A week can change someone's life. Whether it's good or bad, it doesn't matter. It'll change you, like it did to me. I went through probably one of the wildest weeks ever, and it changed not just me, but everyone. We lost two people who meant a hell of a lot to us, even if they didn't think they did. Dally and Johnny were gone - just like that. It's just like fate to do that to us, especially now.

Things have changed over the last month. You could say they were bad, but they weren't as bad as you would think. Everyone just started to ... change. They faded away. It's like the life of the gang died with Dally and Johnny. There isn't much excitement anymore. No more poker nights, unless we had nothing to do at all, or wrestling. We all kept our distance.

Steve and Soda aren't as close as they used to be. I don't know what happened. It's like suddenly, everyone just started to avoid everyone else without a reason. Two-bit rarely comes by. He'll come over every once in awhile and say hello, but won't crack any jokes or what Two-bit usually does on a basis.

Darry is different. We haven't argued at all, which I'm thankful for. But, we don't talk much. If we do, it's just small talk. No big conversations, no deep talks, no laughing, no nothing. It's the same with Soda. We talk, but it's not like we used to. It's just small talk. He's lost his inner kid. He doesn't grin or laugh as much, if at all. He's quiet, and different.

One time Darry sent Soda and I out to get milk at the grocery store. I hated the thought of it, but I had to go anyway. We had borrowed Darry's truck.

On the way there, it was silent. I hated it. I thought of things to say, but I couldn't. I used to be able to say a few words, and then Soda and I would go on and on until nothing more could be said. But this was different.

"So, how's work?" I asked, glanced at Soda, but he didn't look back at me.

"Okay," he muttered. I didn't say anything more and that was the end of our conversation.

At the store, Soda went to get the milk and didn't take long. He was in, then right out. I wished he had taken longer. I liked the quiet. I could think. But I had barely any time to. We drove home in silence and I didn't even bother to say anything. What was the point? We got inside, put the milk in the fridge, and went our ways that night.

But what about me? Well, of course I try to start a conversation. But it doesn't last. We say a few words, then it's done. I hate it. I miss my old brothers. But I've changed too. I gave up trying to do anything with them. I don't talk really ever unless I need too. I don't eat as much, but it's not a big surprise. I go on walks a lot, just to escape this whole thing. Sometimes, I go to the graveyard and talk to Dally and Johnny. I don't care if I sound crazy. I need to pass the time, since no one else will talk to me.

The walk up to the graveyard isn't bad, but it's not close. I don't mind it at all. It gives me time to think and enjoy the silence. I remember passing A family in the park. They were laughing and smiling. I immediately wished that was my family. I want to be able to laugh and smile without any worries. But I can't.

When I got to the graveyard, I first went to Dally's. Johnny's and Dally's graves were separate, only because of lack of space. I really didn't have much to say to him.

I sat down next him."Hey Dal," I took a deep breath. "How are ya? We sure miss you. The gang hasn't been the same without you." I took a long pause. I decided to end the conversation. "Well, hope you're having fun wherever you are."

I stood up and made my way slowly to Johnny. I sat down next to him like I did with Dally. "Hey, Johnny," I started. "We really miss you. How's heaven? Have you seen a lot of sunsets there?" I started to feel tears in my eyes. "Damn it, Johnny..why did you have to go? I need you, man! Things have changed since you guys died. I can't take it! We aren't a gang any more. It's not fair! You need to come back, s-so maybe we can be a gang again. So that everything can go back to normal and we can stop worrying." I started crying towards the end. I wanted my old life back. I can't take this!

"Well Johnny, I guess I'll talk to you later," I muttered, and stood up. I started walking back.

I miss my old life. What I mean is I miss the times before any of this happen. I feel like this is my fault, but people convinced me it wasn't. Everything happens for a reason and apparently, this was supposed to happen. But why did it? No one wanted it to. Why did fate have to do that to us? What did we do to deserve this? Johnny and Dally meant a lot to the gang. Without them, we aren't really a gang at all.

Besides all of this, things have been happening to me. When I run track or even do a little running, I get short of breath quicker. But when I stop, I cough. When I can't stop coughing, I start choking. My stomach starts to burn and I can't take it. But I just convince myself I'm still out of shape from the week up at Windrexville. After all, I smoked a lot that whole week. I didn't do much eating and that rumble didn't help either. I just need to get back into shape.

School's been hard on me too. I missed a lot, and I could barely catch up. I'm not even sure I am totally caught up. But, I just can't concentrate on school. My mind won't let me. I'm trying not to let my grades slip, but so much is running through my mind. I can't get into the swing of everything. I just feel lost and confused. I know Darry knows what I'm going through, but I don't know how much longer he's going to let it slide before he lays the rules on me.

These past few days, I've felt weird. I've been tired more than usual, I feel nauseated, and I cough more than usual. I'm trying not to worry about it. I probably just have a cold or the flu. But why can't I convince myself that? Nothing bad is wrong with me, right?

I can only pray I'm right, but I have a feeling I'm far from it.