She was at her desk trying to figure out the mathematical formula in front of her. It didn't seem to make sense, but she knew she must just be missing something. Usually she was good at these kinds of things but lately, she'd found herself having trouble.

A couple of people told her it was normal during pregnancy to be a little less 'sharp'. Jack had just laughed when she told him, informing her that that meant she was only three times smarter than everyone else now, rather than four.

"Soon you'll be just like the rest of us mortals Carter", he'd said, teasing her.

"Jaack!" she swatted him, but had laughed. It was probably the thing she loved most about her husband – his sense of humor and ability to make her laugh – sometimes at the most inappropriate moments.

Things had been great and Sam felt more and more comfortable as a married woman. She enjoyed work but loved to come home at the end of each day. She no longer stayed late as she had done in the past. There was too much waiting for her at home.

Of course there were days that Jack had to work late, and sometimes even on the weekends. His job had gotten even busier and he often came home exhausted or stressed. She tried hard to help and support him, but she knew he found it hard. He had to work with such idiots all the time that it wore him down.

Still, he professed to be happy – and she believed him. When he'd walk in at night the first thing he did was call out to her and she could see his face relax the moment he saw her. It made her feel incredibly lucky, but she also realized that she held his heart in her hand. She had to be careful not to ever hurt him.

And that was something she knew very well was in her power. The more she'd gotten to know her husband, the more she realized that he was an incredibly sensitive person. That was the reason for his humor and his sarcasm. He used it as a way to protect himself from hurt – something he'd experienced too much in his life.

Ever since the episode about Charlie she'd been especially conscious of how much he bore, silently. She did everything she could to help him and to make it easy for him to open up to her.

She knew he was still embarrassed about breaking down in front of her. Like many men, and especially men in the military, he didn't find it easy to show his emotions. Still, she was pretty sure he was dealing with it a little better than before. As she had told him, she knew it wouldn't fix things, but he did actually mention Sara a couple of times and once he even talked a bit about Charlie. It was a first step.

She stretched her back, realizing that she'd been hunched over her papers all afternoon. She rubbed her tummy, which was now showing, absently. He felt like she had a bit of – wait – that wasn't -?

She suddenly beamed. Bubbles – it felt like champagne bubbles. She rubbed her baby bulge again. "Is that you little one", she said. She laughed out loud. It was – she was feeling the baby move, for the first time – and it really did feel like bubbles in her stomach.

Oh, she had to tell Jack! This was wonderful. She could feel tears come to her eyes. She'd actually felt her baby – their baby – move. It made it so real!

It was too early for Jack to feel anything of course, but she knew he'd be excited. He often put his hand on her stomach and had begun to tease her when her pants became too small. She'd had to get a maternity skirt for her uniform just the other day. She could hardly wait to get home and tell him.

Jack opened the door and sighed. It was so good to be home. Sam's car wasn't here yet and he knew it was a bit early for him, but he'd had a long, grueling week and so had decided to take off early. He needed to rest.

He changed into his sweats and had to laugh when he remembered what had happened the other day. He'd been searching for his favorite blue shirt – the one he liked to wear on Saturdays, when he was just puttering around the house. He was sure he'd washed it, but it was nowhere to be found.

"Sam!" he'd shouted down the stairs. "Have you seen my blue sweatshirt? You know, the Montreal Canadiens hockey sweatshirt?"

"No", she'd shouted back.

He frowned in frustration but couldn't find it. He knew he hadn't left it anywhere, because Sam refused to let him out of the house with it on.

He finally had to resort to another shirt, although it wasn't nearly as comfy. He made his way downstairs and grabbed a drink. "You want something?"

"No, I'm fine", she'd replied.

He walked into the living room with his beer, only to catch his wife sitting on the couch, a plate of raw vegetables on her lap, reading a book. It was a beautiful picture, he thought, except for one thing – she was wearing his shirt!

She'd taken to stealing his clothes when hers began to be too tight. He frowned at her, but she kept reading, not even noticing him.

"Sam!" he said, his eyes narrowed.

"What honey?" She looked up and smiled, totally innocently.

"Uh, what are you wearing?"

"Wearing? Just clothes, why?"

"But what kind of clothes Sam?"

"Kind?" She looked down at herself and then got a sheepish expression on her face. "Oh", she answered.

"Yes – oh! That's my shirt. My favorite shirt. My most favorite, best shirt. I wanted to wear it, like I do every Saturday."

"Well – it's comfy and it fits me and keeps me warm."

"Yes, but it's my shirt."

"Jack – I'm pregnant and I have to carry your child for nine and a half months. The least you can do is let me wear your shirt!"

"Hey – just because you're pregnant-"

"And carrying your child."

"It's our child Sam. You had as much to do with it as me."

"Okay, but you don't have to carry it around everywhere."

"No, but I do have to live with a pregnant woman for those nine and a half months!"

"Jack!", she answered. "Is that so bad?"

"Bad?" He quickly regrouped. "No – it's wonderful, but it doesn't give you the right to steal my shirt."

"I didn't steal it. I just borrowed it."

"So, can I have it back?"

"No."

"No?"

"Not until I'm done with it."

"And when will that be?"

"Well – probably after the baby gets here."

"Great", he muttered, heading out of the living room. He couldn't help but grin though. She had looked awfully cute in his shirt.

So, he found that his wardrobe was getting smaller all the time. He'd actually taken to hiding some of his clothes in the guest bedroom, although she'd eventually discovered them. He supposed he might as well just get used to it. There could be worse things. At least she hadn't taken his uniform! Although now that he thought about it – it would be pretty sexy to see her dressed up as a General!

He was sitting in the family room, watching TV when he heard her get home. "Hi Sam, I'm in here."

"I'll be right there, I'm just going to go change."

A few minutes later she came down – wearing his shirt again – he'd basically given it up for the duration. She leaned over and kissed him then sat down beside him, her legs curled under her and her head leaning against his shoulder.

"How was your day?" she asked.

"Oh, more of the same. I'm looking forward to the summer recess – things should quiet down then."

She sat silently for a few minutes as her husband continued to watch TV. Finally, when the show was over he turned it off and put his arms around her and leaned back. "So, why don't we order in tonight and just take it easy? I could use a night off."

"Jack", she said, playing with the front of his shirt. "Guess what?"

"What?" he looked down at her in curiosity.

"I felt the baby move today!"

He froze. For some reason her words – not unexpected –sent a bolt of terror through him. He didn't know what to say, although he knew Sam was waiting for a response. He pulled her to him and buried his face in her hair. Hopefully she would think he was happy.

And he was – it was just – he didn't know what was wrong. From the moment they'd found out she was pregnant he'd been happy – excited even. So why the panic?

He knew it was all to do with Charlie. His 'episode' of a couple of weeks ago had helped him begin to deal with his guilt, and for that he was eternally grateful to Sam. But it had also brought up all sorts of fears. For some reason, hearing that she had felt movement, made the fact of a new child, real.

He knew she was talking – chatting away about the baby, but he still could say nothing. All he could think of was the fact that he couldn't do this. He couldn't lose another child, it would kill him. Why had he thought that this was going to be okay?

Because he hadn't thought – not at all. Everything with Sam had happened so fast he'd never really considered whether or not he wanted children. Although to be fair, up until this moment, he thought he did.

No – he couldn't do this. He couldn't be responsible for a new life, for a child. What if he did something stupid again? Or what if something else happened? He'd never survive.

He managed to make it through the rest of the evening without letting on that he was upset. He told her he was tired from work, and she believed him. She had no reason not to – he'd never lied to her before.

Over the next few weeks he managed to deal with the coming child by ignoring it. He and Sam were doing fine, at least that's what he wanted to believe. She seemed happy and he managed to pretend that nothing was wrong. Inside however, he was carrying around a huge ball of fear and guilt. But this time the guilt was because of his sudden ambivalence about the child rather than about Charlie.

He once again found himself staying late at the office, now to avoid talking to Sam about baby things – although to be fair, she hadn't really said much of anything. Still, he claimed that he was extremely busy, so that by the time he came home he could collapse, eat and go to bed. He didn't think Sam realized anything was wrong, but he knew that wouldn't last.

In actual fact, Sam did know something was wrong, she just couldn't figure out what it was. All that she knew was that suddenly Jack wouldn't acknowledge her pregnancy or talk about the baby. Anytime she tried, he simply turned the subject or claimed he was exhausted. She couldn't figure out what was wrong, and she tried to be patient, but she was starting to really worry.

She debated about calling Daniel and asking him if he knew what was wrong, but somehow that seemed deceptive. After her episode with the wedding, and complaining to Vala about Jack, she shied away from saying anything to anyone. For now she'd wait, and hope that whatever was wrong would simply go away on its own.

A week or so later, she found out that Jack had to go to Colorado for a meeting. He asked her if she wanted to go, which made her feel relieved. At least he wasn't trying to avoid her completely.

"I'd love to Jack. Just let me check with General Torrington and see if I can take a few days off."

She was given the okay and they flew to Colorado Springs and immediately headed to the Mountain. Sam chatted the whole way, and Jack smiled and responded. Everything was fine – really.

"I'll be in meetings all day", he said. "Will you be okay?"

"I'll be fine. I have lots to do today. I want to visit the science staff and find out what they're working on and I also want to say hi to a few people. What time do you think you'll be done?"

"I don't know, but it could go late. If I'm not finished by dinner time, why don't you make your way over to Danny's house and order something for supper. I don't want you to overtire yourself." Which was the closest he got nowadays to acknowledging the pregnancy.

She spent the day talking to her old science colleagues and a few others she'd been close to around the SGC. Unfortunately, Sg1 were off on a mission, although they were to arrive back the next day when they were all to get together.

It was nearing the end of the day and she was thinking of taking Jack's advice and heading over to Daniel's for the night. He'd left his key and told them to make themselves at home. Just then, however, she heard the klaxons sound the warning that there was someone coming through the Stargate. Curious as to who it could be, she headed down to the Control Room, just in time to see Teal'c appear down the ramp.

She immediately made her way down to the Gate room and greeted her friend.

"Teal'c, what are you doing back so soon? I thought you weren't due back until tomorrow?"

"Colonel Carter!" Teal'c smiled and approached her and gave her a hug. "You are looking very well. Is O'Neill not with you?"

"He's in a meeting with General Landry and the Tokra. He said it will probably go late so I was just heading over to Daniel's to grab a bite to eat. Are you heading back to the planet?"

"No. I have come to give the General a message that Daniel Jackson, Colonel Mitchell and Vala Mal Doran wish to remain an extra day. They are having much success with the negotiations. I was not really needed however, so if the General allows it, I will stay."

"Good! Why don't you give the General your message and then come with me to Daniel's? We haven't had a chance to see each other since the wedding and I'd love to touch base. I'm sure Jack won't be too long and he'll want to see you as well."

Teal'c was able to give Landry the message as well as to say hello to Jack, and to let him know he was accompanying Sam.

"That's great T! Just order me some extra food. I shouldn't be too late."

After ordering Chinese food, Sam settled in on Daniel's big couch. "So Teal'c, how are things going?"

They chatted for a few minutes about the new Sg1 – about Cam's leadership, Vala's 'behavior' – "She is very trying at times", he said cautiously, "although Daniel Jackson seems able to control her – excesses."

"Really? Daniel? Wow, who would have thought!"

"I believe there is a certain measure of sexual tension between the two of them. It is very interesting."

She stared at Teal'c for a moment but finally blinked. "Yes, that must be – quite interesting."

"It reminds me of the days when O'Neill was with us", he continued.

"Really?" She couldn't believe she was having this conversation with Teal'c of all people – or Jaffa.

"Yes, since you and O'Neill. What is the Tauri expression? It feels 'like old times'."

"Uh, okay – really?" Surely she and Jack hadn't been that bad?

"Definitely."

I guess they had.

"Oh – well – yes." She didn't know quite what to say.

"May I ask you something Colonel Carter?" he asked.

As long as it wasn't about 'sexual tension', she thought. "Uh, sure Teal'c. What is it?"

"Is everything all right with you?"

She looked at him in surprise. "Everything's fine. Why do you ask?"

"Because you do not seem yourself. You act as though you hope I believe things are good, but inside you are unhappy. I do not want to pry Colonel Carter, and I know that you would prefer to speak with Daniel Jackson, but if I can be of help, please know that I am your friend and will do whatever I can for you."

She felt both touched and guilty. Teal'c had been such a steadfast and loyal friend over the years and yet it was true, it was usually Daniel that she went to. Oh, there'd been times when she'd leaned on Teal'c, but for the most part she'd felt more comfortable with Daniel. Why that was she really couldn't say right now.

"Oh Teal'c – thank you, but really -"

"Please Samantha, you do not have to tell me if something is bothering you. I would not wish to put my nose in a place it does not belong, but you do not need to tell me untruths. I have known you for many years and I can tell when you are not happy. But I will say no more, because I do not wish to make you uncomfortable."

She realized, suddenly, that she did need to speak with someone. She looked at her friend. "You are right Teal'c. Something's wrong, but I don't know what it is."

"Is it O'Neill?" he asked gently.

"Yes – no – I don't know. Things are okay between us. I mean, we're happy – he loves me and I love him. It's just – I know this will seem silly-"

"You are not silly Samantha."

"Thank you", she smiled. "But, for the last few weeks, Jack hasn't – he won't – he doesn't talk about the baby."

Teal'c blinked. "He does not talk about your child?"

"No – oh, I don't expect him to go on about it. I know he doesn't care about nurseries or baby clothes or that kind of things – but it's beyond that. It's as though he is totally ignoring the fact that I'm pregnant. The strange thing is, he didn't do that at first. He seemed happy, but the last few weeks – he isn't, and I don't know why."

"Maybe he is simply busy?"

"Yes, he is and at first that's what I thought, but after a while I started noticing that every time I mentioned anything, he'd change the subject. He used to tease me - you know, about wearing his clothes and about my – well, about me being pregnant, but now he doesn't say anything."

"Have you spoken to him about this?"

"No. I'm afraid to make a big deal about it, not after what I put him through with the wedding. I don't want him to think that I'm obsessed with this and drive him crazy again."

"I believe there is, what you call a 'happy medium'. Did you notice when this began to happen? At what point did he seemed to stop talking or asking you about the child?"

She frowned in thought. When was it? When was the last time he'd said anything? She thought back to the incident when he'd broken down about Charlie. She couldn't remember him saying much to her after that, although there'd been a few comments. Then suddenly, everything had stopped. It was right about the time – "When I told him the baby moved", she realized, as if a light had gone off. "I was all excited about it and I told him. He didn't say anything at all, although I didn't notice because he hugged me, so I thought he was happy. But maybe -" Slooked up at her large friend, "Maybe he wasn't happy at all!" She stood up abruptly and walked to the other side of the room and then turned back to look at Teal'c. "I don't think he wants this child. It was – unplanned – and we didn't really talk about having kids." She covered her mouth and her eyes grew big. "Oh God Teal'c, what have I done?"

"It appears as if it is something you have done together", he answered gently. "I do not believe that O'Neill does not want this child. We all know him well and he loves children. No, I believe it must be something else."

"But what? Why would me telling him the baby moved make him freeze up like this? I don't understand it."

"I believe I may", he answered, standing up and walking over to her. He took her hands and held them. "O'Neill is a man of honor and courage. He can and has faced many wicked and powerful enemies and has faced much pain and anguish, bravely and without flinching. He has almost always come out victorious and he is strong. But there is one time in his life when he lost – and what he lost was the thing most precious of all to him."

"Oh God", she closed her eyes. "Charlie."

"Not only was he unable to save his son", he continued, "He feels that he caused his son's death. I believe he is frightened. When he heard that you felt your child move, I imagine that it became very real to him. He probably does not know what to do and hesitates to speak to you of his fears – concerned that it might upset you or that you will thing he does not want his child."

"Oh God", she repeated. "Maybe he doesn't. If he is that fearful – can I do this to him?"

"You have not done anything to him. The two of you together created a new life. It is now a reality and one which O'Neill must learn to accept and live with – without fear."

"I don't want him just to accept it Teal'c. That's not what a parent should do. I want him to love our child. I want him to be a father."

"I do not believe that O'Neill will be able to see his child and not love it. He is a man of great compassion and love and will be unable not to feel as a father should for his child."

"I hope so Teal'c", she said, sounding unconvinced. "I just wish – we hadn't jumped into this so quickly. We should have discussed it."

"It is too late to worry about that now. You are 'in' it and you have created a child together. O'Neill loves you and you love him. You will be fine."

She reached up and gave her friend a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you Teal'c. You are a true friend." Shortly thereafter the food arrived and they spent the rest of the time chatting about the team and about her life in Washington. Finally, by about 9:00, she began to yawn. "I'm sorry", she yawned again. "Since I've been pregnant I get so tired by the evening."

"Why do you not go to bed Colonel Carter? I will tidy up and then leave for the SGC."

"You don't have to do that -"

"It is no problem", he interrupted. "Please, go to bed. I will let myself out. I have a key and I drove here so I will be fine."

She gave Teal'c another kiss on the cheek and said goodnight. She tried not to think about what he'd said, although she was convinced that he was right. She'd have to worry about how to deal with it in the morning. For now, she just needed to sleep.

Teal'c slowly put the dishes and the left-overs away, all the while thinking about O'Neill and his reaction to the impending birth of his child. He had a son, and knew how worried he became over Ray'ac, and how easy it was to become fearful for one's child – and he had never lost one like O'Neill had. He thought back to the time that Ray'ac had been taken by Apophis, and how much he'd suffered. He did not know how he would survive if anything happened to his son.

Just then he heard a key in the lock and O'Neill entered quietly. "Hiya T. Sorry I'm so late – damn those Tokra can talk! How are things? Where's Sam?"

"Colonel Carter grew tired and went to bed. I told her I would clean up. There is food in the refrigerator if you're hungry."

"Is she okay?" O'Neill asked with a worried frown.

"She is well. She just indicated she was tired. It takes much energy for a woman to carry a child."

"Mmmm", Jack turned and took off his jacket. "So, you going to stay a while? Sit and have a drink and tell me what's been happening. How's Cam doing?"

Teal'c took a seat and accepted the pop Jack had gotten from the kitchen. He himself had grabbed a bear and a plate of food.

With a sigh O'Neill sat down and took a long swig of his drink. He was exhausted from the long day of discussions. He still couldn't stand the Tokra! He'd really missed Jacob today. He and Selmak had really been the only ones he liked.

"O'Neill", Teal'c said calmly, looking directly at his friend. "I wish to talk to you."

"Okay", Jack sat up, looking surprised. It wasn't very often that Teal'c needed help or advice. "What can I do for you?"

"It is not what you can do for me – it is what I can do for you."

"Uh – alright", Jack answered. "What is this – about?"

"It is about Samantha."

"Sam? What's wrong with her?" He said, starting to panic.

"Nothing – no, that is not true. She is very worried."

"She's worried? About what?"

"About you." Teal'c answered plainly. "I noticed that she did not look – happy – and I asked her what the matter was. She at first indicated there was nothing wrong but I did not believe her."

"She said she wasn't happy?" Jack felt his heart starting to pound. He had known something like this would happen. He should have known it wouldn't last.

"She informed me that she is very much in love with you and that you love her – so she is not unhappy – but she is - concerned."

His heart slowly returned to something like normal, although it took him a second before he was able to reply. God, he'd just about disgraced himself in front of Teal'c.

"What? Concerned about what?"

"I told you. She is concerned about you."

"About me? What? I don't know why she would be worried about me. Nothing's wrong."

"Is that true O'Neill? How do you feel about your coming child?"

He froze and stared at the big man in front of him. Again, his heart started to pound – he should have known that Teal'c would see through him. "Wha -" his voice cracked and he had to swallow. "What? Fine – I'm – fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Then why do you not speak to Major Carter about your child?"

"She told you that?"

"I told you O'Neill – she indicated she is very happy in your marriage and she was not betraying a confidence. I asked her and she was very worried and told me she thought you did not want the child. That it was a mistake."

Damn! He closed his eyes, feeling horribly guilty, but the fact was, it was a mistake – a big one.

"Was she correct", Teal'c said softly. "Do you not want this child O'Neill?'

Jack moved away, jerkily, and began to fiddle with some of the things on Daniel's shelves. Teal'c couldn't help but be glad the archaeologist was absent. He would be 'having a bird' at O'Neill randomly playing with some of his valuable pieces.

"I – I don't know Teal'c", he finally admitted. "At first I did. I thought I was happy but -"

"But you grew frightened?"

He swung to look at his friend – wanting to deny it. But, when he saw the compassion on the Jaffa's face, his denial died in his throat. "Yeah", he almost whispered. He stood silent and still for a few minutes. "I can't go through it again Teal'c", he said, a quaver in his voice. "I can't lose another child."

Teal'c walked slowly over and put his hand on O'Neill's arm. "I cannot imagine what you have been through, my brother. I only know that I can imagine no greater pain than were I to lose Ray'ac. However, we cannot live our lives in fear of what may happen. There are never any promises, and we can never know what pain the future might hold in store for us. But does that mean we should deny ourselves the joy of loving or of being loved."

"I don't know Teal'c. Maybe it's safer that way."

"Would you change things with Major Carter? Do you regret loving her?"

"No, of course not."

"But what if something happens to her tomorrow."

"Then I think I'd die."

"So, why do you not end things with her now so as not to ever have to worry about losing her?"

"I'd still worry – I'd still want to die. It wouldn't change things."

"So – is it not the same with your child? He or she is already in existence. Would you not be sad if the child were suddenly no more? Do you not want to see your child? To hold him – or her. To love your child and have it love you?"

"Of course I do Teal'c. I can't think of anything – better. But all I can think of is the fact that I was responsible for killing my son and – what if I do something again? What if I kill this child?"

"Do you honestly believe that you will do this again? What happened before was an accident, one which you will never repeat. No one can ever be sure, but I know you will care for your child and your wife to the utmost of your ability."

"What if it isn't enough?"

"I cannot answer that my friend. All I know is that you will be a wonderful father and that you will love your child. But instead of waiting, it would be easier for you and for Samantha if you were to begin now. It is too late for regrets, or to change your mind. The best thing is to accept and to take joy in what you have."

"But this kid will have no idea what kind of father it's getting."

"It is getting as its father a man who spends his lifetime protecting others. I will tell this child, as will Daniel Jackson, and Samantha Carter and many others, that its father has saved all of us, has kept us all safe and has saved the world many times. I cannot think of a better father for this child than you O'Neill. Your child is very fortunate to have you."

Jack bit his lip, afraid that he was going to embarrass himself and his friend. Teal'c was right though, it was already too late to try not to love this child. If something happened to it now, he would grieve terribly. So what was he doing? In trying to protect himself all he'd done was hurt Sam – and it wasn't helping him in the slightest.

"She didn't say anything to me", he said softly.

"Because she did not want to worry you and she also did not want to talk about babies the same way she spoke about weddings."

Jack whipped his head up and couldn't help but grin. "Yeah, that would be a – bit much."

"You must speak with her O'Neill", Teal'c said. "She is very worried for you and now is not the time she should be upset. She needs to find peace and happiness."

Jack still wasn't quite sure how he felt. He knew he'd need a bit of time to process things. Still, he admitted to himself that he was being terribly unfair to his wife, and to his unborn child. He would have to do better.

"Thank you my friend', he finally said. "You did good here you know. I'll – I'll talk to Sam tomorrow and try and explain."

"You are welcome O'Neill. I am always here for you and for Samantha."

"I know buddy –thanks."

He went to bed shortly afterward, exhausted with the long and traumatic day. Sam was already asleep, curled up on her side. He spooned up behind her and after a few moments, tentatively reached a hand around and placed it on her tummy. He could feel the small bump, warm under his hand and moving rhythmically up and down as she breathed.

He allowed himself to relax and to follow her breathing. Soon, he was asleep and for the first time, in many weeks, his dreams were peaceful.

She woke up the next morning with her husband wrapped around her. She stayed perfectly still, but when she opened her eyes she caught his brown ones looking at her.

"Good morning", he said with a smile and a kiss.

"Good morning", she smiled back. "I didn't hear you come in last night."

"No, you were out like a light."

"Did you get something to eat?" she asked, stretching slightly.

"I did", he answered. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Me? I'm fine, why?"

"And how about you?" he'd moved down her tummy until his lips were resting right against the baby bump. "How are you little one? Keeping nice and warm and safe in there? Just be good for you Mom, okay? No polkas or juggling in there!"

Of course she was relieved. Of course she was happy. Of course she wanted him to continue. So what did she do? She promptly burst into tears.

He held her closely, although he was confused. Women! Who could figure them out!