Author's Note: Another little one shot. I got bored.. Review if you read and let me know what you think…
Always and Forever!
Ashley
I sat staring at the window just waiting for his return. I haven't left this spot for two hours just hoping he would come back. Just praying he hasn't already left me. After two hours my mind has come up with an alternative. He doesn't love me. He never has, never will and he wont ever come back. The gaping hole in my chest re-opened with full blown force and I clutched my chest wrapping my arms around me as I felt ready to tear, or fall apart. My tears were falling fast. Some out of sorrow. Sorrow that he didn't love me and never would. But the others were from anger. Anger that I fell for his lies and I couldn't stop from falling completely and hopelessly in love with him.
I whimpered and wandered into my bathroom. I knew what I had to do. Now would be the perfect time. No doubts, just action. He wasn't coming back and Charlie would get over it. No one cares enough anymore so its not like it matters if I harm myself or die in the process. Nobody would care about poor little me.
I closed the door to my bathroom and pulled up my left sleeve. On my wrist were multiply cuts, scars, from the times Edward went hunting for weeks on end. He has yet to notice for I always time my actions perfectly around him.
I look around for my sewing scissors and find them in the cabinet. I rinse them off in excruciatingly hot water, just incase. I didn't want an infection even in death. I didn't plan it to go that far but if it did then so be it. Edward was all I cared about and with him not here, nothing else matters.
I positioned the scissors on my scarred wrist ready to add more. I was a centimeter away when the door was thrown open, breaking the hinges and the scissors were whipped from my hand as I was herded into my room. All this happened so fast I didn't even have time to scream although I was pretty much enable to do that for the fact that an ice cold hand was covering my mouth.
I started to flail and try to damage what was holding me when I heard my lullaby and Edward's velvet voice calming me. He was back!! I shook my head and hugged him so tight I started to hurt myself in the process. He didn't even chuckle as he used to when I reacted this way. He just pried me lose and set me on my bed, scissors still in hand. He looked anything but happy and that frightened me. It was then that I knew what he was thinking and I didn't want to have this discussion. I started to get up when Edward gave me a death glare and I plopped back down.
"Bella, what the hell were you thinking??!"
"I was thinking, Edward, that no one cares about me. I thought you had left so I just wanted to, too." I looked to the floor.
"Bella, how could you think I would leave you. I love you. Do you not understand that I cant exist without you with me?"
"It's never made sense for you to love me. Its just taken this long for me to see that."
"Bella, please! You need help. Please." Edward pleaded but I would not give in. Not this time.
"I'm sorry Edward, but you weren't supposed to know about this. You weren't supposed to see this." Edward had been staring at my wrist which had been covered. I pulled up my sleeve and heard him hiss and move toward me.
"Bella, how could you do this to yourself? How could I not know…" he whispered as he bent down over my arms. Tenderly holding them.
"Edward, what did you expect? You've been gone for god knows how long and I thought you actually didn't like me anymore, love me anymore." tears started to fall again from my eyes so I turned my head so he wouldn't see them. He had other plans. He gently turned my head back to face him so I could hide nothing.
"How could you ever think that my angel? I love you more than my existence. I'm sorry I was gone so long. But the next time I leave I'll be sure to have someone else come with you so you aren't to be alone." he hugged me to him, but I didn't return the jester.
"It's not the same." I whimpered and gently pulled back from him. Backing up till I was near the door, now. " I don't want to have to be babysat Edward, I want you here, with me. But I doubt it would even matter. You can't be hunting and here with me at the same time, no matter how much you want to be. I know you must hunt, and that's not the problem. I just worry that you won't come back. How do I know for sure that you would come back? Afterall I'm just a fragile human girl." I shook my head and fell slowly to my knees as my body racked with silent tears.
"Edward, do you even understand the damage you leaving me has done? My arms are scared and there isn't anything I can do. Every moment you're not with me, I worry as dread seeps into my system. I'm afraid you've finally come to your senses and understand that I am nothing but a worthless human girl that can never, no matter how much I try, ever live up to your standards or expectations and it kills me! It kills me to know that no matter how much I'll ever love you, and how much I've told you that over and over, you would never feel the same way. Here I am on the ground, crying my eyes out as you stand there in all your glory and perfection and it kills me Edward! It kills me to know that no matter how hard I try, you and I could never be…" I stumbled to my feet and ran to the bathroom to get an accessory. I didn't even bother locking the door as I got my scissors from my medicine cabinet and went to attacking my arm. Blood seeped everywhere, for I was using more force that I normally use because of my angrier state of mind.
The second blood started spilling the scissors disappeared. I didn't even notice because instead I was using my nails. Not as much blood fell but the scars it would leave was evidently so. I slowly sank down by the tub as the usual dizziness washed over me. I felt unstable but I couldn't stop. I only stopped as Edward forcibly held my hands down and started wrapping my arms up.
I couldn't move. This was worse than its ever been before. The bleeding wouldn't stop. It was getting harder to breathe. Edward kept wrapping, oblivious to my discomfort.
"Edward…" my whisper was barely audible to my own ears because of my lack of breath.
"It's alright Bella. This is the last time this will ever happen. You will never be in this much pain again." he was still wrapping and didn't once look up to talk to my face. He was unaware that I was dying. Dying right her in front of him. Apparently this was hard on him as well as on me. My vision blurred and I saw a black haze.
"I…can't…breathe Edward."
Finally he looked up and studied my pained expression. His expression turned to horror as he listened to my slowing pulse. He gently but quickly lifted me into his arms and rushed me out my window without a second glance. I closed my eyes very slowly.
I was dying and it was all my fault. If I hadn't been angry this wouldn't have happened and now I'll never get to apologize to Edward for my selfishness. I couldn't even found the strength to open my mouth and protest as Edward had Carlisle look me over. He wouldn't be able to save me this time. I wanted to tell Edward that I loved him. But all I could manage as I took in my sure to be last breath of his intoxicating scent, was
"Goodbye…"
What'd you think??
3 Ashley
