prompt fill for lemoncaakes on Tumblr, the prompt being: i want you so bad i'll go back on the things i believe
there i just said it, i'm scared you'll forget about me
young and full of running
don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me
'cause i'm about to set fire to everything i see
You're laying here next to me when I wake up. I could say I'm surprised, but there is a first for everything, I suppose. I can see your shoulders rise and fall with uneven breathing, the muscles of your shoulders strung a little too tense.
Well, I know you well enough to know that you're a light sleeper. You're pretending to be asleep just like I'm pretending not to notice.
We were never really very good at lying to one another.
The neon lights from bar down the street marry with the moonlight and it turns the skin of your naked back into a living canvas. Your dark hair turns iridescent. Pinks and blues soften the hard planes of your face and, God, all I want to do is touch you.
Well, this is the last time I'll ever see you, so that's pretty fitting.
The fact presses sharp against my heart, the same way my badge pressed sharp against my chest the first time you kissed me.
Remember that? I asked you to stop kidding around and give me the info you promised. So you told me I wasn't very fun, snatched my hat, and ran down the alleyway. When I close my eyes, I can still see the black silk trail of your skirt, the scarlet curve of your smile. Hear the sound of your heels echoing against the pavement, keeping beat to your laughter.
"I'd rather play with you, Detective Enjolras." That's what you said before you grabbed my tie and left a burning kiss against my lips, crushing my body against yours with so much force that I had no choice but to hold onto you.
I'll never forget it. Then again, that's not a torch I'll have to carry for too much longer, now is it?
Because that was months ago and there is no more time for trading info or kisses in back-alleys on La Cienega. You told us as much yourself. You said that tonight was the night. That your parents were bringing in a shipment of dope so big the whole damn city would be drowning in it.
We'll stop them, the task force and me. Because that's our job. That's what the commissioner told us when he put this outfit together. If you want Mickey Cohen, you start with the Thénardiers, he told us. Use whatever force necessary, he told us.
And I hate that and I'd prefer to put your parents in cuffs and let the courts decide their fate. Because that's the American way. That's what me and the boys were fighting for on distant shores.
Look, I already know how this will go: We'll get the drop on them, but they'll out number us. We won't have a choice. It's gonna be a bloodbath, kid. So please, just this once, don't follow me.
You told me that it was a stupid thing to lose a life over, but I will be Goddamned if I watched good men die in the mud on the beaches of Normandy only to see scum like your parents living it up on home soil.
And the work we do tonight will pave the way to Cohen for the District Attorney and that's enough for me.
I'm not sure if I believe in God right now, but I'm praying to someone that you won't follow me. Please, just skip town. Cohen's men do some pretty unspeakable things to informants. Take the money I left in your purse. It's not much, but it's everything I have. Go get yourself a nice little place on the beach with a big porch like you always talk about.
Get your brother and your sister and just go. You'll all be orphans by this time tomorrow.
I think I love you.
If you were to open your eyes right now, I'd be powerless. You'd ask me to sit down and talk about it and I'd just end up getting lost in your skin and we'd make love and I'd never leave.
And I guess I might hate you for that.
But you don't. You're still pretending to be asleep. You make it easy. For once in our time together, you're making it easy for me.
No, I love you, Éponine. I'm sure of it and that makes it worse.
I don't know why, but I'm going to slip that photo of me from the war - the one with the squad dog - into your purse, too. I remember it made you smile. It's just so you'll have something to… I don't know. It feels too sentimental but I'm going to do it anyway. Just like I'm going to convince myself that I don't hear the way you sob when I close the door behind me.
I'm sorry.
i want you so bad i'll go back on the things i believe
there i just said it, i'm scared you'll forget about me
john mayer, edge of desire
