Warnings: This story will contain semi-graphic rape, the use of drugs to facilitate sexual assault, and teen parenthood. This will eventually be slash between Puck and Kurt, but romance will not occur for a very long time.
This story was inspired by Aishuu's Let the Rain Sing You a Lullaby.
I'm looking for a beta if anybody is interested and willing. Please review, and I hope you enjoy this.
Chapter 1 – Drowning
"Keep your head up, baby, because there are people who will kill to see you fall."
That's what his mother used to say to him. Kurt remembered sitting by her hospital bed as she slowly withered away. She'd grabbed his hand and smiled, even though it looked painful for her to do so. At the time he hadn't fully understood what she'd meant. He was only seven years old and had still believed that when he grew up everything would be better. He wouldn't get picked on anymore, and maybe Noah would stop taking his cookies at lunch time.
But his mother knew. She had known her son was different, and that his life would be difficult because of those differences. He wondered if she knew just how badly his life was turning out to be. Still, she always wore a smile and had a warm embrace when he would cry about his classmates' cruelty. Elizabeth Hummel was an amazing wife and mother, and when she died it was like all of the color bled out of the world. Although he still had his father, Kurt would never stop missing the woman who had meant so much to him.
Every now and then, particularly after a rough day at school, Kurt would repeat those words in his head. Keep your head up. Keep your head up. Keep your head up.
It made things a little easier to deal with. And as he got older, he started to realize exactly what his mother meant. As he began high school, Kurt discovered just how cruel people could be. The start of his freshman year was the start of what the unpopular people at McKinley High started calling dumpster dives. It was like name-calling simply wasn't enough anymore. In the back of his mind, Kurt knew he would be targeted by bullies. With his delicate features, high voice, and impeccable taste in the latest fashion do's, it really was a given. He hadn't expected to be tossed in a dumpster, though.
The experience was beyond humiliating. His clothes had gotten what looked like pasta on them, and he knew he smelled hideous. And every class he went to, people would scrunch their noses and look at him as if he belonged on the bottom of a shoe. Others laughed, particularly the tough-looking boys that used to push him around on the playground. And when the teachers did nothing but look down their noses at him, Kurt realized that that was what people thought of him: something that belonged in the trash.
"Faggot," they'd sneer. And nobody did anything to stop them, or to help him.
There weren't many people that were nice to him. Everybody seemed to either hate him for being gay (and he hadn't even come out the closet yet) or avoided him to not attract any trouble from the jocks. In fact, he could name the people that have been kind to him on one hand. There was the Spanish teacher, Mr. Schuester, who would offer him a smile but also usually walked by when he was surrounded by menacing jocks in an obviously unfriendly setting; there was Miss Pillsbury, the guidance counselor, who was jittery and looked like a bit of a nutcase herself; and there was also Mr. Ryerson, the Glee club director, but he gave Kurt creepy stares that made him feel like he was being preyed upon.
He was alone.
Kurt never cried in front of them, opting to sob his despair in the privacy of his own bedroom late at night. Instead, he'd found himself bringing spare clothes, and he'd pick himself out of the garbage with a few scathing remarks. Keep your head up. These people wouldn't see him fall. He'd never give them the satisfaction. High school might be hell, but eventually he'd get his happy ending, and the bastards in Lima who thought of him as nothing but trash would all work for him.
But until then, Kurt had to tough it out.
And he thought that'd be easy. Freshman year wasn't too hard, and he'd even made a friend, Grace. Sure, he'd gotten tossed into dumpsters and had slushies thrown in his face, but Kurt had discovered that putting up with all of the bullshit was easier when he had someone by his side.
And now, months later, Kurt can't help but regret ever meeting her.
"Kurt, are you okay?" his father called, knocking on the door.
Kurt sighed miserably. He was on his knees in the bathroom of their shop. For a moment, he stared at the toilet and wondered if he was going to hurl. He certainly felt like he should. "Yeah, dad, just feeling a little under the weather," he called back.
A few moments pass by in silence. When his stomach stopped turning and the feeling of his insides wanting to evacuate his body came to a halt, he stood up and washed his hands. Kurt splashed some cold water on his face for good measure. Staring hard in the mirror, he repeated his mother's words over and over.
Keep your head up.
And, fuck, that was so hard to do right now.
He stepped out of the bathroom to meet his father's concerned eyes. Kurt hated making his dad worry, and he knew he looked a fright. His normally perfect hair was unkempt and he was actually wearing greasy coveralls. Kurt had even skipped his skin care routine more often than not since summer vacation started.
His father stared at him. "There's, uh, something I wanted to show you," his father said after another moment of uncomfortable silence.
Kurt smiled weakly. "What is it?"
Burt gently took Kurt's hand and tugged him along, his rough calloused hand softly holding Kurt's soft delicate one. "Now, I know you said you didn't really want anything for your birthday, but, well, with all that happened, I thought you'd really need this."
He couldn't move. Someone was on top of him, high-pitched moans and the smell of lavender…
Kurt fought hard to keep his flinch down. Nausea coiled in the pit of his stomach. He didn't want to remember Grace and that night so many months ago, but every now and then something would take him back and he'd nearly lose his lunch. When his father winced, Kurt squeezed his hand. "It's okay," he assured quietly. I'm okay, is what he wanted to say, but he couldn't bring himself to utter such a complete lie. Not when it was beyond obvious that the events a few months ago still haunted him.
Burt gave his son a look that spoke volumes. "No, it's not," he said just as softly, "but it will be. We'll get through this."
Kurt licked his lips and nodded. Because despite how shitty he felt, he knew on some level that his dad was right. They would get through this. Eventually.
"So what is it that you wanted to give me?" Kurt asked.
Burt seemed a little relieved at the change in subject. "Take a look for yourself," he said as lead Kurt to the front door and opened it.
Kurt stepped outside with a puzzled look before his eyes took in the sight in front of him. His eyes widened and he gasped quietly, his hands shooting up to his face. Parked in front of the shop was a beautiful, shiny, sleek black Lincoln Navigator. He knew this because Kurt had had his eye on one since he was fourteen. This car was beautiful. Kurt turned to his dad and hugged him as hard as he could. Burt nearly melted, returning the hug with as much enthusiasm as he could without hurting his son. Ever since The Incident, Kurt couldn't stop himself from craving his father's comforting embraces.
"Thanks, dad," Kurt whispered hoarsely, taking a moment to control his emotions.
Burt nodded his head, smiling. Using a finger, he lifted Kurt's head so that they were eye-level. "I don't want you to think I'm only doing this because of what happened," he said. Kurt almost pulled away, but Burt kept a careful hold on him. "Your mother and I always talked about getting you a car for your sixteenth birthday. Now, I know this isn't the exact one you wanted, but I figured that wouldn't really matter."
"It doesn't," Kurt piped in. He smiled. "I love it."
Burt flushed a little. "Yeah, well," he said, fumbling for something to say. "You'll have to pay for the gas yourself, and I know you're responsible enough to either bring her to me when she needs oil changes or tune ups, or even do it yourself. Your curfew remains the same, and I still expect a text message or phone call whenever you go out telling me where you're at and who you're with."
Kurt nodded. The rules were very reasonable, and he knew as well as Burt did that Kurt didn't really go out anywhere. Not before The Incident and certainly not after. Still, having the option to just go out and drive excited Kurt. His hands twitched and his father smirked knowingly before tossing him the keys.
"Can…?"
"Jimmy's gonna watch the shop for a few while we take her out for a drive," Burt informed him matter-of-factly.
Kurt squealed, gripping the keys tightly as he raced over to the car. He stopped just before he got in, however, looking at his greasy coveralls in horror. "Dad, we have to change," he said. "I won't have any grease stains not even ten minutes into my ownership of this beauty!"
Burt nodded his head expectantly. "Your clothes are in the back." He paused and rubbed his bald head. "I'm pretty sure they match, but if they don't I'm sorry. I don't know how to pair together all the stuff in your closet."
Kurt blinked. "I…" He didn't quite know what to say so he just hugged his father again and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. "Thanks, dad."
Burt blushed. "Go change," he said. "I'll put mine on in the office." Without another word, the elder Hummel turned around and headed back into the shop.
Kurt watched him go with a soft smile. Not for the first time in his life did he wonder what exactly he did to deserve such a great dad. The past few months had been hard beyond reason, but Burt was with him every step of the way, an unwavering presence of comfort and support. His father had barely batted an eyelash when Kurt came out, and had cried with him when he confessed his deepest shame, The Incident.
Kurt opened the car door and found the bag with his clothes in it. He grabbed it, inhaling the fresh scent in the car. The interior was just as beautiful as the exterior with leather seats (real leather) and recently vacuumed floors. Kurt couldn't resist petting the seat before he snapped out of it and practically flew inside the shop to change in the bathroom.
His father actually didn't choose bad clothes. Of course, none of Kurt's clothes were bad, but he was pleasantly surprised to see that everything matched. Granted, he normally paired these jeans with his boots instead of the Converse his father had bought him several months ago, but they went together quite well.
By the time he was done changing, his father had just finished giving Jimmy, his assistant manager, directions, not that he really needed it. At Hummel Tires & Lube, they had a really good team. Jimmy had been working with Burt since Kurt wore diapers. Kurt considered him an uncle, and the other older members were also considered family.
Burt noticed him and finished his conversation with Jimmy. Jimmy gave Kurt a thumbs up and a grin which had him blushing slightly in excitement. Without waiting for his father, Kurt raced to his car and buckled himself in. He actually let out a whimper when he saw the dash and console, taking in the GPS and radio and overall feel of his car. Adjusting his mirrors as his dad slipped into the passenger's seat, Kurt turned on the Navigator and grinned when it purred to life.
The soundtrack to Wicked came on, making him squeal all the more. "When did you take this?" he asked his father, eyeing him with a newfound appreciation.
Burt shrugged. "You know you take forever in the bathroom."
Kurt laughed lightly. "Sneaky!" He rubbed the steering wheel with his thumbs. "So where to, dad?"
"I was thinking we should go to the mall." His father sounded almost hesitant.
Kurt gave him a puzzled look. "The mall? You never go there voluntarily."
Burt nodded his head. He turned to Kurt and looked him in the eye. "You're going to need things…you know…for the baby."
Kurt's spine stiffened almost on its own accord. Most people would be excited at the prospect of welcoming a new baby into the world, but Kurt found it hard to be really excited. On the one hand, he never thought he would get to have a child of his own and a part of him wanted a child. On the other hand, his ex-best friend Grace sort of drugged him and had sex with him when he was barely conscious and didn't even bother to use a condom. The Incident.
He just turned sixteen. Kurt didn't think he was ready to have a kid, but at the same time when he was trying to decide what he wanted to do, he found he couldn't bear the thought of signing away his baby for adoption. Plus, though his father tried to remain impartial and allow Kurt to make the decision on his own, Kurt knew Burt was a little excited to have a grandchild of his own.
None of them had planned on having a baby to welcome to their household, but they were "rolling with the punches" as Burt put it.
And Kurt wasn't afraid to admit he was terrified. That seemed to pretty much be the norm as of late.
When he woke up that November morning, he'd had no recollection of the night previous. All he could remember was arriving at Grace's house, not thinking about the fact that her parents were out of town, and then her offering her a drink. He woke up scared and groggy, and his suspicions were only confirmed when he realized he and Grace were both naked in bed.
His first instinct had been to run. He'd put on his clothes as fast as he could, for once not giving a damn about fashion and looking presentable, and bolted. Grace had picked him up from his house, so he ran and ran until Grace's house disappeared from view. It was a four mile walk from her house to his, but he didn't care. Kurt spent most of the walk trying to come to terms with what he suspected had happened as well as trying to walk a straight line. Whatever she had slipped him, because there was no way he'd lose almost eleven hours without the help of a drug, it had made it very hard to move correctly.
And when he had gotten home almost two hours later, his father had already been at the shop. Kurt had taken a steaming hot shower in an attempt to scrub the dirtiness away. It was only when the water had nearly gone completely cold that Kurt started bawling, crying as hard as he had when his mother passed.
Kurt hid what had happened to him for months, feeling so deeply ashamed that he'd been taken advantage of by a girl who wasn't nearly as strong as him. But when Grace's parents called at the end of March, about four months after The Incident, angrily informing Burt that his son had gotten their little girl pregnant, the truth had come tumbling out. Part of him expected his father to be upset or disgusted with him, but Burt held him and they rocked and cried together.
The meeting between the Hummels and the Cooks had been beyond tense. Kurt had never met Grace's parents, but seeing them glare at him from across his dining room table had him shrinking in his seat. Burt wouldn't have any of it, though. His father waited with an amazing display of patience as they ranted about their baby girl's life effectively ruined. When they were finished, eyeing the Hummels expectantly, Burt spoke eloquently and in a manner usually only displayed in politics.
The Cooks, like any parents would, had immediately denied their sweet daughter having the ability to do something so horrible, but even their arguments had effectively died when Grace burst into tears and all but confessed.
"It was just something to help you love me," she had sobbed.
Kurt flinched still thinking about her parents' faces. Her mother had stared at her daughter looking absolutely horrified and disgusted, and her father had paled significantly.
And when Grace had launched herself at Kurt in an attempt to hug him, the feminine boy had flung himself away violently and Burt had stepped in front of his son protectively. That had effectively ended their talk. Grace's mother had to wrestle her into the car.
"Do you want to press charges?" her father had asked quietly.
It was amazing, the power of a single question. Did he want to press charges? Simply put, no. Kurt just wanted to forget about it. He wanted to wake up and find out everything was a dream. But instead, he had to realize that that was his reality. And through no fault of his own, Kurt was expecting a baby. He was going to be a daddy.
He'd cried himself sick at that discovery.
However, after a month of careful deliberation and seeing his therapist, Kurt had come to the conclusion that he couldn't give up his baby. He didn't consent to the baby's conception, but a part of him just couldn't punish his baby for that.
This realization, of course, didn't help him get over his anger, bitterness, and resentment. He still hoped he'd wake up and discover everything was a nightmare, but with the help of his therapist Kurt was coming to terms with his life. He still wasn't looking forward to how different and how much harder his life would be, but he wouldn't change his mind.
Not when he saw how relieved his father had been when Kurt told him he wanted to keep the baby.
So after a couple of weeks of deliberation and negotiations, the Hummels agreed to not press charges and the Cooks agreed that Grace would sign away her parental rights after she gave birth as well as seek counseling. She hadn't seemed too happy about it, but she didn't really have much of a choice. Her parents recognized the deal for the gem it was. Despite the awfulness of her actions as well as the despairing consequences, Grace could avoid jail time and didn't have to become an unwed teenage mother.
And the baby, who was a boy they later found out, would be properly cared for by a young man who was willing to give up his carefree life as a teenager to take care of a child who was but in a way shouldn't be his responsibility.
"It kind of feels real," Kurt said after a while. "Before I could pretend that I'm really not going to be a dad, but now we're going to buy things and it'll be real. I'll really have a son."
Burt nodded his head and put his hand on Kurt's knee. "I am so proud of you," he said softly. "I hate that this happened. I hate that I wasn't able to protect you from something like this, but here you are, doing something you don't have to because you feel it's the right thing, and I couldn't be more proud at how you turned out. You're a lot like your mom, you know."
Kurt sniffled and gave his father a watery smile. "Would she be?" he asked so quietly Burt had to strain to hear him.
"Absolutely," Burt replied earnestly and without hesitation. "Now, we've put this off for as long as we could. I know the doctor's say she's due around the first week of August, but in all actuality the kid could come anywhere from now until that date. These things aren't an exact science. So we're going to get some stuff to be prepared. Okay?"
"I'm scared," Kurt whispered. "What if I mess up? Or what if I'm just not cut out for this?"
"Hey," his father murmured. "This parenting thing doesn't come with a manual. There will be times where you want to pull your hair out or scream or cry or all of that. I can't promise you that this will be easy, but I can promise you that I will be here every step of the way. You will not be alone in this, you hear me?"
Kurt wiped away his tears and nodded. "Put your seat belt on," he demanded, ignoring when his father chuckled.
They drove to the mall, and Kurt was beyond ecstatic at how smooth his new car ran. Kurt eyed some of the stores there longingly, but ignored the urge to shop his heart out. He was going to be a parent, and as fabulous as his wardrobe was, Kurt realized that he'd have to shift his priorities.
Surprisingly, however, he had a really good time with his father. They'd bought everything that was essential for a little baby boy: bottles, wipes, diapers, onesies, bibs, a car seat (which Kurt made sure would not clash with the interior of his car), and a little baby bath. They also bought a beautiful crib that Kurt thought would look fabulous next to his bed as well as toys. Kurt thought he'd enjoy buying baby clothes, but he quickly discovered that the clothes simply didn't match his standards. He had to buy some outfits, however, which he did grudgingly.
"You know, you're pretty good at fashion and following directions," Burt said nonchalantly. "You could always just make his clothes. That's what your mom did. In fact, I'm pretty sure I still have some of your old things in the attic."
That had stopped Kurt dead in his tracks. He'd never thought about making clothes, only keeping up with the latest trends. But if he could make the clothes… The wheels turned in his head.
With that, Kurt also added fabrics and a How-To book in their already stuffed shopping cart. They were about to leave the mall when Kurt's stomach growled uncomfortably. Burt laughed and together they loaded the Navigator before walking back to the food court where they settled down to have dinner.
Kurt gasped, his fork stopping halfway to his mouth. "Dad, we forgot about the shop and Jimmy!"
Burt snorted around his pizza. "You kidding me? I told him to lock up. I knew shopping with you would take a million years."
Kurt pouted before taking a bite of his salad and sighing in bliss. "You know what, dad? I've been thinking a lot lately…"
"Go on," Burt said, eyeing his son suspiciously.
"I was wondering if you could maybe help me…get into shape?" Kurt asked hesitantly.
Burt put his pizza down and wiped his mouth. "May I ask why?"
Kurt shrugged, moving his fork around but not taking another bite. "I just… I just want to be able to take care of myself. I want to be stronger and not worry about someone overpowering me ever again…"
It was silent for a few moments before Kurt felt his father nudge his foot. He looked up and found Burt staring at him. "Of course I will," he said softly. "As a matter of fact, why don't I do it with you?"
Kurt blinked, a little stunned before his lips stretched into a smile. "You will?"
"Yeah." Burt nodded. "We'll both get into shape."
"And you'll start eating healthier?" Kurt looked at the greasy pizza pointedly.
Burt grimaced, but nodded his head again. "We'll have to lay some ground rules. I can't cut a lifetime of eating habits so quickly, but I'll try. Okay?"
"Deal!" Kurt grinned. They ate the rest of their dinner in a comfortable silence.
"This was nice," Burt said as they walked back to the car. He yawned, surprised that Kurt managed to make him spend several hours in the mall. "It's been a while since we've really spent time like this together."
"I had fun," Kurt confessed. "You know, after The Incident and everything, I've been feeling like I was drowning. No matter how many times I talked to Dr. Prescott, I just couldn't feel better."
"Kurt, it's going to take a long time for you to really get over what happened," his father said gently. "But we'll get through it. Nobody messes with the Hummels, yeah?"
Kurt nodded. "I feel better; lighter, almost. And I just want to say thanks. For, you know, being awesome."
Burt pulled him into a hug. "I always have your back."
Kurt squeezed his father tighter, inhaling the Old Spice his father adored. "I'm glad you're you."
And with that, they made their way home. Exhausted from their day, they agreed to unload the car the next morning. Burt kissed his head before they both went to shower and change into their pajamas. Without another word, the Hummels settled onto the couch to watch an episode of Deadliest Catch and Project Runway. They were both asleep before long, Kurt snuggled into his father's warm protective embrace.
