A/N: I was reading some fanfics and realized every time someone wanted to name a random place, it was Canada. Like, 'Let's go to Canada!' or, 'I ran away... to Canada,' or, 'I'm bored, want to go to Canada with me?' I wondered why Canada was so popular. I mean, couldn't they say somewhere else? It was always Canada! Don't get me wrong, I love Canada. I visited there a couple of times. Niagara Falls? Beautiful. And scary. Seriously, don't fall. Or sit on the metal gates.
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or Canada, if you can even own Canada. Oh, and I'm not trying to mock Canada or Canadians.
Third Person POV
"Hey, Light? Why is Canada so funny?" Matsuda asked as he and Light went to the food store.
"Matsuda, what the fuck are you talking about?" Light asked, annoyed that L made him take Matsuda to go shopping.
"Well, every time someone wants to say a random country or place, it's Canada. I was just wondering why Canada was so popular."
Light shrugged, disinterested in the conversation and basically anything the agent had to say. Because really, who listened to Matsuda? It's not like he did anything important in the series, like help lead the case to Yotsuba Corp or something, right?
"I don't know. I never really pay attention to that. I mean, does it really matter what country people pick?"
"Yes! Why can't funny random things happen in Japan? Why is it always Canada?"
"Because Japan gets attacked by giant dinosaurlike things in every other movie that's made."
Okay, he had a point there. But that didn't answer Matsu's question! "Fine! Then why not the United States?!"
"Because Canada is bigger," Light dead-panned.
What? "No it isn't! The United States is huge! It has-!" Matsuda paused, counting on his fingers and muttering, "Three, four, banana, slippers, seventeen, twenty-five, uh..." Louder, he said, "What comes after twenty-five?"
"Twenty-six."
"Right, right..." he murmured. "Forty-nine states!" he resumed, finishing his sentence from before.
Light rubbed his temples. "Fifty, Matsuda."
"Oh. Well, that's still more than Canada!"
"But that doesn't matter. Canada is bigger."
"Well what about Africa?!"
"Africa is a continent."
"...Australia?" the older man tried.
"Smaller."
You could almost see the light bulb above Matsuda's head as he yelled, "What about Russia?!"
"Russia isn't as fun as Canada."
Matsuda sulked and quieted down, trying to think. There had to be another reason why Canada was so popular.
They walked into a store, going to pick up the item L requested, not because he wanted it but because Light kept bugging him in the mornings for some.
"Turkey... Larger strips... Easier to cook... Pork... Wait. Aren't they all made out of pork?" Light asked as he read aloud what the packages said.
Matsuda looked around the aisle. "Which one are we getting?" he asked as he stared around him, looking at all the meat.
"This one." Light threw the item into the cart. Matsuda picked it up and began to read it.
'Imported from-!'
"I GOT IT!" he yelled. He grabbed Light by the shoulders and began shaking him all around. "It's because of their bacon!"
...
"Canadian bacon is just ham."
The hyperactive agent deflated like a balloon. Like a child, he crossed his arms and muttered, "Yeah, well then why are you buying it..."
They paid for the bacon and left, neither saying a word on the way back. At least the two learned something that day.
Matsuda learned why Canada was so popular.
And...
And Light learned he would never go to the store with Matsuda again.
