Rinoa was pacing up and down the halls. What was a girl to do when she was oh so miserably and helplessly in love? Writing a letter was out of the question (letters are for dorks!) and a telephone call was too easily recorded for blackmail. No, she would have to be strong and face Squall in person.
It was then that she heard a door open at the end of the hall. Her heart fluttered. Ah, such sweet bliss! She could see Squall in the distance! ...But who was that with him?
Oh my god, was that Seifer, her former boyfriend? Rinoa stepped back towards the emergency exit, but just as she was about to flee, Seifer left. Phew, close call. Steeling herself, she edged herself out of the bushes but stopped when she heard another familiar voice talking to Squall. Someone else entered the hall and was it—oh my god, it was! Timothy, her ex from Timber suddenly tapped Squall's shoulder and started a conversation.
Although she couldn't really hear what they were talking about, Rinoa knew she'd have to bottle her confession for just a smidge longer. But as time passed, instead of leaving, Timothy got on the phone, and within minutes, three more guys showed up!
Dalton, Trevor, and Justin—all Rinoa's former lovers—had Squall surrounded. It seemed as though fate was conspiring against Rinoa, but just when she thought it couldn't get anymore weird, the awkward meter just about broke when Orlando, Rinoa's first love from Dollet, suddenly came up from behind her.
"Hey, I found her!" Orlando shouted to the guys.
"Eep!" Rinoa squealed as big and muscular Orlando hauled her up by the waist.
It was then that Seifer reappeared, this time accompanied by Woodrow (another ex), and they helped haul Rinoa to the inner circle of boyfriends past, present, and...what's this? Future?
Just as Squall was about to say something, the door to the hall opened once again. In came a tall, hunk of a man with a chiseled jaw and dreamy, flowing hair.
Hubbah, hubbah!
"Package for Mr. Liontart!" said the delivery boy.
Seifer guffawed at the mispronunciation, and he all but burst into tears as he watched Squall mutter as he signed for the box.
"Thanks, pal," said the dreamboat. He then left, wriggling his tight, tiny bottom as he sashayed out the door.
Squall opened the box and pulled out a smaller, velvet box. "Rinoa..." he said while opening the velvet box and inspecting the ring inside.
Omg, was he proposing? But Rinoa didn't even know if she felt the same anymore!
"As you can see," Squall continued, his attention focused more on the ring than her, "we're surrounded by all your former boyfriends that I know of."
Rinoa didn't say anything. She just nervously smiled and waved. What's a hopeless romantic supposed to do when she's surrounded by a bunch of super hawt boys?
Squall gave a satisfied nod at the ring and snapped the box shut. "Listen, Rinoa: this thing you have going on with me? It's over."
WHAT did he just say? No man dumps Rinoa! Nuh-uh! No way, mister!
"You're too much of a loose cannon, and well, you are also to blame for the whole sorceress thing," Squall continued. "For manipulating so many men and conspiring to time compress the future because it was—and I'm quoting from your journal here," Squall put on a pair of spectacles and took the book handed to him by Seifer, "'...was devoid of all things super hawt and beefy.'"
"What are you doing with my diary?" Rinoa exclaimed, finally breaking her silence. "A diary is a girl's private heart! No boys allowed!"
"...Like I was saying," Squall took off his spectacles. "For doing all that for all those reasons, you're hereby exiled to the F-District Prison. It's like the one in the D-District, except it's full of more soiled wood chips."
Rinoa started screaming. What else was a helpless girl who fell victim to her heart's every fickle whim supposed to do?
It was around the time she started her long rant about how she was too good for everyone in the room that Squall left, yielding the floor to all the other "boyfriends". Timothy eventually cut Rinoa off, telling her just how much it hurt to be dumped at the train station just minutes before Rinoa left for good.
"You said we would always be together!" Timothy said through the tears. "But then you got on that train and told me...and told me...sniff..."
"It's okay, bro," said Dalton, patting Tim on the back. "Let it all out."
"You said it just wasn't working out!" Timothy bawled. "I gave up my college scholarship to join your resistance team, and I don't even like politics! I was an ART MAJOR!"
"You should be ashamed of yourself," said Dalton. "Men have hearts, too, and you broke ours."
Everyone took a turn telling Rinoa off until it was at last Seifer's turn. "Well, well, well...If I said this was romantic, you'd probably believe me because you just don't know what romance is."
"But-!"
"I invited you to a dance thinking we had something special, but you ran away from me, stole a dance with some lame loser, and then started dating that guy without a single word to me! And then you shot me with your pinwheel! I mean, seriously? What the hell?" He stuck out his hand right into her face. "Talk to it!" he said, then marched out with the others. Guards came after that to transport Rinoa to F-District Prison where she was never seen or heard from again.
Meanwhile, Squall took the new ring to a dinner-date he had with a very special lady. She was someone who showed him he could be more than he was and helped him work through his inner demons. He was first to arrive at the table, and after rehearsing his proposal for a few minutes, a portal opened from another dimension, and out stepped a goddess...
The end.
