Note from the Author: My second ERB inspired piece. This one was heavily influenced by the Stan Lee/Jim Henson battle.

Tina:

Yo Yo, fine ladies. Tiny Tina here

Live on your ECHO device, where everyone can hear.


Seems we gots us somebody who wants get my rhymes flowin'

Ain't her fault though, cause she can't see where she's goin'.


Tough, I admit. Girl knows how to throw around her weight.

Even for a walking foot fetish who looks like jail bait.


Learned how to see and how to fight, Mommy and daddy would be proud.

Oh no, wait. They kept you a secret, cause being strong wasn't allowed.


I actually feel kinda' bad, sheltered life and kept sealed up in your room.

Tell ya what. I'll wrap you up in dynamite and YOU can be my boom.


Toph:

Talk pretty tough for a girl with psychosis and pent up aggression,

You need explosives to be a threat, but the whole Earth is my weapon.


Yeah, my folks were kinda petty, uptight more than you could've known.

But at least my parents are still alive, to see how strong I've grown.


Don't need eyes to see, my feet guide me through any terrain.

Bet if I stomped on your face, wouldn't feel any movement in your brain.


You're kinda' crazy, and I can respect the whole demolition girl thing.

But it ain't about the body count, it's how much pain ya bring.


I can flatten'em from above, I can toss'em down below,

Pound'em any which way, these guns aren't just for show.


Tina:

Wait, wait, wait! You think you're so big cause you can throw some rocks?

Make the ground move around, is that all you got?


I bring'em down hard, KA-BLAM! And they know they gonna lose.

I even let'em watch their last seconds wind down, when I light the fuse.


Toph:

No survivors? Please. They can't learn if they're dead, why would I let'em die?"

I wish I could see all those looks of dread on their faces when I come walkin' by.


Whatcha' gonna' do when you run out of bombs, no boom means no strife.

The whole world is my ammo, hard knocks for life.


Toph:

You talk so big just to cover up your fear.

Tina:

You act the silent type cause you got nothing smart to say.

Toph:

You smell like nitro and beer.

Tina:

Yo! You're facin' the wrong way!


Toph:

Alright, that's it! I've had it! You really wanna go?

I'll stuff a stalactite up your dress and see what comes out below.


Tina:

I'll wrap some primer chord around your scrawny little neck and flip a little switch.

Then BLAM! Wait for the smoke to clear and I gots me a new dolly head to stitch.


Toph:

A couple uppercuts to the face, jagged stones across your spine to and fro,

Then roll a boulder across you like a rolling pin and flatten you out nice and slow.


Tina:

Strap you to a chair and seat you at the table, serve some tea and dainty cake rolls.

Then finish our high-class affair with a dip of your all-seeing feet in a bucket of burning coals.


(Toph and Tina give a hard unrelenting stare at one another)

Tina:

Okay, okay. Ya know what? Ain't no thang. Let's agree to disagree.

We got enough tough stuff between us to do as we please.


You go your way, and I'll go mine.

And somewhere in the middle, maybe we hang out sometime.


I'll bring the crumpets, a tea party for the ages.

Two bad girls, let out of their cages.


Toph:

Heh! Alright, I'm in. Sounds kinda fun.

Anyways, there are worst people I'd rather see undone.


We could be a heck of a team, two wild girls about town.

I'll soften'em up, and then you put'em down.


Ah, the things we'd bring to this big beautiful world.

When we give new meaning to 'Fight Like a Girl'.


Who Won?!

Who Cares?!