Leiftan piped in again. "Why don't we give her a chance? You never know…"

I roll my eyes. I just wanted to go home.

"Yeah, plus, she's really cute!"

"Not helping!" I hiss at Nevra. He winks at me, but I'm not in the mood for banter. Miiko and the boys kept talking as if I wasn't in the room. Discussing my usefulness as a human (read: bait) and how they had to take care of me.

Ezarel asks if any of the guard leaders would be willing to take me. Honestly, I don't want to be in a guard at all. Valkyon replied, "Only if she has the necessary abilities." A pretty smooth 'no', since I obviously didn't.

Nevra gets cheeky again. "To serve me breakfast and take care of me, why not?"

"Yes! Let's go with that!" They all finally looked at me. What have I gotten myself into? "Look, I can't be a guard member. I just got here. I don't know anything about your realm." I point at Valkyon. "And the only 'necessary abilities' I have are three months of kickboxing. I'll be useless in the field."

Ezarel interrupts. "Actually, most of our missions are in the forest."

I rolled my eyes again. "Please. I just want to leave. You just want me to leave," I said, jabbing a finger at Ezarel. "In the meantime, let me earn my keep here, at headquarters. Bored and safe."

Kero looked uncomfortable. "So you want to be Nevra's…"

I shrugged. "Lady-in-waiting. Or whatever. I grew up taking care of my siblings. He can't be much worse."

Nevra grinned. "Challenge accepted." He put his hand on the small of my back and led me out of the Crystal Room. "You would be a good fit for the Shadow Guard."

I laughed. "No I wouldn't. I'm human, and I don't know how to fight, or spy, or whatever you people do here."

He stopped me in front of his room. "I don't think you're really that boring, though. After all, you escaped our cave –"

"With help!"

"– and refused to sit by and let us decide your fate for you."

"Maybe I'm just a stubborn ass."

He looked confused by my phrasing. Hopefully it referred to the animal here. I really didn't need to egg him on.

Nevra opened the door and showed me in. "I'll make you an offer. You admit that maybe you could belong here, and I'll make this job as adventurous for you as possible."

"You see, that's actually the opposite of what I want."

"Sweetheart, I doubt that."

"I am the most boring person alive."

He just laughed. "Oh come on. You've met Kero." I tried to argue, but he had a point. "End of discussion." I sighed and clenched my teeth. He patted my cheek. "Maybe you're perfect for this job after all… At least once we get that eye-rolling under control."

His room was extremely ornate. I wondered what kind of sewing and upholstery resources the guard had at their disposal. Would magic negate the need for an industrial revolution?

The furniture and walls were of the same theme – dark cherry and deep burgundy, with gothic and Victorian patterns. Would they have been affected by other humans coming through? Or were we inspired by the fairie realm? Maybe the patterns were pleasing to both and had come about naturally. Either way, I would have loved this during my high school years.

"You like?" he asked.

"It's kind of dark."

"I like the mood it sets," he replied, winking.

"What if I'm not looking for a mood?" I met his eye. He strode over to a heavy curtain, and pulled a rope. The curtain became two, revealing a thick stained-glass window, covered in a bright rose. Light streamed into the room, dulling the harsh colors until the room seemed almost cheery. A canopy bed sat next to the window. With the revealed crepuscular, it could pass for romantic.

I shifted away from him. "So, uh, where is my room?"

He chuckled. "There's a door through mine. You can get to it through the secondary hallway as well." He gestured to a second door at the side of his room. I had missed it upon first glance. "It's for the help and anyone we aren't looking to impress. All of us share the washroom, also."

"The leader of the 'best guard' doesn't get his own bathroom?" I taunted.

He sent one right back. "Unlike your kind, we're trying to preserve resources. That involves sacrifices from all." He took me by the arm and led me through my door, smacking my head on the way. This one was much shorter than the others. "I'll send Elaine in to see you. She's our head of bedkeeping."

I nodded, rubbing my head. Then I saw my room. "You have got to be shitting me."

"Yes, dear?" I jumped and swung around. "My apologies, I'm Elaine. You must be Nevra's new bedkeeper?"

"Let's use a different name from now on. How did you get here so fast?"

She giggled. "Human?" I nodded. "I heard there was a new one at HQ. I'll set you up with Kero. He'll be please to have a new student."

"Student?"

"He'll give you lessons. He keeps the scrolls in the Library. You'll do your job better once you learn to read."

"I can read!" She held up a piece of fine parchment with some script scratched onto it. "Oh, right." Different alphabet.

"He can also teach you more about our realm. I was informed that you will be leaving as soon as able, but staying indefinitely."

"Sounds about right…"

"Best to begin your education then." Great. More schooling. "I will also set you up with room furnishings by tonight and afternoon trainings for your first few days. Nevra will provide a list for your regular duties once you complete training."

I walked around the room. The door leading into the secondary hallway was taller, but only by a couple of feet. I barely fit under the frame. The bed was short, too. "Did you guys used to hire dwarves or something?"

Elaine giggled again. "Children, dear. That's why the door through here is so short." She pointed to the one I had come through.

"What about the other? The frame is higher up."

"That passageway was an add-on. Not made until many of the keepers had grown." I nodded. "If that's all, I can take you to the washroom."

"Just one more thing. Nevra, is he …" I was trying to find a diplomatic way to ask.

"He talks big, but likes to tease all us girls. But he never takes anything you don't give freely."

So the bathroom. Like, I've never been picky about privacy. Gym was awkward, but I lived. I just got through it by telling myself it would never be that way again. Elaine definitely registered my shock as she walked me through. To be honest, it wouldn't have even been that bad on its own. It was a simple stone washroom. A tall pipe connected to five shower heads stood in the center, with sinks on one side and toilets on the other. At least each stall was separate and partitioned with a thin curtain. There was even a couple of tubs by one wall. The really shocking part was how completely open everyone was about nudity. Nobody cared. Maybe they were raised not to. But seeing one creature with both breasts and a bunny tail sudsing up in the shower was all kinds of culture shock for me. I turned away to see Valkyon walking in. He bowed to me us, then stripped next to a tub. He opened a valve, which released a heavy stream of water and ice chunks, before stepping in with a sigh. I was pondering whether I should have become his bedkeeper when Elaine snapped her fingers in front of my face.

"Eyes here, dear. Let me show you where we store the soap."

I also had to get fitted. Even the help get a healthy wardrobe.

"Nevra didn't send in a request for a uniform, so we'll give you something basic for now," Elaine mentioned as the seamstress read off measurements to her assistant.

"As long as I don't look like a French maid, I'll wear just about anything."

"I'm not familiar with that style, but I'm sure it won't be unbearable." After being measured, I was given four pairs of tan pants – obviously hand-sewn – three burgundy tank top-like shirts – nicer than any I had had, and two flowing off-white cotton blouses.
"These are the basics. I'll have undergarments sent up once their made. Shouldn't be long. You will have a selection of nightwear to choose from. Nevra will send down a list of any other items you may need."

I had a quick glance around the shop before leaving. Garments ranged from basic frocks to deep, colorful formalwear. "Like what?"

Elaine smiled, leading me out of the room. She had a look in her eye that suggested she was older than the twenty-something she looked. "We'll have a better idea when he decides on the extent of your duties. You may need some travel pieces." I sighed. "Don't worry too much about it. Alana will make sure your clothes are comfortable, whatever they are."

By the time I returned to the room with my new clothes, it had been transformed. The walls were clean, the floor actually showed a reflection and my bed had a mattress. I was relieved, having assumed that cleaning it would be my own responsibility – although from this point on it almost certainly was. I dumped my outfits on the floor and fell onto the bed. To be honest, anything would have felt nice after being curled up in that cage. But this bed was actually comfortable. I let myself sink in a little, as it held up my curves, and relaxed a moment.

"It's goose-feathered."

I sat up, squeaking. I was just Nevra. "Um… what?"

"The mattress. I had to pull in a favor to get it for you."

"Oh." I was trying not to think of the connection to The Elven Knight. "Thank you."

He nodded. "Elaine will have you running around the first week while I'm working. But you should still spend dinner with the guard when you have time." He smirked. "You can spoon feed me."

I groaned and flopped back down on the bed, head toward him. "I'll try not to spill it down your shirt!"

He laughed, walking toward the shared door. He stopped before exiting and looked down at me, sprawled on the bed. "And if you happen to spill anything down yours, I'll be a good bedmaster and help you fish it out." He winked and left.

The only thing I could think to say back was, "Housemaster!"