Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate: SG-1.

Author's note: If you think this is strange, bear in mind that this idea came to me somewhere around 02:00 in the morning between two dreams. And my sisters are Meagra Solace and Silver Pixie. But above all, I'm married to Hubby. Sometimes I think we're all certifiable...

How to create a Diabolical Pink Bunny

Somewhere out there was a world with sunshine and adventure, just waiting to be explored. But not today, and not by Jack O'Neill (with two l's). And the mere thought of it was driving him crazy.

Perhaps it would have been easier to accept if the rest of his team was here with him. But Samantha Carter, Daniel Jackson and Teal'c were off with SG-2 on the mission he should have been on – the mission he should have been leading. Unfortunately he was recovering from a bug he had picked up on a planet. It didn't seem to be contagious, but just to be on the safe side; Doc Frasier had told him to stay on base for a while. That included not going home.

No wonder Jack was bored. So now he wandered aimlessly through the base, desperately looking for something to do. He was ahead with his mission reports, he has ransacked Daniel's office for any alien inscriptions that might be interesting (there wasn't) and snooped through Sam's lab trying to figure out some of the technology (which he still didn't understand). He had thought about raiding Teal'c's room, but he had been in it before. The only things the Jaffa had in there except the furniture were a lot of candles. Really a lot of candles. And if he was going to get in trouble for raiding Teal'c's room, he needed to know exactly what he was going to do with the candles to make the effort worthwhile. It still needed some consideration.

By late afternoon his meanderings brought him to the infirmary. For a few minutes he stood to one side, idly observing Janet Frasier as she worked. The good Doctor was busy with an experiment that included bunnies – lots of bunnies. As she hated harming animals, she hadn't had the heart to tag the different groups of bunnies (even the experiment was benign). Instead, she had dyed the bunnies different colours. There was a group of blue bunnies, green bunnies and pink bunnies (it should have been red, but it was military-issue dye).

Finally his natural curiosity got the better of him, and he went in.

"So, what are you up to?" he asked Doctor Frasier.

"Nothing you would understand," she said without looking up from feeding the blue bunnies.

He wandered around a bit, trying to ignore her. Finally he stopped in front of the Goa'uld tank. A single adult swam around inside.

O'Neill tapped the glass with a finger. "Nice snake you've got here," he sneered; walking back towards the bunny-pen.

But obviously the Goa'uld didn't like being called 'nice.' One moment the thing was inside the tank; the next it was flying through the air, straight at O'Neill.

Instinct kicked in. O'Neill wasn't armed, so the best he could do was to somehow capture the Goa'uld. So in on fluid movement he reached into the bunny-pen, grabbed a bunny and lifted it into the path of the flying snake.

The whole incident lasted only a moment, but when it was finished, O'Neill looked down at the creature he was clutching. It stared back. Ironically he had picked up one of the cute pink bunnies. The Goa'uld inside the pink bunny made the poor bunny's eyes glow for a moment. But it was stuck for now, and the pink Goa'uld-bunny glared at O'Neill.

Finally Doctor Frasier looked over O'Neill's shoulder at the Goa'uld. "Now what do I do with the diabolical pink bunny?" she sighed.