Protection
A/N: hey ducklings! So this a short little scene of Katnisses thoughts after they got Peeta back from the capitol in Mockingjay. I tried as hard as I could to keep in character but sorry for any OOCness. Some of you might think I'm making Peeta seem weak in this fic but please remember that this is Katnisses thoughts and the way she sees things :D hope you like it!
-emerald
It's a word I never thought would be linked to me in any way. I either felt love for you, hate for you or indifference. It's a word that I thought just meant something petty that would go away in a few days. And I guess in some scenarios it is. But what I had felt for Peeta Mellark, the boy with the bread was not pure love and no other word came to my head that explained it as perfectly as the word 'crush.'
Peeta with his sandy blonde hair that when gelled up made him look like a warrior. And when left alone made him look so young and vulnerable like a little boy frightened of what might happen next. His baby blue eyes were always so attentive and willing to learn. Very rarely were they hard with anger and mostly just sparkled along with his smile.
He was so strong and when he wanted to be he could be a great threat, but he wasn't a fighter. Even with all the muscle he still had a way of looking so small compared to everyone else, she feared for him.
She had made herself his protector, regardless of what he wanted. Her motherly instinct she had gotten from basically raising Prim was telling her that he needed protecting. God forbid she actually told him this though; he would take such great offence. But, he was her Peeta. Her soft, loving, patient Peeta and she loved him.
Xxxx
When he and Haymitch were trying to save her in in the games, her only thought was of Prim and her mother. When the announcement came that two victors would be crowned though, all the overprotectiveness she hadn't even realised was there came flooding in. when she saw him, weak and defenceless in that river, she promised to do whatever it took to save him. And she did.
They were getting to know eachother so much better and after the kiss in the cave she thought of that word for the first time. She knew she didn't fully love Peeta then, but she couldn't ignore such yearning that was coming from him. The way he leaned into her with a soft whine made her feel like she was caring for a sick puppy. She had always had a feeling of responsibility towards those who were weaker than herself, even if it was just for a while.
Peeta Mellark would always need protecting, he may be strong and tough enough, but when it came down to it, he would always need to be protected from the harshness of the world. Like a little child, he trusted so easily and gave so willingly. To me that is his only weakness, his heart.
And now as I sit here writing this I realise I will never be able to protect him forever; he will never be the same Peeta again. I have failed. His innocence has been completely tainted by the capitol. But, I have not given up hope. I love him. He was, is and always will be my light, forever shining strong.
I just wish I could have protected my light.
