Teacups
She was nine the first time it happened. She'd kept so, so still underneath the covers, squeezing her eyes shut and singing loud inside her head. Her hands were bleeding by the time he left, her nails digging bloody crescents into her palms. They stained the bed sheets.
He didn't do it again until she turned thirteen, and after that it was just a sick routine. You block out the nights, its just how it goes - - block it out, because when your sixteen, you can just runaway, and you never have to come back to this place (you'll never get locked in another closet for the night, because you ran away and they brought you back, you'll never hear him fuck your mom, whether she wants it or not, and you'll never have to wipe the blood off her face, while he sleeps in your bed.) You and Tom are gonna get married, and your going to be so happy.
--
Sawyer had told her he loved her. And then he had pushed her away, right when she needed him. When she needed to know if she was pregnant, if she was on her own, if she was going to die.
And then, when she gave him a second chance, as if nothing had happened, when she slept in his bed, and almost gave it up to him, he made it clear what he thought of their relationship. What would they have done with a baby?
Jack had told her he loved her. And then he had got popped up on pills and drink, and everything they had made fell apart. Right when she had settled down; and was finally ready for something real.
And then, when she gave him a second change, as if nothing had happened, when she went along with him, on this crazy destruct button , he made it clear what he thought of their relationship. It was misery.
--
And yes, it was all her fault, because she did lead them on, she did jump between them- - but really, when she thinks about it, maybe they were never supposed to be happy. In their own private spinning teacups, that only get to meet for a few seconds before they're pulled away again, spiralling in the opposite direction- -
I hope I'm right in thinking it was Jack who said it was misery? Maybe it was Kate⦠anyway, review please - - it means a lot to me :)
