Waiting

I was shaking. That there is how horrible it was! I was a vampire, and I was shaking. This was one thing we rarely did. By then though, I was being crushed internally by what I may have been about to lose. Carlisle stood at my side, arms around me to help keep me steady. This was too much for me. We had literally abandoned our newest daughter, and in the process lost our eldest son to his severe form of self-destruction.

I hated myself for not finding a way to help him. He had thought he was doing to right thing! He had finally found the one thing that made him happy, and had thrown away his happiness thinking it was best. He had propelled himself back into the depression he had been in long ago, but at a new level. He no longer had the chance of something – someone – in his future, because he had just left it. I felt his pain as my own and died inside when I couldn't stop it.

Now here we stood, at an airport terminal, waiting for either relief, or more heartbreak. After all my worrying over my son, I hadn't thought this would have pushed Bella so far. She had jumped off a cliff – I gulped at the similarity to my own experiences – because of what we had done, and now she had raced to Italy with Alice, to try to save the son I couldn't help. What sort of mother was I? I hadn't been there to save either of them. And if – I broke inside thinking it – if they didn't survive, what if I couldn't save the others? This family was already badly cracked, it would tear completely if... if... Carlisle tensed beside me. I looked up, and saw that the latest flight from Volterra had arrived. We had no idea if they were on it. We would wait forever though, for every flight if we had to.

In a second, Emmet, Rosalie and Jasper stood beside us. Jasper's fear leaked through all of us, even though I couldn't be any more afraid. He was so worried about Alice. Emmet was terrified of losing any of them, he loved them all. Rosalie's emotions were a bit confusing. She had despised poor Bella from the start – so jealous of her opportunities. However, she knew she was to blame for Edward going to the Volturi, and after all she loved him. If we lost him she'd never forgive herself for all of eternity. Carlisle and I were already feeling a pang of loss. Both of us were dwelling on the negatives. They were all our children, and we couldn't bear to lose any of them. I had lost one long ago, I hadn't been able to cope with that. There would be nothing to help us escape the loss if it happened.

Carlisle squeezed my hand. He was feeling the same things I was. I leaned into him and held my breath. It was the longest second of my immortal life. I couldn't bear this suspense. I closed my eyes and willed myself to fall asleep...

Then I felt Carlisle relax and exhale. I heard Emmet whisper then chuckle, "Thank God". My eyes popped open, and there they were. All three of them. Carlisle, sensing what I wanted, let me go and I ran to them. I threw my arms around Edward and started sobbing into his chest. He hugged me and whispered "I'm sorry". I squeezed him and stepped back. He looked a mess, his eyes darker than the night, large purple bruises underneath – but better than he had since before the birthday party. Bella stood against him, almost asleep on his shoulder. Her face was paler than ever, and gaunt. She had lost a lot of weight and I could see she had been missing sleep long before this escapade. She looked relaxed, though, in a way. I leaned in and kissed her, whispering my thanks. I hugged Alice where she was with Jasper and felt an enormous weight leave the air. Everything was okay. That was enough.