels-dump.
Chapter 1: What Never Was Can Never Be
"Barriers, LT. Keep them up."
"Aye, aye, sir."
"Alenko, make sure you have your barriers active. You tend to let them lapse."
"Yes, sir. I just get caught up in the heat of the moment."
"And to think it's your attention to detail that makes you so valuable..."
"Really, Shepard? That's the best you could come up with?"
"Just messing with you, K..."
"So is this what it feels like, being surrounded by a barrier? Like a million tiny batteries shocking you all over?"
"Sometimes. Sometimes it's more intense. Other times it's, uh...much gentler..."
"Is that so."
"It is.
"You'll have to show me at some point...give me a private demonstration."
"I'd like that."
"Shepard, what's going on?!"
The commander could see Kaidan's jaw tighten, mistrust or the beginning of a migraine pinching the skin around his eyes. His own chest constricted at the harsh words; he hated seeing the major like this. Udina piped up from behind Kaidan.
"Shepard's blocking our escape...he's with Cerberus!"
"Just...hang on! I got this...Everyone calm...down..."
Vega snorted derisively behind him, restless. Shepard threw an impatient look over his shoulder at him. James rolled his eyes as put his hands up and looked away; the commander had gotten the feeling the lieutenant didn't think much of Kaidan when they had initially met in Vancouver. The mission on Mars didn't help matters, either. Shepard swallowed hard, trying to to give Kaidan a soothing look.
"I can explain this, K..."
Kaidan scowled at his nickname.
"C'mon, Shepard. Gun drawn on a councilor...kinda looks bad," came the snappish retort.
"You're making a mistake. You need to hear me out," Shepard said, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice. It hurt that even after they had hashed everything out about Horizon in the hospital, he still couldn't use his pet name. The plus side was that nobody else ever got to call him 'K' without risking injury, so that was something.
"And you need to get your gun out of my face."
Kaidan's pistol was leveled at Shepard's face, no wavering in his stance. The commander's breath caught in his throat; maybe he was too confident in his own standing to use the nickname. He wondered briefly if Kaidan remembered to put up a barrier as he stared down the barrel.
"Shepard's admitted to working with Cerberus. For all we know, he's still with them," Udina's sly voice filtered through the air as Garrus fixated his pistol at Kaidan. The turian had a difficult time understanding why Shepard wasn't angrier with the other Spectre over past events and thought Shepard was going soft by trying to work things out. This was just another example of it; the commander knew he was going to hear Garrus tell him yet again when they got back on the ship.
"Yeah, but I watched Shepard fight Cerberus troops on Mars...now, explain that," Kaidan said, a thread of uncertainty woven in his voice. He didn't take his eyes off Shepard.
"We don't have time to negotiate, you've been fooled. All of you. Udina's behind the attack! The salarian councilor confirmed it," Shepard broke in. His patience was starting to wear thin.
"Please...you have no proof. You never do," Udina scoffed.
"You have to believe me," the commander implored, "There are Cerberus soldiers in the elevator shaft behind us. If you open that door, they'll kill you all!"
"We've mistrusted Shepard before and it did not help us..." Tevos murmured. Sparatus' mandibles flexed as he glanced between the two groups.
"We don't have time to debate this! We're dead if we stay out here. I'm overriding the lock," Udina snapped, striding over to the console in front of the burning shuttle. Shepard took a few steps towards the remaining councilors, but Kaidan blocked his path. He shook his head at the commander in warning.
"Councilor, stay put. We can figure this out. Shepard, look at us...this can't end well. Just...put it down."
"Dammit, Kaidan!"
Udina had stopped halfway between the shuttle and the Council. Shepard pointed his pistol at the sky, finger off the trigger. The other Spectre blinked at that, confusion playing over his strong features.
"You know I wouldn't do this, Kaidan...You know me..."
The major exhaled noisily, debating. Shepard tried taking another step towards the Council, but that only steadied Kaidan's aim at him. The commander put his hands up to show he wasn't a threat, finger still off the pistol's trigger. Garrus and James kept their weapons ready and trained on Kaidan. Shepard didn't appreciate seeing the laser sight-lines reflecting off the Alliance blue armor.
"To hell with this..."
Udina darted towards the console, activating the locking mechanism to open the elevator. Shepard heard the sharp crack of a gunshot before he could drop his pistol back at the ready. Time slowed down and his breath rasped in his ears, sounds fading away to the familiar white static. Surprise bloomed on Kaidan's face. It didn't register that there was no tell-tale blue shimmer. Shepard saw Udina pull a familiar shape from his tunic and he didn't even have to think; his shot drilled home. The ambassador slumped.
A wet gasp drew his attention back to the man in front of him. Ice flowed through his veins as the realization sunk home.
"KAIDAN!"
He ran forward, trying to catch the falling man. Dark red blood spattered Kaidan's chin as he drew ragged breaths. Shepard carefully guided the Spectre to the ground, hand on the back of his neck.
"What the fuck did you do, Vega?!" Garrus barked, holstering his pistol. The lieutenant blinked in disbelief, gun still pointed.
"I...I, uh...I just acted..." he faltered, clumsily putting his own weapon away, "He wouldn't get out of the way, and Udina..." Garrus looked at the commander, not really interested in the hulking marine's response. Shepard was on his knees, hand on Kaidan's chest-plate; the other was now gently pushing a sweaty lock of black hair off the major's forehead. The Council remained silent, observing.
"Shepard, I...uhhh..."
"Kaidan...why wouldn't you just stand down?" he choked out, "Why didn't you have a barrier up? Why?" He pressed their foreheads together, tears dripping on Kaidan's cheeks.
"..I'm sorry."
"Don't I always tell you, K? Barriers up..."
He fumbled with his omni-tool, hoping he could administer a dose of medigel. The orange tool bipped at him; Kaidan's hardsuit wasn't linked with his system anymore. He yelled in frustration and cradled Kaidan's head in his lap.
"Shep...John..."
"Shhhhh, it's ok, shhhh...everything will be ok, Kaidan. You'll see."
Kaidan coughed a small laugh at that, blood staining his teeth as he gave Shepard a tired smile. The commander was smoothing his hair off his forehead again.
"You...you don't really...believe that...John."
Rasping, wet breaths perforated the still air.
"If only it were that easy, right?" Shepard whispered, not trusting himself to speak.
"It's...gonna be...what it is."
"You're gonna be fine. And then I'll kick your ass. Maybe then you'll finally remember to keep your barriers up."
Kaidan reached up a shaking hand, trying to cup Shepard's face. The commander kissed his palm before placing it on his cheek, holding it there. The major blinked slowly, struggling to pull his eyelids back up.
"I never...was able to...keep them up...around you, John..."
Their eyes met, whiskey brown glowing gold in the light locking with teary blue. Kaidan's breath quieted a bit.
"I know, Kaidan," he said thickly. He hated crying. He glanced up at the Council; they were talking with Garrus. Vega had the good sense to stay away from both groups at this point, keeping watch. Shepard let go of Kaidan's hand on his cheek and put it back on the bloodstained chest-plate. He felt a feather-light touch graze down his face.
"John, I..."
"Shhhh, K, don't speak."
"I just wanted...you to know...that I still-"
Time ground to a halt as Kaidan's hand fell away, fingers dragging trails of frozen fire down his cheek. Shepard's stomach clenched around a pit of ice. He gently shook the Spectre, scarcely daring to breathe himself.
"Kaidan?"
The major's arms flopped bonelessly. Shepard's throat constricted as he shook him a little more frantically; he knew it was useless but he couldn't help himself.
"...Kaidan?"
He hugged Kaidan's body to himself as he rocked back and forth, keening.
Shepard woke up in a cold sweat, covers kicked down around the foot of their bed. The darkness was close. He threw a hand out to the left side of the mattress, feeling for his partner.
"Kaidan?"
A/N: Ah, nightmares...the stuff...dreams are...made...of? Poor John was in fits today over it. There will be a chapter 2 for certain. Possibly a chapter 3? We'll see how it goes. As it stands right now it could fit in the WYWH universe, but depending on where the muses lead, it could be a potential AU. Let me know what you think!
