Pieces Of Me & You

Chapter 1, A book signing and a Revelation

It was the smile that didn't quite reach her eyes; it was the look of indifference-where did it all go wrong?

I could retrace my steps and go back to a time when it all made sense and we were happy but what would be the point? I loved you in a song, I loved you in a soliloquy, and do you remember the dance we shared underneath the lights at the Rivercourt? Do you remember the way the rain pelted down and you looked at me and saw me for the first time. It felt like I had finally come home. I long for those days and ache for those nights, I feel so far from who we were, who we were meant to be to one another.

You left on a Monday and took a piece of me with you, it felt like a goodbye, you kissed me and promised me a future. All I could taste was the scent of you leaving and the aroma of goodbye. It felt so heavy and it took my last piece of resolve to not let the tears rain down, I wish I could have told you the things that make me a better version of myself when you're around. I would wrap you tightly in my arms and hold on just a little bit longer, knowing that this moment was perfect and that this love of ours would endure. Time would erase the memories of you and me and I would eventually move on, not by choice but by necessity.

I wrote about you after you left, I wrote love letters and poems. Whole pages were dedicated to everything that was a part of you and me; I never sent you one word. You called me everyday and then the calls became infrequent, we drifted further apart and the dream I had held onto for so long slipped away in the dead of night and I was left wanting. I ached every single day to hold you close, pull you closer to me, bury my hands deep within your curls and take you to the bedroom and not let you go.

I took the call early in the morning, you were out of breath and I could hear a male voice in the background. You told me you had met someone and that we were over. I hung up and spent the next week drunk, I barely remembered Nate and Haley visiting me. Basketball and writing became my tether to the world, a way to unleash the lead that had settled in my heart. I died a little inside that day and every day after that, nothing was the ever the same again and I hated you. They say there is a fine line between love and hate; truer words have never been spoken. I cut myself off from you, refused your calls and heard about you sporadically through Brooke, we met up from time to time in New York where I had meetings with my publishers about a book I had written of my love for you. It left me with an ache in my soul and a bitter taste in my mouth, Brooke saw the sadness consuming me and she offered comfort. We have been close ever since, I know she speaks to you often but we never really go into specifics.

I know you are married now and that you have been successful in pursuing your dreams, I got your invitation and although you never saw me at the wedding I was there. I saw how happy you were and he seemed like a great guy, I couldn't bring myself to walk over to you, I could see the smile that didn't quite reach your eyes and the look of indifference you had-but I just didn't care anymore.

The way I saw it, you had made your choice and you had to live with it, you would carry your regret with you in every kiss that didn't quite feel the way it should and the way he would make love to you-never quite reaching the real you. At least not in the way you could be touched, that was reserved solely for me and I think we both knew we had lost something that day. It would take you longer to realise it but I knew that you would.

It's been four months and eleven days since you got married, I would have counted the minutes and seconds but there didn't seem to be much point. It didn't change the fact that you were married and I was all alone nursing a broken heart, one you seemed to have gotten over relatively quickly.

Haley just got back from visiting you in New York; I had forgotten you moved there for work and also to be closer to Brooke and maybe even home. She wouldn't stop talking about you and how you were different; she said there was an air of melancholy about you like someone had put out your fire. She said there was a thin façade of happiness coating the surface of your smile and the way you looked at people it was with eyes dulled by something painful and perhaps unimaginable. I wanted so badly to pick up the phone and hear your voice, but I knew that conversation would end in tears and perhaps crack my already fragile heart.

I sat in my room and typed up an outline for my new story, as always it involved parts of you and the way we used to feel about one another. It felt challenging writing about my beliefs in love and art and the healing power of a love that transforms the very core of who you are to me. I finished it up and this was while I was working on getting my first one finished, my publishers couldn't believe how prolific I had become since hearing the good news about my first novel. In two weeks I would be in New York for a book signing I made Brooke promise she wouldn't tell you about it, I couldn't see you it would be too hard. No one could have predicted you would find out through your music industry sources, no one could have predicted what it would be like the first time we clapped eyes on each other.

I caught the shuttle into New York, I arrived late at night and Brooke came and met me off the train.

'Lucas Scott, it's been a while' Brooke looked as gorgeous as ever and had a smile so wide I felt like maybe I could bask in the glow of it for the duration of my stay here.

'Brooke Davis, you look-just beautiful. It's so good to see you' I enveloped her in a hug and lifted her off the ground in my arms, she squealed and demanded to be put down. It felt nice having a familiar face in New York-someone I could hang out with and not be constantly reminded of the one who got away. Brooke had always been good at providing a distraction from reality-she had only gotten more talented at it over the years.

'So big shot published author, I thought we could go back to my apartment have a drink and then maybe get some sleep you have a big day tomorrow'

'Sounds perfect, I am pretty tired. It's been a lot of late nights and early mornings'. I had dark rings under my eyes and I looked as exhausted as I felt.

Brooke's apartment was tasteful, it was steel worktops, black couches and rich blue walls, there were tasteful art pieces on the wall and it felt like Brooke. She showed me to my room and then we sat and had a drink, I went to bed a half hour after we got there. She hugged me goodnight and said she would wake me up in the morning. I waved her goodnight and stumbled to the bed, my eyes were closed as my head hit the pillows. Sleep came to me easily these days mainly due to the fact that I was beyond tired when I finally came to rest my weary soul. I didn't dream anymore, everything simple and comforting had been stripped away when I no longer had that curly blond in my life. She took a piece of me with her when I heard the words 'I do' slip past her lips. I had prayed that the man she would be saying those words to you was me, but it was not to be.

Sometimes it's difficult to reconcile the past with the present, knowing where you want to be and how you are going to get there are two very different things. Sunlight streamed into the room from the gap in the curtains, it already felt like the longest day and I hadn't even gotten up yet, I rubbed a hand over my face and got up and took a shower. I shaved and changed into smart clothes, I looked the part but I certainly didn't feel the part.

The streets of New York were crowded, people scurrying along the sidewalk all impatient to get somewhere. I felt so far removed from home I couldn't have been more out of place if I tried, I arrived at the book signing with time to spare.

'Luke you're early, we weren't expecting you for another half hour' Lindsey my editor had been there since the store opened it was her first book signing and she was anxious that things go smoothly. She was a junior editor and had a lot to prove, I had liked her since the beginning she was a poor substitute for Peyton-anyone was, but she had the same strengths and force of presence. I thought maybe I could like her in that way, six months had gone by and she had been there for me every step of the way, I just didn't know if I felt ready to start dating again.

I couldn't have predicted the chain of events that would set in motion our first date but it had everything to do with seeing Peyton again and nothing all at the same time. Sometimes you have to sit with the past before you can walk away from it, that is how I felt when I saw Peyton arrive at my book signing. Words like love and hate rolled around in my head aching to be released. Phrases like, "I'm not over you, I still love you, How could you leave me?" screamed from my veins, but then she smiled at me and every ounce of vitriol and spiteful comment was pushed back beneath the surface.

'Hi Luke, God it feels like forever since I last saw you' She took him in, he looked as sexy as hell in a blue button down shirt and his hair adorably mussed up. She looked in to his eyes and saw the haunted look he gave her, she had broken him in every way and it hurt her a little to see the effect she had on him. He still made her pulse race and that was just from seeing him smiling at her, lord help her if they hugged.

'Peyton, wow you look beautiful, I'm so glad you could make it to the signing. After all this book is about you at least the old you' He smiled at her and couldn't help but make a stab at her and how they used to be, before she could muster a response he enveloped her in a tight hug. He felt her tense and then relax in his arms, she still smelt the same and it made him sad to know that he wasn't the one who got to see her face first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

He broke the embrace and just took in her in again, she was stunning and she nervously tucked a curly strand of hair behind her ear. She looked over my shoulder and saw Lindsey standing there.

'Hi, I'm Peyton'

'Lindsey, Luke's editor. It's great to meet you, I feel like I know you, at the least the one from the book' Lindsey shook Peyton's hand and smiled at her.

'I haven't changed much over the years, a little older a little wiser-but still the same small town girl at heart. Locations can change but I remain the same' She looked at Lindsey and felt a keening sense of impending doom, this woman gave Luke the same look Peyton had done in the years that he had been in a relationship with Brooke. It was obvious she cared for Luke beyond the author/editor relationship and Peyton didn't know how she felt about that. It was clear to her that nothing had happened yet.

'Luke have you got a minute somewhere we can talk in private?' Peyton fixed him with a look that had him melting, after all this time he would do anything she asked, this was not a good development.

'Sure, there's a supply cupboard back here. The signing won't start for another twenty minutes. Linds we'll be right back' He strode ahead and pushed open the door, he could smell her scent, it drew him in. She closed the door softly behind her and turned to face him, he was standing inches from her and giving her a look that was a mixture of curiosity and maybe even love.

'So Peyton, what did you want to talk to me about?'

'I hardly know where to start, so much has happened since we were together. It feels so weird seeing you again after all this time. Can you meet me after so that we can talk properly?'

'It's hard seeing you in any way Peyt. It all hurts, I thought that I could handle seeing you, but it just makes everything so much more difficult. I'm not sure seeing you would be a good idea'

'Please Luke, my husband is out of town come to my apartment there's something I need to tell you and it would be better if you came alone and saw for yourself'

'Okay, give me a few hours. Txt me the address, I'll be there' She smiled and opened the door.

'Luke, I'm so proud of you-really. You finally made your dreams come true, I always knew you could' She waved and I watched her hips sway as she left the book signing and all I could think about was seeing her later. I got through the signing and thanked Lindsey for all her hard work. I promised I would see her tomorrow but for now there was somewhere I needed to be. She smiled sadly at me and hugged me goodbye.

I looked at my phone and the text message with the address, it was a swanky building with a doorman and it looked like the appropriate address for a vice president of A & R to live, so Peyton had certainly come a long way. She had achieved unparalleled success as well, I think we were all destined for greatness and for a bunch of confused teenagers from a small town to reach the heights we had, and well it was pretty damn impressive.

'Lucas Scott, go on up it's the penthouse suite' the doorman gave me a friendly smile and directed me toward the lifts. I pressed the right button and felt the butterflies dance a concertina across my stomach. I had no idea why I agreed to this meeting, I must have a masochistic side to me when it comes to all things Peyton. I would not have endured this had it not been for her; she was still the only woman to ever really know who I was. I could never let anyone in like I had with her, it was all too much-I had a sense of foreboding about this encounter.

I exited the lift and walked along the short hallway to the apartment, I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and as I raised my fist to rap on the door.

'It's open, come on in' Peyton called from somewhere within and I turned the handle and stepped inside. She was standing by the kitchen countertop and she had two glasses of wine and something was bubbling away on the stove.

'Luke, I'm so glad you came' She smiled at me, I felt lost and home all at the same time. This is what I had envisaged for the last three years we had been apart, me coming home and her standing there waiting for me. She looked so achingly beautiful it took a lot of self will not to kiss her and press her back against the countertop and place her on it as I stepped between her legs and placed kisses down her neck. I shook my head and advanced towards her, I smiled like there was nothing unusual going on and that everything was fine.

She handed me a glass of wine, as my fingertips lightly grazed hers I felt that same old spark still there simmering beneath the surface. How could it be, that after all this time she still ignited my core and made me feel a little weak all over? I could never quite fathom the effect this woman had on me, it was like magic-only the kind that is spectacular to watch and even better to see behind the veiled curtain.

'So, what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?' I smirked at her, mainly because it caused her cheeks to turn pink and it gave me more confidence. I felt a warm glow to see that I still had an effect on her.

'Well, I wanted to talk to you about something very personal and I really didn't feel like sharing it with the world'.

'Ok' I was officially intrigued, I had a sneaking suspicion that this was about to change everything, it was going to be a pivotal moment and I was not sure how I would handle this, I'd say nothing and hope for the best.

'Well do you remember when we saw each other 3 months ago and it was all so unexpected?' I nodded my head indicating of course I remembered and that she should go on.

So I kinda told a lie, I had seen Peyton recently-but I had buried that chance meeting as I feared that I would fall apart if I acknowledged that it had taken place.

'Well, there is no easy way to say this, I'm pregnant and Julian had a vasectomy so I know for a fact that the baby is yours. I couldn't not tell you and well I need to know what you want to do about it. I need to know how you feel because my head is spinning and I have had a lot longer to deal with it than you'.

I choked on my wine and spat some out, which was the last thing I had been expecting to come out of her mouth. The second she said she was pregnant I had actually smiled inwardly and now I couldn't imagine her not going to full term, it may not be an ideal situation but she was still the only woman I had ever seen myself having children with, to know that we were already at that point made me happy.

'Peyt, that's amazing news. I'm so happy to be a part of it' I walked over to her and encased in her my arms; I could feel the tiny baby bump and knowing it was my doing, brought tears to my eyes. She didn't know it yet but she was making another dream of mine come true. I pulled back from her and saw the love she still had for me patiently waiting beneath the surface.

'It's not over between us is it?' Peyton looked hopefully up into my eyes and I smiled as I kissed her lips.

'It's never going to be over between us, it doesn't matter how much time goes by or who we are with, I will always hold pieces of you in my heart. I've known that since I saw you again 3 months ago, truth be told I've known for years that it would always come back to a you and me. I just needed to know that I wasn't the only feeling that way' She kissed me back and I felt that little piece of my heart fall snugly back into place right where it had been missing for so long.

'Luke, what are we going to do?'