A/N: This was written for the LJ community Thirty Kisses. Lots of angst and apparently unrequited feelings. Enjoy.

"Sometimes"

When the sun dips below the horizon, the blazing orange reminds me of your hair. It makes me wonder how much longer you'll be gone. There are some nights when I can't bring myself to join in the carousing of the other men Seeing the other men enjoy their camaraderie sometimes makes me jealous and lonely. They're good men. But no one can replace you. And even though I know it's a bad idea, sometimes I just want to be alone.

Even though you've only been gone for a month, the objects in your room are starting to collect dust. Sometimes it feels like a violation of your privacy to walk in here. Sometimes it feels like home, the closest I can get to you right now.

The room still smells like you. I resist the temptation to bury myself in the blankets on the bed and sleep. The men would definitely not look well on that; I can just picture their faces if they found their leader asleep in Genrou's room. But they never notice where I am when they're drinking and celebrating. Sometimes I can bring myself to join them, to just live in the moment. And sometimes I end up in here instead.

I wonder where you are now. Still out searching for the rest of seishi? Or living it up in the capitol? But so long as you're not here, you may as well be a million miles away.

Heh. I think I get more sentimental when I'm drunk.

But as there's no one here to laugh at me, I'm safe for now.

I pick up a pair of earrings from your bedside table. In the rush to leave, you could only take one pair with you. Personally, I prefer this pair you left behind, Gen-chan. They're single amber drop crystals, and they set off your eyes beautifully.

I lovingly dust them off and then raise the twin crystals briefly to my lips.

I know one day you'll come back for them, and sometimes you'll wear them. And that's most likely the closest my mouth will ever get to your skin.

Yep. Definitely too sentimental. It's enough to make me want to give up sake for good. I swear I'm not this sappy when I'm sober.

I return the earrings to their accustomed place and head back to my own room. Sometimes I'm real careful, to make sure the men won't see me sneaking around your room.

And sometimes, I just don't give a damn.

The End.