Summary: Broken hearts heal. She knows that it will hurt for a while but that the pain will lessen with time. What she's not sure of is whether they can repair everything else they used to have together. Alternate ending for 4x22. Spoilers for Undead Again and possibly Always.
Author's Note: I feel obligated to say that this is NOT what I want to happen. I'm so excited for Always. I want to see them yell and scream and cry and KISS! I want to see them be mature adults and actually talk about things. But sometimes an idea gets in my head and it just won't stop growing. Which explains this. Assume that any conversations about their current status in Undead Again didn't occur.
Disclaimer: I could never really do this to our favorite duo.
Summer Haze
"Where are you going?"
"To work my last case with Detective Beckett."
September 25, 2012
He had not invited her to the book release party.
It was not entirely surprising given the way things had ended, the fact that they had not spoken in nearly five months. She had not expected an invitation, nor did she expect to be welcomed if anyone in his family happened to see her now that she was here.
But it still hurt much worse than she had anticipated.
And now that she was standing in the corner of the room, his book in her hands, she understood completely why he did not want her here, why she should not be here. Because this book unquestionably represented the end; of their partnership, of Nikki Heat, of the best chapter of both of their lives. His message to her was sub-textually twisted into everything about the party from the giant posters announcing the end of the series to the somewhat somber mood hanging in the air, putting a damper on the normal exuberance.
It was even written into the title. Frozen Heat. Kate was sure that it was related to the story in a more obvious way, but there was a double meaning there, one that only she would truly understand. It represented everything they had lost. There had been heat from the start, passion from the moment they kissed in that alley, love sometime soon after.
Now all of that was gone, frozen solid like water turned to ice, no longer headed to its final destination but halted, immobile, unable to continue onwards.
Kate had snatched up a copy of the novel the moment she stepped through the doors, had been clinging to it ever since, but she was almost positive that she would never read it for fear of what lie beneath, the metaphors that were sure to be intricately woven into the beautiful prose.
And then there was the dedication.
The dedication of the final Nikki Heat novel, the last book that would probably ever be dedicated to her. Trust Richard Castle to wrap so much emotion into so few words. But the message was clear; maybe not to the rest of the world, at least not to the same extent, but to Kate there was no mistaking his intentions.
He was letting her go, writing her out of his life in just two sentences. Two agonizingly painful sentences.
To Detective Beckett,
Sadly all stories must eventually come to an end. I hope that in the next chapter of yours, you find everything you ever wanted.
-RC
Even after all the hours spent staring at paperwork, tossing and turning all night unable to shut down her mind, Kate still had no idea what had prompted his sudden change in behavior all those months ago. She had wracked her brain, interrogated the guys, shown up at his loft only to be greeted by a very disapproving Martha who told Kate only that she had broken his heart, then sent her away.
She had called and texted so many times she lost count but he never picked up, never called her back despite the number of times she had ended up crying to his answering machine. She had stopped by the loft a few more times too but she was either greeted by Martha and turned away or left standing in the silent hallway, staring at the place she used to think would someday be her home.
But despite her efforts, her thought process, her desperate attempts to talk to him, she came up empty every time.
Now, though, she was determined to find out, to make one final effort to salvage whatever might still linger between them.
With the book clutched in her hands Kate confidently strode across the room, right up to Castle who was currently nursing a glass of champagne and laughing with a fan. A blonde fan with way too much cleavage hanging out of the neckline of her way too short dress.
For a split second Kate hesitated, wondering if she should have dressed up, put on that little black dress that she knew Castle absolutely loved rather than coming straight from the precinct wearing jeans and a rather plain shirt. But she did not have a time to think anything beyond that because it was at that moment that he noticed her, froze mid-word, champagne glass suspended halfway to his mouth.
"Ka...Beckett?" he managed, voice tight and pained.
Feigning more confidence than she felt now that she was actually about to do this, Kate grabbed Castle by the crook of his arm, excused him from the blonde with obvious contempt in her voice, and tugged him off to the side where they were semi-concealed by a bookshelf, out of view of everyone else.
"What are you doing here?" he asked coldly, jerking his arm from her grasp and glaring her with stone cold blue eyes.
"I'm here because of this." She opened the book to the dedication page, pointed angrily at his words with her index finger.
He set his glass aside with a clang. "What about it?"
"Why?"
"Why what?" He was being deliberately difficult and they both knew it.
Kate took a deep breath, forced herself to focus, to stay confident, to make her words count.
"Why are you doing this? Why are you just walking away? I thought..." she trailed off, swiped at a traitorous tear. "Did it really mean so little to you? What we had?"
It meant everything to him. It was taking all he had and then some to start getting over her and even so, his efforts had been largely unsuccessful. But she had broken his heart, and he had no intention of allowing her a glimpse into how badly he was hurting. She did not deserve that. She did not deserve any indication that she might still have a chance, that his feelings for her might still exist, because he was not going to allow her to walk all over him again. In fact, she had real nerve just showing up here today.
Castle shrugged offhandedly, forced his emotions into submission. "I guess so."
He saw the full force of his words hit her, wash over her, and her entire body lost its poise. He could see that he was hurting her and childish though it may be, she deserved to suffer at least as much as he had.
"So that's it then? It's over?"
"I think it's been over for a while. And I think you already knew that. So why are you so upset about this that you had to show up here uninvited?" he asked defiantly as though daring her to come up with a valid reason. He was pretty sure she did not have one, because 'I miss my partner' was not going to cut it this time. Besides, he had stopped being her partner the moment her lie came to light.
Kate waited until he was looking at her before dropping her eyes to the dedication, forcing herself to read it again.
"Don't you see, Castle?" she said softly, lifting tear-filled eyes to his. "You were everything I ever wanted."
"Well it's too late for that."
He could almost hear her heart breaking, could see the stabbing pain seep through her body, tear her apart bit by bit.
You don't care anymore, he reminded himself in an effort to squelch the desire to reach out for her, wrap her in his embrace and take away her pain. He could no longer be concerned about her in that way, not if he had any chance of truly falling out of love with her.
"Look, I made a lot of bad decisions," Kate admitted, one final attempt. She would beg if she had to, whatever it took to win him back, because after the last five lonely months she had no desire to go on without him. "I know that. And I'm not trying to justify them but can you at least explain to me what it was that made things go so wrong? Because I'm at a loss. I thought I was doing what was best for us in the long run. I thought we were getting...closer."
Castle lifted his head slightly, the lines of his face tense, hard, unforgiving. "I believe that you meant well," he conceded. Angry though he may be, he still had enough faith in Kate to believe that she would not have intentionally tried to hurt him. "But that doesn't take away the pain. You kept me hanging for months and then I found out you'd lied to me and...it hurt. Badly."
Oh. He knew about that? How did he know about that? And even better, why had he not called her out on it?
"And you didn't think to, I don't know, confront me about it?"
"What good would it have done?" Castle snapped, anger flashing through his eyes, darker now than before. "You'd already broken my heart once and I wouldn't have been able to handle it happening again. I couldn't stand to hear you say that you didn't want me. I couldn't do it anymore. The damage was already done."
"Why would you think...that's not...Castle," she cried softly, risking a hand on his forearm. He flinched but did not pull away, which she took as a positive sign. "That's not what would have happened."
"Well I had no way of knowing that. Now if you'll excuse me, I ha..."
"No," she demanded firmly, wrapping her fingers around his arm, keeping him near. "No. Not until I can explain."
"I don't want an explanation, Beckett. I don't need to hear your excuses. I just need to heal and move on from this. I'm sorry it ended this way, but there are some things that can't be undone."
"Castle, please," she pleaded, eyes wide with fear. "Please. Look, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for not being honest with you. I know it probably doesn't mean much now, but if this truly is the end for us then you deserve to know that I never wanted to hurt you. Never."
"Could have fooled m..." he muttered under his breath as he began to turn away, then froze at the feel of her fingers on his lips, silencing him.
"I was in love with you."
Thoughts?
