Disclaimer: Characters and places belong to Paramount. Original story written by Kenneth Biller and Bryan Fuller. No profit or infringement intended.

Author's note: I wrote this shortly before "Workforce" aired, thanks to Stacy who managed to obtain the episode's shooting script. This is a rewrite of the original story, first written in 2001, posted here in 2004, and now re-edited in 2019. I hope you enjoy the new additions. My thanks to Stacy, Andrew, Kim, Lori, and Jamelia116 for their help on this story.


She thought if she could remember his name, that would be enough.

A name wasn't too much to ask for, was it?

She'd already given up on trying to remember anything else about him.

A name. That was all she wanted.

B'Elanna sighed as she glanced down at her PADD. Around her, colleagues moved briskly, with a sense of purpose, as if they knew where they were going and more importantly, where they had come from.

She couldn't even remember how she came to Quarra.

Kessik was a distant gray memory. She knew she had lived there, knew she had been unhappy, and probably unemployed. At some point, she had made the decision to book passage on a transport and come here.

The journey from Kessik was a blur just like everything else. She imagined the trip had been like any other transport: cramped quarters and short tempers. Her stomachs had churned – she was sure of it – as she'd never been good at space travel and with the pregnancy, nausea was never far away. Perhaps it was well that she had blocked out the memory.

She did remember arriving on Quarra though, her most distinct and clear memory. B'Elanna had disembarked from the transport carrying only the one shoulder bag containing a change of clothes, toiletries, and a few hyposprays loaded with prenatal vitamins. She'd noted the other passengers stepping off the transport, had realized no one looked like her but was unable to identify the species of any of her fellow travelers. She'd wondered then if this was the first time she'd ever left Kessik.

After leaving the transport station, B'Elanna had asked around and discovered the Power Facility was desperately in need of workers. She found her way there and met with the supervisor, who had asked her a few perfunctory questions and then handed her a neatly packaged set of green uniforms and directed her to a workstation.

At least the job kept her occupied. They had given her mindless work - monitoring power distribution levels across the city to prevent blackouts - but B'Elanna didn't mind. It was easy enough work and she didn't really have an idea of what she would like to do instead.

Her shift began at six o'clock in the evening and she usually arrived a few minutes before she had to report in. After saying good night to Amina who worked the day shift, B'Elanna would take over the console to focus on the various blips and bleeps that showed the power levels across the city. Most of the times, she didn't look up from her screen at all, studying those power grids intensely and only taking her required break every two hours.

For her first week on the job, B'Elanna worked mostly in silence, barely aware of anyone or anything around her. And for the most part, no one noticed her, until one night when B'Elanna, hunched over her work as usual, was startled out of her quietness by a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Excuse me. Are you new here?"

B'Elanna looked up. The speaker was female of medium height with shoulder-length brown hair and a pleasant smile. Her hazel eyes were warm with concern. The woman wore a two-piece blue uniform – indicative of those who worked with the reactor coils – with the Power Facility's three-ringed emblem embroidered on her left shoulder.

"Are you talking to me?" B'Elanna asked. She looked around just to make sure that the woman couldn't possibly be speaking to anyone else.

"Yes," the woman answered. "I'm on break and I realized we hadn't met before and thought I'd say hello."

"Hi," B'Elanna said awkwardly.

The woman sat in the chair next to B'Elanna's.

"I hope I'm not taking anyone's seat," she said pleasantly.

"No," B'Elanna responded. "Amina works the dayshift. She's already left."

"Ah. I'm Kathryn. Kathryn Janeway."

"B'Elanna Torres."

"Nice to meet you."

"Same," B'Elanna said. Her mouth felt cottony, realized she hadn't talked to anyone in days. In fact, like everything else, she didn't even know who the last person she'd talked to was.

"Have you been here for very long?" Kathryn asked.

"I don't think so," B'Elanna said cautiously. "I – maybe a week or two? It's hard to keep track."

"I know the feeling. Time seems to fly here, doesn't it?"

"If you think so," B'Elanna said. Between work and the fatigue she felt after her shift concluded, the hours did pass quickly enough. But Kathryn's phrasing seemed to imply a certain amount of fun and right now, that was the last thing B'Elanna Torres' life was.

"How is the work?" Kathryn asked.

"It's-" B'Elanna hesitated. What should she say? She found it terribly dull, but it was easy enough and didn't put a strain on her, which at this stage in her pregnancy was a good thing. She supposed she should be grateful; the wages, after all, were good. She finally settled on "It's useful work."

"Working here is lot better than where I used to be. A whole new experience and I'm enjoying it immensely. You'll like it too once you get used to it. I can't think of a better place to work." The enthusiasm in Kathryn's voice was hard to miss.

"Where- where were you before?" B'Elanna asked.

"Earth," Kathryn said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "But it was crowded, dirty, and not enough work for everyone so there was a lot of crime."

B'Elanna nodded. "That sounds a lot like where I came from."

Kathryn leaned forward. "It's better here on Quarra."

"I'm sure you're right."

"You don't sound convinced yet, but give it time," Kathryn said with a smile. She rose from her seat, resting her hand lightly on B'Elanna's shoulder. The unexpected gesture startled B'Elanna and she immediately flinched, but Kathryn didn't seem to notice. Instead, she asked, "Do you want to get a bite to eat?"

"No, but thanks for asking. I'm not due for a break for another ninety minutes."

"It's all right to take a break every now and then. The regulations allow for it."

"I- I really can't. I don't want to take the risk."

"The risk?" Kathryn frowned.

"Losing my job because I walked away from my station before I was scheduled to. I- I'm pregnant," B'Elanna said. "I've heard the new efficiency monitor is very strict. I came a long way to make a better life for my baby; I don't want to take any chances."

Kathryn nodded. "When is the baby due?" she asked.

"Uh," B'Elanna considered. She had been wondering the same thing herself, but "four" seemed to come immediately to mind and that number felt right. Felt right like so many other things had felt wrong. "In four months."

"You and your husband must be very excited," Kathryn said warmly. "Well, I'm going to meet some friends for a late dinner. There's a restaurant down the street where a bunch of us like to meet. It's started to get quite the habit. Feel free to join us anytime."

"Maybe next time. Thank you for the invitation."

B'Elanna watched Kathryn join a group of people by the exit. They all seemed happy to see each other - most of them were smiling. More importantly, they acted like they belonged. Belonged to and with each other. B'Elanna bit her lip hard enough that she drew blood.

Kathryn had said husband.

B'Elanna bent over her PADD, trying to concentrate on the fluctuating lines. After a moment, she brushed the back of her hand over her eyes.

Husband.

If she could remember his name. If only.

B'Elanna lived in the assigned housing like all the other employees at the Power Distribution Facility. The complex was only three blocks away and B'Elanna welcomed the opportunity to walk in the fresh air instead of boarding the crowded transport like she usually did. She remembered Kathryn's comment about how dirty Earth was and she figured Kessik must have been the same.

Once inside the gate, B'Elanna turned to the left and walked past the gardens blooming in bright reds and yellows, the playground and the clubhouse with its placard detailing the planned activities for the day. The facilities were certainly well equipped with a variety of amenities including a gym and a comfortable lounge, but B'Elanna still hadn't taken the time to check out everything the complex offered.

Her apartment was on the second floor of the third building and as she stared up at the two flights of stairs, B'Elanna made the decision that she would need to move once the baby came. It would be easier, she thought, than having to struggle alone carrying a baby and all the necessary supplies up and down the stairs. And lately, B'Elanna appreciated anything that would make life just a little easier.

She wondered if she'd felt this lonely on Kessik.

Her assigned apartment was small, utilitarian, and without decoration. There were two rooms - a main room furnished with a table with four chairs, a sofa, and a lamp.

The second room was just big enough for a double bed and a dresser.

Apparently, she hadn't brought any personal effects with her from Kessik, but then, B'Elanna knew with certainty, she had never been particularly interested in collecting or decorating. Still, she wished she had brought some clothes - something she could wear other than the bland green of the Facility-issued uniforms during her off-duty hours.

Something to remind her...

I must have left in a hurry, B'Elanna thought as she looked around her meager surroundings. A great hurry. Was I afraid? Was something wrong?

B'Elanna dropped her bag on the floor as she headed towards the sofa. Every muscle in her body ached and she settled herself gratefully on the couch. She closed her eyes, inhaling and exhaling deeply.

... hands, warm, tender, running the length of her legs, massaging weary limbs.

B'Elanna opened her eyes with a start.

... lying on her side as those same hands kneaded her back. Soft, gentle fingers touching her cheek, caressing her stomach...

She sat up, her hand pressed over her mouth. If only she could follow those hands up through arms, shoulders, neck and finally to the face... to finally recall the curvature of jaw, the sweep of cheek bone, the shape of the eyes and the color of hair.

But nothing.

In frustration, she got up, started pacing the length of the room. These snippets of memories intruded on her at the least opportune moment, always unexpected and always frustrating. She paused at the doorway of her room, thinking about perhaps she should get some flowers to fill the gray vase on the dresser. Roses. She liked roses. The revelation both comforted and startled her.

As she surveyed the room, she realized she would have to start shopping for the baby soon. Mentally she compiled a list of items, thought about the costs, and grimaced. It would take a couple more pay periods before she could save up enough money to even buy the necessities like a crib.

B'Elanna paused in front of the window. Below, children played with a colorful ball. Apparently, the goal of the game was to kick the ball between two posts. She had a distinct memory of playing a similar game in her childhood. She watched the children scurry back and forth for a few minutes before turning her thoughts to the issue of dinner.

She stood in front of the replicator, not sure of what she wanted to eat. She pondered this question before finally bringing up the list of available recipes. She selected one without thinking and a few seconds later, a grilled-cheese sandwich and tomato soup combination materialized. She stared at the food, wrinkling her nose, but then decided to choose optimism.

"Well," she said, her voice reverberating in the room. "I can always try something else if I don't like this."

B'Elanna ate at the table, glad her chair faced the windows so that she could see the city lights. The food was just ok, and she figured over time, she could actually grow to enjoy the gooey sandwich and the rather bland but creamy soup. As she sipped her soup, the baby kicked and B'Elanna moved her hand to feel the movement. B'Elanna smiled to herself; in just a few months, she wouldn't be alone.

B'Elanna passed the restaurant Kathryn had mentioned every evening on her way to work. It was always crowded, with the sounds of laughter and boisterous conversation spilling out every time the door opened or closed. During her first week on Quarra, B'Elanna had gotten no further than the vestibule. There were no empty tables and she didn't see anyone she recognized. She didn't want to be alone in a room of people. So, she turned away, swallowing the lump in her throat, and instead arrived at work more than an hour early.

But B'Elanna noticed only a few people frequented the restaurant during the day, and she figured perhaps a midafternoon meal might be better option for her. The day after she'd met Kathryn, B'Elanna stared at the replicator in her apartment, willing that piece of machinery to come up with a dish - any dish - that she would enjoy.

She was tired of being disappointed.

When the replicator produced a slice of cheese pizza, she grabbed her satchel and handed down the two flights of stairs and headed towards the restaurant. She was prepared to sit by herself; she had brought a PADD loaded with a copy of the latest Klingon romance, a bestseller according to the owner of the store who had specifically recommended it to her. The story retold an ancient Klingon epic about warrior women preparing to go into battle by a river flowing with the blood of their slain husbands.

The book was rather bloody and gruesome in some sections, but the story – and the characters of Rorg and M'Nea – appealed to B'Elanna on a primal level.

Armed with her novel, B'Elanna settled into the satisfying routine of eating at the restaurant directly before and after work. Even though she didn't talk to anyone while she was there, B'Elanna had to admit eating at the restaurant was preferable to her cold apartment and there were a couple of options on the menu she actually enjoyed.

One afternoon, B'Elanna settled herself at her usual table and immediately turned on the PADD, eager to begin where she had left off; M'Nea had been fevered and had just bitten Rorg on the cheek. She sipped at her coffee slowly, savoring the aroma, as she continued reading.

"Can I bring you something else?"

B'Elanna did not look up from her PADD at the sound of the male voice. She was only dimly aware of someone clad in gray and brown standing next to her table.

"No, thank you," she responded, keeping her eyes on the text. Rorg had just elicited M'Nea's anger and-

"I haven't seen you in here before."

B'Elanna bit back a sigh. Couldn't the idiot see she was reading and didn't want to be bothered? "You probably just didn't notice."

"Oh, I'd have noticed," the speaker continued in a flirtatious tone.

B'Elanna looked up in exasperation. B'Elanna had seen this waiter before and once, had heard the owner of the restaurant yelling at him for serving drinks on the house to a couple of very attractive young women. Clearly, he hadn't managed to make an impression on those three and B'Elanna was damn set on making sure he knew where he stood with her.

"Apparently, you're not as observant as you think you are," she said, hoping he would take the coldness of her tone as a hint to leave her alone.

"Oh really?" the waiter asked with a self-assurance and cockiness that annoyed B'Elanna. She knew she'd met his type before, and she wasn't impressed. The waiter's blue eyes sparkled at her as his lips curled up slightly as he sat down next to her.

B'Elanna arched her eyebrow at his audacity. "I've been coming here the same time every day for the past two weeks," she answered flatly.

"Well, that explains it. I usually work nights."

"Me too," B'Elanna replied curtly.

"At the Power Distribution Facility," the waiter said. A note of pride slipped into his voice. "See? I'm observant."

B'Elanna couldn't help but smile. His voice had a soothing quality, even mildly seductive. And she had to admit he was damn handsome. But she couldn't think of that right now. The waiter appeared charming and smooth, but for all she knew, her husband - if she had even been married - had been the same.

She couldn't fall for someone. Not now.

From the back, a voice called, "Tom! I need you for a moment."

B'Elanna looked at the waiter, who seemed noticeably annoyed by the summons. At least she knew his name now. Reluctantly, Tom got to his feet.

"I'll be right there," Tom called back and then turned to B'Elanna. He leaned towards her, his voice tinged with urgency. "Listen, you should come in when you get a night off. It's a lot more fun when it's a crowd."

"I don't really like crowds."

"Well then, maybe we could get together during the day sometime. Take a walk by the river-"

"I don't think so," B'Elanna cut him off.

Tom looked startled at her reaction and B'Elanna felt a small bit of satisfaction that she'd managed to catch him off guard.

"Why not?" he asked in surprise. "I'm really a very engaging conversationalist," Tom continued. B'Elanna rose from the table. B'Elanna looked down at her stomach and put her hand on it. She smiled slightly as she felt a kick.

You're an active baby today. But she didn't verbalize those thoughts since she was almost embarrassed by her own pride in the baby. Besides, she didn't think Tom – if he was the type of person she thought he was – would appreciate baby talk, so to speak.

"Oh," Tom said awkwardly. He shifted slightly from foot to foot.

B'Elanna nodded, relieved that she wouldn't have to worry about Tom bothering her anymore. Now that he knew the truth, Tom would leave her alone, leave her...

Just like he did.

"Yeah," she said softly. She noted with some bitterness the shock on Tom's face and then asked snidely, "Still want to get together?"

"Well, you're married..." Tom said, his voice drifting off.

B'Elanna considered this statement and Tom both. She decided on the spot she wasn't married, decided maybe it had been a short relationship, one so quick that nothing about the man who fathered her child remained in her memory.

"No," she said flatly.

"Oh."

"Enjoy your day," B'Elanna said. She brushed past Tom and walked out into the gray misty evening.