A/n: I usually don't write marauder era stuff, or even song fics but I thought I should try out both and I quite like how they turned out. All three songs are by Jason Robert Brown who is ridiculously amazing. He writes musicals too and composed my favorite, The Last Five Years. Anyways I hope this isn't too bad! Please read, review and enjoy.

Disclaimer: JKR owns HP, and JAson Robert Brown owns the song I have used here, which is titled Letting You Go, from the Lauren Kennedy: Songs of Jason Robert Brown album.

Sweeping up plaster

Mopping the floor

Washing the windows

Cleaning the closets


Closing the door

The water ran down the the side of my face as I stood directly under the shower head. I couldn't quiet tell if the water was coming from the faucet, or from my eyes, although it was most likely a mixture of both. I let out a sigh as I ran the soap over the scratches on my body that were still evident from last night. A night that was more rough than usual the evidence in my sore muscles which let out groans of resistance as I bent down to wash my legs. It was understandable why last night was so rough because of the events taking place today.

I both couldn't believe what I had done the night before, and also knew that it was merely a matter of time until it had happened again. I saw a flash of last night, our bodies moving as one as the sweat dripped off of us and I started to scrub harder, wanting to rid my body of all the dirt and sweat that I felt was still there. No matter how much or how hard I scrubbed I felt that it wouldn't come off as I kept remembering what had happened.

Filling the cracks
Out in the hall


Scraping the paint Off of the wall


Changing the lock
Turning the key


Letting you go away from me.

As I exited the bathroom a simple towel wrapped around my waist I looked into the mirror above the fireplace in front of me and saw the marks all over my glistening body. I glanced down at the mantle and saw the picture of my best mate and his girl sitting on the grass at Hogwarts and holding each other as they laughed together. I ran my hand lightly over her hair and then frustrated at myself threw the picture at the mirror as I let out a yell breaking the glass which shattered everywhere.

My breathing was still fast as I slowly picked up the picture catching a glimpse of myself in the cracked glass the tear stains evident on my cheeks. I set down the picture as I went to get my wand and fixed the broken glass. I looked myself in the eye and slowly wiped my tears away. I needed to compose myself for the day that was about to come. I took the picture out of the frame and ripped it in half, throwing one half into the fire and folding up the other half holding it in my hand.

Knowing it's better


Here in my head

Doing the laundry

Washing the dishes


Making the bed

I went into the kitchen and found the wine glass stained with her red lipstick as I waved my wand and it disappeared. Then I walked back into my bedroom and saw the room a mess. The sheets in disarray with my clothes strewn everywhere across the room. I walked up to the bed and put my hand on the pillow, which was now left with none of the warmth of the head that had laid there earlier. With a flick of my wand the bed remade itself and my clothes found there way into the hamper.

I stood up and walked over to the closet taking out my pensive from behind my clothes. It was filled with memories of her. Her laugh which could always bring a smile to my face. Her hair glistening in the sunlight as she gently brushed it off of her forehead. How beautiful her eyes were when she was angry, or how lovely they looked when they were glistening with tears. How her lips tasted of vanilla, and how she smelled like a spring rain. How she looked the best wearing my shirt and sleeping in my bed. And most of all the moment she told me she was getting married.

I heard a knock on the door as I walked there to find her standing there a expression I had never seen on her face.

"Well hello there darling," I said with my typical grin on my face.

"Let's skip the formalities," she said as she pushed through the doorway closing it behind her and jumping on me with full force, her lips working fast against mine. She had never come on as strong as she did in that moment but I wasn't complaining as our clothes quickly left us on our way to the bedroom.

The next morning as I stood In the doorway looking down on her as she slept a smile on my face and two cups of coffee in my hand. I could watch her for days with that peaceful expression on her face but as she began to stir I felt my smile widen as I made my way over to the bed and sat down next to her.

"Morning flower, would you like some brew," I said softly as I brushed her hair out of her face. Her eyes opened slowly and the hurt was evident in them which confused me since I did not know what I did wrong.

"Did you have a nightmare?" I teased her as she sat up speedily.

"No Sirius, not a dream, reality is what got to me," she said sadly as she slipped out of my shirt and put her clothes back on.

"Well let's hear it then," I said as I watched her slip into her skirt, she let out a sigh before turning to me her eyes wet with tears.

"He's asked me to marry him, and i've said yes," she said and I felt the cups slip from my hands and crash onto the floor.

"Get out," I said quietly turning gazing at the floor as I heard her start to cry.

"Sirius," she said to me pleadingly.

"Get out!" I yelled as I heard her flee from the room.

They were memories I could share with no one. Memories that needed to stay locked away forever. Today these memories would be over, and so I took them out of the pensive and put them back into my head, because that was where they were safe, and that is there they would stay.

Nothing to fight
Nothing to choose


Maybe it's good
Learning to lose


Maybe I'll shine
Finally free


Letting you go away from me.

This was the hardest thing I had ever done, letting her go. I was Sirius Black, and I always got the girl. Maybe it was karma that after I had let so many girls go, the one I never want to is the one that I have to. There was nothing I could do about it though, because as much as I want to continue with her, I also knew that she was marrying a deserving man. I thought of him as I unfolded the picture in my hand and stared down at my best mate laughing back at me. Seeing that smile both brought me pain and happiness.

It had been a while sine I had been truly happy and maybe now I could be. I got up and got dressed in my tux, always feeling weird wearing them, and when I saw myself in it the thought that I could be happy left my mind immediately. The reason being the reason why I was wearing this tux, the wedding, between my best mate, and the woman I loved.

If I were smart, If I were strong,

If I could just say I was wrong,

say it was me, say I could move

make you believe these things improve

"What is this!" I heard her yell as she found a red skimpy dress in my closet.

"If I told you it was my cousins would you believe me?" I asked with a goofy grin as I pulled her towards me.

"I'm serious here," she said her eyes ablaze which just turned me on even more.

"Actually, I'm Sirius, but we can be one if you want us too," I said with a wink as she groaned in frustration and turned away from me.

"I am so tired of that joke," she said with a sigh.

"I know, it's not a good one, and I use it a lot I just can't help it baby," I said walking behind her and wrapping my arms around her.

"Don't baby me, Sirius. You lost that right when you took this dress off the woman underneath it," she said as she took my arms off of her and turned around the tears glistening in her eyes.

"Well technically I didn't take it off, she did that one on her own," I said trying to get some kind of a smile out of her even if she looked gorgeous when she cried.

"You know I really wish you could act more like your name, and put that joke away for good," she said as she walked out the door.

"Damn," I swore under my breath.

Why did it have to end up like this? Maybe if I was as smart as James, and didn't try to play the game with this girl, but realizes she was the one to settle down with. Or maybe if I was strong enough to settle down with someone and start a family, when I have never had a real family of my own, and in these troubled times.

If I could go back and do it all again, I not only wouldn't have made those mistakes but I would have actually apologized to her, because even though Sirius black was never faithful, never apologized, and was never serious, she was worth it.

Could I forget All of the cracks


Deep in the ground,
Under our tracks?

And if I could,
Then would you see


Or would you go away?


Would you go away...

I left my flat and went to pick up my best mate who greeted me with a huge hug and a grin big enough to take up his whole face. I almost fell over with the force of the hug he gave me.

"Settle down there jolly," I said with a small laugh in my voice.

"Can't help it mate, I am marrying the most amazing woman in the world today," he said.

"That you are," I replied back to him.

It sucked that the moment I truly realized the truth of that statement was when my breath was knocked out of me as I saw her walking down the isle in that white dress. If you asked for the details of how she looked I wouldn't be able to tell you, because all I saw was her face and how she was the vision of beauty. I felt my heart jump into my throat.

In that moment I wondered if I ran towards her and told her I loved her and she was the only woman for me if she would believe me and run away with me. I wondered if during one of the many times she found her way to my doorstep if I would have said those three words would she have stayed. I wondered if there was anyway I could have gone about this and winded up with me in the position of the man next to me. Most of all I wondered if I would ever be able to hold her in my arms again, and taste the vanilla on her lips.

I breathed in strongly as she said those two words sealing her fate and I felt a sharp pain in my heart that signified it's breaking.

Facing the facts
Watching the clock


Maybe you'll change
Just down the block


And if you did,
Where would I be?


Letting you go away from me.

It was after the ceremony and reception, after my best man speech and the dancing that I found myself next to the small river next to the Potter mansion where wild flowers grew all along the banks. I stared at the small flock of lilies as I remembered her face shining brightly today, next to the man who I considered to be my most loyal friend. I picked a lily from the rest and ran my fingers along the petals before throwing it in the water. As I watched it flow away from me for the first time during this whole relationship I felt all the regret, all the hate, all the love, all the disdain, and all the jealousy fall away from me.

It all left me, and as it did as opposed to feeling my spirits rise, I felt empty, I felt that all that had been keeping me together was gone. I turned and walked away from those lilies, never to gaze upon them again.