Title: The Arrangement
Author: Sapphire Smoke
Beta: BellaRei713
Fandom: Final Fantasy XIII
Rating: M
Pairing(s): Lightning/Serah, Lightning/Fang, Fang/Vanille, Serah/Vanille, Lightning/Vanille, Serah/Fang, Lightning/Serah/Fang/Vanille
Timeline: Post Lightning Returns
Sequel To: "The Shadow Realms," which I heavily recommend you read before starting this fic.
Summary: Afraid that someone might find out about their unorthodox relationship, Lightning and Serah enter into an arrangement with Fang and Vanille in order to hide it from the rest of the world. But what happens when the lines that are clearly drawn between them suddenly start to blur?
A/N: This idea for this fic was born over a year ago after I finished "The Shadow Realms", as I realized I presented myself with the perfect opening for a foursome, lol. And apparently I couldn't let that idea go, so I've decided to finally pursue it. This fic isn't a PWP though; in fact I've already written close to 50k of it thus far and am still going. Fair warning though that of the pairings listed, this fic is very Farroncest and Fangrai heavy because it's all told from Lightning's POV. And yes, eventually all four of them will get into bed together; enjoy!
CHAPTER I
Sounds of pleasure floated through the heavy wooden door, its thickness unable to mask what the inhabitants of the room were partaking in behind it. Lightning scowled from the couch, bringing the bottle of cheap vodka to her lips as she took a large swig, wishing that she was far more inebriated than she was, as perhaps then she wouldn't be forced to listen to her own pessimistic thoughts. They seemed to be a constant in her life now though; every doubt and fear that Lightning had about her heart's choice were now looming over her head like a storm cloud, and it absolutely destroyed her that she was starting to feel the light drizzle of the rain.
A repetitive banging sound, from what was no doubt her roommates' damn headboard slamming against the wall, began to form a throbbing headache in the back of Lightning's skull; and so in a wave of annoyance, the soldier grabbed one of her boots from off the floor before whipping it in the direction of the door. It hit the wood with a loud bang.
The noises stopped.
But just as Lightning was going to lie back and wallow in her misery, the bedroom door was whipped open by a woman who was stark nude and irritated like hell at the interruption. "Problem?" Fang asked, her voice challenging as she raised an eyebrow in her friend's direction.
Lightning hadn't really expected to be confronted with a full frontal image of Fang, so whatever the hell she was planning to say in her defense got caught in the back of her throat. She just stared at her, her eyes taking in every inch of the huntress' form while her inebriated brain did absolutely nothing to stop it, despite already knowing how stupid it was to give Fang such blatant ammo against her.
Fang's eyebrow arched even higher at Lightning's lack of ability to speak. "That it then?" she asked, although the question was rhetorical as she grabbed the side of the door, intent on closing it again. "Good, glad I could get your jollies off."
"Fang…"
Before Fang could close the door, Vanille came out from behind her, wrapped in a sheet that she clutched to her chest. She shot a sympathetic look at Lightning, but before she could say anything more, it was the soldier who finally found her words.
"You really don't have any shame, do you?"
"You're the one throwin' shoes at my door," Fang shot back, holding out her hands like 'what else did you expect?' "So here I am. Satisfied your curiosity yet?"
"Fang, stop it," Vanille reprimanded, grasping onto her lover's arm to try to stop the confrontational attitude that was rolling off both of the older women in waves. "She's sad—"
"I'm fine," Lightning insisted, although it probably came off a bit too defensively to sound even remotely like the truth. Keeping her gaze anywhere but on the naked woman in front of her, Lightning pushed the hair back from her face as she grabbed the bottle off the table. Fang exhaled a frustrated breath.
"Alright, this is over."
The huntress stalked over to her, her strides strong and purposeful before she violently grabbed the bottle out of her friend's hand, slamming it onto the coffee table hard enough to cause some of the contents to splash upwards and onto the surface below. "What the hell do you think you're—" Lightning tried to protest furiously, but Fang – in all her distractingly nude glory – just sat heavily on the couch, propping one of her legs up on the surface in front of her, and the rest of Lightning's words died on her tongue. The woman was entirely too close, given her current state of undress.
"We're going to talk," Fang told her, her tone leaving no room for argument.
"Great, I'm ecstatic," Lighting shot back sarcastically, making careful effort to stare at Fang's face because she was now sitting in a way that left very little to the imagination. "But do you maybe want to put on some clothes first?"
"No."
"No?"
"No," Fang repeated, smirking as she crossed her arms over her chest, accenting the dip in her cleavage that really didn't need any more things drawing attention to it. "It's funny; watchin' you get all flustered over it."
Lightning's ears turned pink as she shot the woman an indignant glare, but thankfully Vanille pulled one of the blankets off the back of an armchair and threw it at her girlfriend. "Fang," she chided, suddenly sounding like she was mothering the other woman; which was strange considering she was the younger of the two. "You're making her uncomfortable. We're supposed to be helping, remember? That's what friends do."
"I don't need anyone's help," Lightning responded flatly, knowing full-well how childish that sounded and yet, in her current state of inebriation, found she didn't much care. She just wanted them to leave her alone; she didn't exactly wallow in her misery well when others were around, after all. She had too much pride for that.
Or so she would've liked to believe.
Fang didn't even bother hiding her eye roll at that, but thankfully did what Vanille told her and pulled the blanket around her torso. "Yeah?" she challenged, shooting a disbelieving look towards her friend. "Because I'm pretty sure you've got it written across your damned forehead right now. I mean hell, what are you goin' on now; two weeks of this crap?"
Nearly a month actually, but Lightning kept her mouth shut. Admitting that would only make her look worse. Still, it was good to know that she was at least able to hide it for a little while, as small of a favor as that was to her.
"And you're not even a fun drunk," Fang added, like that was an important part of this situation right now. "Not once have me and Vanille came home to find you dancing naked on the kitchen counters. So really, at this point you're just wastin' liquor."
Lightning shot her a look, thoroughly unamused. "Excuse me for having some restraint."
"Restraint?" Fang repeated, letting out a disbelieving laugh. "You call this restraint? Light, you're a mess; and not in the 'hot' way either." Lightning rolled her eyes at that, as being attractive right now was really the least of her concerns, but Fang wasn't finished. Leaning her elbows on her knees, she looked at her friend and continued, "Look, I get that shit's been rough for you lately; bein' stripped of your humanity and then getting it back all at once would probably screw anyone up, but you seriously need to learn better coping mechanisms, because this is becoming ridiculous."
Lightning scowled at her, her expression masking in disbelief. "You think I'm drinking because I can't handle being human?"
Of course it had been hard for her; she would never deny that. Bhunivelze had completely ripped away everything that made her her, and having the capability to feel emotions once again had been a difficult adjustment, especially at first. Everything she felt now seemed… greater, almost uncontrollable, which Lightning despised because if there was one thing she liked to have in her life, it was control. Regardless, she had believed she was managing it; but maybe that was an idiotic thing to think, as being drunk on a Tuesday afternoon in an attempt to not deal with her plaguing emotions was not exactly conducive to having a handle on one's own life.
Still, Bhunivelze had been defeated nearly six months ago, and so her newfound humanity wasn't what drove Lightning to find some kind of temporary escape in the bottom of a bottle. Although perhaps if it was, all of this would all be a little bit easier.
"That's not why you're doing this?" Vanille asked, looking a little taken aback that the theory she and her girlfriend apparently shared was wrong. "Then… what's happened? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, it's just—it doesn't matter, alright?" Lightning responded, frustration seeping into her tone. She didn't want to talk about this right now; or ever, for that matter. That was why she drank; to suppress it, to pretend it wasn't happening. And speaking about it to them… well, that would just defeat the purpose now, wouldn't it?
Lightning released a lengthy huff as she ran her fingers through her hair, debating on just physically running away from this current problem. Maybe it was cowardly, but these kinds of emotions were not something she was used to dealing with. They made her feel weak; disoriented and helpless, which only stood to aggravate her because that wasn't the kind of person she was supposed to be. She had saved Cocoon, had been chosen as Etro's champion, and then became the Savior of souls; so how was it that something as small as this was crippling her?
Perhaps because none of those other things would have even come to pass without what was currently destroying her. Her weakness and her strength… that's what Serah was; what she would always be.
Lightning's whole world revolved around her.
Grabbing the bottle off the table, Lightning decided she was content on just leaving this entire conversation behind her and barricading herself in her room. Making everyone else around her miserable certainly wasn't helping matters anyway. "None of this even matters," she repeated, needing them to realize that talking about it wouldn't change anything. "But if my drinking bothers you that badly, then I'll do it somewhere else."
"Yeah, no; I don't think so," Fang responded, practically ripping the bottle from her friend's hand and holding it out of her reach. "As fun as that sounds, I think we're gonna pass on that train wreck for tonight, yeah?"
Lightning felt anger burning in the pit of her stomach as she stared at Fang, squaring her shoulders as she instinctively prepared herself for a fight. What gave her the right? This wasn't any of her business, and if she took it into her room, there really shouldn't be an issue; whether she was sober or not, it didn't effect Fang's life any.
"You sure you want to do this?" she challenged, because being confrontational just seemed to come naturally; at least when she was inebriated, anyhow.
"You askin' if I want to go up against a drunken mess?" Fang countered, arching an eyebrow. "Yeah, I gotta say I like my odds on that one. You can't even look at me without squinting right now; one swift blow to the temple and you won't be able to tell your head from your arse."
"Fang, don't push her…" Vanille tried to warn, but Lightning was already far passed pushed. This was ridiculous; was it so difficult for them to just leave her alone? "Can't you see that she's upset?"
"Yeah, but what I'm not getting is why," Fang responded, although didn't take her eyes off of the woman across from her as she addressed her girlfriend. Her muscles were tensed, her entire body on the defensive in case Lightning chose that moment to strike. "What the hell is so bad that you have to become a miserable drunk just to try to deal with it? Because from where I'm sitting, this doesn't look like it's solving any of your problems."
"And from where I'm sitting, it doesn't look like any of your business—"
"You're my best mate, Light; of course it's my fucking business!"
Lightning slammed her hand down on the coffee table as she suddenly stood to tower over Fang. It was brief though, as Fang rose to her height in a second, not one to back down from a challenge. Silence passed between them; a battle of wills as they looked one another dead in the eyes.
In the back of her mind, Lightning knew she was misplacing her anger, but she couldn't help it; she just wanted to feel like she had some semblance of control over her own emotions again.
"You do realize that if you end up hittin' me over this damn bottle, that it would basically make you the shittiest friend ever, yeah?" Fang warned her, being the one to finally break the tension in the room that seemed to envelop them whole. "So maybe you should ask yourself what kind of person you want to be right now."
Lightning tensed her jaw, but her offensive stance noticeably faltered as her gaze flickered over to Vanille, who had stood as well, looking as though she was preparing herself to tear the two of them off of one another. It was a mess; it was ridiculous, not to mention childish, and Lightning didn't know how they ended up in this position, outside of realizing that it was entirely her fault that it had happened.
What the hell was she doing with her life? This wasn't… this wasn't who she was supposed to be.
But Lightning had too much pride to apologize for her actions, or rather didn't want to feel the shame of admitting she had been wrong in challenging her over a freaking liquor bottle, and so all she said in response was a flat, "I'm going to take a shower," as she stepped away from the other woman.
Because she couldn't do this. She couldn't be this person anymore. Everything had been different, when the only life her drinking was affecting was her own. To be honest, she hadn't even thought Fang and Vanille had noticed; they had been too wrapped up in each other as of late, going on dates every weekend and being so nauseatingly romantic towards one another that it made Lightning want to punch a hole in the wall, as it had been so damn long since she had even seen Serah just smile, let alone be able to express anything romantically inclined towards her. Everything was such a mess now, and it was all her own doing; because honestly, how else was she going to feel when she was stuck watching others have everything she so desperately desired?
She should have just moved out when Serah did. It was nothing short of masochistic for her to stay here after what had happened.
For now though, she just needed to be alone. She also probably needed to sober up, as getting into a fight with Fang while drunk was, admittedly, one of the stupider decisions she had made as of late. If it had actually come to blows, Fang would have wiped the floor with her.
Not that she would ever admit that out loud, of course.
But as soon as Lightning disappeared from the living room and grabbed a towel from the hall closet, Vanille came out from around the corner. "Lightning?" she asked quietly, trying to get her attention.
A fresh wave of guilt hit Lightning as she turned around to face her. It was one thing to be a confrontational bitch to Fang, as the other woman could take as well as she could give it, but there was just something about Vanille that made Lightning feel awful for doing all of this in front of her. An innocence of sorts, maybe; even though Lightning knew the girl was far from it. Maybe it was just that she reminded her of Serah. Regardless, in the very same way as her sister, Vanille was able to guilt her without saying a word.
Vanille looked concerned, but she tried to make it fall away as she allowed a small smile of reassurance to form across her face. And then suddenly those lips were on Lightning's; just a brief press that wasn't really anymore more than chaste, but it still startled the hell out of the other woman as she immediately tensed. Vanille didn't seem to notice though, or either chose not to care as she bounced back on the balls of her feet.
"We love you, okay?" Vanille reminded her, not at all addressing what just happened, as though something like that was normal. Lightning couldn't really process it herself though, to be fair. "And that's why it's sad for us to watch you do this to yourself. So whenever you're ready to talk, we'll be right there." She pointed back towards the living room, an encouraging smile making its way across her face, obviously expecting the other woman to take her up on that offer at some point.
An emotion Lightning couldn't even hope to name resonated deep in her chest, and she pursed her lips as she nodded her understanding. A part of her ached to tell them, to just have someone else understand why it felt like her entire world was falling apart, but she was afraid. She didn't want them viewing her how she viewed herself. She felt like she had done everything wrong, and she hated that because she had worked so hard to finally get everything right again.
And so Lightning turned without a word, retreating into the bathroom and away from the chance to finally vocalize what was wrong, because the simple fact of it was, she just wasn't ready to. She had kept so much of herself and her life private for so long, that revealing anything at all about herself was hard, let alone something like this.
In the end though, it didn't matter whether or not she was ready, because Fang had the patience of a toddler.
"I'm in here!" Lightning exclaimed loudly once she heard the door to the bathroom burst open, the unexpected sound of it startling her enough to cause her to knick her knee while shaving. Cursing under her breath, the soldier ran it under the water to wash away the small amount of blood as her other hand firmly closed the small gap between the shower curtain and the wall, making extra certain that Fang wouldn't be able to see her naked.
"Yeah, got that, thanks."
Lightning released a small puff of air, annoyance crossing over her expression as she slammed the razor down on the side of the tub. "You can't wait ten minutes?"
"In ten minutes you'll be out of the shower."
"Yes, Fang, that's the point."
"Ah, but see, therein lies the problem, Sunshine," Fang drawled, her tone light and airy for no other reason than to annoy the woman who's privacy she was currently invading. Lightning was loathed to admit that it was working. "See, Vanille might believe that you'll talk to us when you're ready, but I know you better than that. You never talk about anything; at least not anything that matters. Well, unless you're backed into a corner, anyway. You see what I'm getting at here?"
"Get. Out," Lightning growled, not having the patience for this right now. She was still fairly drunk; this was really the last thing she wanted to do right now.
"Nah, don't think I will," Fang responded. Lightning could practically hear the smirk on her face, and she was starting to regret ever coming into this bathroom in the first place. "Because what are you gonna do about it, really? We both know that you won't get out of the shower so long as I'm in here; you'd be too embarrassed. So unless you want to stay in there for the rest of your young life, I suggest you start talking."
Lightning closed her eyes and began counting backwards from ten, just trying to keep her temper under control. She despised that Fang was right about that; her towel was currently hanging on the door, and without it, Lightning wasn't going to be opening that shower curtain any time soon. It wasn't that she was self-conscious per se, but there were just some things that friends weren't meant to see.
Not that Fang subscribed to the same ideal, as indicated earlier in the evening, but regardless. Lightning was a relatively modest person, and right now she was hating that, because it was doing nothing but biting her in the ass.
"Is this about Serah?"
Lightning felt her chest compress and her breath leave her at that question, and unfortunately that moment's hesitation didn't do her any favors, because when she lied with a flat, "No," Fang didn't believe her.
"So yes, then," Fang deduced. Leaning against the sink, the woman crossed her arms and continued, "Figures. I mean, if there's anything in the world that would fuck you up this much, it'd probably be that girl. Hazard of loving someone, I guess."
Lightning bit the inside of her cheek to keep her emotions in check as she stepped back under the spray of the shower, letting the water cascade through her hair and down over her face as she futilely tried to ignore the current conversation. It didn't help much though, as it neither drowned out Fang's voice nor her own thoughts. Running her hands over her face, Lightning had to remind herself to breathe.
"So what the hell is going on with you two?" Fang asked, looking towards the woman on the other side of the curtain. When she received no answer however, Fang's voice fell flat and she continued, "Is this just about her bein' away at school? Cause I gotta tell ya, Light; there's such a thing as being too attached to someone."
"Of course it's not—!" Lightning began to exclaim, offended that Fang would even think it was something as trivial as that, when she and Serah did nothing but be separated over the past however many years. If there was anything in this world she could handle, it was that. But instead of telling Fang that, Lightning just allowed her words to fade away into a sound of clear frustration as her palm hit the wall. "I don't want to talk about this with you."
"Well then you're free to come out of the shower and grab your towel, sweetheart."
Lightning didn't move; not that Fang expected her too. Her brow etched in annoyance as she wiped the wet hair from her forehead. "Don't call me that," she demanded instead. Lightning hated pet names, platonic or not, and Fang had an irritating habit of using a wide variety of them during the worst of moments; most likely on purpose.
"It's affectionate."
"It's patronizing."
"And I'm impatient," Fang retorted, having caught on to the change of subject. Her hand went to the lever on the toilet then, pushing it down as she finished, "So let's get this over with, yeah?"
The temperature of the water suddenly went from hot to cold, and Lightning practically shrieked as she stumbled to get away from its spray. "Fang!" she shouted furiously as she nearly tripped over her own two feet. She had to place a hand on the wall to steady herself, as she almost fell out of the damned shower in the process. Her teeth ground together as she shot the woman's outline a glare through the fabric of the curtain. "I'm not in the mood for your childish crap right now!"
"Then maybe you should step up and be the adult in the conversation," Fang retorted, arching a singular eyebrow. "You think I like having to push you this hard just to open up? It's ridiculous, Light. I'm trying to help, so why don't you do both of us a favor and just tell me what the hell you and Serah are fighting about so maybe we can fix this and get your head back on straight, yeah?"
Fang approached the curtain then, and Lightning's fingers wrapped around the fabric of it tightly as she held it to the wall, half-afraid that Fang had gotten to the point where she'd just rip it open just to address her properly. But she didn't; the huntress just stood outside of it as she leaned against the wall, continuing with, "Because I hate to break it to ya, but I think this really is about you not being able to handle being human again. I mean it's a fight, Lightning; how bad could it be? It's not like she broke up with you or anything, so right now this little brooding act of yours seems a tad over dramatic." A short pause followed. "No judgment, of course."
"Right," Lightning responded disbelievingly, but her voice cracked as an overwhelming feeling of sadness began to brew in the pit of her stomach from Fang's words. But she tried to push it down, tried to ignore it, because if she didn't, she would reveal far more than she wanted to. "Because that didn't sound judgmental at all."
The words sounded caught in her throat however, her emotions getting the best of her despite how hard Lightning tried to fight against them. The soldier closed her eyes then, trying to get herself under control before Fang noticed the change, but in the end it was futile, because Fang truly was her closest friend, and she just knew.
"Light?" she asked softly, her voice suddenly losing all of its impatience and frustration as Fang realized that maybe there was more to this than she originally believed. "It… it is just a fight, yeah?"
"Just go," Lightning pleaded, her throat feeling tight as tears burned the back of her eyes. She felt her resolve cracking, probably just from the desperation for this conversation to be over, but she still didn't want it to come about because she had told her. She didn't want to tell Fang. She didn't want to tell anyone. She just wanted to pretend it wasn't happening. "Please."
Lightning Farron didn't beg, and yet the word fell from her lips in a last ditch effort for this to end the way she wanted it to. But it didn't, because Fang could hear the sheer amount of raw sadness in her tone, and at the end of the day, she was too good a person to just walk away from something like that.
"Hey, let's… let's just get you outta there, okay?" Fang tried instead, moving to grab the towel off the back of the door. "This is a shit place to have this conversation."
Lightning tried to protest, but when Fang pulled back the shower curtain to help her out, the soldier's words got caught in the back of her throat as she just froze. If she didn't feel so completely shattered inside, Lightning was sure she would have at least rushed to cover herself before screaming at Fang for invading her privacy like that. But she didn't do any of that; she just stood there, naked and dripping as her friend looked into her bloodshot eyes, and yet instead of Fang gawking at her, the woman barely held any notice to her current state outside of how upset she clearly was.
After leaning down to shut off the water, Fang handed her the towel, and Lightning wrapped it around herself without a word. Suddenly it felt like all the fight had left her, and all she felt now was tired. Perhaps that was the price though, of holding everything inside of herself for so long; sooner or later, it was bound to weigh her down until she could barely hold herself up any longer.
And then suddenly she was wrapped in Fang's strong arms, the woman holding Lightning to her chest as she tried to comfort her. "Stop," Lightning tried, not really comfortable with that level of affection, and yet the demand sounded small and broken even to her own ears, and she made no effort to untangle herself from the other woman. Maybe some small part of her just wanted somewhere comforting to block out the world, but she would be damned if she ever admitted to Fang that she trusted her enough to be that person. It made her sound weak and accommodating.
"Relax. You'll survive one hug."
Lightning muttered something underneath her breath, but it held no bite to it. She couldn't really find it in herself to despise this while Fang's fingers were weaving gently through her hair, the movement of it soothing despite all of Lightning's walls that had been built specifically to keep this kind of closeness with anyone at bay. Things had changed though; they had all been through so much together, and after their time together in the Shadow Realms, Fang had become the closest person to Lightning other than her own sister.
So Lightning exhaled a small breath of defeat and allowed her cheek to rest gently against the fabric of Fang's sari while she stared blankly at their reflection in the half-fogged up mirror on the other side of the bathroom. She didn't have the strength to run away from what was happening anymore, because if she knew one thing, it was that Fang would be relentless in pursuing the truth of it. On top of everything else that was going on, Lightning knew she just wouldn't have the strength to deal with it; she lived with the woman, for Maker's sake. There was no escape.
And so finally, softly, Lightning allowed herself to admit, "It… isn't a fight."
"Yeah," Fang responded softly, untangling herself from the other woman before brushing a stray piece of hair away from Lightning's eyes. "Got that much." Her expression was sympathetic as she tilted her head a little to the left, her brow beginning to scrunch up as Fang apparently found the conclusion she had drawn hard to believe. "She really… she actually broke it off with you?"
Lightning understood why Fang had a hard time fathoming that. The one with the guilt in their relationship was her, and Serah had always been there to tell her that it was okay; that they loved each other, and that it didn't matter. Serah had pushed for this to happen between them, and yet now she was the one who was running away?
Still, that wasn't a hundred percent correct, so Lightning shook her head in response. "No," she admitted, because Serah hadn't used those words exactly. Still, she could read between the lines, and what she read there absolutely devastated her, because this situation was precisely what Lightning had feared would happen. And that made her hate herself, because if she had only had some self-control, this would have never come to pass. "But she will."
Because she couldn't give Serah what she deserved; what she wanted and needed in life. Lightning couldn't marry her, she couldn't have children with her, or have any sort of normal life with her; not like Snow could. When they had first begun this thing between them, things had been different. They had been dead; completely alone with no one around to judge or ridicule them. But now, with a new world and a new life, it complicated things. It made everything difficult, and after Serah broke it off with Snow, what seemed like her indecision over the choice that she had made put a strain on their relationship that neither woman knew how to cope with. And so Serah ran off to Uni with a short explanation of 'needing space', and Lightning… Lightning just let her.
And it tore her apart inside, because on one hand she wanted to give Serah her best chance, but on the other… she didn't want to lose her. Just the thought of it tore her heart into shreds, because Lightning's entire life had always revolved around Serah. Without her, she just… she didn't know how to live. She had never lived for herself before; and quite frankly, Lightning really wasn't sure how.
And to be honest, she wasn't entirely sure that she ever wanted to either.
TBC…
