The Dead Angel

Chapter One: Hiding in the Closet
Bella

The room was dark and cold, my feelings much the same. The words on the page and the radio swirled around me in an array of jumbled letters. I couldn't make sense of the song I was listening too, simply because of the fact there was no emotion, no feeling. This wasn't a song, this was just noise. Music is when you can feel the emotion and feelings rolling of the writer onto you and you can tell right away what the writer is thinking.

I could do that, I could make people feel. I could make people cry, smile and laugh. I was that kind of person, that's who I am. My name is Isabella Swan. Swan, like a bird, wild and free and gracious. I was neither gracious, nor free. My career and status confined me to the two identities that were my life. One that held me famous and the other that was my only way out, my one escape, and I had to completely dress like someone and something else to have even a taste of freedom in this life.

It started off with him, Edward. He left, he left me there to die and suffer. I always knew I could do anything if I would have put my mind to it. When I wrote that one song for the Cullen's. It was private and painful, something that I wrote out of the pain in the guidance of my heart break. And it sickens me to know that people can still find a way to make even other people's pain amusing, or entertaining. That's how I met Miki. Makaila Black.

Suffering the same fate I was headed for, under the exact same circumstances and everything.

Though, Makaila had it different. Although she had also had her heart ripped out by a vampire, she was discovered at a karaoke night at a downtown club. Singing a song she wrote for her dead parents and siblings, all murdered by the vampire who pleagded his love to her.

People can learn from our stories, there never is a happy ending. Everything we try will always find a way of turning around on us and hurting us more then before. That's why you set yourself up for failure. Prepare for the worst and expect a disaster, that way you'll always be happy if it turns out other wise. That's why distance is the key, keep yourself away from everyone, and there's no way they can hurt you. No way can it be painful when they fail you, or you fail them.

Life was cruel was it not? But that way reality, that was life. That's how people live. That's how I live. The only person i ever let myself get attached to was Makaila, she was the only. Someone i could trust with my secrets mainly because she shared the same pain as i. And if anyone like Miki could survive a pain even close to the one i felt, then she definitely deserved the chance to live again. Maybe i could change her the way she changed me.

Sitting in my dressing room, it was loud and cluttered, people were rushing around and applying make up where it wasn't needed, fixing my outfit were it was already perfect. But these people couldn't live with it. There was always something else to do.

A mess of people ran around the dressing room as i looked into my lengthy mirror and starred at myself smirking. All these people wanted something they couldn't have. Something i couldn't give them, something i couldn't help them with. They all expected so much and i couldn't' help any of them. Everyone always wanted more and more. They got pleasure and entertainment from the pain Miki and i had shared and wrote about in confidence maybe our songs could tell us what we were really thinking, but that was never the case.

The truth was, i couldn't tell what i was feeling, and I couldn't feel what I was feeling. Everything was always one big mess.

"Ready to go?" Miki's voice carried out from behind me, a small forced smile playing on her pouty pink lips. I turned to smile at her and was caught again by her outfit. Completely out there, and completely Makaila. Miki was the kind of girl everyone envied. The attention grabber, the unstoppable force that could entertain anyone. She was short and petite, with curves that matched her height and slim figure. Long blond hair and dark eyes, she was the punk princess everyone wanted to be.

"Yeah, let's go for it." i smiled back. Raising out of the chair and pushing through the people and managers crowded in my dressing room. Making it to the long wide hallway, Miki and i walked side by side and grinned as we reached the halfway mark and could already hear the excited screams of the crowd and fans. Something Makaila and i both never got tired of hearing.

We approached the side entrance to the stage and smiled as we saw some of the crowd through the small crowd. "You good to go?" i asked smirking.

"Yeah, let's do this." i smiled as Miki's confidence, something else everyone envied about her. She was spontaneous and out there. The person that could make anyone smile and anyone laugh. She touched the hearts of others that couldn't touch their own hearts. She opened the eyes of the people around her and still managed to keep her own emotions in check, hiding her pain from even her closest of employees. I was everything to Miki. I was all she had left, the only person close enough to family she had.

We walked on stage and immediately Miki reached for a microphone. Laughing, she pulled the device to her mouth and inhaled the scent of plastic and metallic materials. "Hello New York!" she smiled as the crowd cheered louder for her to begin the concert.

"Hello, New York." i added after, in a slower tone, smiling when i got another big reaction. "Are you ready to start this?" i asked.

The beat of the music flooded through the theatre as the lights darkened and everything visual disappeared. My breathing hitched and the lump in my throat threatened to choke me under. I held the mice. closer and clutched it for dear life, hoping that maybe in an ironic tone, it would take me away from here and this place and send me somewhere i could finally let myself go.

Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby?
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real..
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you?
Why'd you turn away?
Here's what I have to say...

I was left to cry there,
waiting outside there
Grinnin' with a lost stare,
That's when I decided...

Why should I care?
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone...You, you need to listen!
I'm startin' to trip,
I'm losin' my grip
And I'm in this thing alone...

Am I just some chick you placed beside you,
To take somebody's place?
When you turn around can you recognize my face..?
You used to love me, you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case,
Everything wasn't okay..

That was the truth, everything wasn't okay. Nothing would ever be okay. Continuing to sing, Miki finished the song on a long low note, smiling as it earned low gasps from the stadium. As fans burst into around of applause and yelling, Miki and i both starred around the crowd into the faces of all our fans. Trying to find that one person we found every time. Someone that could feel at least a fraction of the pain we did. I searched around until my eyes landed on those that were deep and golden. My breathing hitched and i was lost. The tears falling from my eyes were already destroying the makeup the workers had tried so hard to do for me.

Miki sensed my hesitation and searched for the reason of my sudden break down. My breathing accelerated, i was breaking down in the middle of a concert and there was nothing i could do. "Um, hey guys. Bells has got to go back stage and prepare for the special feature coming up, so I'm going to try and entertain you until she gets back." Makaila filled in, shooting me a warning look and nodding for me to leave.

Running from the stage i carried the mic in my hands and ran through the side door. I could hear the beat of the music for Innocence begin as it faded behind me and i ran through the halls and into a matenince closet. Slamming the door behind me, i gasped for air and slammed my back against the wall, so hard it almost knocked the wind from my lungs. My throat was raw and i could feel the hot salty tears run down my cheeks.

Leaning against the wall, i slid down onto my behind and stuck my head between my hands, sobbing and crying for a problem i couldn't fix. What felt like seconds later, the door opened and Miki stepped into the room. Sliding down beside me and cradling me into her arms. I sobbed onto her shoulder for what seemed like hours, days even. Soon enough, i was ready to leave. Slowly and quietly, i rose to my feet and exited the room.

"What about the concert, i ruined all of it." i muttered ashamed of the disgrace not only had i broke to myself but my partner also.

"Did you hit your head when you were in there?" Miki looked at my smirking. Shaking my head know she rolled her eyes dramatically and smiled. "Bells, the concert when on for hours. It was a hit."

"When did you come in then?" I asked star struck.

"When I found you after the concert. I took off into the halls and searched for you for hours." Miki wrapped her thin arms around my neck and lead me towards the dressing room to change.

An hour later, we walked out in normal clothing and a hat with sunglasses. Taking the back door out of the theatre we walked towards the car we had parked. Laughing and joking around, the day didn't seem as bad as it was when we first started it off this morning.

The drive was slow and quiet. We were both dead tired and in no mood to stop and rest at a hotel. That would mean identification, and that would mean paparazzi. The steady hum of the engine and the red bull we picked up were the only things keeping me awake as we drove down the highway as fast as we could. Miki was sleeping restlessly, as she always did, and I had the radio on low in the background.

"So, Makaila. I heard you just through an awesome concert, how does that feel?" The reporter's voice was jam packed with adrenalin and I could tell from all the screaming fans in the background that this interview wouldn't have been done long after the concert finished.

"It feels great just to get out there and know that I'm not only enjoying it by myself, I can enjoy the talent I've received with all our fans and my best friend Bells. We just love doing what we do and it's an honour to perform for such awesome people." Miki's voice was ragged and huffy, as if she had just run a marathon. I could even hear the smile in her voice as she spoke into the microphone.

"Speaking of your best friend, where was Bella last night? We missed her in the concert after the last song." The reporter pressed and there was an eerie pause from Miki's end. I hated it when she was put on the spot, especially when it concerned me.

"Well Mike, I'm not suppose to tell you this, but Bella escaped last night for a last minute recording for our new CD coming out and she insisted that I took the concert over. I was pleased to do so because I wouldn't miss out on playing for my favourite city. I just love the fans we have in New York." The lie slipped easily from Makaila's lips and every part sounded perfectly believable.

"Okay, well that's all the time we have but it's been a pleasure talking to you and I hope to see you again soon Makaila. This has been Mike Brown on SFI News." The reporter finished his special and the radio cut off to the weather network for a while. By this point, Miki had woken up and I was reaching a state of exhaustion not even I could have imagined existed.

"Bells… Bells! I think we should hook up at a hotel for the day. You and I both don't have the energy to stay awake and drive for another four hours." Miki's voice seemed to become more and more distant as my sight began to blur and my body began to relax in the seat.

"BELLS! Stay with me buddy. There's a Delta Chelsea a couple of miles up. We can make it." I jerked upright and looked around dazed. Suddenly, the music came out blasting over the speakers and our SUV seemed to accelerate even then. The song was Forever by Chris Brown, a favourite of mine.

As we sang in high voices, the car seemed to drive easier and the Delta seemed to show up in front of us all too soon. Parking in the lot outside the front of the hotel. Miki and I ducked under our hoods and made a run for the front desk. Panting when we arrived. The manager gave us a dirty look and starred as we searched our wallets for our VESA.

"And may I ask who's name this is going under?" the manager demanded in an alarming tone.

"Um, lsabella Swan and Makaila Black please." I whispered more quiet then normal. The manager starred at us for a moment then we could see her eyes widen and her jaw drop. She was a rather handsome woman. Bleach blond hair and tall, a bigger build and strong, her deep set eyes and fine chiselled features finished her look as she stood before us in a suit and skirt.

"Oh, ah yes. Right away Miss Swan. And if I may say, your music is one of my favourites!" her voice squeaked in excitement as she handed us our room keys and you'd think she was only a young teen. She was practically jumping out of her shoes.

We walked towards the elevators with our bags in hand and silently cursed as a flood of paparazzi rushed into the hotel and looked around crazily. Those vultures! Suddenly, the ding of a bell grabbed our attention and we took off into the elevator not caring if it were going up or down. We didn't see who was in the elevator until we pushed our floor button and the doors had closed.

I turned to look out of the corner of my eyes at who we were sharing the elevator with and hopefully to explain our sudden outburst. When I noticed the golden brown hair of one vampire and the spiky black shoulder length of another. My heart stopped as I realized who it was. Two times in two days. My luck was worse then I thought. I only prayed I could keep it up until we got to our room before I broke down again.

"Bella?" a silky voice asked worried behind me, that of an angel, and a devil.

My hood and sunglasses perfectly covered some of who I was but I was still human. My scent was still that of blood, and the Cullen's could still tell who I was. I tensed immediately and continued to stare at the doors of the elevator praying they'd open up and let me out.

Miki suddenly looked over at me instinctively and saw how tense I was. Wrapping a long slender arm around my shoulders, we moved further away from the Cullen's. Earning a small growl from Edward and no doubt Alice also.

I bit back sobs and danced on the spot, deciding that if the doors to the elevator didn't open up soon, I was going to suffocate. Miki pulled me closer and tensed when she received another growl from Edward.

"CAN IT LEECHE!" Makaila's voice ripped like fire through the elevator and the Cullen's were immediately silent. I felt relieved as the doors finally opened and we were granted room to get out of the elevator. But just when I thought it couldn't get worse. It did.

The Cullen's followed us out of the elevator and towards our room, sauntering to their own doors as we half sprinted to ours.

Throwing the door open we ran inside and locked it right away. I burst into tears as soon as the door closed and headed for one of the two queen beds in the room. My throat was ragged, dry and raw. Even the ice cold glass of water Miki fetched for me didn't work.

Finally, after a while of waiting and dry sobs, I felt exhaustion take its tole and drag me further and further into unconsciousness. The last thing I saw was Miki pulling the covers over my shoulders for me.

My dreams and sleep were restless and not long enough. So, we continued to bunk at the hotel, waiting for the layers of paparazzi to thin and then make a break for it. Our days consisted of the TV, room service and cards games that neither of us could win. Finally, it came time we had to leave.

Packing up, we reached the lobby and checked out under the shadow of our hoods. Getting to our vehicle would be the difficult part.

It was raining and miserable outside, the perfect day for an umbrella, some that's what we used. And umbrella, it provided much more cover then usual and we snuck unnoticed through the crowd of people outside the hotel. The SUV was cold and damp inside, the result of a back window left open.

We pulled out of the parking lot as soon as possible and headed right for the main highway, blasting the heat as we raced out of the lot.

Hours into the drive, we had the radio on, our coats off and Makaila was working on our next hit single. "This song sounds like crap!' she muttered to herself in quiet exasperation. Writing seemed to be more difficult today then normal. With a sigh she tore yet another piece of paper from the scrap book she had in her bag and crumpled it up, throwing back behind her onto the grey leather seats of the sports utility vehicle.

Turning my head, I starred at the hundreds of discarded paper balls in the truck. A sure sign that Miki wasn't on her game today. She rubbed her aching temples and leaned her head against the cold window, starring at the passing scenery.

Suddenly, she started tapping a beat on her thighs, playing with the tune until words started flowing from her mouth, a song writing itself as she normally called it. She voice called out over the radio, a small smile playing on her lips and a beat moving her shoulders and head. "I couldn't tell you, why she felt that why, she felt it everyday. I couldn't help her, I just watched her make the same mistakes again……" I listened as she continued to mumbled verses of a song she would create into a hit herself.

She grabbed a pencil and still beating out the tempo and rhythm, she wrote the words she had used down on the piece of paper.

Turning off onto a road, we approached our house and slowed the vehicle down. Our house was small and perfect, living the way we did we got use to packing up and moving anytime we needed to go anywhere.

I pulled into the driveway and unlocked the door, pushing mine open and grabbing my things for the back. Walking towards the door I retrieved my keys and stuck the finely cut piece of metal into the black lock. I could hear the doors of the truck still opening and closing, so I left the door wide open for her to come in.

I walked through the hall and into the kitchen, setting my things down on the tile counter and walking through the ancient arch into the living room. Throwing myself onto the couch, I in hailed the perfect, homey smell of the pillows and fabric and sighed as I pulled myself closer to the couch, letting my body relax in the position it was in.

"Hey B, I'm just going to go work on this a little longer." Miki's voice came down from the other room as it trailed off up the stairs, heading off into her study no doubt. I couldn't be disappointed though, pieces of magic were made in that room, so when Makaila Black had an idea, I made sure to give her her space.

Reaching for the remote I turned to the TV and turned the flat screen on. Forty seven inches of music videos were a mixed mess in front of me. Flipping the channel, I landed on the news and watched as the Canadian girl talked about the weather, a report most likely to be proved wrong.

The setting changed rapidly and the reporter from the other day came onto the TV once again. He stood in front of the theatre we played at the other day and started on a report of the concert once again. Pushing the red button on the top left corner of the remote, I turned the TV off and closed my eyes, relaxing into the bed and letting sleep take me over.

I could feel the life going from my body as I swayed deeper into a restless night of sleep and feel the cold hand of the spring air touch my skin when my eyes closed. Taking in the smells and sounds of being home again.


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