Dear Diary,
School was awful. Heck, my whole day was awful. I forgot to set my alarm clock last night, and I'm surprised I woke up at all. I threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and had to run really fast.
When I got to school, Lenny attacked me and tried to eat me again. But I hit him in the head with my geometry book and knocked him out. Seriously, that kid does not need to be in a public school.
Then when I got to English, Mr. Weaver gave a pop quiz, which I'm sure I failed. I mean, we haven't even read about that stuff yet. He said everyone who failed the quiz had to clean his garage. Great.
I was really looking forward to seeing my lovely boyfriend, Richard. I found him at lunch, eating a really yummy-looking sandwich. I asked him if I could try it, but he said no. So I put him in a headlock and wrenched it out of his hand. I took a bite. The meat tasted so familiar...
My eyes widened in horror. "Ophelia!" I screamed. My pet possum, Ophelia, had gone missing two days ago. I let go of Richard and fell to my knees. I pointed at Richard. "You stole Ophelia and made a sandwich out of her!"
"Yeah, I did," snapped Richard. "We are officially not a couple anymore. I only dated you for your possum!" Then he ran out of the cafeteria.
My poor, poor Ophelia! My baby! Richard killed her and turned her into a delicious lunch meat! And ate her! Most of her, anyway. And I took a bite!
I still remember the day I found her, alone and stinky, digging through our trash can. Ah, memories...
So now I'm possumless and boyfriendless. Richard and I had been dating three whole days! All the good times we shared, and all he really wanted was my sweet, innocent Ophelia.
Then on my way home from school, the Hornets attacked. You know, that gang of eleven-year-olds that are evil that I told you about? Well, when I was walking past their treehouse they jumped out and beat me. I passed out, and when I woke up I was in their fort.
I was tied to a chair, and my wrists were tied to the arms so I couldn't get free. The room was dim, except for a lamp with a fluroescent light bulb that shattered the darkness like a light-saber.
The tweens were gathered around me in a semi-circle, and their leader, a boy I only knew as Puma, holding my backpack.
"Hello, Millie," he said.
"But my name isn't-"
He held up his hand to quiet me. "Here you shall be called Millie." His voice was dripping with malice. He slowly unzipped my backpack. "We know about your little friend." I gulped.
Puma reached into my bag and slowly withdrew my piece of buttered toast.
"Dave," I whispered. How had he heard about Dave? I kept him with me always, always hidden from criticizing eyes. It wasn't his fault that he was a piece of toast. Toast has feelings too. Some people are just too racist to understand.
Puma put Dave about five inches from my face. "Take a good look."
I did, gazing upon him with all the love I had for him. He was just as beautiful as the day we met, five years ago at my grandmother's house...
"Bacon," said Puma, snapping his fingers.
A lardy boy waddled up. "Yes, Master?"
And then, Puma handed him Dave. And evil grin spread across Bacon's face. He took my Dave and stuffed him in his mouth.
"NOOO!!!!!!!" I screamed. "DAVE!!!!!"
Then the Hornets untied me and threw me out of the tree. Bruised and heartbroken, I made my way home.
"Darling!" my mother cried, running out of the house and wrapping me in her arms. "What's wrong?"
I told her about Richard and Ophelia, and broke down crying again when I told her about Dave.
"Oh, sweetie," she said, tears of sympathy streaming down her face. She cupped my face in her hands, and tilted it upwards to make me meet her gaze. "It's okay. I know it hurts, but this all happened for a reason. You may not see it now, but you will."
So I will mourn. Especially for Dave. He was my best friend. Even though it seems impossible now, I know my spirit will find peace about all this. My life will never be the same, but it will go on.