Hi Everybody. This is a fun little romp with our favorite ships.
I don't own them.
Bacon Day: Chapter One
Damn him, thought Hermione.
Damn him to hell.
She threw another lemon drop in her mouth in a pathetic effort to soothe her rather hostile thoughts. She hadn't noticed how addicting they were, lemon drops. No wonder that old bat popped them like medicine. She supposed they were, to him.
This was beside the point. The point was her life was now ruined.
Completely and utterly.
This particular Saturday had started very early for Hermione, who, for some reason, couldn't remember anything before today. This particular Saturday started something like so.
"Hermione!"
"Meh...g'way..." She swatted at the obnoxious voice.
In vain. "Hermione! Get up! Harry's gone!"
Ooh. Okay. That's worth it.
"What?" Hermione shot straight up and out of the lovely dream she was having about Viktor Krum and his toned-
Virginia Weasley thumped her fists against her hips and glared quite successfully at the flustered teen. "Mr. Krum can wait, we have an emergency!"
Hermione wondered how Ginny knew whom she was dreaming about, but promptly got her priorities straight.
"Alright Ginny, just tell me what happened." Hermione sat up and watched as the redhead took in a deep breath and relaxed her tense muscles. She still held up her wand in a 'lumos' spell. Still dark. What time was it?
"Well, me and Harry we were up in the Astrology tower ...stargazing ..." Hermione quirked an eyebrow. "Alright, okay, running headlong toward third base, when all of the sudden he disappears! All that's left was this note. And oh, Hermione, what if it was You-Know-Who?"
Hermione pursed her lips. "Like how did he disappear? Was it like apparating, or a 'poof'...?"
"There was smoke everywhere, and I tried to call out to him, but all I heard was his muffled voice and then a weird thunk, like he was hit on the head with something." Ginny was wringing her night-dress nervously. Her rather...vulgar nightdress.
"Let me see the note." Hermione received it, opened it, and had to try her hardest to hold in a snort. "If you want your precious Potter back, be in the dungeons, wearing only black. At 5:00 a.m., and do be prompt, it better be a dress, or you will be stopped. I look forward to knowing you better, young lady."
Beside it being the worst poetry she'd ever read, it was in the worst handwriting she'd ever encountered. Handwriting she could recognize in the dark at four in the morning, which she assumed it was.
"Ginny, this is very important. You can't tell anyone about this, not even Dumbledore." Ginny nodded furiously, but her fear was nearly dripping off of her. "Just go down to the dungeons like it says, and do whatever this person asks of you. If you don't, who knows what he'll do to Harry. Now go! Hurry!" Hermione shooed her out of the room.
After the shock of red hair had left, Hermione put on some slippers and went down the stairs slowly afterward, running a hand through her insane hair. She blinked through a yawn, and scanned the Gryffindor common room.
"Neville? Are you in here?" She called out softly, not really wanting to wake the rest of the house. She'd be lucky if Ginny only woke Hermione with her rantings.
A small squeak to her left indicated that he was, in fact, here.
"Come on out and explain to me what in the blazes is going on." No movement. "I won't tell anybody. Pinky-swear."
A rustle of robes and a thump later, Neville Longbottom emerged from underneath the trophy case looking appropriately guilty.
"What's going on." Not a question. A demand.
"H-Harry overheard Ginny talking about... fantasies... and he thought that maybe he could-"
Hermione quickly held up a hand to her mouth. To hold in the vomit. "Thank you, that's quite enough." Good lord, that was...dirty. Despicable. Not something that usually strikes Harry as a good idea.
"Why? I mean, was this whole, I'll lead her into the dungeon for erotic S&M fantasies completely random? Because if it is, I'm going to seriously have to reconsider Harry as a sane human being."
For the first time in history, Neville looked at Hermione like she was a complete idiot. "It's Valentines Day, Hermione."
Several things ran through her head at that moment, most of them having nothing to do with Harry, and she settled on saying something most appropriate.
"Ah, bugger."
When Hermione entered the Great Hall she found to her distinct relief that neither Harry nor Ginny were at the table yet. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to hold in her breakfast if she had to think about whatever they did last night. She shivered.
"Hey Ron." She greeted congenially and started to fill her plate with bacon. She loved bacon day.
Ron was looking a bit more like a demented carrot than usual. "H-Hey Hermione."
Hermione passed him a strange look before filling her glass with orange juice. A demented carrot with a stutter. Although, she was quite pleased with the way her drink matched her friend's face. What was going on today?
"Have the owls come yet?" It was a safe question. Let's start with easy things this morning.
This caused Ron to choke. "Nope nope. No owls. No valentines yet, I mean-" His napkin was mangled between his two oversized hands underneath the table.
"Okay, okay." Hermione's face darkened at the word Valentine. So that's what was wrong. Ron was worried about some Valentine. "Sorry I asked."
"Everyone! May I please steal your attention from today's breakfast! I know you're excited about bacon day." Dumbledore's bony hands raised up and instantly the Great Hall quieted. He looked appropriately pleased. Hermione put down her piece of bacon reluctantly.
"You might have noticed that your owls have not deposited your mail this morning. Or you might not have noticed. Whatever the case, I'd like to inform you that letters will be received tonight, due to Ministry mail tracking...well, experiments, shall we say." Moans of protest due to failed Valentine's plans immediately sounded from the Great Hall. "Yes, yes, I realize that there were potentially life-altering messages withheld by those owls, so I'm proposing..."
Hermione crunched her bacon loudly during the dramatic pause.
"A school-wide slumber party!" Dumbledore smiled like the senile old bat he was and watched as utter chaos erupted... from the staff table.
"Albus, you cannot do that! They'll kill each other!" Professor McGonagall insisted.
"I quite agree, Headmaster. You've finally gone out of your mind." Severus sipped his coffee. "About damn time, too."
"Well I think it's a wonderful idea! What a way to get inter-house relationships back up to where they should be!"
"Flitwik, for once in your optimistic life, shut up!" This was from McGonagall.
Ron looked at Hermione, and it seemed that for a moment he'd forgotten to hold up his demented carrot act. "That's brilliant! We'll be able to spend the whole night together!" Then it seemed that it was too good to last, and Ron descended into a reddened fit of coughs and embarrassed laughs.
Hermione rolled her eyes. She'd had just about enough of Valentine's Day, and it was only 8:14 a.m.
Dumbledore raised his hands again and obediently the Great Hall was silent. The effect was a little more reluctant this time.
"It will be held here, in the Great Hall. Of course, today I am employing Flitwick to help with expanding the room to accommodate everyone. So naturally, your Charms class for today is cancelled."
"What? But the fifth-years ha-"
"And I'll be needing Severus to prepare drinks for everyone, so Potions class will have to be cancelled too."
The whole room gave a cheer, and probably for the first time in Hogwarts history the whole school was in agreement.
Actually, Hermione knew for a fact that it was the first time in Hogwarts history.
"That's bloody fantastic!" Came a new voice directly behind Hermione. She turned to see Harry, and she let out a scream.
"What? What's wrong Hermione?" Harry dashed to her side.
"Sorry," she mumbled. "Bad... visuals..." She couldn't look at him for a moment.
Ginny had chosen that moment to sit down as well. She was glowing like an electric light parade, and anyone in their right mind could figure out why. Luckily, Ron was nowhere near being in his right mind, so Ginny was safe. Or rather, Harry was safe.
"Bugger. I didn't have either of those classes today anyway."
She and Harry looked distinctly upset, and as they talked about when they would meet next Hermione gazed at her bacon forlornly. There was no way she'd be eating anything now.
"So, with that said, I believe it's time for you all to go off to class now." Dumbledore spoke over his battling staff, and few of which were wielding their buttered toast and blueberry muffins like weapons of warfare, glaring maliciously at Dumbledore. He chose not to notice.
"Have a marvelous Valentine's Day!"
Review Please! )
Matt
