My dearest Zevran,

There are so many things I wish to tell you, but I'm afraid time is not on our side right now.

We might not survive this battle. Sure, we could've died many times before, but I suppose this isn't quite like the other battles we've fought. When I joined the Wardens, I was not aware that there was a high price to pay for being able to kill the Archdemon. A moment ago I was told the killing blow would also demand the Warden's life. There are only three Grey Wardens in this battle. Riordan said he'd strike the killing blow, but not every battle goes by plan, does it?

I suppose this is why I'm writing this letter. I don't think I can bring myself to tell you about this before we go.

I might not survive this battle.

I thought all happiness was gone from my life after I was forced to leave my clan to join the Wardens. I was bitter and angry. Mostly at myself. Why hadn't I pulled Tamlen away from the mirror? Why didn't we first report about the ruins before just going in? I felt like I had failed everyone. I acted strong, but in truth I wanted to die.

Have you ever wondered why I chose not to kill you on that day? I guess that's a stupid question, I'm sure you have. You once said you had wanted me to kill you. And I think I could see it in you, when I looked at you. There was a shadow of a broken man, just like me, behind your expression. I was curious.

What I didn't expect was your constant flirting. Or perhaps I was more surprised by the way it affected me. It was something new. Exciting.
At some point I realised I was developing feelings for you. You had started to bring light in my life again. There is so much more to you than you let people see, and that person had found his way into my heart. I knew we had agreed to keep it casual, so I tried to smother those feelings. I thought about breaking it off. But in the end I couldn't, even if it meant just pretending that there was something more...

It wasn't long ago when you suddenly offered me that earring. I am sorry for not accepting it at first, I should have known it was your way of showing your feelings. I forced you to do it in a way you weren't ready to do just yet. But I suppose I was blind. I didn't understand what you were trying to say.
I was heartbroken when you refused to lay with me that one night. I thought I had ruined everything. But I never would have dreamed the reason for your refusal wasn't quite what I had thought it was.
You probably don't even realise how much I wanted to just kiss you senseless when you told me, in your own way, that you loved me.

Yes. I know you love me, even if you never say it aloud. You don't have to.

Should the worst thing happen, I don't want you to regret for not telling me. Trust me, I know. Words aren't really needed anymore. I understand.

And I want you to know that I love you too.

Forever yours, Naraien


I've been replaying my characters and had this terrible urge to write something, even if it sucks :P