The Most Common Twilight Fanfics

AN: Please keep in mind that I love Twilight, this is just done with humor in mind.

Bella/Jasper:

Bella: OMG I just caught Alice and Edward together! How could they do this to meeeeee? Let me go fuck Jasper. That'll take my mind off it…I love him, he's so hot!

Jasper: Here comes that hot lil piece of ass Bella…I'm in love with her because I just caught my wife cheating on me with my brother.

Bella/Any Volturi Member:

Bella: Edward just left me/cheated on me/died/turned really evil. I'm going to Italy to become a Guard Member/ask to die…wow…who's that *insert Volturi member name here*?

Volturi Member: Dear sweet Bella, she's so beautiful…she's my mate and Edward can go fuck himself. (AN: I am well aware that my only fanfic falls into this category, however, I believe it is not too shabby and takes its dear sweet time in getting to the point.)

Bella/Carlisle:

Bella: Edward doesn't exist/has a mate/is a dick. And Esme doesn't exist/is with Edward/left Carlise…Ohhhh Carlisle! I wanna play doctor!

Carlisle: I'm devastated that Esme doesn't exist/that I don't have a mate/that Esme is dead…But holy crow I wanna play doctor with Chief Swan's daughter even though she is far younger than me/the daughter of the Police Chief of Forks/badly damaged by a random trauma/calculated trauma/etc.

AN: Again, just a bit of humor. I am so sick of fanfics that don't take their time. It's like, something major happens and suddenly the characters are in bed together, though normal life experience dictates that those feelings should be slow to develop, especially after heartbreak and loss. I have read MANY excellent fanfics, but for every excellent fanfic there's a million that just rush things way too fast. I love the ones that are written so that the plotline is believable, not just Bella and some random other character rushing into love. Real love is hard, and takes time to blossom, and I love the fics that reflect that.