A/N: Seeing as my other RuneScape fanfic, Castle Wars, was so popular, I've decided to do another one. I am a member, and will include things that only appear to members. Also, any crushes mentioned are not real. Anywhere it says (censored) is just because it won't let you type asterisks into your story, and, finally, if I have loads of loose ends, that's because I'm basically making this up as I go along. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: The wonderful people at Jagex own RuneScape - I only own Yzrol Bree (don't ask...) and Brooksie206 (who will appear in later chapters). Any other people I mention, such as Slayer 6676 and Death Lab, are accounts owned by friends, and yes, I did ask them before I included them. Well, at least, before I posted this up... Oh, and I reserve the right to poke fun at the Tutorial Islanders.


Yzrol Bree opened her eyes, and blinked. After an undefinable amount of time with her eyes shut - it could have been seconds, or it could have been years - the light was harsh, and matters were not helped by the fact that the man directly in front of her seemed to have a luminous yellow arrow flashing above his head.

Flipping a hand mirror out of her pocket, she checked her appearence. Long, silky, light blue hair, tanned skin, a dark blue-grey top, lilac trousers, and normal feet. Check, check, check, check, and check. Now to work out what the hell was going on.

She strode up to the man with the flashing arrow.

"Hey, why do you have an arrow-"

"Welcome to the world of RuneScape! I can see you've already learnt the first and most important lesson - talking to people! Now, go through the door indicated by the yellow flashing arrow to learn how to fish!" He interrupted her, talking in a loud, enthusiastic, and above all, forced way.

"...Right..." she said, slowly edging away. Oh well, she thought, as she turned away from the madman, who was now enthusiastically telling another scared newcomer about talking, at least the arrow above his head had gone-

Yzrol jumped. What the hell? The arrow was now above the door, and flashing merrily away. She cautiously walked up to the door, and pushed it open. The arrow vanished. Still keeping an eye out for it, she went through the door, which swung shut behind her in the face of another newcomer.

"Hey!" he cried, as he rubbed his nose.

"Sorry, it just shut itself..." Yzrol protested. "Hey, are you new here, too?"

"Yeah. My friend in the 'real world'" he said, doing the quotey finger thing, "told me that it was a good game. He said he could help me if I needed any help."

"Yeah, that would be a bit self explanatory... Anyway, my name's Yzrol Bree."

"Why?"

Yzrol shrugged.

"It seemed a good idea at the time."

"Well, mine's Slayer 6676."

"Six six seven six?"

Slayer shrugged.

"Seemed a good idea at the time."

They set off down the little path, that ended in a little grove of trees with a pool of very flat water with little sparkly bits at the edges. And a woman.

"Hi there! I'm the survival expert!" she said, in the loud, forced voice the man had used, as they approached her. "To survive, you need to get food in your belly, and to do that, you need a fire! Take this axe and this tinderbox, and chop down a tree!"

Yzrol and Slayer stood, blinking, as she produced two axes from a pocket smaller than they were, and two tinderboxes from another ridiculously small pocket. They cautiously took the axes from her, as she stood and grinned inanely, before retreating to a safe distance.

"Is it just me, or do all the people around here seem to be insane?" Yzrol asked the world in general

"I know what you mean. They all sound really... really forced." Slayer said, watching the survival instructor ambush another scared newcomer.

"Like a tape recording. Like they've said the same thing a million times before to a million other people." she said, fiddling distractedly with a piece of hair.

"Yeah. I think we should play along, anyway." he said, as he turned to a nearby tree, and swung his axe at it. Yzrol joined him, and the two of them hacked at the trunk of the tree until it fell over. And turned into two stacks of logs.

Yzrol blinked.

"I wasn't expecting that." she said.

"I'll take one stack, you take the other?" Slayer said, picking up one of the stacks.

"Great! Now you have logs, try lighting them!" said a voice from right behind them. They both jumped, and turned to see the survival instructor beaming down at them, before she swished off to talk at another person who had wandered into the little copse.

"Let's hurry up and finish, she's beginning to scare me..." Yzrol said, jerking her thumb at the instructor. They both set their logs down, and pulled out their tinderboxes.

"How are you supposed to do this, again?" Slayer asked, as he picked up the flint. Yzrol sighed.

"You take the flint, and hit it off another stone until you get sparks, which you use to set some straw on fire, which you use to set the logs on fire." she said, as she picked a stone up off the ground. Kneeling by her fire, she struck the flint on the stone, and after a minute or so, a fire was merrily blazing. She glanced over at Slayer just in time to see him light his logs.

"Now you need to catch some fish to cook!" came the instructors voice. They stood up, and turned to see the instructor holding out two small nets, with the same inane grin plastered on her face. As soon as they took the nets, she swished off to ambush one of the earlier newcomers.

"Lots of people here..." said Yzrol, looking around.

"More prey for the instructor, I'm sure. You reckon we fish at the sparkly spots?"

They walked over to the waters edge, and dipped their nets in the water. After a few hesitant dips, they both managed to catch some shrimp at the same time.

"Catch another set." said Yzrol.

"Why?"

"Just trust me." she said, as she bent over again. Slayer shrugged, and dipped his net into the water again. He had just caught some more shrimps when the instructor swept back to them.

"Now use your shrimp on the fire to cook it!" she said, loudly.

"Duh," said Slayer under his breath, as she ran off to scare someone else.

Using a fire that someone else had made - theirs had burnt out a few minutes ago - they tried to cook the shrimp.

"Oh dear! You burnt them! Catch another set and try again!" shouted the instructor as she ran past.

"Y'know, I think she may be overcommited." said Yzrol conversationally, as she pulled the other shrimps out of her pocket, and proceeded to cook them.

"Well done! You now know how to survive! Go through the gate to get to the next instructor!" said the survival instructor as she reached them again, on her way to forcefully hand an axe to yet another newcomer.

Yzrol turned to the gate, and jumped.

"That bloody arrow! It must be following us!" she exclaimed, as they approached the gate. Once again, as soon as Yzrol touched the gate, the merrily flashing luminous yellow arrow vanished.

They took a shortcut down the hill to the next instructor, who was in a building at the end of a long and pointless path.

"5gp says he shouts as well..." muttered Yzrol as they entered the building.

"Hello! I am here to teach you the art of cooking!" he practically bellowed at them as they entered.

"We just learnt how to cook, and do you have to shout so loudly?" Yzrol said, sticking her pinky in her ear and rotating it. "I think you just deafened me..."

"Ha! Merely cooking some shrimp on an open fire isn't cooking! No! I will teach you to cook bread!" he yelled, blatantly ignoring her.

"That's easy, it's just flour and water-"

"You will need some flour and water! Use them on each other! Then use it on a range to get bread!" the instructor shouted, cutting Slayer off, before handing out said items.

One minute later, Yzrol and Slayer both pulled their bread out of the range.

"That was easy enough," said Slayer, as he headed for the door. "Wonder which loon we'll have next-"

"Not only am I a renowned cook! I am also here to teach you about music!"

"Don't bother, I won't be listening to it-" muttered Yzrol.

"The loop button loops the music! The green music is music you have unlocked! The red music is music that you haven't unlocked! Now get out of here!" he shouted, if possible, louder than before.

Yzrol and Slayer both exited the house, slamming the door behind them.

"You feel like going for a run?" Yzrol asked, stretching.

"Why not?" Slayer replied, grinning. "Race you!"

They both set off, and after a lot of pushing, shoving, and shouting, stumbled up to the next building. As soon as the door opened, they were ambushed by yet another instructor.

"I'm the quest instructor! Whenever you see a symbol on your map that looks like the one above my house, it's a quest! Someone needs something doing! Any Questions?! Good! Maybe there's a quest in the dungeon?!"

"Bet there isn't..." muttered Yzrol as she lowered herself into the hole in the floor. She easily dropped down into the cavern below, and was still gaping as Slayer joined her.

"Bit big in here." he said, conversationally.

"Big in here... in here... here..." the echoes bounced back. In the main cavern, a man looked up from supervising another newcomer hammer a dagger out of a lump of metal.

"Hey there. I'm Dezzick. What're your names?" he said, walking over to them.

"I'm Yzrol Bree, and this is Slayer 6676."

"Nice to meet you. Here, you'll learn how to mine metal, and smith it into useful items. First, you need to prospect a grey rock, and an orangey-brown rock, to see what ores they contain."

"There's something strange about that Dezzick..." muttered Yzrol as she peered at a rock.

"Yeah. It's the way he talks normally, while everyone else so far has shouted their heads off." Slayer replied, quietly. "Oh, I see now, this one's copper."

Yzrol hesitated.

"You're right. And this one's tin."

"Which together make bronze!" said Dezzick, cheerfully, as he produced two pickaxes from various, ridiculously small pockets. "Mine one of each ore, then use one on the furnace. Then, use the metal to smith a dagger."

Yzrol and Slayer both took a pick, and a hammer, once Dezzick had located them, and walked over to the rocks. It was the work of a minute to pry the ores from both rocks, then they both headed over to the furnace. The heat was almost visible, and barely withstandable. They both smelted their ores into a bronze bar as quickly as they could, then went over to the anvils.

"I wonder how much longer we're going to be stuck on this island of loons and the occasional sane person?" Yzrol said, over the sound of hammers on metal.

"Hopefully not much longer!" Slayer replied. "There, what do you think?"

Yzrol peered at the dagger he was holding up.

"Very nice. It's better than mine, at any rate."

"Don't be stupid, yours is good, too."

"You two make good smiths. Anyway, I've taught you all I can. Time for you to get taught about combat. And, don't mind Vannaka. He's just a bit kill crazy." he said, doing the universal sign for 'he's off his rocker', before waving them off.

"I like him." Yzrol said, as they walked through the next gate.

"Yeah, he's a nice change from shouting and being insane."

"So! You two think you can fight?! We'll just see!" Vannaka managed to hiss and shout at the same time. "I'm Vannaka, and I'm here to show you how to fight!"

"Oh, I'm Yzrol-"

"I don't want your names! Do you have a weapon?!"

Yzrol and Slayer both pulled out their daggers.

"Ha! You can't kill with a mere butterknife! You need proper weapons!" he shouted, pulling a long sword from his pocket, as well as two quite large shields. "Take these, and kill a rat! Which I doubt you can do!"

"What a lovely man," muttered Slayer, as they entered the rat cage.

"I'll take this rat, you take that one?" Yzrol asked, advancing on the rat indicated. Slayer nodded, and five grisly minutes later, two rats fell down , dead, and promptly turned into bones.

"You reckon we take them? Slayer asked, prodding his bones with his sword.

"We might as well. This place has a use for everything." Yzrol said, shrugging, as she picked up her bones. They both exited the cage holding the rats, and walked over to Vannaka.

"Well done! You two both did better than I expected! Now I'll teach you about archery!" he said, producing a quiver full of arrows, and a small bow from somewhere about his person.

"Kill a rat from outside the cage!"

12 arrows later, the rats both keeled over.

"Well done! Now you're done killing! Isn't killing fun! Now get out of here or I'll kill you! So! You think you can fight?!"

The pair watched him as he turned on another terrified newcomer, before edging away toward the ladder that took them out of the caves.

"I see what Dezzick meant. Whatever we have next shouldn't be too bad..." Slayer muttered as he helped Yzrol up the ladder.

"This is RuneScape. The correct word is 'hopefully'." Yzrol said, as she pulled out her sword and shield again.

They walked into the next building - a bank - in silence. Which was soon broken by the banker.

"You can bank here! Which means you have somewhere to store your things until you need them! You can also have a bank PIN to stop people taking your stuff! Would you like to bank now?!"

"Uh, yeah, ok." said Yzrol. "Wow. 25gp. I'm rich."

"Same here." said Slayer, as he closed his bank. Yzrol closed hers, and they went on through the next door.

"I am your financial advisor! I'm here to help you make money! You get it in three ways! One is combat! Another is quests! Another is trading! Now go away!" a man shouted at them, before shoving them through another door.

"And isn't he the embodyment of politeness?" Yzrol muttered, as they made their way down the path. Slayer nodded.

They soon reached a pair of giant double doors, leading into a church. After a lot of effort, they managed to get one open enough to slip through the gap.

"Hello there! I'm Brother Brace, and I'm the priest here!" came a loud and cheerful voice from behind the altar. As they watched, a man in brown robes, and short, blonde hair, stood up, and walked toward them. "I hope I didn't shock you, I was just cleaning up behind the altar! Anyway, a good way to please Saradomin is to bury bones! And if you lose prayer points, you can recharge them by praying at an altar like this one!"

"That's easy enough, then." Slayer muttered.

"There are three gods! Saradomin is the good god, represented by blue! Zamarok is the bad god, represented in red! And Guthix is the god of balance, represented by green!"

"Bagsy Zamarok," muttered Yzrol.

"I'm also the community officer around here, which means I have to tell you about friend and ignore lists! Anyone you are friends with goes on the friend list! And anyone who is rude to you goes on the ignore list! Have a good time!"

They walked out of the church, and buried their bones in a flowerbed just outside, before walking on to the last house.

"I am the Magic Instructorrr!" a man in blue robes shouted at them, the capital letters dropping into place as he elongated every word. "Take these rrrunes, and cast Wind Strrrike on one of those chickennns!"

They both did as he asked, and a little blue damage bubble with '0' in the middle popped up.

"Well done! You are now rrready for a grrreat adventure in RrruneScape! Off you go to Lllumbridge!" he merrily shouted, before waving his arms in a complicated gesture. Yzrol and Slayer both felt themselves getting smaller, before a feeling of weightlessness took over, and the surrounding scenery vanished into a blur that slowly resolved itself into the grounds of a large castle.

"Didn't he sound constipated? Anyway, we should really add each other to our friend lists, shouldn't we?" said Yzrol, pulling up the list, and adding 'Slayer 6676' to it.

"Alright, let's go find some chickens."

"Why chickens?"

"'Cause they're the easiest to level up on. Come on, my friend says that there's a farm just north of here with loads of chickens."

"What's your friend's name, anyway?"

"Death Lab."

"...Oh."

They set off, out of the castle grounds, and up a path that gradually bent around, and went off to the east. A short way along it, they saw a small walled off area with several chickens around it.

"I reckon we can get, ooh, maybe ten skills up, if we play our cards right." said Yzrol, as she looked over the surrounding scenery.

"How do you work that out?"

"Well, there's trees over there, and we still have our tinderboxes, so that's woodcutting and firemaking. We've got the chickens to get combat up on, which is hit points, defence, attack, strength, range, and magic. When the chickens die, they'll probably drop bones and meat, right? That's prayer and cooking. Ten skills."

Slayer blinked.

"You've already got this planned out, haven't you?"

"Yeah. And this is my first time here, too."

"So how did you know about all those skills?"

"I dunno, actually... anyway, should we get on with raising our levels? I feel like a bit of an idiot next to all these level 80's." Yzrol said, eyeing a lv 85 who was dressed all in purple except for the tiara on her head, who was walking past. Slayer nodded, and they were soon ankle deep in feathers, blood, bones, and raw chicken.

"This is getting boring," Yzrol moaned. "They only have 3 hp!"

"Alright, then, what do you want to kill now?" Slayer asked, killing a chicken. "Bear in mind that a lot of the things around here are hard to take down at a maximum of two or three damage per hit. Plus, we're still only level 10."

"It's a start, isn't it? Anyway, those goblin things over there look easy enough to kill."

"Looks aren't anything."

However, the goblins were pathetically easy to kill, and gave much better drops than the chickens.

"Hey! This one just dropped a shield!" Yzrol said, picking up the large, square shield. "Looks like bronze. It has better defence stats than the wooden thing, anyway." she said, equipping it. "You reckon the shop over there will pay for this old thing?" she asked, indicating the wooden shield.

"It's worth a try." said Slayer, keeping quiet about the fact he had recieved a bronze square shield several minutes ago. "You want to try on cows, now?"

"Cows?"

"Yeah, Death Lab told me there's a field across the river with loads in. They only have 8 hp, apparently."

Yzrol brought her sword around in a large, flat sweep that sent the goblin flying. She wandered over, buried the bones, and went back to Slayer.

"Yeah, why not?" she said, wiping her sword on the grass. "I doubt a load of cows could do much damage to a couple of level 14's."

"I'll lead the way then." said Slayer, smiling slightly. He wasn't really sure why, but he was beginning to like the strange girl.

They both ran over the bridge, and past the goblins on the other side. The road came to a fork - one road leading to a gate, guarded by four Al Kharidians, and one heading north. They took the latter, and soon arrived at the cow enclosure.

Yzrol blinked.

"The cows are rather popular." she said, eyeing the other players who were killing the cattle. They all ranged between levels 46 to 92, which seemed to Yzrol to be an absurdly high level to be killing such an apparently weak animal.

"Yeah, well, the cowhides are used for crafting, and the meat can be used to make crossbows." Slayer said in an off-hand tone.

"How is meat used to make crossbows?" Yzrol asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

"I dunno, it's just what Death Lab told me." Slayer said, eyeing a cow that no-one was attacking. "Come on, time is experience."

Yzrol blinked, before mentally shrugging, and running up to a cow that had just respawned.

After several minutes, and three more skill levels, another person entered the enclosure. Yzrol didn't really pay much attention to him - people had been coming and going as they liked - but Slayer saw him, and grinned. Killing the cow in one swift blow, he walked over to greet him.

"Hey! I didn't know you were in Lumby!"

"Slayer! Thought I saw you on the map. How's it so far?"

"Brilliant, thanks, although Tutorial Island was rather..."

"Strange? Tell me about it. But everyone gets the same, whether they're a member or not."

Yzrol finished killing her cow, buried the bones, and walked over to where Slayer was talking to the stranger.

"Oh, hey Yzrol. This is my friend, Death Lab. Death, this is Yzrol Bree. I met her on Tutorial Island."

Death Lab nodded.

"Nice to see you." he said.

"You too." Yzrol said, nodding back.

"Hey, you two been over White Wolf Mountain yet?"

"We've been trying to raise our combat levels." said Slayer.

"Thanks for the help there." Yzrol said.

"Hey, no problem. There's an easier way to get over to Ardougne if you're a low level, and haven't done Fishing Contest yet."

"And is Ardougne better for skills?" asked Slayer

"Is it? Try better for thieving, magic, ranging, cooking, combat, prayer; I could go on and on. Seriously, the only reason most people come over here is for the Wilderness and quests."

"Thieving? That's actually a skill?" asked Yzrol increduously. Death Lab nodded.

"Sure. What, you want to become a master thief now?"

"Why not?"

"Alright, then. Just be warned - the higher levels are (censored)s to get."

"What, asterisks?" asked Yzrol, momentarily confused.

"Wh - oh, no, it's just the filter. Won't let you swear, but mistakes a lot of things for swearwords. You either have to mispell words, or invent other words that can get past it."

"Or you just call everyone an asterisk." said Slayer. Death Lab laughed.

"Yeah, you can do that. Anyway, are we going, or aren't we?" he said, turning, and vaulting the gate, which had shut while they were talking.

"Show off." muttered Slayer as he opened the gate. They both followed Death Lab as he led the way through the forest, and to a bank at the other side.

"Been wondering where these were..." muttered Yzrol.

"You two won't have enough money, will you? Hang on a minute, I'll get some out." Death Lab said, before turning to the banker. Yzrol looked at Slayer, who shrugged, before they walked over to another banker, and stored all the things they didn't need. After a minute or so, Death Lab turned away from the banker, and walked outside, where they were waiting.

"Here you go," he said, handing 60gp to both of them.

"What's this for?" asked Yzrol, staring at the gold in her palm.

"Well, seeing as you're mincemeat if you go near the wolves on the mountain, and you can't go under it yet, that only leaves hopping over Karamja, and it's 30gp there, and another 30gp to get to Ardougne. And then," Death Lab grinned mischieviously, "the fun begins."


A/N: Can I just point out yet again that ALL CRUSHES ARE NOT REAL. THEY ARE PURELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF THE STORY. Also, Slayer, if you are reading this, please don't kill me, Yzrol Bree is still pathetically weak (but with a total level of 858 and rising). REVIEW, please; I don't want to post up more chapters for a story no-one likes.