Chapter 1: I Would Make a Ghostbusters Reference, but I've Never Watched Any of the Films. I Really Want to Now, Though.

It was a dark and stormy night. ...Ugh, who am I kidding? That's the oldest saying in the book. There's no way I can make that scary!

Um, where was I? Ah, yes! Ahem… It was a dark and stormy night, and all through the forest, not a creature was stirring, except I'd be lying since there were crows there. Oh, and Luigi, too.

Ooh, wait! Did you know that if you transpose the letters of Luaisy a little bit, you get lasy? It's funny because not only does it kind of sound like lazy, but it also refers to nature! Sort of. I could've sworn that I once read somewhere that the word lasy had to do with nature.

By lazy, I mean, well, think about it. Though not one percent canon, people consider Mario and Peach a couple, right? I guess people were all like, in their very lispy voices, "Oh, Luigi doesn't have a gurlfriend. I know! Let's pair him with that orange gurl that Mario rescued once! Uh, what was her name again? Oh, yes! I know! Maisy! Wait, that's not right… Eh, who cares?" Disgusting. I spit on thee. But then, I spit on thyself because I hate myself. And I already hate this story, so I spit on it, too.

Aw, who am I playing? Lasy probably isn't even a real word. I even tried looking laisy up, and I still got nothing.

Oh, yeah. Mario entered the mansion earlier. I forgot to mention that earlier. It's part of the reason why Luigi even came. Okay, it's probably the main reason. He hadn't come back yet. So maybe it was the main reason. Look, I give up at this point.

So, anyway, Luigi was walking through the woods because apparently, he won a mansion from a contest he didn't even enter. Yeah, that's not sketchy as all hell.

He looked at his map, assuring himself he took the right path. Then, he looked up to see what appeared to be his new mansion, followed by a clap of thunder.

There was a small smile on the plumber's face, those it was obvious he was fearful. "Yeah, that's not suspicious at all!" he quickly mumbled with unblinking eyes.

Regardless of his judgement, he decided to keep on going. He steadily walked towards the mansion, two crows watching him from afar. No doubt they were staring at his great ass.

Okay, who the hell is writing this? This is horrible! ...Me? Well, no wonder!

Luigi slowly and heavily turned the doorknob and peeked inside the mansion. "Hewwo?" he chimed in a stupid tone before coughing and clearing this throat. "Bleh. Don't know what that was about."

He deeply exhaled, his breath being visible. He shivered as he felt a chill run down his spine. "Yeesh, it's cold in here." He paused for a moment, and then remembered the main reason he even visited the mansion.

Luigi called his brother's name, but there was no response. Feeling uneasy, he called for him again and was greeted by the same silence. That feeling of unease continued to loom over him. Hesitantly, he shone his flashlight around the foyer as he began to walk around. He went up some stairs and found a door. He went to open it, but it was locked. He huffed a little before going down the stairs to continue looking around. When we got back down to the ground floor, he noticed a peculiar sight. Within the air was a key surrounded by a orange glow.

"Um, excuse me? Why is that key floating?" Luigi thought to himself, keeping a slight distance apart from the floating key. In actuality, the orange glow wasn't because the key was haunted, but that'd be kinda cool. The...thing holding the key flew away, leaving the key to drop on the ground.

Luigi slowly approached the key, making sure it was safe to pick it up. Upon picking it up, he did a little peace sign just for shits and giggles. He took a good look at they, assuming it was for the door on the next story. Slowly, we walked up the stairs again, soon finding himself in front of the door again. Hesitantly, he put the key in the keyhole and unlocked the door. I mean, how else is he going to open it? Is he gonna kick the door down? That seems a little out of character, if you ask me, but still really cool, nonetheless.

He reluctantly turned the doorknob and let himself into the parlor. He slowly began to creep around until he bumped into something, or rather, someone. In front of him was an orange ghost. Luigi was silent for a moment before letting out a shriek of terror.

"EEEYAAAAH!"

He began sliding backwards using his palms. "Oh god, oh god, OH GOD! Please leave me alone! I don't want to die tonight! Just please don't kill me!" He curled into a ball, unsure what to do. Then, he heard a sound akin to a vacuum. Well, that's because someone was using a vacuum.

A seemingly old man began sucking up the ghost with the device, Luigi watching from behind a table all the while. While the man was doing a good job, the ghost was able to escape the wrath of the might vacuum, leaving the man to sit on the ground in defeat.

The ghost stuck out its tongue and pulled down its eyelid before disappearing. The short midget glasses-wearing guy continued to sit weakly on the ground. Luigi slowly approached him, getting the feeling he was on the alignment of good.

The man rubbed his head. "Oof. I sure take a lot of knocks in this kind of work." He faced Luigi and gave him a smile before getting back on his feet. "I'm getting way too old for this ghost-catching tomfoolery."

He stopped his tangent and proceeded to shake Luigi's hand. "Well, anyway, it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Professor E. Gadd. There's no need to be so quiet, my boy."

Luigi twiddled his thumbs a little and looked to the side. "Oh, yeah… Of course. Sorry."

E. Gadd huffed and shook his head. "Tsk tsk… This house… I swear it seems to have more ghosts each day!"

Luigi began to sweat a little. "Yeah, that's not unnerving at all!" he thought to himself.

Professor E. Gadd turned to face the plumber. "So, anyway, what's a young feller like you doing around here, anyhoo?"

Luigi rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, uh, it's a long story. You see…"

He didn't have time to finish his sentence, though, as three ghosts appeared in front of the two, causing poor Luigi to draw back in fear. "Uh-oh! This looks ugly," E. Gadd exclaimed. Yeah, no duh, professor.

He looked at Luigi, who was still frozen with fear "All right, youngster, look lively! We need to make posthaste!"

He quickly took Luigi's hand and led him out of the mansion, away from the ghosts. Well, at least for now, anyway.

Did I mention I hate this story? I literally wrote this in two days because I wanted to get this out on Halloween. That's why it seems so rushed. Even then, I'm probably never going to update it. ...Just don't be surprised if this chapter gets a huge major rehaul one day. Hope to see you when chapter 2 comes out. It's coming out sometime in… 2022. Okay, bye.