It was relaxing really.
She knew she had somewhere to be, she knew she had something to do, and she knew some people would be very irritated with her for being late.
Exactly how late she was she didn't know but that was okay because it was relaxing really.
The current was soft and slow it nudged her along gently.
Sakura found that she really didn't care that she was even later then Kakashi-sensei and that she didn't care if her dress was ruined or her hair would be frizzy, and for perhaps the first time in a long time… she didn't care what Sasuke would think.
It was weird… this not caring… this feeling of 'it'll all be alright' and such. The gentle pushing and guiding of the river, the way the sky, clouds and tress would kind of blend and shift and move together. The silence, the solitude, the serenity. Sadly a world so carefree, so calming so… so… perfect.
"Sakura… what are you doing?"
Lazily she let her head turn and looked into Ino's surprised face.
"Trying to be happy." Her voice was low and kind of raspy-ish as if she'd been crying. Slowly Sakura stood she didn't look at the blonde as she waded through the knee deep water and accepted Ino's hand as she pulled her sopping body out of the water. The pink haired nin sat down with a wet 'thump'.
"Sakura… what's wrong?" Ino asked crouching down before her used to be friend. Sakura looked up at the blonde rather placidly.
"I'm tired Ino. Tired of the never ending missions, tired of all the fighting, tired of Naruto, tired of Kakashi… Ino I'm tired of chasing Sasuke. I'm tired of this pointless… this meaningless existence." She sighed and rubbed the water off of her face. The blonde sat down and looked at Sakura somberly.
"How… how long have you felt like this?"
She ignored Ino's question.
"We had a mission today…" Her voice was low and her eyes were unfocused. "…about…" She looked at Ino's watch briefly. "…three hours ago. Kakashi never shows up that late," Sakura heaved herself unsteadily to her feet and wavered slightly. Ino was on her feet in a heartbeat and steadied Sakura out; but her hands were pushed away as the water logged nin wringed her clothes and hair out.
"Sakura…" Ino began letting her hands fall to her sides, but she was ignored and interrupted.
"Thanks and listen Ino… today was nothing… don't worry about it, I'm fine. I feel much better now," Before the blonde could stop her she moved surprising swiftness and agility through the forest. "Thanks again Ino!"
The pink haired girl's gratitude echoed louder then her words as Ino stood there with her brow furrowed.
I don't know why you said those things to Ino-pig. What a waste of your time and energy. Stupid girl. As if she could understand. Besides it's not like your life is soooo horrible remember Wave country? Remember all those people before they saved themselves? You selfish brat… how pathetic.
Inner Sakura had become increasingly cynical and rather cruel over the months. They say some people who are schizophrenic have no idea that something is going on, where as a select few know something isn't quite right but aren't sure what it is. Sakura was one of the rare few who knew what was happening and was perfectly okay with it. In some cases her schizophrenia was nothing to worry about, inner Sakura gave her strength and reason, but in many other ways it was terribly worse.
True she never had personality switches and true she never blacked out but… it most definitely wasn't a healthy thing.
Sakura was not good at very many things, but she was very good at dealing with Inner Sakura and was exceptional at hiding the fact that there was anything mentally wrong with her.
Except for today.
It had leaked out today. Her fears, her feelings, the truth. She'd vented it all on Ino. At the time it felt like a good idea, she felt relieved and lighter; but as realization struck her she began to regret it.
Your right... how can I expect to compete with, let alone keep up with Sasuke and Naruto when I can't even keep myself in check? Damn it! Damn it.
She gritted her teeth angrily and pushed her chilly legs to carry her through the trees at a much swifter pace. Lately she'd been siding with Inner Sakura more and more. Inner Sakura was strong, why wouldn't she side with her when Outer Sakura was weak. And three hours late.
Nothing like this will happen again. How stupid of me…
She made a soft growl noise and leapt from the tree branches to Team 7's usual meeting spot only to find it empty.
Of course they wouldn't be here you idiot. Probably off on some big mission to Grass or something and here you are standing on the bridge soaking wet simply because you wanted to drift again.
Inner Sakura was pissed off.
You're pathetic.
I am aren't I? I really am?
She looked at the water enviously and before she realized what she was doing Sakura stood on the railing looking down at the water critically. Drowning couldn't be that bad could it?
You wouldn't. You're to weak and stupid to. You pathetic excuse for a ninja. You'll wuss out at the last second just like you did before. Just like when you were going to slit your wrists.
Absently Sakura rubbed the scarred flesh under her new bracelets feeling the soft rise of the skin.
You're pathetic. No courage at all. You weakling. You're only a burden to Kakashi and Sasuke and even Naruto. Jump. Prove how brave you are. Show them all, show the world.
"Sakura…?" She turned halfway to see Naruto standing at the end of the bridge looking at her curiously. She dropped her hands and smiled.
"Hey… sorry I'm late."
He doesn't really care… you're just a burden to them all.
"What happened?" He asked coming closer as she landed softly on the stone of the bridge.
"Nothing I was just…" She paused scratching the back of her head guiltily. "… lost in thought,"
"Sounds like something Kakashi would say." He responded with a soft smile. She laughed and punched him lightly in the shoulder. "Come on… you look like your freezing… I'll walk you home… If you'd like…" Sakura's smile was smaller but it was much more sincere.
You were wrong… Someone does care.
"I'd like that very much."
As they walked Naruto slipped back into his usual exuberance of happiness and she even allowed him to drape his jacket over her shoulders.
He really is…too kind.
