Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation, that wonderful right belongs to Maki Murakami. I also don't own the lyrics to "Lucky" by Bif Naked.

CHAPTER ONE

It was a Monday, when my lover told me,
"Never pay the reaper with love only."
What could I say to you, except, "I love you."
And "I'd give my life for yours."

It was Monday night when I finished banging out the final words to my latest novel. It wasn't until I was stretching in my desk chair, sipping my lukewarm coffee, when I noticed it was already 10:00, and Shuichi still wasn't home. The first thought to enter my head was that he might have gotten into an accident with Hiro on the way home, and the last thing I would have said to him was that I didn't have time to pick the damn brat up tonight. Reason got the better of me, and I decided that K was more likely just holding the band late tonight, and the easiest way to settle this would be to call Shuichi's cell phone.

After what seemed like an eternity, Shuichi's perky voice message came on, and I hung up the phone and began pacing the room. What if Shuichi was hurt? What if he died?

Finally, I heard the front door click open behind me. Whirling around, I saw a disgruntled Shuichi stumbling in, eyes heavily lidded. He didn't even look up to see me, didn't even grunt a hello. I was suddenly overwhelmed with an inexplicable anger. He comes home late, doesn't even call me, and then doesn't even apologize?

Taking a few quick strides, I easily reached the hall before the slowly trudging Shuichi. Blocking the way to the bedroom, I forced Shuichi to look at me.

"Please, Yuki," he sighed, staring determinedly at my chest.

"What do you think you're doing? Where were you? Where the hell were you?" I yelled.

"I…" Shuichi tried to explain, but his voice faltered. He looked up at me, his eyes full of tears. "I don't want to tell you."

"Are you cheating on me, Shu? Are you fucking cheating on me?"

"No! I would never do that," Shuichi whispered.

"Then what is it?" I demanded impatiently.

"I… I was at… the doctor's," Shuichi whispered. His voice was barely audible, but I was able to hear the word 'doctor' as though he had screamed it in my ear.

"The doctor's? What were you doing there?" In a flash, my angry voice had turned to one of concern, though I doubt Shuichi would be able to detect it. Anger and lust are the only emotions I easily display.

"It's nothing," Shuichi sighed, taking my shock as a chance to push his way past me and in to the bedroom.

"Shuichi," I pleaded. For the first time tonight, Shuichi looked up at me.

"You didn't notice, I guess," he said. I was shocked to hear anger in my lover's voice. "You never notice anything."

"I…" I tried to protest, but I knew Shuichi was right.

Shuichi sighed and rolled his eyes, then turned over on the bed so that his face was in a pillow. His voice was muffled as he began talking to me, but by the way his shoulder's were shaking, I could tell he was crying. "I've been tired for over a week now, and I've been losing weight. Today, at work, I passed out, and Hiro took me to the doctor's office. And…"

Shuichi turned over to look at me. His face was red and streaked with tears. "I'm dying, Yuki."

I literally felt my heart stop momentarily. 'He's joking, right? Oh, God, Shu, you can't die!'

"You… you…" I stammered, taking a step towards the bed.

"I'm dying, God damn it!" Shuichi screamed, tears flowing freely from his eyes. And then, for the first time since I've known Shuichi, I started to cry, too.

"You can't die, Shu! You can't leave me!" I moaned, wrapping my arms around Shuichi and rocking him back and forth. I ran my hand up and down Shuichi's back, and I could feel every bone in his small body. How could I not have noticed how sick he was getting?

At first, Shuichi was tense in my embrace, but he began to relax into me, pressing his face against my chest.

"It's cancer, Yuki," Shuichi whispered against my neck once we both had calmed down a bit. "I only have a couple months left."

"Oh, Shuichi," I whispered, my grip on Shuichi tightening.

"Will you promise me something?" Shuichi asked feebly.

"Anything, Shu," I told him, looking him in the eye. And I meant it, too.

"Promise me you won't cry. Don't cry when I'm alive, don't cry when I die. Just be happy… be happy that… that you get to live these last few months with me, okay?" Shuichi asked, and I could tell he was stifling back a few tears himself.

I was taken aback momentarily, but resolutely I told him, "I promise."

Shuichi smiled weakly, and buried his face in my chest once again.

As I ran my fingers through the baka's pink hair, I began to appreciate for what seemed like the first time how soft Shuichi was - his hair, his skin, his eyes, his heart.

"I love you, Yuki," Shuichi whispered to my chest. "But I guess not even love holds off death."

I nearly broke my promise right then. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but Shuichi's voice broke into my head, and I knew that crying wouldn't help anything.

"Shuichi," I moaned.

Shuichi looked up from my chest and looked at me, eyes full of questions. "Yeah, Yuki?"

"I… I love you," I told him.

"Yuki, you don't have…" Shuichi began to say, but I put one finger over his mouth to silence him.

"I really do," I insisted. "I've loved you for so long, but I've never been able to tell you. And I'm not just saying it because you're going to die, because love is a lifelong commitment, and I know I won't be able to love anyone after you're gone the way I love you now."

"Y-yuki," Shuichi whispered. His eyes went all watery, but the corner of his mouth flickered upward.

I bent my head down and placed a gentle kiss upon Shuichi's trembling lips, and then I whispered against them, "I don't know what I'll do without you. I don't know why it can't be me."

"Oh, Yuki," Shuichi whispered, capturing my lips again. It was a passionate kiss, but it was very gentle; we were just barely touching. Fingertips roamed necks, backs, arms, and chests, as if they were newly presented before us. We were barely holding each other, yet we felt closer than ever.

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Yes, I know, very short. The next chapter will be longer, I promise! Please review... this is my first angsty fic!