I've been asked a few times to write a Ness 'baby' fic so I've decided to give it a whirl... Here ya go... (And if you like this kind of thing go check out '40 weeks' and 'The Test') *Thanks Ztofan once again!*
Instructions
When you're ready to use your pregnancy test, remove the oneāpiece test stick from its individual foil wrapper and take off the cap.
Hold the tip pointing downwards in your sample for five seconds only.
Keep the test pointing downwards or lay the test flat until the line has appeared in the window. You can read your result after three minutes.
Is it possible for time to move more slowly - especially when you really don't want it to? I've always thought that the proverb, 'a watched pot never boils' was ridiculous, but today, now - I'm not so sure.
Within seconds, I can feel my legs beginning to shake involuntarily; my knees clashing together in a shuddering, jerky rhythm - like when it's cold outside. I press them together. Now, my foot starts to tap, to take up the slack. My whole body is tense and anxious.
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
The second hand on my watch appears to be taunting me, pausing between each movement. As I look down it hesitates around the 12 - come on. I silently will the small mechanical movement to work faster. Move. I need to know.
I sit up taller and survey the room around me. The familiar yellow and blue tiles that line the walls feel like they are inching closer to me as I sit in the stall. The blue wooden shelf looms over me. Although I left the door open I feel claustrophobic so I get up and make sure the bathroom door is still locked. Yes.
Starting to pace the length of the bathroom, finally my mind starts to still a little and other thoughts begain coming through. What will I do... What will we do? Are we ready? Where would we live? How could we afford it-
Shush, I tell myself. Stop. These voices in my head have hounded me for days now, in one form or another. It started on Tuesday - oh, just a little late, no biggie. By Thursday, an anxious knot was forming in my stomach. And today, Saturday, I cracked. I was never this late.
Two more minutes.
Cece would kill me if she knew I'd done this alone. We're best friends, right - supposed to share everything? But this, this thing... I needed to process it alone. So at eight am I'd slipped out of bed, leaving him sleeping silently, pausing to give him a soft kiss on the head. If only he knew...
The drugstore was quiet and I snatched a basket and began to fill it with random items - a candy bar, a romance novel, some Tylenol, a pack of bobby pins... Until I reached that aisle.
Dumbstruck, I stared at row upon row of little white boxes. I became a little dizzy - which one? Digital? Triple pack? Brand name? Store's own? I stood, staring, rooted to the spot. A 31-year old woman should have a clue about these things...
In a panic, I reached forward and grabbed a triple pack of 'Clear Blue' - the box told me it came a 'conception indicator' so I figured it must be reliable.
The clerk rang up my goods as I nervously danced on the spot - like a teenager buying her first pack of condoms. I knew I shouldn't be embarrassed - everyone has sex, almost every woman will use a pregnancy test at least once but ... Still, I felt my cheeks tinge red when I handed over my Visa.
When I'd got home I'd waited, an agonizing wait, for my roommates to leave. For him to leave. I couldn't say anything, no - not yet. Finally, by lunch, I was alone.
Now I stare at the small, white stick I left balanced on the edge of the sink. A flimsy piece of plastic which held such huge potential consequences. They say it's the small things that matter - I find that saying rather ironic in this moment.
The chill from earlier is still here and I feel my teeth chatter.
I'm not sure how I should feel. Scared? Excited? Sure, we'd talked about this possibility in abstract terms - maybe when we have kids, in the future you know, that sort of thing. But this was in the here, the now and I wasn't sure how I should react.
One more minute.
I sink back against the tiles and try to clear my mind.
I want to be a mother. I really do. I want to carry a child, nourish them, care for them, love them.
And then it occurs to me - it would be his baby too. Nick's. I smile suddenly at this thought. A little Nick Miller - maybe it would have his big, brown eyes and my curly dark hair. A vision of him holding a small, white bundle suddenly fills my mind and it feels, well, nice. I imagine him soothing them at night when they can't sleep, maybe trying to sing (badly). I think of him and I watching our child grow up - side by side. It's kind of exciting. Us, parents? Crazy. But crazy, crazy exciting.
15 seconds.
I peel myself away from the wall and take those few steps back towards it. I eye it with suspicion. Any moment now.
10 seconds.
Now I'm sure my watch is toying with me. Maybe I could just peek? No, be patient Jess.
Five seconds.
Deep breaths. Breathe. Relax Jess! Come on - really, what are the chances. We're always careful, right?
Time's up.
Closing my eyes, I reach out my hand and bring the test closer. I count to three and then I look.
I'm holding my breath. I blink a few times. I swallow; lick my lips.
My heart is pounding, blood rushes to my head; I hear a whooshing sound.
And I'm smiling. Then laughing. Tears stream down my face as I clutch that stupid plastic wand and sink to the cold floor of the bathroom.
And then I realize - I'm happy.
All worries and doubts lift, like a veil has been removed and I can see clearly. I can admit what I scarcely was able to admit to myself before.
I want this.
I'm pregnant. I'm actually going to be a mother.
I have to tell him.
To be continued ...
