This is an AU inspired by existential1rony's FF: A little Upsteady. If you haven't read it, go check it out! Basically Jay got upset and angry at Hailey after finding out she had been sleeping with Adam.


Hailey closed her car door in frustration. She didn't mean to slam it, but she did close it harder than intended. She wondered for how long she could keep doing this. Today marked a month of no talking with her partner. Ever since he showed up at her house unannounced and saw Adam coming out of her bedroom, his attitude towards her turned for the worse. He stopped talking, even acknowledging she was in the room. If working together in the precinct was bad, doing stakeout together was horrible. However long the stakeout is, they don't talk. Jay brought his own meal and went deaf when she suggested buying some food.

She tried to apologise to Jay; NOT that she had anything to apologise for; Adam and she were both single. And Jay had nothing to do with whom she slept with. Despite their thing, they were just partners. They never talked about the attraction, the tension between them. Hailey was guilty at first that Jay had to find out by witnessing it instead of her telling him. However, the guilt was replaced by anger pretty quickly when Jay started to act like she wasn't there. After two weeks, she just hoped that Jay would let it pass. She didn't need an apology or explanation, she just needed her partner back. The partner that used to be there for her, tease her when they were on stakeout together, and watched her back like an eagle. Jay started behaving normally towards Adam after two weeks, so she expected him to do so towards her. To her dismay, he didn't.

Once, she tried to corner him in the locker room, apologising and asking for his explanation. He looked at her coldly, then slammed his locker door. She didn't dare to move closer. Before the incident, she would swear that he would never lay a hand towards her, but then, she weren't sure anymore. She pleaded for him to tell her how to go back being civil partners, being friends, but his response astounded her. "Were we friends? I didn't see that," he said coldly, then stormed out. In doing so, he accidentally kicked a bench. The bench toppled over and fell on her feet, eliciting a gasp from her. She was facing against the door, so she didn't see him paling and looking at her guiltily. He wanted nothing more than to beat himself, that he hurt her physically, something he promised to his mum to never do. He nearly crumbled when he heard her crying, but he couldn't go back inside. He couldn't face her. For his own sake… no, for their sake. They both fell for their partners, and look where it got them? His partner broke his heart, and her partner got killed. He would not let them make the same mistake, even if it cost them their friendship.

The turning point for Hailey was when they were both clearing an apartment when picking up a suspect. He cleared the bathroom, but didn't clear the closet. She was on the other end of the apartment, and she walked towards the door. The suspect suddenly charged at her from the closet and slammed her against a wall with a tie on his hands, intending to choke her. She managed to disarm him without Jay's help, and while cuffing him, she felt Jay looking at her with no effort to help. As she walked the suspect past him, she hissed, "if you want me dead, just say it." She knew it was a low blow, but she couldn't help it. She was furious. That was the moment she no longer had a partner. As far as she was concerned, she was on her own in the field. There was no one to look out for her back.

Meanwhile, after the incident, Jay stayed up the whole night and finished a six-pack by himself. He nearly cost his partner her life. He froze because he didn't expect that, and he was caught off-guard by his fatal error. He wasn't thinking right, so when the suspect flew past him and pinned Hailey to the wall, he didn't react on reflex. When Hailey looked at him with anger on her face, and accused Jay of wanting her dead, he knew he was in trouble. He could be suspended if Hailey reported the incident. So when two days passed without any reprimand from Voight, Jay was perplexed about what she wanted. He wouldn't blame her if she wanted to change partner. If Hailey was the one behaving the way he did, he would change partner. Of course, she wouldn't do so. She is one of the kindest people he knew, one of the best cops he had ever worked with.

Hailey went to Voight's office early. The Sergeant always went in early, before the rest of them. She pulled herself together and knocked on the door.

"Sarge, got a minute?" Voight pointed at a chair. Hailey gave Voight a piece of paper. Something she didn't think she would give Voight less than two years after he offered her a place at his team.

"Narcotics?" asked Voight.

"Narcs needs an undercover cop, according to my source," said Hailey. After what happened with Garrett, undercover isn't her first choice, but then again, neither is working with a partner who doesn't treat her as she belongs.

"This has something to do with Halstead," deducted Voight. How the partners treated each other lately hadn't escaped his observation.

"I just feel it's the time," Hailey didn't budge. As upset as she was, she didn't want to sabotage Jay's career. She knew he had a bright career ahead in Intelligence and she didn't want to jam him up.

"Bullshit," Voight spat. "You have good career ahead here, Upton. You know that."

"I do. It's just… I don't feel it's the right place for me."

"Alright. Under two conditions. You take two mandatory days off," said Voight.

"And?"

"And you tell your partner. Directly. After last time, he needed to hear it from you," said Voight. Hailey had no choice but to nod.

"Alright," said Hailey.

"Glad to have you under my wings, Hailey," said Voight.

"I'm honoured to be here, Sarge," Hailey couldn't stop her tears from brimming. She was sad, no, heartbroken to leave the unit.


After the talk with Voight, Hailey took the day off, starting her mandatory leave early. No one had seen her when she slipped out of the district. Jay was partnered with Antonio for that day, and if he wondered why Hailey wasn't in, he didn't show it. He wondered where Hailey was, and after work he went passed Hailey's house, looking for her car. Her car was in her usual parking spot, so for a while he was worried about her. What if she was sick and had no one to care for her? What if something happened to her and no one went looking for her because, according to her, she had no personal life? Does she have anyone who cared for her? He would not forgive himself if something happened to her and no one was there. His feelings for her are too complicated; he cared for her deeply. Initially, he was angry towards her because she didn't trust him to tell him about Adam. Yet the more he thought about it, the more he realised that it wasn't the primary reason. He was hurt because it wasn't him. He wanted nothing more to be the one to wake up in her bedroom. To hear her stories at the end of the day, even though he experienced most of her day. To be the reason she laughs, to comfort her when she is upset. Unknowingly, he had been circling her place for some times. He huffed and parked a block down from her door, where he was sure she couldn't see his car.

He laughed wryly when he realised he was about to do the most pathetic thing he had ever done. He pulled out his phone and ordered a pizza, giving her address. He gave her order of pizza and waited until the delivery guy arrived. When Hailey opened the door, he exhaled in relief. She looked fine. Confused as to who ordered the pizza, but she paid for it anyway and closed her door.


"I'm riding with Antonio again?" asked Jay the next day.

"You're riding with whoever you can appreciate," grunted Voight. Jay was taken aback. Had Hailey gone to Voight about their situation? Jay went on a stakeout with Antonio. They were friends; he pulled strings for him getting into Intelligence; so it was an easy day.

"You and Upton are having disagreement?" asked Antonio.

"What?"

"I noticed. Everyone noticed. Be careful, you two. Your attitudes are gonna make someone killed," said Antonio. Jay froze, remembering the apartment incident.

"Jay, I'm gonna give you a piece of advice. It comes from a once married man and works best in a marriage, but hell, partnership is like a marriage. You screw up, you are dead. There's three magic words to solve the problem."

"What's that?" asked Jay.

"I-am-sorry," Antonio grinned, exclaiming each word with a finger, but quickly got serious again. "Suck it up. We're men, we say sorry for everything."


Jay went to Hailey's place again, only to realise her car wasn't parked in front. She wasn't there. He had come to apologise. He had no idea what would he say, or how he would explain his behaviour. He only wanted to offer the magic words, and let it go from there. He was disappointed to realise she wasn't home. After circling the block for half an hour, he went back to his apartment, carrying a six pack of beer. He was so lost in thought that he didn't realise Hailey standing in front of his door, looking nervous. Before he could open his mouth, Hailey cut him.

"Sorry, this won't take long. I came to say goodbye," she offered a faint smile. "I'm transferring to Narcotics, effective immediately."

He didn't say anything, just gaped. Out of the things he expected her to say; out of all the nasty things he wanted her to call him; this is the least expected thing. He ignored her to not lose her, but the fact is he had lost her.

Hailey mistook his silence as ignoring him again, so she cleared her throat and continued, "I just want to thank you for watching my back this past year, and sorry for how things ended. I think I'm going deep undercover for a while, so this is the last you will hear of me, don't worry." She looked down to try hiding the tears brimming in her eyes, and walked past Jay.

"Wait!" Jay grabbed her hand. Hailey flinched and pulled her hand immediately. For a split second, their eyes met, and Jay found fear in her eyes. His wall immediately crumbled. He would understood if she has frustration, anger, even hate in her eyes. But he never imagined someone would look at him with fear, moreover his partner, someone he was supposed to protect. He couldn't hate himself more at that moment.

"Can we talk?" asked Jay. Hailey hesitated. She didn't want to be there anymore. She had enough of apologising and being hurt.

"I'd rather not."

"Please, I'm not gonna hurt you," said Jay before he stopped himself and thought, well Halstead, what have you been doing this past month?

Hailey's hesitation cannot be more visible. At last, she nodded. Jay opened his door and motioned for her to get in. She walked tentatively passed the threshold and stood awkwardly near the door. It was as if she doesn't believed she would get out of there safely, Jay thought with disgust of himself. How far had he screwed up?

"Are you going to talk or not?" asked Hailey curtly. Jay just realised he had stared into space for a while. He took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. Hailey looked at him, not acknowledging his words. Jay cringed internally; that was how he treated her for a month. She gave him silent treatment for a mere seconds and he felt bad already.

"I'm sorry for how I treated you. That was very wrong of me. I hurt you over and over again. I let my emotions got the best of me, I nearly got you killed. I don't know how you can ever forgive me. Hell, I don't know how I can forgive myself for how I treat you. I don't want to lose you, Hailey," said Jay. His tears are threatening to fall. For the second year in a row, he lost a partner, a friend, whom he cared, loved. This is it. He had already lost her anyway; he decided to go all out.

"I was angry at myself, for how I handled the situation. I didn't expect you and Adam… and I wanted to forget it, so I ignored you. One day went to another, and my pride got in the way to start talking to you again. I didn't know how we can go back to normal… because if we go back to normal, I might want you as more than partner. And if we cross the bridge, we've both been there. It's messy. I don't want to get hurt again, but moreover, I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to lose someone I cared for again," Jay gasped, unable to stop his tears from falling freely down his face. "Until the attack happened. I swore I didn't do it on purpose. I would be damned if he injured you. That was reckless and precisely what I thought would happen had we became more than partners. It would affect the job, and I won't be able to carry the guilt if you get hurt because of emotions got mixed in the job. So I did the thing I do best: running away from it. Continue ignoring you so I won't lose you," said Jay. He looked at Hailey, who kept her stoic expression but also had tears running down her face. "I care about you, Hailey. I really care about you, and I wanted what Adam had that day I saw him, I've been wanting if for some time, and I was upset that he got it while I didn't. I thought the love I felt for you was mutual." He finished his confession. Hailey's mouth gaped open. She didn't know how she should react to what was basically a love confession. Jay smiled sadly and wiped his tears.

"How stupid am I, I did all that to not lose you, but truth is I already lost you. I lost you not because you were with Adam, but because I pushed you away and hurt you over and over again. I'm truly sorry for that, not that I deserve forgiveness. I just want you to know that I'll always be sorry."

"I forgive you," whispered Hailey. Jay looked at her bewildered. Hailey nodded. "It took me a long time, but I no longer mad at you. I forgave you already."

"How can you…" Jay trailed off.

"I forgive people I care about, Jay. That's just how I roll," said Hailey. "I do have a question though… you said you care about me?"

"Yes, I do. I have a bad way of showing it. Truth is, I've cared about you for some time now. As more than partners. It's something I shouldn't feel towards a partner again. I love you, and even if it's too late now, I just want you to know," said Jay. For the first time in a month, the coldness in his eyes disappeared, and Hailey recognised the emotions in his eyes, which were pierced deep into her soul right then. She saw admiration, remorse, love.

"Do you still?" asked Hailey, her voice barely above whisper. She realised this is the point of no return for them. They would never go back to the old normal.

"Yeah, it doesn't change, however hard I want it to. If any, it becomes deeper. I loved you, and I still do," said Jay. Hailey smiled.

"The feeling's mutual, Jay," she whispered, and for the first time since she stepped into his apartment, she took a step towards him. Jay broke into a smile, realising what she just said. His heart, although still heavy, was filled with butterflies. It might be too late for them to realise that, but he was so happy that she felt the same.

"Do you wanna try?" asked Jay tentatively. He held Hailey's face and wiped her tears.

"Long distance relationship? Never did it before, and undercover…" she sighed.

"It's worth a shot. Even if there's a shot in the dark, I want it."

"Okay. It's gonna be hell though," said Hailey.

"If you're at the end of the tunnel, I'll walk through it," Jay pulled Hailey gently towards him. He was relieved when he no longer saw fear in her eyes. It was replaced with warmth which quickly filled his soul. "May I?" he asked for permission as he pulled her in for a kiss. She answered by kissing him, gently and sweetly. It was not a passionate kiss; they would have time for that later. It was a reconciliation kiss. To let him know that they were alright; everything was behind them. It was enough to make Jay felt lightheaded, though. He closed his eyes and pulled her close, hugging her. Hailey snaked her arms around his waist and clung on to him. Jay felt her sobbing, and he was about to chastise her lightly when he felt his own tears running down his face.

"Come on, we have a lot to talk about. I've missed you," Jay kissed her forehead and pulled her to the couch. They sat, arms around each other, ready to catch up, for the sake of yesterday and tomorrow. Hailey's stomach chose the exact moment to rumble, and they both laughed.

"Let's order something," suggested Jay.

"How about you order pizza? You're usually good at it," Hailey smirked, and at that exact moment, Jay knew he had been caught. "You owe me $10."

"You ate it!" Jay laughed. "How do you know?"

"You know my pizza order," Hailey shrugged. "I didn't suspect you yesterday, but now I know. Why, though?"

"I was worried because you didn't come to work… I wanted to see if you were okay. So I asked the delivery guy to open the door so I could see you," said Jay. Hailey smiled and snuggled into him, feeling him pulled her to his chest protectively. She came to say goodbye to her partner, her friend, her love; but she got more than she asked for or deserved.


The partners, turned friends, turned couple spent time talking on the couch while eating pizza and drinking beer. Jay once again apologised for everything, especially his stint in the locker room and apartment chase. Hailey told him what got her into sleeping with Adam in the first place, much to Jay's annoyance and surprise. They decided that kissing could wait; they have to be back being friends first. It was respect and friendship instead of sexual affection and flirtation that turned into love. Sometime between talking, Hailey had fallen asleep. Jay realised Hailey was sleeping with her head leaning on his chest. He realised that this was what he wanted. He wanted someone to talk to about everything at the end of the day, to comfort him and for him to comfort. Someone who would agree with him on principal things like loyalty and life values, but would bicker with him about pizza toppings and TV channels. Someone who he could go in sync with, not only physically, but also emotionally. And he wanted that someone to be her. He smiled and kissed her hair. After a month wondering how on earth he would make it right; or whether he could ever make it right; they were finally right where they should be. He carried her to bed, laying her beside him carefully like she was the most precious thing ever, and pulled her into him. They both slept while smiling.

"Hey," Hailey whispered. She knew Jay wasn't sleeping; his breathes were uneven.

"Yeah?" asked Jay.

"If I asked who you are, would you throw me out?" teased Hailey. Jay laughed. "No, seriously. I was thinking. About this Narcotics thing…"

"We'll be okay," Jay kissed her head.

"Yeah, we are. But I was wondering if there is anything I can do," said Hailey.

"You still prefer to transfer or do you wanna stay?" asked Jay.

"I'm scared to go deep undercover again," admitted Hailey.

"You'll do just fine. I mean, if you want to stay, there's still time, isn't it?"

"I turned in my transfer request yesterday, meaning I think it had reached Ivory Tower as we speak," Hailey huffed. "I wanted a quick exit, it bit me in the ass."

"Let's see tomorrow," Jay pulled her closer, savouring the moments they were together.


Neither of them was opposed to arriving at work together. Hailey smiled, remembering how she always asked Adam to drop her off at coffee shop around the block. They arrived early, Hailey wanted to meet Voight.

"Sarge, got a minute?" she knocked on Voight's door. Voight saw Jay just arrived at his desk.

"Yeah, go," said Voight.

"I have a huge favour to ask," said Hailey. "About my transfer."

"Here," Voight got a paper from his drawer and passed it to Hailey. "I must have forgotten to turn it in." Hailey gaped seeing her transfer request letter. "Send him in." Voight motioned to Jay who had been paying attention to what's happening inside. Hailey motioned for Jay to come in. Jay came in and closed the door.

"This ever happen again, I'll pull one of you and sending you deep undercover," threatened Voight.

"Understood," said Hailey. She smiled at Voight, then at Jay.

"Fill this," Voight passed them HR form which confirmed their relationship in the unit.

"How do you know, Sarge?" asked Hailey.

"I was once a detective, kid. I can play detective on my detectives. Hell, everyone knows," said Voight. Their faces reddened. "This ever becomes an issue, she's going undercover for Narcs. I'll make sure her cover is so deep you won't be able to even hear about her alias," Voight said to Jay.

"Copy that."


"I can't believe Voight did that," said Hailey when they were watching TV in Jay's place. "He jammed me up!"

"He knew you acted on emotions," said Jay.

"Believe me, I didn't. But he knew I don't want to leave," Hailey snuggled to Jay. Jay's eyes twinkled as he kissed the top of Hailey's head. He didn't believe that everyone knew. Hailey said that he was being obvious ignoring her while Jay defended that they were all good detectives. They snickered remembered what happened in the morning. Hailey and Jay were having breakfast while chatting on Hailey's desk when Antonio, Kim, and Kevin walked up the stairs. Kim practically squealed and Antonio raised his hands in victory, yelling something along the line of 'thank God!'. Adam who walked in next bumped fists with Kevin. Jay decided to play with them and putting his hand lovingly on her back, asking innocently 'what?' This action prompted gasps and laughter from their teammates and blush on Hailey's face. 'I knew it's were thrown around, as did betting money being paid. They forced Jay to buy lunch as punishment for ruining the atmosphere for a month; and everyone breathe sigh of relief because the situation would revert back to normal.

"I can't believe everyone noticed," grumbled Jay.

"Noticed you've been treating me like a ghost? Yeah, even suspects noticed," Hailey rolled her eyes.

"In my defence, I didn't know it would turn out like this. Can't believe I'm missing a month of this," he pulled Hailey on top of him. They locked eyes, silently speaking like they used to. Their heads came closer as their lips brushed each other. Suddenly, the door opened. They pulled apart.

"Hey, Jay, you didn't answer my call," Will barged in. "Oh, God, you guys!"

"What are you doing, Will?" yelled Jay.

"What are YOU doing?" Will shielded his eyes.

"Oh, come on. Grow up!" Hailey rolled her eyes and threw a couch pillow at Will. Jay laughed at how sassy his girl is. His girl. It warmed his soul to be able to say that.


Of course Will had to be included somehow!

Finally I wrote my first romance fanfic! I'm no longer opposed to them being together romantically, but I agree to what I read online (twitter? tumblr?) that if they were to happen, they have to fight against it (the whole been-there-done-that thing), but eventually they give up. I still don't see them immediately jumping to bed together. Funny story, this is the fanfic that first got me started to write my own fics! Yesterday I finally reached out to the original owner of the fic to ask permission to write an AU. Let me know how do you like it!