I want to say sorry, because of all my faults. I'm from Germany so my English isn't the best. I wanted to try here so please look over my bad English and try to read. :)
Thank you! :)
Downton Sadness
"Good Night, Milady", Carson said and smiled. For a very little moment I smiled too and then left the room.
I went along the floor to the stairs. I wanted to go upstairs, but I had to stop and hold on a wall. I put my hand on my face and started to cry again. It hurt so much that I can´t describe it. I loved Matthew more than I could ever love another man. Probably there´ll be another man one day, but I know I could never love him as much as I loved Matthew.
Everything started to turn around me, so I went fast upstairs. I ran through the whole house to my bedroom. In front of it I met Anna, who smiled and opened me the door, but then she saw my tears and stopped to smile.
"Milady?" She started, when I came in. "Is everything alright?"
I sat on my bed and took a hanky from the table.
Anna tried again. "Please, tell me, Milady. What´s wrong? How can I help you?"
She sat next to me and put her hand on my shoulder. That was so nice. It made me feel like I´m not alone. And most of the time I feel very lonely. So suddenly I looked up into her face. But it was strange: although I into her face, my look didn´t reach her.
"You can´t help me", I said calmly. "I wished you could. But you can´t. Nobody can help me. My husband is dead. You all might not understand, but it´s so very hard to live without him."
Anna disagreed fast: "Of course, I understand. It´s just...I thought..."
"You´ve thought I had slowly to be stronger, didn´t you? You must know: I think so too. So I want to try. But I´ll begin tomorrow, so I cry today, that tomorrow there are no tears left."
I began to smile. It was a very little smile, but I haven´t really smile for such a long time, so it made me very happy.
Anna seemed happy too. "So you want to be alone, Milady?", she asked.
"Yes, gladly", I said. She was already at the door, when I began again. "But...", I said.
Anna stopped and turned to me: "Milady?"
"Thank you! For everything."
She smiled and left the room.
I laid me on my bed and closed the eyes. It still hurt. But I knew that Matthew would be proud, if he´d know, that I´ll try to conduct his plan together with Tom.
