"That SUCKED!" howled first-year Lee Jordan as he left the Quidditch arena that breezy Saturday. He had just seen his first school Quidditch game. Lee was a huge Quidditch fan.
"But Lee, we won!" said a girl named Alicia Spinnet confusedly. Alicia was a second-year who always seemed to be there, offering advice and support to the Gryffindor first-years, the girls in particular. She played a reserve Chaser on the house team.
"Not the Quidditch!" moaned Lee, hiding his face in his hands. "The COMMENTARY! What was that Slytherin chick DOING out there? Everyone was practically asleep!"
George Weasley caught up with his friend and exchanged a slightly alarmed look with Alicia. They'd never seen Lee this worked up about something.
"It's OK, Lee, honestly," said Alicia bracingly. "Everyone's used to Marionne Bulstrode's commentary, and she's only here another year."
"Torturous and irrelevant!" protested Lee. He was on eye level with Alicia despite only recently having turned eleven. "Bloody hell, could you listen to her? There was no passion in her voice, and the point is that everyone was practically asleep!"
He stormed away, muttering death threats and murderous outbursts about thickheaded Sltherin girls who couldn't commentate to save their lives.
"What the hell?" muttered Fred, George's identical twin, as he appeared at his brother's side. "What's got Lee so, um, how shall I put this delicately-"
"Utterly pissed?" volunteered Angelina Johnson, another member of their little 'gang', who had been walking with Fred and George.
"That'd be it," said Fred.
"Ya think?" asked George.
"On occasion, yeah."
They laughed, and headed up to Gryffindor, the Quidditch still fresh in their minds.
* * *
Lee sulked at the house party. While George made the older grades laugh and Fred sang his version of an old Carrie Onward (old wizarding singer who was raved about by Hogwarts graduates of the fifties and sixties) hit with Slytherin-bashing lyrics, Lee brooded.
Now, you must understand that when Lee Jordan sulked, he SULKED. The sheer injustice of it all fumed and buzzed inside his head, and he couldn't seem to get rid of it. It stabbed away at him, clouding everything, and all Lee could do was mope. Sulk. Brood. Think. Ponder. Scowl. Pace up and down.
"Come on, Lee, have fun! Fancy some Droobles Best Blowing Gum?" wheedled Katie Bell, waving the bright packet tantalisingly under his nose. He waved her away, his eyes narrowed in concentration.
"Hey, Lee, man. I dare ya to lob this Dungbomb into that crowd of fifth-year girls over there!" sang out Fred. Lee could never resist a dare.
"Nick off for a bit, Fred. I'm thinking!" hissed Lee.
Apparantly, tonight, Lee could.
Fred did an exaggerated double-take and bounced off, grabbing George by the arm. George was imitating a slightly sloshed Percy dancing when he'd been dared by a cousin to sup of the parents' mead one mad Christmas. Percy was glaring.
"I give up. If irritating girls can't snap him out of it, nothing will," grumbled Fred.
"Oh, don't chuck a moody on us now!" whined George.
"Dare you to run up and punch Lee in the back of the neck! There, is that moody?"
"When Lee's in this kind of a state, I wouldn't recommend that," observed Angelina.
"Levelheaded," sniggered George, elbowing Fred, who feigned shock.
"Ye gods! Braggart, how dare you call Angelina levelheaded? Draw on the count of three!"
"I hear ya! One, two, three- EXPELLIARMUS!" yelled Fred and George. Rather than disarming each other, however, they both pointed their wands over their shoulders and sent a bowl of crisps and a rather short classmate flying. They took deep bows.
Angelina rolled her eyes. "My hero," she said in a high voice, pretending to swoon. Fred struck a 'manly' pose and George grinned.
Alicia smiled at the proceedings and wandered over to stand beside Lee, who was leaning against the wall.
"Hi."
Lee grunted.
"You're not STILL sore about the commentary, Lee? No-one can stick you when you're like this!" Alicia said incredulously.
Lee finally looked her in the face, giving her his best puppy-dog look, the one that never worked on teachers but could always throw girls.
Alicia sighed and said quietly, "You know, you're not the only one. Oliver can't stand the commentary either. Nor me, really. Marionne Bulstrode's good, she's just not... good. At all."
"That makes no sense," Lee told her bluntly.
"See? That's the Lee Jordan we all know and love!" said Alicia sarcastically. "The loudmouthed idiot who's always good for laugh!"
"Hey, I resent that!"
"You also resent the commentary, or so I understand. But face it, Lee. The teachers adore Marionne, so the only way she'll stop ruining the good name of commentary is if someone knocks her out and hides her in a cupboard."
Lee looked thoughtful. "Really...?"
Alicia looked startled. "Oh no. Lee, I know that look."
"What look?"
"The look you get when you've gotten a devious idea in your head! I didn't mean that literally!"
"Of course you didn't," said Lee soothingly, but he couldn't hide the starstruck gleam entering his eyes, or the smirk curling around his lips.
"Lee Jordan, swear to me that you aren't going to knock Marionne Bulstrode out and hide her in a cupboard."
Lee blinked. "Who, me?"
"Swear, Lee!"
"Fine, fine. I swear that I won't knock Marionne Bulstrode out and lock her in a cupboard."
"Show me your hands."
"What?"
"Swear again, and don't cross your fingers so you can lie."
"Oh, come on, Alicia! Only babies do that!"
"Show me your hands, and swear it again! Otherwise... otherwise..."
"You really aren't good at threats, ya know that?"
Alicia scowled at him.
"Urg. Fine, fine." Lee held out his hands and rambled off, "I swear that I will not, under any circumstances, knock out Marionne Bulstrode of Slytherin and lock her in a cupboard, however fun that would undoubtedly be. Happy?"
"I am now. Come on, Lee, cheer up. The party's still young, and the twins need backup for their pranks. You can sulk later."
"I feel a song coming on!" yelled Lee, and swarmed off to do a mad disco dance to a slow Celestina Warbeck love ballad that was playing.
Katie stepped next to Alicia, eyebrows raised at the sight of Lee being energetic and hyper once more. "What did you do, snog him?" she asked, giggling.
"As if!" said Alicia scornfully. "Snogging a first-year... that's practically child abuse, Katie!"
Alicia had gone pink at the thought of kissing a first-year. She pulled a grotesque face.
The party went much smoother after that. Fred spiked Oliver Wood's pumpkin juice with a Levitating Draught, Angelina was dared to answer every question that was asked of her with, "Did you know you're really fit?" for the next three days, George hid Percy's glasses, and Lee accidentally Transfigured a table so that it walked. He looked shocked for a couple of seconds, then threw up his arms and screamed, "GIVE MY CREATION LIFE!" at the top of his lungs.
Finally, when McGonagall burst into the common room and chided the Gruffindors, saying that they could be heard in the staff room. The sleepy-eyed students were sent up to bed, and Alicia snatched Lee's sleeve at the bottom of the stairs.
"Remember," she said in a warning tone. "If I hear that you've been assaulting anyone, Lee, I'll-"
"S'OK, 'Licia," said Lee, smiling in what he thought was an angelic manner. "I'm not gunna hurt anybody. I'm very good when I want to be."
"You're very thick when you want to be. And DON'T call me Licia."
"You're almost as uptight as Angelina about nicknames, you know that?" asked Lee. "No sweat, ALICIA. I'll be a good little boy, dammit!"
"That's my Lee," said Alicia in a motherly manner. The twelve-year-old grinned at her friend and waved. "'Night, Lee!"
Lee watched her run off after the second-year girls, then went up to the first-years' dormitories.
Fred and George were fishing through their trunks for clean pyjamas when Lee strode into the room, looking somehow very pleased with himself. He looked around cautiously, saw that their roommates were in the bathroom brushing theuir teeth and beckoned them.
"Boys, I have an idea."
"We're listening," Fred said eagerly, dropping the pyjama trousers he was holding onto his bed, and dragging George over to Lee with him.
"Not so loud!" hissed Lee. He glanced toward the bathroom. The door was wide open. "Into the corridor."
"What?" said the twins in unison.
"You heard me. Less people out there, less of a chance of being overheard."
He stepped onto the landing. Fred raised his eyebrows at George, who shrugged and led them both out there.
"What's the big secret, Lee?"
"Yeah, spill it, man!"
Lee turned around, He had a huge grin on his face, that he reduced to a small and cunning smile. "Men," he said to them. "Men, how would you like to be a part of the biggest prank of the century?"
* * * * *
Ooh, cliffhanger! Whee! Don't fret though, I'll get the next part up quick, if you people like this. I am sensitive about flames, but I s'pose if you really hated this fic you have a right to flame it.
The whole 'levelheaded' thing that George and Fred have going on is a reference to my other fic, 'First Day'. I do believe there is a very 'First Day'-ish air to this fic, but if you've read both I'd love to hear your opinion.
In later chapters, there might be VERY slight F/A references (after all, they're only eleven, peoples!), Weasley twin antics, Quidditch, Slytherin wrath and various appearances by Marionne Bulstrode, who, yes, is related to Millicent.
And now, your opinion- should I change the name of this to 'Clash of the Commentators'? I can't decide between the two, and I have to give the people what they want!
Everything you see here belongs to Joanne Rowling, not me, but the mediocre storyline is mine, and I'm sure she'd hate me if she did see it.
Please review, it's nice to hear what people think. *LEE-ESQUE PUPPY-DOG FACE* Pleeeeeease?
"But Lee, we won!" said a girl named Alicia Spinnet confusedly. Alicia was a second-year who always seemed to be there, offering advice and support to the Gryffindor first-years, the girls in particular. She played a reserve Chaser on the house team.
"Not the Quidditch!" moaned Lee, hiding his face in his hands. "The COMMENTARY! What was that Slytherin chick DOING out there? Everyone was practically asleep!"
George Weasley caught up with his friend and exchanged a slightly alarmed look with Alicia. They'd never seen Lee this worked up about something.
"It's OK, Lee, honestly," said Alicia bracingly. "Everyone's used to Marionne Bulstrode's commentary, and she's only here another year."
"Torturous and irrelevant!" protested Lee. He was on eye level with Alicia despite only recently having turned eleven. "Bloody hell, could you listen to her? There was no passion in her voice, and the point is that everyone was practically asleep!"
He stormed away, muttering death threats and murderous outbursts about thickheaded Sltherin girls who couldn't commentate to save their lives.
"What the hell?" muttered Fred, George's identical twin, as he appeared at his brother's side. "What's got Lee so, um, how shall I put this delicately-"
"Utterly pissed?" volunteered Angelina Johnson, another member of their little 'gang', who had been walking with Fred and George.
"That'd be it," said Fred.
"Ya think?" asked George.
"On occasion, yeah."
They laughed, and headed up to Gryffindor, the Quidditch still fresh in their minds.
* * *
Lee sulked at the house party. While George made the older grades laugh and Fred sang his version of an old Carrie Onward (old wizarding singer who was raved about by Hogwarts graduates of the fifties and sixties) hit with Slytherin-bashing lyrics, Lee brooded.
Now, you must understand that when Lee Jordan sulked, he SULKED. The sheer injustice of it all fumed and buzzed inside his head, and he couldn't seem to get rid of it. It stabbed away at him, clouding everything, and all Lee could do was mope. Sulk. Brood. Think. Ponder. Scowl. Pace up and down.
"Come on, Lee, have fun! Fancy some Droobles Best Blowing Gum?" wheedled Katie Bell, waving the bright packet tantalisingly under his nose. He waved her away, his eyes narrowed in concentration.
"Hey, Lee, man. I dare ya to lob this Dungbomb into that crowd of fifth-year girls over there!" sang out Fred. Lee could never resist a dare.
"Nick off for a bit, Fred. I'm thinking!" hissed Lee.
Apparantly, tonight, Lee could.
Fred did an exaggerated double-take and bounced off, grabbing George by the arm. George was imitating a slightly sloshed Percy dancing when he'd been dared by a cousin to sup of the parents' mead one mad Christmas. Percy was glaring.
"I give up. If irritating girls can't snap him out of it, nothing will," grumbled Fred.
"Oh, don't chuck a moody on us now!" whined George.
"Dare you to run up and punch Lee in the back of the neck! There, is that moody?"
"When Lee's in this kind of a state, I wouldn't recommend that," observed Angelina.
"Levelheaded," sniggered George, elbowing Fred, who feigned shock.
"Ye gods! Braggart, how dare you call Angelina levelheaded? Draw on the count of three!"
"I hear ya! One, two, three- EXPELLIARMUS!" yelled Fred and George. Rather than disarming each other, however, they both pointed their wands over their shoulders and sent a bowl of crisps and a rather short classmate flying. They took deep bows.
Angelina rolled her eyes. "My hero," she said in a high voice, pretending to swoon. Fred struck a 'manly' pose and George grinned.
Alicia smiled at the proceedings and wandered over to stand beside Lee, who was leaning against the wall.
"Hi."
Lee grunted.
"You're not STILL sore about the commentary, Lee? No-one can stick you when you're like this!" Alicia said incredulously.
Lee finally looked her in the face, giving her his best puppy-dog look, the one that never worked on teachers but could always throw girls.
Alicia sighed and said quietly, "You know, you're not the only one. Oliver can't stand the commentary either. Nor me, really. Marionne Bulstrode's good, she's just not... good. At all."
"That makes no sense," Lee told her bluntly.
"See? That's the Lee Jordan we all know and love!" said Alicia sarcastically. "The loudmouthed idiot who's always good for laugh!"
"Hey, I resent that!"
"You also resent the commentary, or so I understand. But face it, Lee. The teachers adore Marionne, so the only way she'll stop ruining the good name of commentary is if someone knocks her out and hides her in a cupboard."
Lee looked thoughtful. "Really...?"
Alicia looked startled. "Oh no. Lee, I know that look."
"What look?"
"The look you get when you've gotten a devious idea in your head! I didn't mean that literally!"
"Of course you didn't," said Lee soothingly, but he couldn't hide the starstruck gleam entering his eyes, or the smirk curling around his lips.
"Lee Jordan, swear to me that you aren't going to knock Marionne Bulstrode out and hide her in a cupboard."
Lee blinked. "Who, me?"
"Swear, Lee!"
"Fine, fine. I swear that I won't knock Marionne Bulstrode out and lock her in a cupboard."
"Show me your hands."
"What?"
"Swear again, and don't cross your fingers so you can lie."
"Oh, come on, Alicia! Only babies do that!"
"Show me your hands, and swear it again! Otherwise... otherwise..."
"You really aren't good at threats, ya know that?"
Alicia scowled at him.
"Urg. Fine, fine." Lee held out his hands and rambled off, "I swear that I will not, under any circumstances, knock out Marionne Bulstrode of Slytherin and lock her in a cupboard, however fun that would undoubtedly be. Happy?"
"I am now. Come on, Lee, cheer up. The party's still young, and the twins need backup for their pranks. You can sulk later."
"I feel a song coming on!" yelled Lee, and swarmed off to do a mad disco dance to a slow Celestina Warbeck love ballad that was playing.
Katie stepped next to Alicia, eyebrows raised at the sight of Lee being energetic and hyper once more. "What did you do, snog him?" she asked, giggling.
"As if!" said Alicia scornfully. "Snogging a first-year... that's practically child abuse, Katie!"
Alicia had gone pink at the thought of kissing a first-year. She pulled a grotesque face.
The party went much smoother after that. Fred spiked Oliver Wood's pumpkin juice with a Levitating Draught, Angelina was dared to answer every question that was asked of her with, "Did you know you're really fit?" for the next three days, George hid Percy's glasses, and Lee accidentally Transfigured a table so that it walked. He looked shocked for a couple of seconds, then threw up his arms and screamed, "GIVE MY CREATION LIFE!" at the top of his lungs.
Finally, when McGonagall burst into the common room and chided the Gruffindors, saying that they could be heard in the staff room. The sleepy-eyed students were sent up to bed, and Alicia snatched Lee's sleeve at the bottom of the stairs.
"Remember," she said in a warning tone. "If I hear that you've been assaulting anyone, Lee, I'll-"
"S'OK, 'Licia," said Lee, smiling in what he thought was an angelic manner. "I'm not gunna hurt anybody. I'm very good when I want to be."
"You're very thick when you want to be. And DON'T call me Licia."
"You're almost as uptight as Angelina about nicknames, you know that?" asked Lee. "No sweat, ALICIA. I'll be a good little boy, dammit!"
"That's my Lee," said Alicia in a motherly manner. The twelve-year-old grinned at her friend and waved. "'Night, Lee!"
Lee watched her run off after the second-year girls, then went up to the first-years' dormitories.
Fred and George were fishing through their trunks for clean pyjamas when Lee strode into the room, looking somehow very pleased with himself. He looked around cautiously, saw that their roommates were in the bathroom brushing theuir teeth and beckoned them.
"Boys, I have an idea."
"We're listening," Fred said eagerly, dropping the pyjama trousers he was holding onto his bed, and dragging George over to Lee with him.
"Not so loud!" hissed Lee. He glanced toward the bathroom. The door was wide open. "Into the corridor."
"What?" said the twins in unison.
"You heard me. Less people out there, less of a chance of being overheard."
He stepped onto the landing. Fred raised his eyebrows at George, who shrugged and led them both out there.
"What's the big secret, Lee?"
"Yeah, spill it, man!"
Lee turned around, He had a huge grin on his face, that he reduced to a small and cunning smile. "Men," he said to them. "Men, how would you like to be a part of the biggest prank of the century?"
* * * * *
Ooh, cliffhanger! Whee! Don't fret though, I'll get the next part up quick, if you people like this. I am sensitive about flames, but I s'pose if you really hated this fic you have a right to flame it.
The whole 'levelheaded' thing that George and Fred have going on is a reference to my other fic, 'First Day'. I do believe there is a very 'First Day'-ish air to this fic, but if you've read both I'd love to hear your opinion.
In later chapters, there might be VERY slight F/A references (after all, they're only eleven, peoples!), Weasley twin antics, Quidditch, Slytherin wrath and various appearances by Marionne Bulstrode, who, yes, is related to Millicent.
And now, your opinion- should I change the name of this to 'Clash of the Commentators'? I can't decide between the two, and I have to give the people what they want!
Everything you see here belongs to Joanne Rowling, not me, but the mediocre storyline is mine, and I'm sure she'd hate me if she did see it.
Please review, it's nice to hear what people think. *LEE-ESQUE PUPPY-DOG FACE* Pleeeeeease?
