Description- This is my first Zoids Zero fanfic. One of the character's thinking. I'm not going to tell you who because that would ruin things. I hope you like it.
Disclaimer- I don't own Zoids Zero or any of the other seasons for that matter. I have a Command Wolf model but, sadly, not the show. To quote whomever said this first "Life's just not fair."
Dedication- This fanfic is dedicated to everyone who has written a Zoids fanfic, any season, and put it on FanFiction.net. I've read tons of them and loved them all for one reason or another so thank you all!
A/N- This is written in one of the characters P.O.V. I'm still not going to tell you which one because it does say in the first paragraph who is thinking. The ages are all the same as on the show. I'm assuming, and hoping, I'm right. There will be another chapter. The P.O.V. will be the same throughout the story unless I specifically say so. Enjoy.
Confused
~~~Chapter One: My thoughts~~~
Have you had something and not realized it? Ever realized it and feared it? Overcame the fear and wanted more? But didn't think you could have more? Confused? Well, welcome to my world. Okay. So now you probably want to know who I am, right? Or maybe you'd rather know what I had, feared, wanted more of but doubted I could have more of? Let me tell you today is your lucky day `cause I'm going to tell you all of that. First question. Who am I? I'm Leena Torous. Yup that's right. Leena Torous. Member of the Blitz team, pilot of a Gun Sniper, and temper mental redhead. So now that you know who I am I can continue to the next question. What did I have? I had feelings for Bit Cloud. What did I fear? This is the hard one. I feared a lot of things. Rejection, loss, embarrassment, and a lot of others things that would take more than just one word to explain. But we'll get to that later. What exactly did I want more of, you say? I wanted more out of our relationship. We were friends, but I wanted us to be more. That said I will continue to explain, with more detail, the exact cause of my complete and utter confusion.
At first I didn't realize my feelings for Bit. Or maybe I did and just wouldn't admit them. To be perfectly honest I'm not sure. I also don't know when I first fell for the great Bit Cloud, only that I did. I suppose that's enough anyhow, right? I doesn't really matter when I did as long as I know it and can now admit it.
Now when I first made this surprising realization I was, and I can now admit this, afraid. Me, Leena Torous, afraid. Not something you hear too often, eh? I know what your thinking and believe me I was as shocked as you. Well like they say 'learn something new everyday.' Now on to the big question: What exactly was I afraid of? Where shall I start? I was afraid of rejection. Afraid Bit wouldn't feel the same and would reject my feelings. The loss was losing the friendship Bit and I already had. I couldn't lose that. It was too important to me. Bit was the only one my age to talk to and hang out with. And when you're 16 years old it's crucial to be around others your age. Of course embarrassment was another one of those things I feared. Which is, in my opinion, one of the dumbest things to fear, yet everyone, including myself, does. Afraid of looking stupid in front of Bit. In front of anyone, actually. You know me I'm a proud person. Too proud and if Bit didn't share my feelings I knew I would lose all my pride. I didn't like that idea one bit. I had other fears, but I can't name them let alone explain them. I guess those are the kind of fears you have to feel to understand. I hope you never have to feel them. They're awful. Horrible. Something no one should ever have to go through though most people do. Even thinking about them is hard so, if you don't mind, I'd like to continue. Naturally to prevent all this I told myself I didn't feel anything. I ignored my heart and listened to my head. Two words: Big mistake. Let me offer you some advice: If you ever have feelings for someone do not, I repeat DO NOT, ignore them. It's not, NOT, going to go away. If anything the situation will get worse. I speak from experience. I ignored my feelings and it just got harder and harder to see him everyday. Knowing what I felt and not accepting it.
Now when I finally overcame those fears, well as much as one can, and accepted what my heart was trying to tell me I realized I wanted more. More than just friendship. More than to just be his best friend. I wanted to be his girlfriend. I really, really wanted him to care for me in more than just a friend way. But of course this led to doubt which is the next step in this "cycle," as I have come to call it.
Now after I found that I wanted more I realized I could never have more. I would always just be Bit's best friend. I didn't like that. I saw that we could never be more. That he could never return my feelings. And you know what I think I'm right. He never will return my feelings. If I never tell him, that is.
Yup I'm now on the final, and hardest, phase of this "cycle." Telling Bit my feelings. I've debated how to tell him this for a while now. Trying to find the perfect way. Jokes on me because there isn't a perfect, or easy, way to tell him what I have to tell him. I guess I'll just have to tell him when I think the moment is right and hope for the best. Some plan, huh? Well, it's the best I can come up with. I'd like to see you try what I'm attempting to do. It's not an easy task. Believe me.
"Dinner time everyone." I heard Jamie shout.
He was answered by several people shouting "coming." My voice was among them.
~~~End Chapter One~~~
Well what did you think? Please review. I accept flames with reason. The next chapter will be about Leena telling Bit her feelings. I hope you liked it. Thank you for reading. Good Bye until next time.
Okami
