Melancholy
.
.
.
When she thought back on it,
Ever since her first,
She hadn't gone a day, without alcohol.
She couldn't go a day without alcohol.
Barrel after barrel,
Glass after glass,
Bottle after bottle,
Every, single, day.
She didn't drink on the job though now,
She had restraint.
Now they say you should never use the Lords name in vain . . .
But God, she loved it,
It was her drug,
It was her addiction,
It was her... relief.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
She was a mess inside,
An emotional wreck,
Usually she'd drink out of a beer mug,
But now,
Now she was drinking straight out of a barrel.
And her seventh one at that.
. . . . . .
Back then she had never considered touching the stuff,
In any shape or form.
She didn't have a problem with it,
And she had no ill feelings towards those who'd consume the elixir,
But in her mind it just wasn't sanitary.
Whether it was the finest of wines,
To the dullest of beers,
She couldn't understand why someone would want to risk hammering themselves into a drunken stupor to the point you'd forget everything that happened.
. . .
You could become so drunk that you could've done something and weren't aware of it.
You could start stressing, trying to fill in the blanks because you suddenly woke up in someone else's bed.
Or you think that you did something so heinous that it was only a matter of time before you were found out.
She didn't want to deal with that.
. . .
Let's not forget the hangovers.
You don't need to have had a headache to know how troublesome one could be,
And how much worse an actual hangover would be compared to it,
It was common sense.
Waking up to excruciating pain,
Your head throbbing in agony,
And the slightest bit of noise,
And strain,
Would send you doubling over into further anguish.
. . .
Vomiting
Hurling out your insides,
Figuratively speaking,
Down the drain,
The toilet . . .
Or just slap dab in the middle of the floor because you didn't make it to either.
. . .
And of course how potentially dangerous it is to your health.
She knew the list,
And although she wasn't a doctor or a specialist,
It didn't take a genius to know that if you weren't careful . . .
You'd be fucked.
. . . . . .
Now came the eighth barrel.
It came as a surprise to everyone when she started drinking before the legal age,
And that her alcohol consumption gradually grew,
But this was too much.
To say that everyone was shocked was an understatement,
No,
They were downright flabbergasted.
Although she drank a lot she was sensible,
Weird I know,
But now here she was,
Loading herself with elixirs,
And large amounts of it.
. . .
And why was the girl drinking herself and early grave . . .
She was depressed.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
She didn't know what to do anymore . . .
Honestly, she just didn't see the point in continuing.
Sigh
She began doubting herself more and more,
She didn't think she was cut out for this,
No matter how hard she tried,
She just couldn't get anywhere.
God she felt like such a failure.
. . . . . .
She wanted to tell him the truth,
But she couldn't work up the courage to do it.
. . .
Ever since her first trial,
From then onward to this point,
She hadn't made it,
Not once.
. . .
And what made her even more distraught . . .
Is that... is that they, had passed before her,
And on their first try,
And at a younger age from what they are now,
They did... what she could not.
. . . . . .
She had the potential they said,
Yeah, a whole lot of good that did.
She would do fine they said,
Oh she did 'fine' alright.
She would do it next time for sure they said . . .
Well, sorry to disappoint you all,
But she didn't.
. . .
How much worse could she get.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
She sat isolated from everyone else,
Slumped in depression,
Feeling blue,
Hearing,
Though not wanting to,
The sounds of others being lively,
Cheery,
Happy,
And celebrating with food,
And drinks all around.
Oh she needed a drink alright.
She'd drink her sorrows down as much as she could,
Down to the deepest depth of her very soul.
. . .
She watched with apathetic eyes as they all enjoyed themselves,
Sending another round of 'congratulations' once again.
. . .
She didn't want to be here . . .
She'd settle for anywhere else than here;
Down in dumps,
The streets,
A bar,
Her room,
Just anywhere, but here.
But she didn't want to be inconsiderate and be a no show on this special occasion,
But that didn't mean she'd had to participate in the festivities.
"On the first try, man that's impressive"
"And so young as well"
"They'll go far that's for sure"
Could this get any worse?
. . .
"Hey"
Spoke to soon.
She composed herself then turned to said owner of the voice.
She was quite out of it, but the first thing noticed when turned to the person was . . .
Pink
'Ugh'
This was definitely, someone who would give her a headache.
"You okay?"
Or so she thought.
"Yeah, I'm fine. You don't have to worry" she said absentmindedly.
But he wasn't convinced.
He pulled out the stool from under the bar counter and sat beside her in silence as their hearing became flooded by the sounds of the hall.
. . .
She took another swig of her beverage till it was finished, and rested the empty glass on the counter.
. . .
He was still here . . .
But why?
She expected him to be with the rest of them,
Enjoying himself,
Having a laugh,
Get into an argument,
Causing a ruckus . . .
'He has been... different lately...'
Instead, he chose to sit with her in her brooding.
He didn't even utter a single word.
. . . . . .
She knew he wanted to say something,
Anything to try condole her,
To help ease her of her sorrow,
But there was nothing,
Nothing he could say,
Or do,
To make her feel better,
In her mind,
There's nothing you could say,
To a loser . . .
. . . . . .
He placed his hand over hers,
The sudden touch was enough to bring her out of her musing.
. . .
It wasn't pity,
It wasn't falseness,
It was... comfort.
. . .
It didn't do much to ease her troubles,
But it was enough,
And it felt... nice.
'So much for "or do"'
. . . . . .
"You want me to take you home. I know you don't wanna be here" he said.
. . .
"You trying to get in my pants" she said tersely sending a glare his way.
"EH! N-No, that isn't..." he stammered in cold sweat as his face paled in fear.
She laughed at his reaction. She knew it wasn't his intention, he was just being thoughtful.
Still didn't mean she couldn't toy with him a little.
"Just kidding" she said.
"Jeez, so mean" he pouted.
'How cute' she mused looking at his expression.
"Nice to see you smile again" he said giving her a toothy grin.
"Don't get all mushy now, and help me get outta here" she told him as he helped her stand up.
"Aye"
She did indeed smile at that moment . . .
But it wouldn't last.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
She would sink herself lower,
And lower,
In a sea of despair.
. . .
And when she got too deep,
She'd turn to her cure,
Her relief,
And have it pull her from the depths.
. . .
But she knew it was only a matter of time,
Before she sank once more . . .
. . .
She needed help,
She wanted help,
She wanted someone,
Anyone,
To save her from herself,
Her despair,
Her sorrow
. . .
Her Melancholy
