The Letter – Santana's Prospective
It's been a while since i last wrote something and a lots gone on so i felt the need to write something.
I hope you enjoy. - Some Quotes are not my own (they'll be obvious) but they are my favorite and Obvs i don't have anything to do with these characters, all owned by FOX.
I can't believe I'm actually doing this right now. I'm standing in an airport telling my best friend, the girl I love to leave and follow her dreams. I'm sure I'm doing the right thing, well for her anyway; I know I'm doing what's best for her.
"Why are you doing this Santana?" Brittany's voice broke as she spoke. "I don't get it, I really don't."
I could feel my voice crack as I spoke with a lump in my throat, "I'm doing what's best for you Britt you don't deserve to be stuck here when you're a born genius. I can't let you do that"
"But I want to stay here, with you Santana, I want to stay with you" Brittany took a step towards me…
"Stop." I can't deal with this I thought. "If you come any closer I'm not letting you go and I can't do that Britt. I've gotta let you go"
Brittany just broke into tears right in front of me and the girl meant everything to me, I couldn't just stand here. I wrapped my arms around her waist and she just wrapped hers around my neck, like a bear hug, I could tell she really didn't want to let go. We just stood there like this for a good 10 minutes, neither of us saying anything and I could feel my heart breaking more and more as each minute went by, knowing I was going to stick to my words.
"Britt, look at me okay, hey come on" I lifted her chin up with my hand, placing it on her tear stained cheek once she was looking at me.
"You're going to go away, join Mike in New York and become the most amazing performer, well more than you already are" She did smile at that.
"You earned your place at Julliard Britt; don't waste that opportunity on us. Someone's got to look after Mike, he's a fighter but unfortunately everyone's time runs out." We both started to tear up again thinking of our friend, Mike had been ill for a while but he would never give up living life to the full, plus we had all learnt to accept it a long time ago.
"What are you going to do though Santana?" Brittany looked so broken and torn and it was killing me inside. "Why can't we go to New York together?"
This was it, I had to walk away or I never would. I grabbed both of her hands, standing face to face I said what I had to say, "I'm going to stay here and figure out my dream. I've spent far too long being a bitch I forgot to figure all that crap out. But what I do know Britt is this, if two people are meant to be, eventually they find their way back, because crazy or not, that kind of love never dies"
And with that, I kissed her for the last time. It was short and sweet but it was everything. I couldn't hang on otherwise I really wouldn't have let go, and that's not what's best for her, I'm not what's best for her.
"I love you Britt, never forget that." I'm breaking my own heart here. "I love you too."
It took me 3 years to realize, I realized what my dream was all along; Brittany. She always had been everything I needed and I just couldn't admit it to myself. I couldn't admit that everything I needed was within this one person; it was too scary. But now I wonder if it's too late. I done what I did because I knew I had too, Brittany and I were far too young to start our forever, it would have just fallen apart, and I know it would. But what I didn't understand was that I hadn't heard from Brittany since that day in the airport, not a single word. No text, phone call, email, letter, nothing; not a single form of contact, so I gave up hope. I don't know what Brittany was hoping for but it obviously wasn't me. I never hoped that I would take her to the airport that day and she'd refuse to get on the plane or turn up on my door step hours later like they do in them damn movies. She got on that plane because I told her to go follow her dreams and that's clearly what she's done. I guess I am quite angry about it, but I don't know if I'm angry at her or if I should be angry at myself for doing what I did in the first place.
Anyway, I did get a text from Mike a few days back, well actually it was from Tina on his phone. He had got very sick, very quickly and his time really was running out. I was feeling all these emotions but to be honest I just didn't want him in pain anymore; he had been suffering for far too long. The text told me to come see him, well it actually said to come see him for what could be the last time and that broke my heart into a million pieces. Me and boy Chang weren't the best of friends but he was one of the good guys, a phenomenal dancer and a rock to Britt on many occasions. He was funny too, I remember the day we done a production of Grease at school and he came backstage and called me Lopez as it was my time to shine, it's always secretly made me laugh. The text did give a specific date and time to be there though; I know the hospitals have visiting times but still; I did what the boy requested.
Being in New York gave me butterflies knowing that Britt was here, somewhere close by. I made my way round to the hospital room Tina had told me, it made me feel sick walking round to the ICU. When I got there, I saw him and took a deep breathe. He looked so frail, ghostly white and just not Mike. As I walked in and stepped closer I couldn't believe the amount of wires and machines he was rigged up too, he looked like some science experiment and this made me angry, my inner snix did not like this. As I stood next to him I just laid my hand on top of his and happened to glance to the left and noticed a letter on his bed side table, the envelope read…
"Santana read this, every word no matter what, to the very end. Once you've done that make your way to the top floor of the hospital via the staff only room outside, code 1994. Once you get there you'll come across a white door, use the same code, and go start your forever."
So I just did what boy Chang asked.
"Too Miss Lopez,
I don't know why I call you Miss Lopez really, I guess it's just stuck since that time back in high school when we did Grease and I called you to stage." I smiled glad that he remembered too. "You done well, as Rizzo I mean, there are sort of some, OK maybe a few similarities." Yes that is true, probably all of them to be honest. "Look the reason I'm writing you this letter is because I don't have the energy to speak anymore. I'm getting weaker and we all know it, it's cool though I accept it, when your times run out its run out" I could feel the tears started to build in my eyes now. "I believe everyone in life has a moment, a moment where they find themselves, where they belong and who they belong too; that was your moment Santana. Whether I was meant to be there or not I don't know, it could have been coincidence but I wouldn't be writing this letter otherwise. Whether you want to hear what I've got to say about Brittany or not, listen." I rolled my eyes at this, I could have guessed the sick guy would be brought into this at some point. "And don't even roll your eyes at me girl." I did laugh at that. "As I walked into the makeup room that day you both just had a look in your eyes, a look of love, passion, loss, a look of knowing everything you've ever wanted was right there in front of you. You know it's strange, all our years at school, when you two said you were together, it surprised me the least out of everyone. Simply because it was just right, you two were right. You two were meant to be, always have been and always will be. Some people say you have to be a certain age, of a certain maturity to find your one true love, your soul mate; but quite frankly I think that's crap. Some people wait their whole lives for that person when maybe that person has been there all along. They say that as soon as you find that person, the one, who you're going to spend forever with, you want forever to start right then. Santana your forever started a long time ago. No one ever said it would be easy and sometimes you just wanna go right back to the start, but you'll always have your good and bad; you wouldn't be able to get your sweet lady kisses on to make up which you love doing so much" the boys got a point I guess. "Look, things happen for a reason Santana and whether it's when you've finished reading this letter or in 10 years just promise me one thing…you don't let her go. You and Brittany are like the North Star, you'll always end up back together. I get it San, I really do, but you just need to get back out there. You fought, you loved, you lost, walk tall Lopez. One last thing now OK before I go, because I know you're probably thinking, "Jeez how long is this freakin letter Chang!" He had a point, but I was also thinking that far too much was beginning to make sense to me. "There's this song, which Britt always used to listen too. I never clicked why until a few months back. We were in the studio putting together this dance number and I had asked her to meet me there at 7pm, I got there at 6:45pm to warm up, Britt was already there doing the same. When I walked in I heard it. I'm not going to lie to you, Britt had been really down the last few weeks prior and I knew it was about you. Then it clicked it was your song, the song she always listened to when she was in this mood, it was almost like she was reassuring herself, like the lyrics said something. And they do San; they tell you everything you need to know. Everything you need to know is in this song about how she's felt; from day one. The songs Jessie J Silver Lining (Crazy Bout You); have a listen I think you'll appreciate it." Looking ahead knowing this letter was coming to an end done something to, but I couldn't quite work it out and it bugged the shit out of me. "Look I need to wrap this up, I'm getting too tired. I didn't write this to tell you what you should do, I wrote it to hopefully make you realize what you should do. It's time for me to say goodnight now Santana I don't think I'll make it to next visiting time; I've fought for far too long. I love you, I love Brittany and I love you two together. I'll cherish all the memories we ever made together, especially in the choir room. Just promise me one last dance OK, someday, me you and Brittany will have that last dance; to Valerie. But not too soon OK, you've got a girl to marry, one you'll enjoy a long and happy life with. Until next time Miss. Lopez, go start your forever.
My love always, Boy Chang xx."
I folded the letter as quickly as I could and stuffed it into my back pocket. Tears running down my face, I leaned forward and placed a tender kiss to Mike's forehead and whispered, "Goodnight Chang". As I sniffed back the tears I brought myself back to reality. I knew why I had to get to the top floor, I started to run out as I wasn't wasting any more time, and I had to see it for myself. As I raced up the flights of stairs, in my signature heels and tight dress, shit there's a lot of floors; I entered the code and kept running. As I got to the white door I froze. All these memories came rushing back to me, good and bad. I took a deep breathe, entered the code and opened the door. There she was everything I've ever wanted and everything I should have never let go, standing looking over the New York skyline.
"Britt" As I spoke I felt sick. I didn't know how she was going to react to me. All I wanted to do was rush over to her, pick her up, and kiss her like she deserved to be kissed, like a princess.
As Brittany slowly turned round she looked breath taking. She had a classic Brittany look plus those piecing blue eyes had somehow got more beautiful.
"Santana, I want the truth OK, for the first time in how ever many years I've known you, you at least owe me that" she didn't seem happy, she seemed tired.
"Oh it's nice to see you to…"
"Come on San" Brittany snapped back. "Please."
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think and I was getting that feeling again that only Brittany gave me. Nerves, excitement & I felt powerless, the bitch exterior didn't work on Brittany, and it never had.
I couldn't spend another however many years hoping, I couldn't spend another 10 minutes I don't think, it was now or never…
"You know I spent every minute of every day wishing we were together. Wishing I had the guts to be honest with you, but no, I chose to be stubborn and a bitch and look at where it got me. I sat in the back row secretly watching you, I counted the number of times you smiled at me and died on the days you didn't. You were my best friend, my favorite person in the whole world. I never wanted Sam, Finn, Puck or any of those other guys I just wanted you. But it came to it and I thought to myself, you're going to do the mature thing here okay. And you know what Britt, to this day, it was the biggest mistake of my life."
"Why now though San, why have you never told me any of this before, you said goodbye to me that day and never looked back" Brittany was angry, she was hurt, and it was coming out in what she was saying to me.
"I've always wanted what's best for you Britt. I let you go because I was never going to be good enough; you deserved someone that wasn't a bitch, someone that could give you the world. You deserved to follow your dream."
"You let me go Santana because you never had the guts to want me in the first place." Ouch, that hurt. Brittany started to walk off.
"Britt." Brittany stopped, she didn't turn round, she just listened as I spoke. "Trust me, I've always wanted you, and I still do. I just thought letting you go was what was best for you."
As I said that Brittany instantly turned round to face me. "Santana you always thought you knew what was best for me when it was you who was best for me!"
"I believe everything happens for a reason, I really do. Chang confirmed that with this." I handed Brittany the letter from my back pocket.
I watched her read it, word for word, her heart breaking a little bit more with every line she read.
"Santana I, I didn't know Mike had written this, I really didn't" Brittany was choking back tears as she spoke to me. "He always said to me people express themselves most in dance, we spent most of our time with him, dancing. He's a smart guy I guess." I smiled at her words, but he is Asian after all, it's like in their genes to be intelligent.
"Look Britt, I don't know what the future holds, but I know this, I Love You; more than anything or anyone in the world. I wanna mash up with you forever." As I spoke it started to pour with rain, great now this is going to turn into a cheesy movie scene.
"I never came after you because honestly I was too scared. Whenever I thought about it, it was almost as if something was stopping me, I don't know what, but it was. People love someone because they make them a better person but that's not why I love you because you've always wanted me to be myself. Before I came too New York Quinn told me that if I saw you I would instantly fall back in love with you, but that's impossible. You can't fall back in love with someone you never fell out of love with in the first place. But I know one thing, I wanna spend the rest of my life falling more in love with you every single day."
As I spoke Brittany was just staring at me with those big beautiful eyes, just slowly walking closer and closer.
"Britt can you like say something because it's raining and honestly I'm quite col…" and with that her lips smashed into mine. She placed her right hand on my cheek, as her fingers lightly dug into my neck. Her rosy lips closed on my bottom lip, it was like everything I had been waiting for, there and then, that kiss was all I've ever wanted; from the one girl that had my heart right from the start.
As we both slowly opened our eyes, by now both Britt's hands were on my cheeks and I was holding onto her wrists, inches away from one another, never wanting to let go again.
"You know what Santana Lopez; life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."
The letter made me realize what I've known all along. I'd always cherish that Mike made it clear.
With the biggest smile on my face I went into kiss her this time, as she lifted me up off the ground spinning me around; neither of us with a care in the world.
Our forever had finally started.
This was a mixture of ideas that had been floating around in my head that i had to put together. Let me know what you think as i plan on writing many more one shots. I've been out of touch with writing for quite some time so just bare with me :)
Fav, follow or review would be much appreciated.
