Hi, my name is Kurt and I and I am completely and utterly dead. Seriously. I really am dead. Or... well, I'm not alive, that's for sure. Don't be sad, I'm not bitter about it. I don't even remember being alive. I can't remember the feeling of breathing or how it is to eat. I can't even remember how my voice was, since all I do now is growl. Growl at the passing people, or how I think we are called, "zombies", at any loud voice, at my self and the list goes on and on. It's not like I can control it. I can remember though some alive people. How they all were happy and when they were sad their faces changed and the produced liquid some times. A particular face of a boy has been stuck in mind for ever. He opened his mouth wide and yelled weirdly and then suddenly he fell and he scrunched his face while liquid fell from his eyes slowly. That's the most vivid memory I have and I hope I never lose it, because when I think about it I feel less dead.
I don't always feel like myself. That usually happens when I hear a loud voice or see someone I didn't expect. It's horrible. Anger always builds up inside of me and makes me want to scream. So I do. It's like when someone tells you something upsetting and you get so mad at them that you can't help yourself. You are trying to hold up but then suddenly a wave rushes through you and finally it wins. That feeling is so overwhelming that most of the times I can't remember a thing afterwards. It's frustrating knowing you don't have control. That you can't really change who you are, or who you became, it's final. I hate it.
Today I started walking inside of a shop and a lady was checking the clothes with soulless moves non-stop. I wondered if she ever left. I wonder if she ever had a husband or any other company apart from herself. Well her clothes and hair showed that she wasn't exactly the lonely type. She had her hair down with some of them pulled back with a bow. It probably was a very lovely bow in the past. She wore a pair of shorts and a simple T-shirt with a flower print on. I think it was a nice piece of clothing but now everything is covered with dirt so thick that I doubt anyone would be able to clean it. It became ugly like my face. Even though my face is a lot worse than that. I'm not the Kurt I used to see and the funny thing is that I don't care. Like something is blocking me from caring, something very strong.
At the time I'm doing what I do always. Nothing. And I am what I was always-or as long I remember. Dead. And nothing. But mostly dead.
