Disclaimer: I own nothing but this story.
Warnings: dark themes, typos and grammar errors
We kill flowers because we think they are beautiful.
We kill ourselves because we think we are not.
Lucy Heartfilia
She let out a groan before opening her eyes.
The amount of light in the room almost blinded her, and she had to blink her eyes a couple of times to adjust with the surroundings. The ceiling was also painted white, but as far as Lucy remembered, the ceiling inside her room was pink.
Where was she?
She groaned once again and attempted to swallow, when she felt something lodged into her throat.
Suddenly, the doors opened and people dressed in white came checking her vitals and the IV bag on the side of the bed on which she was lying on.
"You gave us quite a scare last night, young lady," the man on her right side said, his balding head shining with light. She would have snickered if she could, but the woman―a nurse, Lucy guessed―on her right was carefully removing the tube that was lodged down her throat. She could feel it rubbing against her esophagus, she knew it sounded weird, but that was what it felt like. The also felt like retching when the nurse finally pulled the tube out of her mouth.
"Your throat might feel scratchy for a couple of days, Miss Heartfilia, but don't worry. That's normal with patients that had their stomach pumped and also those who needed help with their breathing," the doctor continued as the nurse finished cleaning up beside her bed. "Also, I've talked to your father an hour ago before you woke up. I suggested that you stay in our special ward for a few weeks for observation―"
"S-Special ward?" Lucy croaked. As she guessed earlier, her throat felt rough and she let out a cough or two to relieve herself of the scratchy feeling.
"Yes, Miss Heartfilia. We have a special ward here in the hospital for people who are, let's say, mentally challenged―"
"No!" she shouted. She didn't care if her throat hurt, or even if it bled. "I'm not crazy!"
"I'm not saying that you are, Miss Heartfilia. I'm just saying that you need some help since this isn't the first time that you tried to―"
"No!" the blonde shouted once again. There was no way she's getting back down without a fight. "Where's my father?! I can't believe he agreed into something like this―!"
"I'm afraid that your father had left after I talked with him."
Ha. Of fucking course.
Lucy didn't feel a little bit bad after hearing what the doctor had told her. She kind of expected that in a way.
Lucy stared into space. She had been staying in the hospital for four days now, that was, if one would count the days in which she was unconscious. The blonde was bored, to say the least. She was allowed to roam around the hospital and go outside the gardens for a walk, but aside from that, she really couldn't do anything else. She didn't like watching TV though, and the remote lied on the bedside table, forgotten. Not to mention that hospital food tasted like crap.
Ugh. She badly wanted to go home, lock herself inside her room and hurt herself again.
She had tried to drown herself in her rather large bath tub the first time she tried to take her own life. Her personal maid, Virgo, had come and rescued her after a few minutes of being submerged in the water.
The second time, she had purposely cut her wrists too deeply. She had cut herself before,she cuts herself occasionally or when she feels like it, but at that time, negative thoughts were consuming her and she needed a way to make it to stop. That time like her first attempt, Virgo came inside her room, finding the blonde bathing in her own blood.
And four days―five days, technically―ago was her third suicide attempt. She took half a bottle of sleeping pills, and fortunately, or unfortunately for the blonde, she had failed once again. This time though, it wasn't Virgo who found her, but her own father, who was about to tell her something important, Lucy concluded.
(Because why would her father talk to her if it wasn't important?)And without hesitation, Jude Heartfilia rushed his dying daughter to the hospital.
These past days though, she hadn't talked or even seen her father. Loke, her personal driver, who came with Virgo two days ago to the hospital to look after her, told her that her father was away for a business trip. And that he was worried for her well-being.
Lucy almost laughed at that thought. She begged to differ. Jude Heartfilia was known in the business world for being stoic and not caring for anyone, which included his own daughter, ever since Layla Heartfilia had died.
"I have brought some of your clothes from home for your temporary stay here, hime," Virgo said, snapping the blonde out of her thoughts. "I had also packed your journal, along with some of your favorite books."
She smiled. Virgo knew her so well. "Thank you, Virgo. Did you bring my favorite pens, too?"
"No, I forgot to get them inside your drawer. I'm sorry, hime. Punish me?"
Shaking her head, Lucy let out a small smile. "No. It's fine, Virgo. You can just go and buy me pens? I'm sure there's a stationary shop near here."
"Roger that, hime."
The blonde had decided to take a walk around the hospital once again. She was walking through that part of the garden near the greenhouse when she felt a tap on her shoulder.
"Yes?" she asked, before turning around. She found herself looking at probably one of the most beautiful women that she ever saw in her life, aside from her mother, of course.
The girl, she may be a year or two older than her, had bright red hair. Her fringe was almost covering her right eye and she was holding a bunch of roses in one hand and a pair of shears in the other.
Lucy felt her fingers tingle at the sight of the shears in front of her. The blonde made a fist, clenching her hands until her knuckles turned white and resisting the urge to wrestle the shears out from the redhead's grip.
"You're not allowed in here," she then heard the redhead say. "You need special permission from the hospital head to get in here."
Is she a patient here in the hospital? She doesn't look sick though.
The blonde frowned. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm going now," she said, before running―she tried to at least― and pulling her IV stand with her to the direction of her room.
Virgo was inside her room when she returned. The maid had a small paper bag with her and Lucy couldn't help but feel excited as she took it and look at its contents.
"Oh, you bought them! Thank you so much, Virgo!"
"You're welcome, hime. And I'm sorry I was late. There was a commotion in the nurses' station. Punish me?"
"It's okay, Virgo. And thank you for buying me these notebooks. You seriously didn't have to."
"Oh," the pink-haired maid said, visibly dejected at her utter rejection for some disciplinary actions. "And it's nothing, hime. I was told that you will be staying here at the hospital for a while so we decided to get you something to keep you entertained. And it's just not me who got you these. The other guys also chipped in."
She thanked Virgo once again, before telling the maid her gratitude to the others. The blonde busied herself with the pens Virgo had bought her. As much as she loved writing, she also loved collecting pens and some notebooks.
She put her earphones on, and turned the iPod Virgo had brought for her before picking up a pen. She then opened her new notebook and began to write.
She had made a habit of putting all her dark thoughts on paper in order not to be consumed by them. It was too loud inside her head and somehow, Lucy knew she needed a way to release them.
She wrote about her dreams, but mostly her nightmares, her fears and anxieties. She wrote to her deceased mother, wrote the hate she had for his never present father and the people around her who didn't seem to understand the need for her to hate and hurt herself.
Dear dad,
Hello. How are you doing?
I realized one thing when I started writing this letter. It has been so long since I called you dad, or anything for that matter, and it seems so awkward. We haven't talked in a while, and though we lived under the same roof, we rarely see each other. You are always busy with your work and I… well, I'm always inside my room.
I knew it was hard for you, when mom died, but it was hard for me, too. I was young and you're all that was left when cancer took mom from us years ago. But it seems like you haven't realized that until know. And it hurts, because somehow, when my mother died, I felt like I've lost my father, too.
Did you know? There are days I wanted to kill myself. And when I was on process of cutting myself a little too deeply, I think of you. I think of what you'll think when you find out I'm gone. Will you be happy? Relieved? Sad maybe? I don't know, because we don't talk much. And I hope we do.
I don't need the material things you provide, dad. I don't need a big house, I don't need servants. I need you. I need my father. All I ask is an hour everyday with you, talking about ourselves, about anything. You know the thing we used to do when you go home from work when mom was still alive? The three of us would sit on our living room floor eating junk foods and ice cream and we would tell each other about our day. I miss that, dad. And I miss you.
Droplets of tears blurred some words, but Lucy continued writing. She would add this letter to her collection of the 'letters to her dad that she would not let him read'.
She wrote and wrote, until her hand hurt and she couldn't write anymore.
"I will miss you, my princess," Loke said, grasping her hand in his before placing a kiss on it. "I will miss seeing your beautiful face every day―!"
"Oh, shush it, Loke! Lucy will only be gone for a few weeks. Right, Lucy?"
"Heh. Weren't you crying last night, Aqua? You were telling me you're going to miss Lucy―"
"S-Shut up, Loke!"
The blonde couldn't help but giggle at the sight in front of her.
"Wow," the orange-haired man mused.
"What is it, Loke?"
"Nothing. It's just... it's been a while since I heard that from you, Lucy. I... I kind of miss it."
Lucy bit her lower lip. "I-I'm sorry―"
"Why are you even sorry for?" Aquarius asked as she clicked loudly her tongue. "You don't have to apologize, Lucy. Just... just focus on getting better, okay?"
The blue-haired woman's voice softened and Lucy couldn't help but tear up and hug the woman. "O-Oi!"
"I'm going to miss you all!"
"It will only be for a few weeks, Lucy. You'll see us again soon."
"I know that, Loke, but―"
"We're here," Aquarius announced when they reached the room assigned under Lucy's name.
"I still don't get why I have to stay here," the blonde mumbled under her breath. Tears were slowly forming in her eyes.
"You need help, Lucy. The doctor said so."
"I don't need help, Loke! I'm not crazy!"
"We know that," the blue-haired woman interjected. "But you need to get better. And staying here will help you. The doctors and nurses here will help you. Maybe you can meet new friends―"
"I doubt that. I don't make friends with crazy people."
"What do you call Loke then?"
"Oi!"
The blonde sniffed before letting out a small laugh. "I guess. Thanks for cheering me up, Aqua."
"Oi, Lucy! Why are you agreeing with this woman―"
"Don't get used to this. I'll be drilling you with lessons once you get home. Do you understand, Lucy?"
With a nod and a brief hug, Loke and Aquarius left.
The blonde fidgeted. She had been standing in front of the door for almost ten minutes now.
What if her roommate didn't like her? What if she didn't like her roommate?
Ugh. Lucy didn't get why she had to room with someone. Could her father use his connections and get her a better room to stay in?
Oh well.
With a brief surge of courage, she opened the door and went in. Only to find a redhead she met yesterday, sitting on the edge of the bed near the wide windows. Like yesterday, she was holding a bunch of roses in her hands.
Lucy let out a cough to get the redhead's attention. "Hi," she then said. "I'm Lucy. Your new roommate."
The girl stared at her before walking the table beside the bed she was sitting on earlier and placing the flowers in the vase. "I heard. I'm Erza Sca― Erza. Just Erza."
"Okay," Lucy said bewildered at Erza's reaction. So she was a stay-in patient here? Maybe that was the reason she was allowed inside the greenhouse.
The blonde was going to ask the Erza about something when she heard the redhead count the flowers inside the vase.
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine."
Lucy could only stare as the redhead repeatedly did that and continued to arrange and re-arrange the flowers over and over again until she was satisfied.
"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Hmm. Perfect."
That night, when she couldn't sleep, she picked her favorite pen up and opened her journal. She then began writing.
she sings lullabies underwater and puts seashells on her golden hair.
she talks to fishes, to different marine creatures, in a language no one can understand.
she makes waves that flutter like heartbeats as they strike the shore before she pulls them back, as if the water is a part of her.
she sees the light through the spaces between her fingers and she longs to touch it, but she always ―always― fails.
most of the times, her screams of sorrow and loneliness rise like bubbles before they pop into nothingness, and no one can hear the muffled noises. no one, not even her.
this is the world inside her head.
A/N: Hello, everyone who dared to read this fic lol. This fic is just an experiment OTL I read a post on tumblr and this idea had been bugging me since so I decided to write it. Each chapter will be about one character and their stories. I've been researching a lot for this fic haha and loool I must say the articles I've read so far seem pretty interesting ^^
Next chapter: Erza Scarlet
"Why don't you have roses with you?"
She looked at the blonde for a few seconds. "There were only six roses left."
Lucy frowned. "You can get them anyway? You know, it seems odd not to see flowers by your bed. It somehow... adds color to this room."
The redhead couldn't help but mentally agree with her roommate. With a sigh, Erza shook her head before answering. "I can't. Six is not nine. Six roses will never do."
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