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"Valen-Evil-Tine"
By:
Megawacky Max
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From the author:
Greetings. My name is Max... "Megawacky" Max. I'm proud to expose my second story for the Invader Zim section of Fanfiction.Net. Before going on, there are a couple of persons I would like to thank.
First, my beloved Eve, who was always a moral support for my creative skills. She's also responsible of the many grammar corrections along the following story. Next, to Tyoria, because she was responsible of submerging my brain in episodes of Zim, so this story would have never really existed without her.
If there are more persons I should have thanked, but I did not... please, accept my apologies.
Now, the story: Zim faces Valentines Day for the first time since he landed in the planet. May the clueless alien make his way through it? But be alert, because not only Zim has problems to face this special day. There will be a second character involved in a vortex of bad memories, trying hard to escape from it.
Let's stop the suspense. I'll let you read this story I've called "Valen-Evil-Tine"... a story which begins like this:
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Valen-Evil-Tine
- Chapter 1 -
The odd, pink, human festivity
The sun had rose into the blue, Earth sky that February morning. The kids were all walking to "skool" as the hands of the clocks were reaching the time for the first bell. Among the huge variety of different faces among the crowd of children, still waiting outside the building of knowledge, one of them was certainly more different than anybody else, and yet, as "human" as any other kid.
The green-skinned, no-eared kid walked among the crowd of young students, the ones who called him "freak", with the determination every Irken Invader must have. He was expecting another day of human knowledge, thanks to his teacher, Miss Bitters, giving her lectures in a cold voice. Lectures he used to gather information about the Human Customs.
Zim didn't know, however, that day would be totally different.
-Dib, stop following me -Zim said. He narrowed his disguised eyes and his body language was one of contempt as he walked up the skool's steps.
A kid jumped out from inside a bush that Zim had passed. He stared at Zim's back.
-How'd you know I was...? -the pale kid began.
-You use the same bush as a... "secret must-spy-Zim" hideout every day. -Zim said, turning to the other guy. He smirked. -You were lucky. I could have just ZAPPED the bush.-
Dib, the pale guy, scowled from behind his big, round glasses.
-Well, I'll find another way! -he declared-. I won't let you... alien... do any weird stuff to control this planet!
-Relax -Zim mumbled-, I'll let you know when I'm trying something weird, so you can come and see my TRIUMPH over the lousy, lame... *stinkin'* humanity.-
They stayed like that, both glaring at each other until the bell rang. Still scowling, both students, the human and the alien, walked into the classroom. Zim, however, stopped at the door. His masked eyes widened in surprise when he realized there were new decorations in the classroom. It was so... *pink*.
-What -he said- is all this... this... pinky... pink... phenomena?
The walls of the classroom were full of pink paper hearts, something Zim had never seen in the room before. What was the reason behind it? Zim didn't know, but he needed to act like a real human in order to not be discovered as the alien he was. He just walked slowly to his desk, and sat there, looking nervously at the many paper hearts on the walls.
-What are all those strange shapes on the walls for? -Zim murmured-. Maybe is some kind of human... -he waved a hand-... custom...
But in that moment, Miss Bitters appeared in the classroom. That was enough to turn off the few chats along the squared, closed surface. Zim (as well as the rest of the students) saw her grabbing a piece of chalk and writing some white words on the green surface of the blackboard: "Valentine Day" could be read after she moved away, glancing at the class with gloomy eyes behind her glasses.
-Valentines Day -she said in her own well-known dark tone-. This is the pathetic time of the year when people have that horrendous disease, called "Love".
The entire class was silent. Miss Bitters resumed her speech.
-Not that *I* care... but you all are too young to understand. However, you are old enough to have your own, little, poor, useless romance... -she scowled-. And when you grow up, if you dare to, of course, you will realize your "beloved one" will run away with a better one, leaving you forever and laughing at your face due to your then-hopeless romantic life. Kids, know it from now on... your romantic life is doomed... doomed... *doomed*...
As usual, the word "doomed" seemed to be stuck in her brain, forcing it to keep repeating it, over and over. That gave time to Zim to say what he was thinking.
-Valentines Day?? -he scowled-. What kind of unknown, earthling propaganda is that, anyway?
-Don't you *know*, Zim? -the voice of his Nemesis called. Zim looked at his left: all the other kids were bored, minding their own business... except Dib, who had sneaked over to Zim's desk.
-Know *what*? -Zim said.
-Valentines Day, Zim -Dib smiled-. I thought you knew the human festivities. How are you planning to conquer this world, if you don't even know how the days work?
-Oh, *Valenines Day*! -Zim giggled-. Suuuuure I know it... Is the day when... Like... you'll see...
Zim blabbed, and Dib was enjoying his weak moment. Zim realized that, so he hurried to say...
-Uh, I think I have to go to the bathroom! See ya!
While Miss Bitter kept repeating "doomed" to herself, while the class kept their attentions focused on whatever human minds focus on, while Dib trained a true look of skepticism on the green guy, Zim stood up and walked out of the classroom. He closed the door and, after a quick glance down both sides of the hall, a communicator arm came from his mechanical backpack. Zim took it in a fast, nervous movement and yelled...
-GIR!!! I need your help! Meet me at skool, RIGHT NOW!
The communicator arm folded itself into the backpack, but before it was totally stored, Zim heard something approaching very fast. Just one instant before, the ceiling over Zim cracked, and a small green little pup landed on the alien with maximum force…along with several pieces of the broken ceiling.
-Gir, reporting for duty! -the strange green pup said as it was laying on the floor, next to its owner.
Zim stood up in a small jump.
-GIR!! What you took so long?!
The green pup stood up in its two short, black rear feet and glanced at the alien with huge, vacant eyes for a second, then closed them cutely.
-Traffic -the pup just said. In the path from Zim's house to skool, several cars and trucks where spotted with Gir-shaped holes in their iron structures.
-No time for that, Gir -Zim said in low voice, approaching the pup and looking everywhere-. The humans are all acting stranger today. They have hung some kind of strange-shaped pink forms in the walls! I want you to gather all the info you can get about this strange behavior, Gir.
The pup saluted, then spoke in a slightly deeper tone.
-Yes, my master!-
And without any other word, its rear feet expelled a blue flame of combusted fire, making Gir take off at top speed in the direction of the hole in the ceiling... and making a second hole, next to the first one, when it drifted off course a little.
Zim kept track of his loyal Gir as it disappeared in the distance, until he heard a mocking voice behind him.
-Zim needs help understanding? -the voice laughed. Zim turned and discovered it was Dib-. So I was right. You don't know about Valentines Day! -he smiled.
-I didn't KNOW... Oh, but I *will* -Zim said as he narrowed his disguised eyes-. Don't be so happy, Dib. You won't catch me by surprise by not knowing what... "valenine" is. I will soon know it.
To his surprise, Dib kept his challenging smile.
-The meaning of Valentines Day is *nothing*, compared with your REAL reason of doom.
Zim raised an eyebrow.
-What do you mean? -he slowly said.
-You shall know it by the end of this class. Until then, Zim!
Dib giggled as he returned to the classroom. Zim stayed there, confused, glancing at the now closed door of his class. What was his Nemesis talking about? Scowling and ignoring whatever Dib was planning, he entered the classroom and sat in his chair, while Miss Bitters kept repeating "doomed" in a soft, dark tone.
The class was not amusing that day. After about one hour of "dooms" from the teacher, she ordered the kids to make some paper hearts for the celebration. Zim, clueless, cut a perfectly-shaped anatomically-correct heart in the pink paper. He didn't forget any artery, which some kids around him turned sickly green when looking at his masterpiece.
It was five to three. The class was about to finish, and there was no signal of any threat coming from Dib, even though he smiled that annoying smile every time Zim peeked at him from his seat. It was when Zim thought Dib had pretended all the time, when Miss Bitters gave the announcement.
-Class -she murmured-... as you know, there's a special Valentines Day dance for tomorrow night. Since this is one of the most pathetic and humiliating events of your young doomed lives, I'm *ordering* *all* of you to show up... WITH a dance partner -and she grinned evilly at this point-. Those of you who dare not come to this event, or who show without a couple, will...
-A couple of what? -asked Zim, all of a sudden.
Miss Bitters gave him a tedious look.
-A *couple*, Zim... A DANCING couple.
Zim gulped, which was a nice sight for Miss Bitters.
-I was saying -she continued-, those who dare come without a couple, will get a MONTH'S DETENTION.
At the mention of the words, many kids pulled back. The bell rang.
–Go…now… -Miss Bitters whispered.
All the kids left the classroom in a small stampede of screams... all except Zim. He was still in his chair, his jaw hanging, panicked at the idea of having to appear at a social human event, with the possible danger of being discovered.
-Zim, move it.
Zim reacted. Miss Bitters glasses were just a couple inches from his eyes. He stood up and walked to the door.
-I'm expecting you to be at the dance tomorrow, Zim -she said-. Or you will wish you had never been born.
Zim chose to ignore that threat and exited skool as soon and "humanly normal" as possible. As soon as he stepped off the stairs, he narrowed eyes again.
-Stop following me, Dib.
Dib jumped out from the same bush he had his in that morning, facing Zim's back again. Only that this time, he was smiling.
-See? -he said-. You won't escape this time! You will be forced to appear at the dance WITH a couple, and I will be there to expose you to the class, and then, to the WORLD!
Zim turned at him, still scowling.
-Maybe *detention* is not THAT bad...
-Detention is NOTHING -Dib laughed-, compared with what everybody will say about you! All the kids who have skipped the Valentines Day dance have been called FREAKS, and WEIRDOS! It's just a matter of you not appearing in order that everybody at skool will suspect your "human" behavior!
Zim's eyes grew large with fear. That was not good news.
-Then maybe I'll appear, Dib -he said, scowling again-. Yes... I shall appear... and I will be the most Human-Like being in that stupid event!
Zim turned away and began to walk, but Dib kept yelling.
-That's no problem! You still need a COUPLE! And you'll have to pick a human, because if you dare try to use a robot, I'LL REVEAL IT TO THE WHOLE SKOOL!! -he laughed his lungs out-. This time, Zim, you will be doomed for sure!!
Zim, worried, kept walking home, hoping Dib hadn't sensed his current fear.
Dib was right, Zim thought as he approached his house. This whole "Valentines" thingy was a total danger to his invasion mission. What was he going to do? The thought kept floating in his mind as he walked the short trip from the fence to his door, carefully protected by the guard-gnomes. Zim entered the house, hoping Gir could have found some useful data.
-GIR!!! -he yelled as the front door was closed.
The house rumbled. Zim fought for balance as the floor under his feet shook for some unknown reason. His sight locked on the kitchen gateway. His jaw dropped in panic when he spotted a huge, pink wave of paper hearts, rumbling toward him. Two seconds later, Zim had been buried in the pink sea, which almost reached the ceiling full of tubes and alien devices. Zim emerged from the depths of the pink sea and glanced at it with kind of panic in his eyes.
-GIIIIRRRR!!! -he yelled for a second time, with a tone of anger.
Next to him, another thing emerged. It was Gir, his loyal robot, not wearing the pup disguise this time. It glanced at Zim with its bright blue eyes and a big smile in its metallic mouth.
-Wheeee!! I like this day!! -it said.
-GIR! What is all this... junk... doing in the house?!
-It's the search results! -Gir happily said-. Valentines Day is niiiiiice!!
-Is a NIGHTMARE, you mean! Gir! I'm being forced to go to a stupid dancy thing! Otherwise, they shall suspect I'm not human!
-Dance! Wheee!!
-GIR! Concentrate! -Zim said, annoyed-. Our mission is in DANGER! Quick! Tell me everything you've learned of this... ugly-looking day this far!
Gir dove amongst the hundreds of paper hearts. Seconds later, it emerged again, carrying the TV with it.
-This might explain a few things! -it said, connecting its internal cables to the TV's. The screen suddenly showed Gir's discoveries (in black and white, with marks in the film). A narrator explained the images: a man and a woman in front of a huge heart.
-Valentines Day -the narrator explained-: this is a special date to commemorate love.
-Love?? -Zim murmured, rising an eyebrow.
-On this special day, people enjoy the company of a beloved being, and they try to have a lovely get-together by means of affectionate signals, for instance; gifts and presents, such as candy or flowers, or maybe heart-shaped valentine cards.
Zim stared with huge eyes when he saw a paper heart on the screen.
-That looks like all those pieces of paper I saw in class today! -he said-. So that's what they were!
Gir turned off the TV and let it "sink" into the pink sea.
-Oooh no, the TV! -Gir lamented.
-No time for that, Gir! -Zim pointed-. So, all this celebration is for a homage to human feelings, eh? Uhmm... THAT should be a tasky... eh... *task* for such an invader of MY class -he paused, lost in thought-. Uhmm... I must be at tomorrow's dance with a... couple.
-A couple of what? -Gir asked.
-A *dance* couple, Gir.
-OOH! OOH! -Gir said, rising a hand- Choose me!! Choose me!! Please! Please! Please!
-A *human* dance couple, Gir... -Zim frowned.
-Oh... -Gir seemed disappointed-... I wanted to da-ance... –and then it smiled again-. Can I watch TV, now?
-Not just yet, Gir... I am expected to go to the dance with a human dance couple. I'm afraid I can not go with a mechanical one, because *Dib* would discover me -Zim seemed lost in a thought-. Well... It doesn't seem *that* hard to "get a human couple"…thing... GIR!
-Yes, my master! -it said, rising a hand to its forehead and scowling with now red eyes.
-Let's go to the lab! -Zim proclaimed-. This Irken soldier will DEMONSTRATE he can get a dance couple! Ha-ha-ha-haaaaa!!
And while Gir laughed with his master, both it and Zim were sucked by a huge tube, which had risen from the concealed mechanical floor, connected to the secret laboratory in the basement of the house.
