Really upset about Clare getting cancer.

Inspired by Clare and her devastating problem and Sleepless in Seattle by The Strive.

Warning : Quotes from Degrassi, and I'm not good with angst.

Sad endings aren't my thing, so don't expect one.


Eli let out a sigh of relief as he opened the door to his bedroom and saw his girlfriend laying on his bed, asleep. He set the glass of water she requested on his computer desk, and sat beside her. Finally, after hours of arguing, she fell asleep.

The argument started when she said she wanted to go out to a party at Drew's house with Alli and Jenna. And Eli refused when he learned that there would be alcohol at the party, and that she wanted to drink. He didn't want her drinking her problems away, because it would only make everything worse.

And she got angry, saying that she could do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. They fought until she finally gave up, until her voice was hoarse and her face pale, and asked for water.

He sighed, reaching out and tucking a lock of curly hair behind her ear.

He only wanted what was best for her.

And alcohol was not best for her, was not what she needed, not for a girl with cancer.

He stroked the side of her face with a gentle, warm hand. Her face was pale, her cheek cold. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of her breathing, his heart wrenching, aching .

He didn't want to lose her.

Without her, his whole world would fall apart, and forever wouldn't be forever without her. He'd go insane ; she was his sanity. He'd die if she left him. He lay his head against her chest, listening to her heart beat, and sighed. A sign that she was still alive, that she wasn't gone yet.

He clenched his fists. He shouldn't think about her this way.

He wasn't going to lose her. He'll never lose her.

'Happy thoughts, Eli. Happy thoughts.'

He finally smiled, remembering the first time her met her. The first time he saw her beautiful, twinkling sapphire blue eyes, the first time he gazed into them.

His heart had swelled when her first laid eyes on her, he couldn't breathe, or move. He had to force himself to breathe again, to move again, and pick up her glasses.

"You have pretty eyes..."

A shy smile, light pink cheeks, shining blue eyes filled with warmth.

"Thanks. I'll, uh, see you around?"

"Guess you will."

That was one of the best moments of his life, meeting her.

Their first kiss, no words, just a sweet kiss for Romeo and Juliet. They both knew it was more than that, and it was.

It was.

The time they stared into each other's eyes.

Their first date. Another kiss.

"Could I convince you to stay out for some contraband kissing?"

He smirked, remembering. The time he gave her, what he called, a real kiss.

"Justice has been served."

"If Fitz finds out-"

"I'll handle it. Now, let's talk about something more important, like how you're gonna thank me for throwing Simpson off your scent."

"What'd you have in mind?"

"Well, I don't know." A great kiss. "I have a French exam."

"I think you just passed it."

The first time they broke up.

"Did three months mean nothing? Did you flip a switch and erase me from your memory? It took you a year, A YEAR to get over your ex! DID YOU EVER LOVE ME AT ALL?!"

The first time they got back together.

"Eli, I'm all in."

The time Asher walked in on them

"Easy Dexter, you know I only have eyes for you."

The time the bastard harassed her, the time they healed and forgot.

The time he got addicted to drugs. The second time they broke up.

"Cam's not the problem. You are."

Those were the six words he regretted saying, he regretted leaving her. But in a way, it was sort of right to be apart from her. It was a miserable time, but it was right. Because if he hadn't, things would've gotten worse, and he wouldn't be where he was now.

The second time, the last time, they got back together. Because they would never part again.

You said we weren't a fairytale, I'm here to prove you wrong."

The time he met Cliff, her prom date. Which surprised and hurt him at the same time.

"Who are you?"

"Cliff, her prom date. Who are you?"

"Eli.. Her uh.. Soulmate."

And... their first time. He smiled, reminiscing the wonderful events that took place that night. He would never forget that night. It was special, the moment of official unity between them, the time he made her his, it was beautiful, and incredibly sweet. She was beautiful and sweet.

But now...

He looked at her. She looked different now, she wasn't the same Clare. She was pale, her veins were visible on her beautiful skin, her vibrant hair was thin and dull. She didn't smile much, and when she did, they were fake, just something she did so others wouldn't be sad.

He didn't hear her laugh anymore.

None of the cute little smiles or giggles she did before.

All that remained was, her beautiful blue eyes, but even they seemed dead, lifeless. The sparkle was gone.

And yet... he still found her beautiful, because she was beautiful, and always would be. His gorgeous, smart, witty Clare Edwards, the love of his life. His soulmate. Nothing would change that, or them.

"Eli?"

Her voice was weak, hollow. He opened his eyes, and looked up at her.

"Yes Clare?"

"I..." She blushed, and he smiled as he looked at the color on her cheeks, toying with her curly hair. "I want you to make love to me..."

"What? Clare, I can't... I couldn't-"

"Why?" She snapped, eyes turning watery. She looked away, and whispered in a hurt voice "Is it because I'm ugly now?"

His eyes widened in shock. "No, of course not. I just -"

"Or is it because my hair is thinning, and I might lose of all it? And you would be ashamed to have a bald-headed girl as your girlfriend, or to make love to?" She closed her eyes as a tear slipped down her cheek. "I thought you loved me."

"I love you, I do love you Clare. It's just... I can't... You're not really well, and I don't want to hurt you... And..." He looked at her, his face sad. "Then be gentle..." Eli sighed. "I can't Clare, I just can't. You're too fragile, too fragile." Clare burst into tears and he sat up to hug her.

"Hey, it's okay..." He whispered into her hair. "Everything will be okay."

She sniffed, looking up at him. "Will you still love me... if I became bald?"

He smiled sadly. "Of course."

"I... I don't want to die, Eli."

"I know you don't. Neither do I." He held onto her. "Everything will be okay, Clare. You won't die."

"I just... I want to m-make love.. Because this might be our last, our last Eli."

"Clare, don't say that... You-"

"No, listen Eli. I might die. I mean look at me, the signs are there. I'm trying to make the most of my time here..." Eli's eyes filled with tears. "Don't say that Clare. Please don't... You won't... You won't..." He began to sob uncontrollably. Clare's heart broke at the sight of him. She hugged him. "Eli, I'm sorry."

He pulled back, and looked into her eyes. "Everything will be okay. I'll make sure of it Clare... I... I love you... I love you so much." He choked out, holding on to her tight. "I love you too, Eli. And I wish, I hope I'll get through this..." He smiled and kissed her. "Of course. We will get through this, together."

They both lay back on the bed, Eli bringing her into his arms. "Forever and always, Clare."

"Forever and always, Eli. Forever and always."