Disclaimer: The things I would do if I owned this show…
Rating: G/K whatever
Spoilers: Only if you haven't been watching.
Summary: I read the summary for the next ep which says Derek quits. Then I watched the end of Freedom part 2 and the muses kept me up until 2:30am.
It's pretty much a ramble-y inspirational Meredith speech.
--------------------------------------------------------
Derek quit a week ago. For a week he had been home when everyone else was at work. Thanks to Jen he had come up with the perfect place to propose to Meredith but it definitely didn't feel like the perfect time. Not only was the loss of Jen, and the realization of how many other patients he had lost so depressing, but Jen's husband had called him a murderer. He had almost just gotten past that serial killer on death row comparing himself to Derek. Now his patient's husband was calling him a murderer - the same type of person who killed his father.
Having such a high patient mortality rate over his entire career was making him think maybe he was a murderer. He did not want to be a murderer.
That day, Meredith came home and found him in the living room. He had had a few drinks but not nearly as many as earlier in the week. She picked up the glass, which still had a small amount of tequila in it and finished it off then took the bottle before he could have any more.
"I've given you time. I realize losing Jen was really hard."
"Meredith…" he started.
"No, you say Meredith and I yell, remember? Well... talk today. Whatever," Meredith started, putting the bottle on the other side of the room, then walked back over to the couch, "I told you that you are not a murderer. Things like this just happen. If anyone is to blame it's me. I should have told Addison we weren't ready, I should have made you stop. I can't let you do this. I can't let you do this because we are in a relationship. That means it's my job to help you get through this. You've had Meredith's week of drinking and avoidance. That's all you get.
"You are Derek Shepherd. You fix people. You fixed Archer when he almost died. You helped make the trial a success," She sat on the couch next to him turning her body so that she was facing him, "I know we lost a lot of people but from our success in the end there are so many more people who will live now. That's because of you. You can't focus on the number of people who didn't make it. Any surgeon who does that is going to become depressed. You have to think about the ones who are still alive - Beth, Archer, Katie Bryce, so many others. You are an amazing surgeon and I'm not saying that because you're my boyfriend. You are the best and I want to learn from the best. You can talk to me about it or you can talk to Dr. Wyatt, but I will not let you give up saving lives. I meant it when I said I believe we can be extraordinary together. We are extraordinary together. I am going to help you be extraordinary again."
Derek looked at her in silence for a few moments, processing what she had said.
"I can't go back yet. I'll talk to you; I'll talk to Dr. Wyatt. I'm just not ready to go back," he told her.
She smiled sympathetically and softly ran her fingers over his hair, doing her best at being a supportive girlfriend, "You don't have to. You can take a break. You need a break. Maybe I can get some time off and we can go somewhere. Just promise me you will eventually go back. Go back to being a surgeon and saving people."
He gave her a small smile and a nod, "I promise."
Maybe the perfect time to propose wasn't as far away as he thought. And wherever Jen was now, he hoped she would see it.
