Purified
AT between 5. 02 till 5.07. Sam having hard time to cope with his recurring addiction. Dean having hard time accepting it. They both struggling to find someone who can help a fallen angel. Rated M for the language, slash, incest… Sequel to Pure and Impurities; but can be read as standalone piece.
Special thanks to MalfoyMaladyoftheDark for betaing the story.
Chapter 1- The ChangeThe weather was nice. It was perfect for a picnic if the Winchesters had a taste for such healthy pleasures. Some of the travelers at the rest stop were enjoying it. Sam saw couple of kids running happily after their kite, laughing and carefree. It was a picture of pure happiness and hope… and it was too much to bear, knowing that he had made the wrong decision that would end all of this, end the whole world. It was on him, and he knew it. He had broken the last seal. He had gone after that demon bitch disregarding everybody's warnings against her. He had brought the end of the world and these innocent kids were going to pay the price.
"Sammy, you alright?"
He looked at his brother and nodded slightly. He did not understand why Dean was still with him. Why didn't he just leave? Hadn't he had enough already? Hadn't he suffered enough because of his little brother… from his little brother? Dean had sacrificed too much –way too much- to save him from the damned blood addiction, and Sam had jumped right back into it. He knew that Dean was aware of his recurring desire for the demon blood. The urge that had been cleaned by his brother's blood was now back and there was no way Sam could hide it from him.
No, it was not just back; it was worse. Although he was not going through that freaky supernatural withdrawal, now, he needed to deal with his –sick- feelings for his brother. Thanks to the Hodoo priestess' the mojo-gone-bad, his addiction for demon blood was now linked to his unwarranted desire for Dean. Whenever he got close to a demon, Dean's scent became even more intoxicating; as if he was shot by a siren's venom, he was attracted to Dean. Every time it got a little bit harder to resist the temptation. He was going to crack soon, he could feel it. Before long, he was going to give in one of the urges. It was only a matter of time.
"Sam, I know you're cooking something. Spill." Dean's questioning eyes were locked on him.
"I don't think I trust myself. I know you don't either."
"Sam, let's not-"
"Listen. The moment I saw that demon blood, only thought in my head..."
Of course he was not going to say every thought in his head. He could say that he had almost licked the blood on the blade. He could even mention that he had wanted to suck those demons dry; he wanted it so freaking bad that it was painful to resist. He could tell how hard it was to stop himself, how hard it was to concentrate on the job while his mind busy with self-control. But he could not mention –not even hint- what he felt when his brother had entered that grocery store. How he felt Dean's luring presence before hearing or seeing him. How his scent found its way into Sam's nose. How it reminded him of that dreadful day in the panic room. How he had wanted to plaster Dean on the floor between the shelves. How he had wanted to taste him, use him and satisfy that damn parching thirst… No, no way. He was just going to put all the blame on the demon blood, a way simpler problem.
"I miss the feeling, Dean. I mean, I, what I did, I can't blame the blood or Ruby or...anything. The problem's me. How far I'll go. There's something in me that...scares the hell out of me, Dean." That much was true; he was scared of himself, of not being able to stop next time. He might manage to fight one craving, but not two of them together. No way. He was not strong enough. Nobody was strong enough.
"So, what are you saying?"
"I'm in no shape to be hunting. Maybe it's best we just...go our separate ways."
"You're running away? Again?" Dean's tone was bitter and heavy with betrayal, his eyes wide with disbelief.
"Dean-"
"After everything… God!" He stopped to run his hand over his face. "You're gonna leave me alone in this war? Really? After starting the fucking apocalypse, you're gonna leave me fucking ALONE?"
Sam saw his brother's eyes start to glitter with tears that refused to fall. He knew how much Dean hated him leaving. He knew how much it hurt him. But he also knew that the truth would hurt him even more.
"Dean, please-"
"What's it with you and leaving, man? I just don't get it. Is it too hard to accept some responsibility? I know you fucked up. But you know what? TOUGH! Suck it up because we are in a war, Sammy. We are in THE war, for god's sake! It's not the time to go emo and crying over your miserable life!"
Sam could not answer. How could he explain his actions without giving the real reason behind them?
"Go ahead! Leave me the fuck alone. Blame it on whatever you want. We both know that it's just another fucking an excuse. First it was Dad, then it was me, now your disgusting addiction… whatever suits you."
"I'm sorry Dean."
"Yeah, me too." And without lingering around for another second, Dean got up and walked away. He did not even look back while driving out of the rest area. But it was for the best; Sam could not handle that pained and betrayed expression on his brother's face any longer.
XXX
Suddenly, Dean was no longer with Zachariah in that freaky hotel room. He had never felt this happy seeing his angel, the lost, stick-in-the-ass Castiel.
"That's pretty nice timing, Cas."
"How did Zachariah find you?"
"Long story, lemme just say that, now, I have another reason not to go to a church."
"You look different." Castiel declared.
Dean realized how much he liked this Castiel. The future one was cool too, but Dean was bitter enough himself. Bitter enough for a small town. He was not really looking for his angel to add to the bitterness around him.
"Zach sent me to future... he hoped I'd change my mind."
"And…"
"And I actually did." he responded, while trying to dial his phone. "Hey Bobby, look I need to get Sam… Yeah, I know it's about damn time… Please tell me you know where he is… You're the man, Bobby; you're the man!"
XXX
Bobby was not expecting the boys; not this soon, not with this grim look on their face.
"I thought you guys were in Nebraska, working on a strange case."
"We were, but… We have a problem Bobby."
"Ain't that a surprise? So… what's it this time?"
Dean looked at Sam and then took something small out of his pocket and placed it on the table.
"What's that?" Bobby took it in his hands. "Don't you think you guys got a bit old to play with action figures?" He added after examining the figure, "What kind of hero is this? With a trench coat? Cas might enjoy… Oh, balls!"
"Yep, you got it Bobby."
"Is this really Cas? How did you chuckleheads manage this?"
"Cas tried to kill the Anti-Christ; but the kid was more powerful than he expected." Sam tried to explain, as if the explanation could make any sense to Bobby.
"The kid?"
"Yeah, I know. Angles and their broken ethics. He was just a kid Bobby." Dean interjected.
"What… What the hell happened? What are you guys talking about?"
"The whole case was because there was an Anti-Christ young enough to believe in urban legends... Cas tried to kill him, but he was faster and stronger then Cas and turned him to this. Then, we explained to a 9 year old that he was half-demon and half-human, that there are armies looking for him to get him on their side and that he is a danger to everyone around him and… he ran away; leaving the toy Cas behind."
Bobby looked at them and the toy-Castiel and scoffed, "You had it worse."
"Thank you Bobby. It's awfully nice of you."
"So now what?"
"We need to figure out how to get Cas back. We can't leave him like this."
"That's not gonna be easy boy. A spell that can turn an angel -of all things- into something like this…"
"I know Bobby. That's why we came to you."
XXX
After a week of going through what information they had, nothing that they had tried had reversed the spell. Of course, they did not have any specific cure for the spell which turns an angel to an action figure, but they had tried some generic reversal spells, anti-bindings, protections, removing the dark forces spells and return to the original form spells… nothing had worked out. The power of the kid was beyond anything they had met before. It was as if they had been trying to break down a steel door with plastic knives. Dean had suggested summoning the Marid, but Bobby and Sam decided against it, claiming that Dean should not risk his life, at least without being sure that the djinn could actually reverse the spell.
For Sam, the hardest part of the week was not the fruitless research. He was fixated on how his brother was responding to this whole situation. Dean was sincerely upset, as expected. What threw Sam off was how he was not hiding it. Dean Winchester, the 'no chick flick moments' tough guy, was visibly devastated over the angel-toy. Sam had long realized that the feeling burning inside him was jealousy. He knew Dean loved the angel. Hell, Sam himself was really fond of Castiel too. But knowing that Dean and Castiel had been fighting together while Sam was hiding in some shithole bar… knowing that they got closer during Sam was away… while his only company was the Satan himself, Dean had Castiel on his side… knowing that while he could only dream about his brother, all alone in a crappy motel, Castiel had been sharing Dean's room… Now, seeing how desperately Dean was trying to save the angel, Sam could not help but speculate whether the angel had been sharing his brother's bed too.
He knew it was plain ridiculous. He knew Dean was a true ladies' man, a freaking Don Juan. Dean was not into guys, in spite of everything that had happened with John. And with him. He knew Castiel was totally clueless when it came to anything sexual. He knew… Fuck! Why should it matter? Even if they were fucking each other like bunnies, why would Sam be jealous? Dean was his brother for fuck's sake. It was not like they were going to have a relationship or anything. Him having all these sick feelings did not mean that Dean would respond the same way. Especially after what had happened between them. His brother was not tainted with the demon blood, was not a sick, twisted man, and Sam was sure that Dean was not feeling anything other than brotherly love for the younger hunter. He was lucky that Dean still loved him as a brother after what Sam had done to him in the panic room. Regardless, he was massively, intensely, deliriously jealous. He was glad that they were not on a case involving demons right now because there would be no way he could keep himself from jumping on Dean with these strong feelings burning inside.
"You found something?" Dean asked.
Sam realized he had been staring at the same page for a while now. "No, I'm sorry. I was just… thinking."
"I think we should give the Marid a call. He mentioned he was Cas' friend, didn't he? He might wanna help."
"Dean, no! He also mentioned he did not want to see our faces again. You barely lived through your last encounter with him. We're gonna find another method. Please don't do anything stupid."
Dean did not answer. He sat down at the table and held the toy-Cas in his hands. Sam could swear his brother was caressing the toy's hair. He barely held his tongue from ridiculing him, from spitting the venom that darkened his soul. He hardly stopped himself from grabbing the innocent toy and crushing under his feet. Instead, he took a deep breath and willed himself more strength.
XXX
It was Bobby who came up with another idea. Mainly because they were afraid Dean would go and summon the Marid behind their back.
"So, who can help us?" Dean asked suspiciously. The ideas they had suggested recently had become more and more ridiculous.
"There are two angels-"
"Are you crazy Bobby? Angles? Seriously?"
"They are fallen angels… but not like Anna or Cas? The legend says they were fallen when God was still…"
"Around?" Dean could not resist mocking.
"So, Bobby… Can they really help?" Sam tried to get back to the subject without paying attention to Dean's scorn.
"The legend says they're the ones who brought magic to the world. They learned it directly from God himself and taught everyone else. They're strong; not archangel strong I guess… But-"
"Ah! There is always a 'but'!"
"They have their own reasons to want the Apocalypse."
"So, they might give us to the angels in gift wrap. A brilliant plan!"
"It's our only idea, Dean. You boys cannot be anywhere close to this business for obvious reasons. In case they decide, you know, not to help us."
"So who's gonna do it Bobby? You?"
"I have my contacts. Anyways, first, we need to find out where they are."
"So, more research?" Dean's voice was giving away how restless he was. "I'm getting more beer then."
"So Bobby, who are they?" Sam asked, while watching Dean leaving the room.
"Harut and Marut. If I translated correctly."
"Harut and Marut? I think I know their story."
"You do?"
"Yeah, yeah… I never thought they were real, you know. I read it when there were no angels walking around us."
"Hear you."
"They also had a problem with humans, right? Like Lucifer."
"Not exactly. They didn't rebel against god. They just had hard time understanding why we humans sin."
"It's funny. I loved their story when I was a kid; I read it when we were at Pastor Jim's. I always thought it was just a story, written to make us feel better."
Bobby smiled. Back in the days when everything was much simpler... when stories about angels, or fallen angels, made you feel better. It felt like centuries ago.
"How do we find them? I don't wanna be that guy, but I'm pretty sure it isn't written in any book."
"Yeah. We might need to contact someone from the other side." Bobby hesitated for a moment, and then added, "You know how we can do that."
"Oh, no!"
"Come on Sam. You know she loves you. She wouldn't refuse anything from you."
"No, Bobby! There has to be some other psychic somewhere else."
Dean, as always, entered the room at the least opportune time for Sam.
"Oooo. Sammy is gonna see Oda Mae? Can I watch Sammy?"
"Shut up. It's not funny guys." Sam pleaded, and continued, seeing no pity on the hunters' faces. "She's all hands-"
"I don't remember you complaining when Pamela handled me."
"Dude! You seriously compare her to Pam? Only her hands probably weigh more than Pam and she is old enough to be Pam's mom. And you know she smells like-"
"Yeah, yeah. That's why it's funny Sammy boy." Dean could not cover his amusement. "Oh, I'm so gonna watch this."
"Dean. That's enough." Bobby tried to be serious, but Sam could see how hard he was trying not to grin. "Sam, you know she is the best psychic we know. If there is anyone who could find them, it's Lady Giselle."
"Fuck!" Sam knew he had no choice. "You guys should pray that this'll work. I don't wanna lose my innocence for nothing."
"Sammy, I bet if you're nice enough to her, she'll try every resource she has just to return the favor."
"Dude, I'm not gonna-" Sam stopped seeing the big-ass grin on his brother's face. Dean was enjoying the whole situation, as any big brother would. Yes, it was a miserable situation for Sam, but seeing Dean smile so earnestly felt good. Like in the old days… when squeezing your brother under your body had only meant you won the fight… when the only reason behind his scent being a problem was his lack of hygiene practice… when the thought of your brother having sex made you gross out and nothing else. Sam felt like being a brother again and not a sick, fucked-up freak. "Whatever dude. If she decided to take it to the next level, you're gonna pay for my psychiatry bills. I don't think I can handle more than a little groping."
"Don't worry Sammy. I'll be with you the whole time. I won't let her defile you… that is, unless you ask for it." And suddenly the sarcasm in his voice left its place for lust, "Do you think she'll cook that blueberry pie again. I bet she will. That was one hell of a pie dude, one hell of a pie!"
TBC…
