"Okay, class, time's up!" the teacher called.
Izumo set his Valentine mailbox out on his desk and frowned at it. It was pathetic, and he knew it, but he didn't have a single artistic bone in his body. He glanced over at Kotetsu's and was gratified to see that his friend's wasn't much better. Kotetsu's had a little more glitter and an extra lopsided heart or two, but that was about it.
Izumo looked back at his and nudged it with one finger. It tilted precariously to the side and he bit his lip. Carefully, he righted it and added an extra couple of popsicle sticks to the corners. It seemed to steady a little more and he nodded. It was still ugly, but he didn't really care. It wouldn't leave the classroom. The farthest it would get was the garbage can on his way out of the door.
"Yours looks better than mine does," Kotetsu said, a pout to his voice.
Izumo glanced over, raising his eyes. "What?"
"Yours is at least... straight. Sort of. Mine is crooked."
"But yours has more glitter and stuff," Izumo said, pointing rather unnecessarily.
Kotetsu looked back at his. "Maybe, but it's crooked. Straight is better."
Izumo frowned at that, focusing on his mailbox again. He'd listened to his father talking about straight people the night before. His father, in fact, had ranted about how he didn't understand people who weren't straight and how they were going to ruin the world. It wasn't until he'd used the words queer and gay, the tone of voice unmistakable, that it got through to Izumo exactly what his father meant.
He'd been in the dining room, working on his homework with Kotetsu while his father was talking. Izumo still hadn't put the words to himself, but with his father nearly shouting by this point, it was hard to ignore. Izumo looked up and stared at Kotetsu who was staring back, a frown on his friend's face. Izumo looked away, trying to focus on his homework, but it was exceedingly difficult.
He was gay. Well, he knew he was different, knew that he didn't really like girls, knew he'd had a crush on Kotetsu. But he hadn't actually labeled himself.
Not that he knew what to do with it. He glanced up again to see Kotetsu watching him and he looked back at his book. There was nothing on his friend's face to give Kotetsu's opinion about the matter away and Izumo was more afraid than ever that Kotetsu would be disgusted.
Eventually his father stopped talking and he was able to put it out of his mind and refocus on his homework, at least for that moment. Later that night, however, he lay awake for a very long time, letting his father's angry words and Kotetsu's indecipherable expression run through his head. It had taken him a very long time to go to sleep.
He stared now at his mailbox and swallowed at the lump in his throat. He had a very specific envelop in his desk that he had addressed very carefully - in print as far from his normal writing as possible. The card inside it was different than the rest of his valentines and it was the only one like it. The writing on the inside of the card was his mother's. She hadn't known who it was addressed to; Izumo had let her believe it was a girl. He'd kept the language deliberately vague so it could be anyone and his mother hadn't argued. He'd told her that he didn't want the person to whom he was giving the valentine to know that it was from him. She'd admonished him that they couldn't return his feelings if they didn't know but he'd refused to sign his name.
But if Kotetsu thought straight was better, if he was disgusted by the idea of two boys being together, then he wouldn't want that card.
He glanced over at his friend, who was staring at him. "You okay, Zu?"
Izumo shrugged. "These days just aren't my thing. Wish I could have skipped."
"Yeah, me too." Kotetsu shook the shaggy black head. "I never get any valentines, anyway. Do you?"
Izumo shook his head, too. "No. Maybe a couple of pity ones, but that's all. I used to get more back in, like, first and second grade, when all the kids gave them out but now, not so much."
"Same here. And I didn't dare take 'em home, you know..." he looked up and Izumo nodded. He'd heard all about Kotetsu's father. Izumo had wanted to do some very bad things to the man after what Kotetsu had told him, but then Kotetsu told him the man was dead. Izumo would have liked to spit on the man's grave, at least, but in the end, he was just glad that Kotetsu got away.
"Yeah." They fell into silence for a long moment, staring at their boxes.
"Izumo! Kotetsu! It's time to pass out the valentines. Didn't you hear me?" Mrs. Sasaki asked.
Izumo jumped up. "I'm sorry!" He scrambled for the bag of valentines he'd stuffed in his desk and pulled them out to sort through them. He waited for Kotetsu to grab a stack and walk off before he took the special one out of his pile and shoved it quickly into his friend's box.
He didn't pay a lot of attention when he was handing his out. He hadn't made any others out to anyone in particular, except his teacher, so in a matter of a couple of minutes, he was back at his desk. He was surprised to find a few valentines in his box. He pulled them out and settled in to open them.
The first three were no surprise. Anko, Kurenai and Hana had all left valentines for him. They were three of the girls who never seemed to mind him or the fact that he didn't seem to like girls.
There was one from a boy, a "friend" valentine with a ninja on it. It was from another new kid named Iruka who'd transferred from another class. Iruka seemed like he was okay. He didn't seem to mind too much that Izumo didn't like girls or that he kept to himself. Izumo had found out that Iruka was like him in that he seemed to prefer anime and books to other kids. They didn't talk a lot, but they got along, except for Iruka's best friend Mizumi who seemed to be a real jerk, but only when Iruka wasn't looking.
The last valentine wasn't signed. There was a dog holding roses and a big heart and it said, "If you were my valentine..." on the front. It opened up to say, "I'd be happy allll the time!" Then below the printed words, was written "I love you. Be mine?" It looked like a girl's writing, but it was neater than most of the girls Izumo knew. He frowned over it.
He looked up and around at the rest of the room but all the other kids were absorbed in their own cards. He glanced over at Kotetsu to see his friend staring at the card he'd left. Kotetsu looked up at that moment and right at him. "What'd you get?" Kotetsu asked.
Izumo cleared his throat and held up the card. "Anonymous. What about you?"
"Same thing. I mean, the card's different but they didn't sign it."
"You have a secret admirer!" Izumo managed, grinning and hoping it didn't look wrong.
Kotetsu rolled his eyes and Izumo was grateful that he'd pulled it off. "I do not," Kotetsu said, shaking his head. "Someone probably put it in the wrong box."
"Was your name on the envelope?" Izumo asked and Kotetsu picked it up.
"Oh," he said, frowning. "Yeah, but... they couldn't've meant me. Who'd want to be my valentine?" he asked and Izumo's smile faded. He knew that Kotetsu still struggled with self-esteem after the disaster that was early life.
He took a chance and hoped Kotetsu would take it the right way. Or, perhaps, the least problematic way. "You can be my valentine."
Kotetsu grinned. "Yeah, you can be mine. We're best friends. That's okay, right?"
Izumo nodded. "Sure!" He took a breath, hoped it wasn't too obvious and glanced down at the card in his hand. He felt a tiny bit disappointed that Kotetsu jumped straight to friendship, but he supposed it was best, anyway. "I wonder who'd want to be mine..." he murmured, staring at the 'I love you' written at the bottom.
"Hey, any one would! And anyone who says different's gotta go through me," Kotetsu said and Izumo looked up, raising his eyebrows. "Well. You're a great guy. Anyone'd be lucky to be your valentine."
Izumo stared at him for a long while. He couldn't mean... he didn't... He glanced again at the card in his hand then once more looked at his friend. Kotetsu blinked at him and Izumo shook the thought away. You're being ridiculous. Izumo glanced around the room again then gave up. Whoever it was either was playing a mean trick on him or was trying to make him feel better, he was sure of it.
He stuffed it back in the envelope, considered tossing it with the rest, but ended up putting it with his books, anyway. He decided he'd take the view that someone was just trying to make him feel good, so he'd keep it.
Or maybe he'd pretend it came from Kotetsu and spend a little time daydreaming what it would be like to really be Kotetsu's valentine. He glanced over at his friend and saw Kotetsu staring at the card again. In that moment, he wished with everything in his twelve-year-old body that he had the courage to tell Kotetsu it was from him. He wished so badly that he could believe that Kotetsu would want to hear it.
That Kotetsu would return the feelings.
He let himself imagine it for another long moment and something of his thoughts must have been on his face because when Kotetsu looked up at him, the black eyebrows went up. Kotetsu opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything, the bell rang.
Izumo had never been so grateful for the end of the school day.
Someday, he hoped to be able to give Kotetsu a real valentine, complete with his name on it. Someday, maybe, he could be sure that his friend wouldn't be grossed out by the idea that he had these feelings. Someday, maybe, his friend might even return the feelings.
Someday.
