Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters find themselves in. Everything else belongs to someone else and that's the way it's gotta be according to the lawyers.
A Bad Beginning
Bilbo Baggins had a date and wasn't happy about it. It had been a very long day, he could feel a headache brewing, and going out to meet some guy he'd met on the internet didn't really sound all that appealing. Because really, if he was going to have a whole night without his son around to require his attention, well then he'd much rather spend it curled up with some hot chocolate in front of the telly, watch an adult movie for once or maybe read a book just for fun instead. For that matter there were a lot of things you didn't have time to do when you had a four year old running around the house, even one as well behaved as his Frodo.
Thank God the boy took after his side of the family that way.
Shaking his head over the thought, Bilbo didn't even want to think about what his life would be like if Frodo was more like his teenage cousins Fili and Kili, who found trouble with remarkable skill wherever they went. Not that Thorin's nephews weren't sweet boys, they were at heart, but…they could also drive a saint to drink and he didn't know how their mother managed to stay sane.
Thinking about them had Bilbo retrieving another plastic container out of a cupboard and turning his attention to transferring some of the Nanaimo bars he'd made for Frodo to take with him to his papa's into the second container for the two to drop off at his aunt's. It would be pure torture for Thorin to do it too, Bilbo thought with wicked glee, imagining the look on his ex's face when he was forced to share. The man loved his Nanaimo bars, and back when they'd been together the man had offered him all sorts of sexual favors in return for a batch of his-dammit.
Wincing, especially since thinking about Thorin and sex at the same time was never a good idea when he was in a sex drought, Bilbo resolutely snapped the container's lid on and put it on top of the larger container that was for Thorin.
Not that he'd gone out of his way to make the man's favorite dessert or anything, and it wasn't like he needed to bribe Thorin to take Frodo since the man loved their son as much as he did…he'd just been in the mood to make them and-
"Daddy, I can't find my new blue shirt."
Looking over at his son Bilbo smiled and assured the little boy that they would find it together, ruffling Frodo's pitch black curls to make him giggle. Hand in hand they headed up the stairs, Frodo obviously wired at the thought that he was going to get to spend a whole day with his papa. It was at times like this that Bilbo felt insanely guilty over the fact that Frodo had never known what it was to live with both his parents. He hadn't even known he was pregnant when he and Thorin had split up, and things had been so nasty between them that Frodo had been three months old before he'd finally gone to his ex to inform him that he was a father.
To say Thorin had hit the roof over the news was like saying the man's friend Bombur might need to go on a diet.
But it had been Thorin's fault they'd broken up in the first place, and the stubborn arse had said he never wanted to see him again, so to this day Bilbo still thought his decision to keep mum about the whole thing until after there was no chance of miscarrying from stress had been the wisest choice.
Feeling another lance of pain, nothing amped up one of his headaches like thinking about the biggest life headache he'd had to date, Bilbo sighed and wished again, for the billionth time, that he hadn't let himself be roped into promising his friend Hamish that he would go on at least one date before the month ended. And it was the thirtieth, so…he was stuck.
Plus if he backed out on the whole thing Thorin would find out somehow, and then his ex would make some crack that would have them fighting like two wet cats in a sack and that wasn't good for Frodo. Not that Thorin was doing any better than him when it came to dating, at least according to what he'd picked up from Frodo and conversations with mutual friends, but then that had always been Thorin's problem. Married to his precious company, Erebor always coming first, second and third in Thorin's books unless you were talking about Frodo, who was the apple of his father's eye.
And yeah, Bilbo was still bitter he hadn't been able to compete with the man's stupid company. A little.
Okay, maybe a lot.
"Are you okay, Daddy? You've got a weird face on."
"I'm fine, Darling. Just thinking about how much I'll miss you when you're at your Papa's."
Pleased to hear it Frodo pointed out that his daddy could just come with him and they could all have a pizza and video game night at papa's. He was sure papa wouldn't mind.
"Not tonight, Darling. Maybe some other time."
)
Keeping his eyes peeled for small children, pets, and people who didn't have the sense to look where they were going, Thorin Durin drove through the heavily residential area with a smile on his face. It had been far too long since he'd seen his son and brief phone calls and quick meals were hardly adequate, especially when his boy didn't even live with him part time. But Bilbo had made it clear he'd fight him tooth and nail if he even thought of petitioning for joint custody of Frodo, and even he had to admit that he understood his ex's reasoning there. Someone as young as his Frodo needed a solid base and routine, something he couldn't offer with his often crazy work schedule. Bilbo worked from home and set his own hours, currently keeping his workload light enough that he never had to miss some preschool event or wasn't there to nurse Frodo back to health when their boy was sick.
And thinking about his ex on top of the fact that he certainly was never going to win father of the year was too depressing for words. Things were a lot better between them these days, mostly because they'd called a ceasefire for their son's sake and made a deliberate point to only talk about Frodo or ordinary things, but it was still a strain to be around Bilbo even at the best of times. Especially at the best of times, actually, because then his treacherous mind couldn't help but think that this was the life they could have had together with their son if things hadn't all gone to hell in a bloody basket on them.
But facts were facts, and some old wounds never healed, it seemed.
Pulling up beside the small house Bilbo had bought when Frodo had been two, the stubborn man had refused to let him buy the two something bigger and in a better neighborhood, Thorin nodded in greeting when the front door opened and Bilbo stepped out, not even giving him the chance to get out of his car and greet him properly first. As per usual.
And then there was Frodo, all but bouncing with glee, and Thorin felt his smile return, love for his son overshadowing every other thought. Because whatever pain he and Bilbo had caused each other, and they'd done some serious damage, one thing they'd always agreed on was that Frodo was worth every minute they'd spent fighting.
While Frodo ran over to open the back door to throw his back pack in and then climb in after it, Bilbo walked over to the driver's side, Thorin rolling down the window to see what parent orders the other man had to give him before they could head back to his place.
And then Bilbo was holding two containers towards him and Thorin saw what was in them, the blue eyes he'd passed on to their son immediately brightening. Taking them Thorin asked why he was being bribed, more than happy to fall in line if it got him these. It had been forever since he'd had them.
"You aren't. The top one's for Dis and the boys. The rest, I just felt like making them and I thought you'd be happy to take some off my hands so that Frodo and I don't eat them all."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"So who's your date with? Anyone I know?" Bilbo had texted him three days ago asking if he could take Frodo because he had a date, but that was all the info he'd gotten. Not that he would care who his ex was dating normally, but he had to take an interest since anyone Bilbo dated came into contact with Frodo. You could never be too careful these days after all, and he was just looking out for his son.
"No one you know, no. He's a regular on Middle Earth."
Thorin knew that Middle Earth was an online RPG that Bilbo had helped some friends of his create in university, and the other man still played it occasionally and gave his friends feedback and suggestions. And though he was pretty sure Bilbo had more sense Thorin asked him if he'd met this guy in person before.
"This will be the first meeting, actually."
"Are you out of your-" Thorin just barely managed to cut himself off in mid roar due to Frodo's presence, the boy having stopped in the middle of doing up the buckles on his car seat to blink at them owlishly. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?" He all but hissed in his struggle not to yell.
"We're meeting in a public place, Thorin, and it's just dinner. I'll be fine."
Hundreds of arguments, orders and demands welled up on the tip of his tongue, Thorin having to swallow them all down not just because of Frodo's presence, but because he knew damn well that Bilbo would do the opposite of what he wanted him to just to spite him if he put his ex's back up too much. So in the end he had to settle for asking, through grinched teeth and as politely as possible, for Bilbo to at least call him when he got home so that he'd know he'd gotten back okay.
Thorin could see that Bilbo wanted to argue, but Frodo being there worked in his favor this time since naturally Bilbo wanted to head off the argument that would brew if he didn't agree to make the phone call. So he did, sounding very exasperated as he promised.
Knowing that he'd have to be satisfied with that, Thorin thanked him for the consideration only a little sarcastically and then stated they should be heading out, his nephews were waiting for them in the game room.
"Bye, bye, Daddy!"
"Bye, Darling. You be good for your papa, alright?"
"I will."
"That's my boy. Have a good night, Thorin. I'll remember to call before turning in."
"Have a good night." He echoed, though he'd be just fine if this date tanked the way Bilbo's generally did.
)
He really, really should have canceled this date, Bilbo thought hours later as he tried not to look completely and totally repulsed by the man who was sitting across from him, watching him with eyes that made his skin crawl. Of course he hadn't exactly been thrilled to find out that the picture he'd been sent of the guy was far from accurate, the man before him bald instead of with shoulder length black hair, his cheekbones far more prominent and pale as a ghost instead of lightly tanned. But no, it was Sméagol Stoor's eyes that unnerved him the most and reminded Bilbo of every article he'd ever read in the paper or heard on the news about people who'd ended up dead or kidnapped by human traffickers after meeting with someone they'd met online.
Plus the way the other man had kept urging him to sample the pre-poured wine earlier, when he'd arrived to find his date already waiting for him, made him suspicious as hell now, not to mention very glad he'd felt the need to take the pills his doctor prescribed him for his worst headaches, which didn't mix well with alcohol so his glass remained untouched. He was tempted to come up with some excuse to leave, like feigning illness or pretending to receive a text that his son was sick and he needed to head home, but he couldn't shake the fact that Stoor was too observant not to see through a lie.
Hoping to make time go by faster Bilbo struggled to find something to talk about, settling for the first thing that came to mind seeing as the man kept drawing his attention to it anyway. "That's a lovely ring you're wearing. A family heirloom?"
"It's my precious." Was the creepy creep's response, the smile revealing once again that the man's dental hygiene was bad even for a Brit. "I-got it from my cousin a few years back. I never take it off."
"Ah. Well it's lovely. Family's very important."
"Thank you."
The smile on Stoor's face was more unnerving than a glare from Thorin in Bilbo's opinion, and that was really saying something.
"Speaking of family, you have a son, don't you? Someone mentioned it while we were on a quest together on 'Middle Earth'."
"Yes, I do. He's four. He's with his father tonight-which is why I won't be able to stay too late, I'm afraid. I have to pick him up." And he really didn't like the idea of this creep knowing about Frodo at all, but he wasn't above using Thorin, especially since he was beginning to think the man hadn't been wrong to call him crazy for making a date with someone he'd met online. "He's expecting me at nine, maybe you've heard of him? Thorin Durin?"
"The president of Erebor, of course. Who hasn't?"
"Yes, he's still cursing the fact that he keeps being named one of London's most eligible bachelors." What went unsaid was that everyone knew Thorin had also been in the military, had an impressive as hell physique, and was known to be insanely possessive and protective of people and things that belonged to him. Which meant that if this guy had any brains at all, which Bilbo thought he did, his creepy date from hell had to realize that going crazy on him would have Thorin coming after him like a hound from hell because of Frodo.
Hopefully that his point had been made, and he was not discussing his son with this guy, Bilbo asked Sméagol how he'd gotten into the business of designing puzzle books, which was what the other man had told him he did for a living.
But try as he might the conversation kept coming back to his own personal life, and finally Bilbo gave up and excused himself to go to the loo, pulling out his cell once he was out of sight to text Thorin a message asking him to call him in about ten minutes to pretend that he needed him to come pick up Frodo. He was a horrible liar, Bilbo thought as he grudgingly hit send, so every bit of authenticity he could conjure up would help.
He'd just finished in the loo and washed his hands when his phone went off, which was perfect timing and had him sighing in relief. Pulling the phone out Bilbo accessed the message from Thorin, which demanded to know if he needed to come and get him.
Rolling his eyes even as he smiled a little, Bilbo texted back that he was fine, it was just a bad date and he wanted to get out of it.
Thorin's reply was a statement that yes, he was a horrible liar.
'Thanks for that. I'm going back to the table now'.
'Understood'.
Putting his phone away Bilbo braced himself for another dose of creepiness, making his way back to the table and doing his level best to act like he didn't want to do a happy dance when his phone went off.
"Oh, darn. My sincere apologies, I'm horrible with electronics. I thought I'd turned it to silent before I got in." Taking the phone out Bilbo deliberately glanced at the front. "And double apologies, but it's Thorin, so I need to take this. It might be about Frodo." Accepting the call and then bringing it up to his ear, Bilbo hoped he didn't sound too glad when he asked Thorin what he could do for him.
"Well for starters, you could not date arseholes you've picked up on the bloody internet."
"Drat, I was afraid of that. He did seem a little off before you picked him up. How high's his temperature?"
"Dis and the boys say thanks for the bars, before I forget. And how long are you going to drag this conversation on for, anyway?"
"Okay, fine, I get it. I'll head out now and be there in twenty minutes. Just keep an eye on him and call me if anything changes."
"Don't forget to call when you get back to your place or I'll tan your freckled arse tomorrow."
Clicking off his phone Bilbo didn't have to work at looking annoyed and frustrated. "Looks like I have to apologize yet again, I'm afraid I have to run. My son's sick and Thorin goes to absolute pieces when that happens. Of course he's also the biggest baby when HE'S sick but-sorry, again." Getting to his feet Bilbo retrieved his wallet and pulled out a bunch of bills. "Dinner's on me, and thank you again for asking me out this evening. I'm sorry we had to cut it short."
"No need to pay, you hardly touched your dinner." Scary smile again. "I've got this; I hope we'll be seeing each other again. Soon."
Not if he had anything to say about it, Bilbo thought with a strained smile in return.
Surely he couldn't be that unlucky.
