Characters: Natalia (Belarus), Toris (Lithuania), Ivan (Russia)

Paring: Toris x Natalia Side Parings: (one sided) Natalia x Ivan, Ivan x Alfred

Warnings: self mutilation, mature themes, violence

On with the story...


31st of December

Dear Diary

My name is Natalia Arlovskaya, also known as Ivan's Insane sister. During the centuries I have lived I have managed to build a reputation, however, it is far from a pleasant one. All of my fellow students view me as a lunatic, someone who does not belong among them. Especially my dear brother who runs at the sight of me, but even my sweet, caring sister dislikes my presence.

I don't know why I got this foolish idea to write this down, cause who will ever read it and know who I truly am, but I am desperate. Over the years the feelings have built up inside of me and I can no longer keep them imprisoned. All rueful thoughts are taking over, and since there is no one who wants to listen; this is my only chance to survive. To prevent the fall into the abyss of complete madness, to save me from myself.

Where is my fault in loving in loving you?

Ivan, sometimes I wonder if this is the prize I have to pay for my sins. My love for you was once pure as new snow, the thought of you filled me with joy. My younger self would be horrified and sad to see what pain, rejections and jealousy have done to me and the once white love I held. To my one source of happiness, as I write this tears falls down my cheeks; when was the last time I cried? But Ivan, I gave you my all!

Perhaps I am as terrifying as they think I am, I would have stopped at nothing to gain your love, after all I have lied, betrayed and wounded people on my road to get you. How could I know if I am insane? The countless scars on my wrists tell thousands of story's of defeats, when my pain was to great to handle. Loneliness is the keyword in my inane world, the sole powers that governs my life.

I hope this year will bring a ray of light in my austere life.


AN: I usually don't write in English since it is not my tongue and I have no beta, so I hope you forgive any grammar or spelling mistakes (if you find anything that sounds weird please PM me about it so I can change it and become better both in English and in writing. No flames please.) With that said, the reason I am writing this story is to give some love to my favourite character. Many fanfiction's were she has a major role includes rape and murder, so I wanted to write a story were she can be happy in the end.