hey guys!
my second sojourn into the ff world, this little intro chapter just leapt out at me in the bath tonight. If you guys like it, I'll keep it coming. Future Jasper/Edward, because how can any story not end with the two of them? ::sigh:: Very little Bella, though she might make a cameo somewhere down the line.
Disclaimer: in the words of one of my favorite ff authors, Stephanie Meyer owns these characters. I just like to make 'em gay.
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"We need to talk."
I knew Alice was disturbed about a half mile from home. By the time we'd entered the stand of old growth dougies in which we'd built our ring of sturdy A-frame houses, I knew she'd had a vision, and by the tone of her voice and the sour tastes of fear and sadness permeating my senses, I knew it'd been a doozy. I sent a wave of love to her before removing my low-top hiking boots and knocking the unmelted snow out of my hair. I climbed the stairs to the spacious attic bedroom that we'd shared for the last twelve years and opened the heavy cedar door. Though I knew she had something unpleasant to share, seeing her petite frame curled up under a sheepskin by our fireplace sent fissions of contentment and pleasure through my body, which I didn't hesitate to share as I made my way to the hearth and knelt next to my mate. I took her cheeks in my hands and gave her a gentle kiss on her perfect little lips. Her expression was affectionate and anxious as she returned my kiss with open eyes.
"Jasper, love, you know that I..."
I waited patiently for my mate to continue. Her visions were complex things, subjective works of a moment, never something to force her into discussing. She frequently chose not to share her visions with those involved, instead guiding us around the calamities in our paths with subtle, loving manipulation. We had all learned never to question her "advice", however nonsensical it sounded when given. Sometimes our ignorance was the only thing keeping us safe. The fact that Alice was struggling with how best to share her vision with me impressed upon me both its urgency and gravity.
"While you were out, Carlisle... he decided that it was time that we relocate. We've all finished our degrees here, and we're starting to become conspicuous in town. He thinks... he thought we ought to move to Forks. In Washington. And then he thought maybe... Olympia."
I sat quietly as Ali searched for her next words. I remembered Forks well, of course. We'd lived there during the booming timber years and eventually built ourselves a beautiful large house deep in the forest, one that would be easy enough to renovate to modern standards if we were to return. We'd had a little trouble with the locals, but our "special diet" had gained us a wary acceptance among the people with the most rights to the area. I noticed Ali twirling the platinum band that I had placed- for the fourth time- on her finger in a little chapel in Anchorage two and a half years ago. It was a decidedly human behavior, and combined with the acetone flavor of her nerves, I found it at once endearing and alarming. My Alice was legitimately nervous- actually afraid of the information she was about to share with me. Though interrupting Alice ranks among the top ten deadliest activities I can name, I did venture to send a small rivulet of calm- just enough to relax her tiny shoulders- and take her left hand in mine, stroking her palm and smiling in encouragement.
"Jasper, when I saw you for the first time- when I saw that you and I needed this family, and that we needed each other to find them... I knew that the bond we shared was going to be special. I knew that being with you, being your wife and your mate and your partner- that it would be beautiful. It would be strong and healing and safe- it would provide us each with the haven that we needed to escape the lives we had come to hate. I knew that I would love you, and that you would love me... forever.". She paused here, taking a shaky breath and letting her jewel-bright eyes glisten into my face. I couldn't reconcile her sweet, tender words with the pain and fear that I still saw reflected there.
"Darlin'... of course that's what you saw. Of course we'll love each other forever, sweetheart. You're my mate."
At these comforting words, her glistening eyes shut tightly and a small cry of pain issued from her lips.
"Jasper... Jazz, love, you have to let me finish. This is so difficult as it is, and I can't... tell you what I need to tell you if you... if you..."
Surprised by her total discomposure, I promised that I'd remain silent until she had finished.
Alice took another deep breath and continued, "Jasper, what we have shared, this life that we've built... it's everything that I ever wished for. I love your company, I love hunting with you and learning with you and traveling with you... I love making love with you. We are so well-paired and so complementary. I couldn't have dreamed up a better mate, my love. After all that I had endured, you brought me peace, and taught me how to be a partner, and for that, no matter what we decide, I will always love you."
"Ali, love- why the past tense? Why are you talking as if- Ali, are you going to die?" My greatest fear, only slightly mitigated by the knowledge of my little mate's durability, rose to the surface and spewed forth in an inarticulate burst of words.
"No! No, Jazz. It isn't anything like that. I just need you to know... that what I saw, it isn't anything I've thought about, anything that I've wanted..." She trailed off again, looking sick.
"Ali, darlin', just tell me. What on earth does this have to do with our move?"
"Jazz. If we go to Forks, Edward- he'll meet his singer. A human girl. She may very well die the moment they meet- though I think we can avoid that, at least. But if she lives... they fall in love, Jazz, and something... happens to you. You change. I can't tell you what it is, but your desire to kill her is so powerful, it consumes you. You withdraw, you become obsessive and broody, you blame yourself and make mistakes and you... you may end up killing her yourself. But you and I- we'll get through it. No matter what, we'll be ok. Whether Edward and this woman- whether she is changed or whether they're married, or even whether she dies, we'll be ok. And Edward will have found a mate. And he will be happy, at least for a while. And that's... that's good."
My chest constricted at the mention of Edward's mate. He was so lonely, so broken. We had all spoken one time or another about our wish for him to find happiness with someone, and I had a mixed surge of relief and discomfort at the thought of our wishes coming, finally, to fruition. But why would I have such animosity towards this helpless human girl of his? Why would I try to kill her? Surely, I was in better control than a mere newborn, surely I needn't fear contact with one tiny human creature?
"But, Ali, why would I..."
"DON'T- don't ask me that, please, I just can't say. Please Jazz, I can only tell you what I've seen, the hatred and resentment and- uugh- in your eyes. It was terrible, Jazz. I didn't recognize you." Alice was trembling, her cold little fingers dancing against my own hand in an involuntary staccato.
"Ok, Ali, ok... shh, ok... was there more, darlin'? If we're ok, then why all the fatalistic talk a minute ago?"
"Yes, more. Just give me a moment."
I could hear Esme and Carlisle moving about in their library one house to the left of ours. It occurred to me that they may very well be privy to the conversation between Alice and myself. Though not intrusive by nature, we often cannot help overhearing the personal affairs of our family. It struck me that perhaps Alice had anticipated- no, intended- this breach of privacy. Carlisle probably ought to know whatever there was to know, as it was ultimately his choice as to where to lead us.
"Jazz, if we move to Forks, I know we'll be happy together- content and secure with one another- and I know we've never wanted anything more. But if we move to Olympia... everything will change. We'll... grow apart. Jazz, I'll find... I'll find someone. And so will you. And the people we find, Jazz, they will be our true mates. Our other halves. The Esme to your Carlisle. The Emmett to my Rosalie. You KNOW, Jazz, I know you do... I know you can feel that cord that I can see in my visions... that shimmering rope of unbreakable devotion-", she was speaking frantically now, at lightning speed, as I reeled and swallowed successive feelings of realization, horror, and betrayal. "And Jasper, I don't know if it would even work out- Carlisle's consideration of Olympia was just a flash- and my vision, it was just a snapshot- but we were standing together, you and I! And we were smiling at each other, and I was holding the hand of a man I've never seen before, and there was that golden rope, and you...", she faltered, "you were also... you were mated. And your face... it was radiant. Like the sun, Jazz. I've never seen you like that before. And I wouldn't have ever told you, because I love you so much and I'm so happy with you, but... but the look on your face... you'd come home, Jazz. And that's... that's what I saw.", she finished lamely.
My mind reeled between the two narratives, the twin paths that had just loomed up in front of me, demanding a choice. I ricocheted between the possibilities, trying to parse out any detail that didn't make me feel insane, anything beyond myself that I could grasp onto for buoyancy in this sea of utter disorientation.
"Edward."
"What?" Alice looked shocked, horrified- I know it wasn't the first thing she expected me to say, but the force of her astonishment seemed extravagant.
"Edward. Does he find a mate if we don't go to Forks? Or is this his only chance?"
"Yes...", Alice said slowly, "I do believe that he, too, finds his mate."
"A suitable one? He is happy?" Suddenly I felt as though I couldn't process anything else before I knew the answer.
"I can't say. I can only say that he has the... potential to be happy."
"So you saw his mate too? Is she a vampire? Does our family accept her?"
"I saw... I saw his mate, yes. They looked happy. They looked transcendentally happy. Their bond was incredibly powerful, Jazz." Alice looked like she was in physical pain as she said this. Always shielding her family from the unnecessary, the painful, I knew perfectly well that she was leaving out some important details, but I also knew when my questioning quota was nearly full. Had this mysterious mate of Edward's wronged Alice in some way? Harmed her? If so, could Alice be standing with her and smiling? Could I be sure that Ali was telling me the truth? Had I ever doubted her before? And why, despite the incredible number of blows I'd just been dealt, was the small point of Edward's mate preoccupying me so entirely? Focus, Jasper...
"Ali... you're there too, honestly? And happy, really truly happy?"
Though her reply was slow coming, it did come, rolling over me with the fragrant flavor of truth. "Yes. Yes, my love, I was happy."
My mind was so full, my heart aching with loss and change, though I had yet to make any conscious decision. Grasping at the tangible, I tried to summarize all that I had heard without being callous. "So... Forks, we stay together, happy enough to get by, and Olympia, we might find something... something more-" I broke off, my voice choked. Ali wrapped her beautiful arms about me and we sat together, dry sobs wracking our frames.
"I know- I know, Jazz, it's just so... fucked... but I couldn't make the decision alone, I couldn't face this choice without you... I love you so much."
I smoothed the hair away from her forehead and looked down into her face. What a beloved face it was- Ali had delivered me from suffering, she had found me alone and gifted me with a family. She had taught me that love can be expressed without violence, that to make love to someone is to respect and revere them, that loneliness wasn't the cost of immortality. She had returned to me a few precious strands of humanity and I knew that she would always be my best friend.
"My best friend, Ali..."
She smiled up at me and said, "And mine, love.".
We looked into each other's eyes for a long time, sorting through all that we had been and all that we were and all that we had expected to become. The enormity of our mutual realization crashed over me in wave after wave, but we clung to each other and rode them out together. Eventually I saw the pain dissipating and leaving only clear, hopeful affection in Ali's eyes. I bent to kiss her. We moved to the floor and made love to each other slowly. I marveled at how well I knew her lithe little frame, and where to touch her to make her cry out in pleasure. When we came together, quietly, I felt as though we had given each other a benediction, a gift of freedom and unconditional acceptance. We would give each other the gift of incandescent love... with other people. Wow. I had just opened my mouth to speak when Carlisle's voice, sorrowful but sure, rang out from the center of our clearing.
"My dear family, it is time for us to move on. I believe we should relocate... to Olympia."
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Crazy! Next up: who's gonna break it to the coven? Send me a review if you'd like this little ditty to continue. I swurr that's the last straight sex of the story, at least where my poor Jasper is concerned. There might be some crazy little tidbits from Emmett and Rosalie, 'cause those guys can't always keep things under control. But for now, that's it. xoxo
