Hey guys I've finally managed to publish something for those of you who followed me!
Info: This will be a 4 chapter fic based on the aftermath of the 57th Expedition Outside the Walls. This fic alters the actual story in little ways to meet the stories need buuutttt all in all it has the same gist to it!
Also this does contain spoilers (as noted in the summary) from episode 17+
Chapter 1
"Captain…You're quite the chatterbox today."
"Yeah right, I've never known when to shut my mouth."
"Sir, may I speak to you? It's Eren," Eren Jaeger, a young soldier of fifteen, announced, following four evenly spaced knocks. He was entrenched upon the bedroom door of Lance Corporal Levi, widely described as humanity's strongest soldier, regardless of his below average height and laconic image.
There was a brief pause before Eren could hear the words of approval he was waiting for.
"Come in." A muffled reply emerged as if Levi's mouth was being enshrouded by something. Eren placed his hand on the doorknob and twisted it to the right, opening the door bit by bit and giving him a good chance to analyze the area. He instantly spotted Levi in his regular cleaning attire, but forged ahead cautiously towards his captain's desk. After prior ridicules and beatings, Eren learned to seldom let his guard down around Levi.
Eren intended to speak up as he approached the wooden fixture, but instead stood there blankly staring at the abundance of placed letters on Levi's desk; each was addressed accordingly to the immediate families of those few members who were known to make up the Special Operations Squad, but due to unfortunate events, had perished in the recent attacks of the female type titan during the 57th expedition outside the walls.
"Captain Levi, I wanted to speak to you about-"
"Eren, before we discuss any frivolous issues journeying your adolescent mind right now, I need to concentrate on getting rid of this particular speck of dirt." Levi interrupted as his cleaning face mask still acted as a muffler to his words.
"This whole goddamn wall is filthy, it's gross. Tch, this part looks worse than the rest though." Levi added resuming to apply an extended amount of pressure onto the wall with his dampened rag.
Eren squinted at the spot Levi was so resolute in cleaning but couldn't see much besides the typical beige of a newly cleaned room, if anything; this room was cleaner than anyone else's by far.
"The stain just won't go away…" Levi mumbled. "Okay kid, what is it?" he asked, finally pulling down his mask to emit a more clear yet still low toned voice.
"Oh, I…" Eren began as he slowly shifted his fixed gazed from the thoroughly clean wall to his captain, who was now impatiently staring at him, arms crossed.
"You understand I have things to do right? I don't care to waste my time watching you stare at my wall."
Eren perked up at the comment and ceased his stammering.
"I wanted to talk to you about yesterday …about your squad. I wanted to personally let you know everything from my own involvement."
Levi leaned against the wall, knowing he himself wouldn't dirty it, and took in a slow breath.
"Erwin gave me your detailed report this morning. There's no need to re-evaluate that in person."
Eren looked down timidly. He wanted to explain it all solely by himself and describe every last strong willed effort of what was Levi's squad, but it was evident that Levi had gained enough knowledge of the incident, and did not need to listen to the same tune again only with different lyrics.
"He did? But sir, I still want to apologize for not making the right decision at the right time, not that an apology will fix anything, but if I had chosen right… then maybe," Eren's eyes furrowed in frustration, abstractedly clenching his fists.
"If you had, then there would be a different outcome, but you wouldn't have known that, so it's useless to blame yourself." Levi said in a curt manner.
"How can I not help but to blame myself?" Eren exclaimed, wide-eyed. "I could have saved them! I could have-" Eren bit his bottom lip, struggling to ward off any repetitive words from bubbling out.
"Eren," Levi tugged at his dirt stained gloves and draped them over a partly filled bucket of water. "People are going to die, and as a soldier you need to become accustomed to it, because that's how this goddamned world works. You won't be able to save everyone, but instead of torturing yourself, you need to try your damnest to save as many lives as you can following whatever choice you make. Whether you're here for yourself or for humanity's sake, having regrets will only serve to make an unkempt mess of you." Levi pulled out his desk chair and sat down before rearranging some papers. He looked up at Eren whose mouth was partly agape, staring at the spot Levi was previously standing in.
"Hey brat," The edges of Levi's lips curled downwards as he glowered at Eren. "I don't understand your infatuation with walls, but if you like staring at them so much can you do it in someone else's room? I have to get some work done today."
Eren's focus lingered momentarily, Levi's words slowly sinking in. His vacant state was soon corrupted as the irritated sound of Levi's voice drifted into his ears.
"I hope you understand that I want you to leave." Levi said, scowling as he watched the distraught youth gradually regain his senses.
"Sorry sir I was just thinking about what you said and I got lost in thought. Thank you for giving me another way to look at this." Eren smiled weakly. "It helped and I needed that to stay determined for my goals." He let out a dull laugh. "I'll be taking my leave now." Eren assured his superior, lifting his right arm to his chest in a salute then turning to make his way out of the room.
Once the door shut, Levi glimpsed at his papers and reached for his pen, and, in the process, accidently nudged his ink flask, causing it to pour out onto his neatly written out letters.
Levi grimaced at the sight. 'Damn, now I'll have to clean this too, refill the ink, and re-write my letters.' He stood up, lifting the pages partially drenched in the spillage.
"Well, it's okay. Everything is replaceable," he said audibly to himself in a tone no louder than a whisper.
Eren sat in his dimly lit room and pondered what Levi had told him just moments before. It did make him feel somewhat better, but his stubborn personality blockaded any way for him to possibly forgive himself. Levi was right though, he needed to interject these emotions within his goals to fuel his desire to kill titans, as many as he could, all of them if possible.
'I can't sit here and cry. It won't get me anywhere.' Eren thought and released a sigh. He retreated to the basement following his momentary discussion with Levi. He hadn't quite felt like talking to anyone but knew better than to sit around and sulk. Eren stood up and trudged to his door, really not feeling like leaving but needing to make his way up to the main hall where Mikasa and Armin no doubt awaited for him. When Eren stepped out from his confined area, he clashed right into Hanji Zoe, the titan specialist of the Survey Corps.
"Ah, g-good morning Hanji," Eren greeted suddenly, moderately taken aback by dint of his near hurtful encounter with Hanji.
"Eren! I was just coming to talk to you." Hanji announced semi-startled, her reaction commensurate to Eren's.
"O-oh okay, what do you need?" Eren asked, expecting her to question him on the intricacies of the female type titan.
"You were just in Levi's room correct?"
"…Um yes, I was." Eren admitted, a tad confused by the trivial question.
"Did you notice anything different about him?" Hanji interrogated, her face faintly draped with concern.
"Not really," Eren recalled as he envisioned Levi throughout his visit. "His voice had the usual monotone ring to it; he seemed to just be diligently cleaning and working as well before I interrupted him. But it wouldn't be too strange for him to act different to some extent right? Considering the circumstances…"
"You're right, and that would be the obvious way to consider anyone given the situation. Except for Levi, he's a peculiar one." Hanji placed her right hand on her hip. "Time after time he's left his dead comrades, each time accumulating a stronger sense to fight without even a trace of a mental crack left."
"Yeah, I guess Captain Levi doesn't seem like the kind of person to…how do I put this…" Eren mumbled, not wanting to openly offend his captain.
"Feel any sort of effective emotion?" Hanji butted in.
"Hehe, rather have him hear you say it than me." Eren chuckled.
"That's fine with me!" Hanji laughed. "I'd like to see the shorty take me on, he doesn't scare me in the slightest of ways…only worries me," Her joking visage now melting into that of distressed one. "I've been around him for some time now so I'm used to his abnormal personality. That most likely explains why I could tell something was up with him." Hanji used her left hand to prop her cheek before babbling on. "Sorry Eren I guess it would be hard to tell a difference if you haven't spent excessive hours with the guy."
"No, it's fine; it's good to know that someone is keeping an eye on Captain Levi. It's admirable to say the least," Eren said, sincerity glinting across his eyes. He truly did think it to be commendable to firstly, be able to grasp even a smidgen of Levi's inner personality and secondly, lay aside your own burdens to worry about others.
"Haha thanks Eren, but what I know about Levi only goes so far. I'd like to have a more open relationship with him, but he tends to talk the most about justice and human morals rather than his feelings, aside from his displeasures that is. With Levi though, you can still tell he cares you know? But those moments where his compassionate side reveals itself are so rare that it almost seems like he's immune to it…" Hanji exhaled and smiled at Eren. "Well, I've let my mouth jabber on too much again, so I better get going. I need to speak with commander Erwin soon anyways."
Eren gazed up at Hanji, contemplating her thoughts on Levi. "Well when you say all that, the captain does sound more interesting than he looks."
"That he is." Hanji agreed, stretching out a leg to stroll passed Eren and stopping briefly next to him to place a hand on his shoulder.
"Stick around long enough and maybe you'll become someone who can really get to know Levi." Hanji added in before releasing a short chuckle, her figure faintly disappearing in the distance. "See you later, Eren." She called back without turning around.
"Yeah, later," Eren replied, raising his hand weakly to wave.
'Hanji's rambles can get confusing sometimes.' Eren thought as he released another slip of air. He couldn't restrain himself from being interested in what really made Levi… well, Levi. Everyone knew of Levi, but at the same time, did anyone really know who he was? Eren was a curious teenager, and the alacrity to extend his knowledge of said man that he'd idolized since becoming a soldier was killing him.
'Would it even be safe to ask him personal questions? He barely allowed me to stay in his room for mere minutes before his scornful glare sent me out…And I need to see Armin and Mikasa. Geez but I reeealllyyy want to hear about him now! Damned Hanji, I'll catch up with Armin and Mikasa later.' Eren concluded navigating his way back to Levi's sleeping quarters with deliberate speed. 'I'd rather avoid being suffocated by that apprehensive stare Mikasa's been addressing me with since yesterday.' Mikasa's friendship upheld a great deal of value to Eren, and she could even be called his sister, but her motherly concerns for him were not his favored parts about her.
Eren soon cleared his mind of his friends and once again tapped four evenly spaced knocks against Levi's door.
"Captain Levi? It's me again...Eren."
"Come in Eren." Levi granted, listless as though he's let the boy in over 100 times within day. "Now what is it?" He asked once he heard Eren's footsteps draw closer and the door seal behind him.
Eren senselessly tip toed in and noticed Levi staring outside of his window, fixed behind the desk. Levi had not bothered to look back at Eren as he continued to draw near.
Eren stood before Levi's desk; leafy eyes converged on the wooden platform as confusion plastered itself on his face. Several letters were stained with a vast amount of ink, and the ink had already stained into the desk as well, unmistakably revealing that the mess was left there for some time. Aside from the hodgepodge of papers and ink, the badges of Eld Jinn, Gunther Schultz, Oluo Bozado, and Petra Ral rested off to the side of the workspace.
'This mess…Is this what Hanji meant by him acting strangely? That and he's not even bothering to pick it up now, he's only sitting there in front of the window spaced out.'
"Sir, what's with this ink splatter?" Eren wondered aloud observing his captain.
"That's not what you came to ask me." Levi said rigidly. "Get on with it before I really make you want to leave."
"R-right, sorry," Eren faltered as he remembered just who he was talking to. "I want to talk to you about…well I actually came to just talk, in general." Eren hesitated after Levi didn't reply promptly after his requisition. "I know you have work, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to take a break, and before we go back to town I wanted to hear about the Survey Corps' expeditions and also…about your life before the Survey Corps."
Silence filled the room, dismantling Eren until he became a nervous wreck.
"Why are you asking me of all people?" Levi asked, finally breaking the stillness.
"Because you live an interesting life," Eren answered back.
"What do you know about my life that's anywhere close to interesting besides the pleasant titan exterminating part?" He questioned as his eyes followed a flock of birds flying in the distance.
"I think it's what I don't know about your life that makes it so interesting to me." Eren explained, hoping Levi would tell him at least something.
Levi dragged his gaze away from the glass aperture and adjusted it on Eren.
"Fair enough, but I don't really know what to tell you."
"Everything, sir! Ah I mean, what are you actually like? Have you always looked so impassive? Which reminds me, Petra once said that you were some kind of thug before, what'd she mean by that? Err, why'd you join the Survey Corps, then?" Eren closed his mouth hastily, worry striking his features now that he had mentioned Petra.
"Alright brat, you're asking for a lot here now." Levi's expression didn't waver and carried on its annoyed intonation. "Regardless of that, why are you asking me? Everyone here has a back story and I'm the one who's most likely to beat your ass for wasting my time."
"Heh, you're right sir…" Eren smiled wearily averting the eye contact as he gulped inconspicuously. "I'm not too sure exactly, but this probably ties in with the admiration I've held for you since I started as a soldier, and because I know that just knowing your name is so much more different than knowing the actual you, I've learned better." Eren went on as his weariness changed to eagerness.
"Now you're just blabbering," Levi sighed. "You're such a stubborn kid, though; I already lost the initiative to argue." Levi impatiently groaned and closed his eyes before opening them again. He peered candidly at Eren, who was watching Levi as if he turned into a captivating book before his eyes. The sparkly and admiring look that children gave off only further annoyed Levi, but he commenced his story anyway.
"Before joining the Survey Corps, well, before anything significant, I was just a runt of a child who ran around picking fights I couldn't win and dreaming of making it outside those limiting walls. For the longest time, everyone I knew or ever met saw the outside walls as a taboo and shunned me for my adverse thoughts. Consequently, that made me distant from others and forced me into a desolated environment. Eventually, though, I found others who wanted to escape these confounds like I had wanted, and joined the military with them, hoping to get to see the outside world one day. And long story short, Erwin scouted me for the Survey Corps and here I am." Levi rolled his eyes.
"That explains quite a bit." Eren mumbled, surveying Levi.
"Tch, mind explaining to me what makes sense now?" Levi's lips parted slightly, making no effort to hide the scowl on his face.
Eren chuckled and got up from his seat.
"Alright Captain, I'll let you work now." Eren smiled cheerfully. "But I'll be back to talk to you again. I wanna hear about the Survey Corps too, soon. Also, Captain Levi…that ink mess on your desk isn't very fitting in your room."
With that Eren left the sunlit area beaming successfully. Just that information was enough for him to retain appeasement.
Once Eren left, Levi turned back to face the window. He closed his eyes so as not to ogle directly at the sun. The glowing sun felt good on his skin, relaxing even. Amongst the heat grazing his skin, Eren's presence left him calm as well. It's true that he found the boy's childish demeanor irritating, but it was far from a hassle to talk to Eren. If anything, Levi respected him for being able to confront him and question him so extensively. More than that, he liked the fact that someone cared about his past and wanted to hear his stories, even if his monotone voice created no dramatic enhancement to the event spoken of. It was a refreshing feeling, and such a routine wouldn't be half bad to stick with. Levi didn't need to become cozy with Eren, but the kid could certainly relieve his boredom. Close relations were something Levi focused on avoiding, anyways.
Thank you for reading!
Please read and review~
