No Son of Mine
By Chyna Rose
Disclaimer: I don't own Daria- just the idea
why Upchuck acts like he does.

It's hard being a Ruttheimer. Or at
least it's hard to be me. My name is
Charles Ruttheimer the Third, but most
people call me Upchuck. To be honest, I
prefer the latter to the former. Upchuck is
a name that suits who I pretend to be; who
my father wants me to be.
My father. Charles Ruttheimer the Second.
At times, I wish we weren't related. I know
he does.
He won't let me live my life the way I
want to. Not because it's what's best for
me, but because he's afraid. Deathly
afraid. He's so afraid that I will
disappoint him; turn out differently then
what he wants. 'No son of mine…' and all
that crap.
It all started when he saw that I wasn't
dating much. Or rather at all. And I was
doing it at a time when other boys my age
were starting to. More specifically the
sons of his business associates. To be
honest, I wasn't all that interested in
romance. I'd rather be off playing some rpg
or watching a sci-fi marathon on tv. Or
hacking skeletons to pieces on the computer.
Or, better yet, making one myself. I just
didn't want to date. I liked being plain
friends with girls. If any seemed to be
even the smallest bit interested in my
hobbies.
I'll admit, I was a nerd. Am a nerd.
But my father didn't understand that. He
didn't understand how I could be happy
blowing monsters up with a tom boy half a
world away. Especially since I didn't mind
the fact nothing came of it. It was about
that time he first gave the 'no son of mine'
speech. And I took it to heart, because in
truth, I was like he wanted. I began
seeking out girls in school who seemed open
to being friends with me- or those girls who
had a talent I could use to help me make my
game. Not many were interested in even that
much. Most were popularity freaks who
couldn't come up with one single creative
idea even if their life depended on it. The
others… I just wasn't part of their crowd.
And when it comes down to it, no-one wants
to open up to someone outside of their
crowd. I did make one or two new female
friends, and a number of guy friends, but
the girls were didn't mind just being
friends. And neither did I.
But my father wasn't happy. So I started
to try to get closer to them. Slowly. A
few group dates with the whole gang plus
some extra. In fact, I think I was falling
in love.
Eve. Daria reminds me so much of her;
the wit, sharpness of tongue, the love of a
verbal spar… Eve wasn't pretty- not by
today's standards. Eve was more suited to
the Renascence era; gentle curves and soft
lines. She was my shrew, my Kate. How to
soon she was my Eurydice.
Eve entered immortality at 7:55 p.m.
on a Saturday in May. The victim of a
drunk football hero behind the wheel of a
car he never learned how to drive. Tommy
Sherman, breaking at least three laws,
mowed her down without a thought- and
without a consequence. Eve wasn't
popular. She was my equal in every way.
She was the only person I could see
spending the rest of my life with. And
when you are just beginning high school,
that is saying a lot. Eve was the glue
that held my small circle of friends
together. Without her, we fell apart.
Andrea fell in with a group of Goths and
I never spoke to her again. You see, she
blamed me for Eve's death. Eve was
coming over to see me to plan our next
D&D campaign and maybe see Star Trek V
again.
After Eve's death, I withdrew. It
scared my mother. She thought I would
join Eve prematurely. I didn't talk to
girls much, simply because I didn't know
how. And I didn't have the courage to
even try without my better half. I
didn't find girls that interesting
anymore, anyway. Not that I liked guys
mind you. It's just that I held all
girls up to Eve. And no girl can compare
with the dead. Death erases all flaws.
My father didn't understand. He
pushed me to date, when I was still
mourning over my loss. He told me how to
go after women by using himself as an
example. He pushed me to see girls as
nothing more than sex objects. Made me
be an annoying little ass who would come
on to anything vaguely female. Forced me
to desecrate Eve's memory by threatening
me to do as he said or befall great harm.
The first time I was called Upchuck, I
was happy. Ever since I started to act
like my father, I knew I didn't deserve
the name Charles. And I will proudly be
Upchuck until I can redeem myself.
You see, my father is afraid that I'm
gay simply because I don't date girls.
His fear won't allow me to go about
dating my own way. Won't let me search
out my Eve in Eden. He keeps telling me
'no son of mine is going to be a fucking
faggot'. But I can't really blame him.
I've seen the way he catches himself
checking out other guys. I've seen the
scares from where his father beat the
evil out of him, and from where he tried
to cut it out himself. He wants me to be
what he should have been, so much so,
that he goes overboard in his zeal. My
grandfather refused to have a faggot for
a son and proved his point with my
father's blood.
My father knows violence is not the
answer, but he can't deal with the
thought that I might become him, Every
time I look at him, I can hear him say
one simple sentence. No son of mine is
going to be what I didn't have the
strength to be. And in my heart I know,
that no son of mine is going to be what I
was forced to be. Eve forgive me if I
ever become my father.

Author's Note: Is it just me, or does
Upchuck try to hard to be strait. Not that
I'm saying he isn't. Just that he goes
overboard. I'm sure that if he dropped the
act, and I'm sure it's an act, he'd find
someone who wouldn't reject him. It kinda
makes you think, doesn't it.