Disclaimers: The show and its characters are NOT mine.
Spoilers: The Finger
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NIGHTMARE
I wake up with a startle. Beads of sweat run down the sides
of my face as I sit up, realizing I am safe within the darkness of my
bedroom. Somehow, the familiarity of my surroundings isn't
enough to calm my fears. I turn to my left to find her still asleep by my side.
She has been by my side each night for the past 2 months and that is where she
has promised to stay for the rest of my life. Her presence,
as usual, is able to calm me slightly but remnants of my dream still reside in
my mind. I bury my face into my hands, praying to whatever
higher power was willing to listen, to banish the dream -- no, the *nightmare*
-- away from my sleep.
[Flashback]
"You know, Catherine had her gun. She could've
used it and didn't." Brass said, trying to soothe the fears running
rampant within both
himself and Grissom.
Grissom nodded and headed into the safety of his office. It was only here that
he was able to be alone. To be himself. To be afraid and
not have to hide it from his team. The truth was,
he was terrified for Catherine's safety. They had nothing and knew nothing on
her
whereabouts. Every minute that passed by seemed like another mile had been added to the distance between them...
[End of flashback]
I felt completely hopeless. Useless. I wanted to do
something but there was nothing to be done. There was
no evidence to process. No
theory to work off of. Catherine was off somewhere
with a man who may be involved with someone's death and there was no way of
contacting
her. That was the moment my nightmare began.
[Flashback]
"...it's hard to tell. It is, after all, just a finger." Doc Robbins looked
at Grissom pointedly.
Grissom nodded, trying desperately to keep his frustration in check. His cell
phone rang and immediately, he had it up to his
ear, "Grissom." His heart skipped a beat and he had to remind himself
to take a deep breath when he recognized the voice on the other
end. "Thank God."
[End of flashback]
Though it was comforting to know Catherine was safe, it still wasn't enough. Something felt wrong. I felt like a big chunk
of my insides
had been dug out and nothing was used to fill up the hole. I felt empty. This
feeling of a void confused me and in not understanding
it, I ignored it. All that mattered was Catherine was safe.
[Flashback]
"I'm gonna go over to the townhouse and see what
we've got there." Catherine pulled off her latex gloves and gave a quick
glance in
Grissom's direction.
He nodded silently. So many words were waiting to be poured
out of his heart but none of it made it out. He wanted to tell her he was
glad she was back. He wanted to tell her he had been so worried. He wanted to
apologize for not finding her sooner. But he had no
idea
how to put all his feelings into words. So like many
other times in his life, he let her walk away...
[End of flashback]
A month passed after the case was closed. Roy Logan
was in jail and Catherine was safe. I should've been
happy. But I wasn't. Why? I
can't say. All I know is even though Catherine was
back at the lab and she had managed to put the experience behind her, the void
I felt
before was still gnawing at me. I didn't know what it
was but I knew I wanted it to go away. I also knew that it was during this time
that
I began having this nightmare. The continuous playback of the
event that had transpired over the course of 2 days. The
event in which I
almost lost Catherine. My best friend. My life.
"Grissom?"
I have been so engrossed in my thoughts I don't notice
that she has awoken beside me and is now looking at me worriedly. I smile,
trying
to look as reassuring as I could. But she knows me
better than that.
"Is it the nightmare again?"
I nod, still plagued by the absence of words.
"I'm sorry..." She apologizes as if she thinks because my nightmare is
about her experience, that somehow she is at fault. I wish I could
tell her she isn't. She leans her head on my shoulder
and runs her hand up and down my back.
I smile again, a little more strongly this time. Her presence always calms me. If not entirely, then at least enough for me to regain some
sort of sense of reality. The thoughts of the nightmare are gone for now.
I know they will return once my eyes close and my conscious
surrenders to sleep. But for now, I am content in
having her by my side and listening to her promise that for the rest of my
life, I will have her to defend me from my nightmare.
The End
