The Queer Academy
Disclaimer: We own nothing…except the unique plot twists…any other references or allusions you find to other things sooooo don't belong to us!
A/N- Hi!
Chapter 1, The Children are Pissed.
It was a horribly ugly day as usual in Lemony Snicket Land and the Prufrock Preparatory School was queer as ever on that day.
On this particularly crappy day the three Baudelaire children were being driven to this school by their parents whose names both began with the same letter…Beatrice and Bertrand…come on who names there kid Bertrand…WTF?!
The Baudelaire children had the gayest talents ever. There was Violet, the hot, smart inventor. There was Klaus {AKA Chubs} he loved to read all manner of crap about all sorts of things great and small; he wore glasses which made him look even fatter. Finally, there was Sunny the Mutant baby; she was born with a mutant gene that gave her four teeth that were as sharp as daggers, as such she enjoyed to bite things…and gay guys…she's like those dogs whose owners train to be racist.
I am going to begin my annoyingly long story with Sunny shouting in her baby language {which for some trippy reason her family members could understand}, "Kosshi!" by this, her fellow Baudes knew she meant… "Look at that mysterious locomotive emerging from the fog!"
Mr. Baudelaire laughed like a jackass, "What locomotive Sunny?" here Violet replied, "I think she means the large freight train that's barreling towards our car at an incredibly fast rate."
To this Mrs. Baudelaire replied, "Oh! You mean that locomotive!"
"We must flee the automobile!" shouted Klaus, {or as I will call him, Chubs}.
But the Baudelaire parents would not listen to reason and insisted they stay in the car and continue driving. "Oh, enough of this crap!" Violet exclaimed, using the car jack to break the window, "Come on Klaus, come on Sunny, if Mom and Dad won't listen to us then we're better off on our own!" Violet then jumped out, through the window, she was followed by Chubs, who was carrying Sunny. About five seconds after they had escaped, the car was run over by the locomotive, crushing the Baudelaire parents with its big trainness!!!!!!!!!!!!
"!" said Chubs in a gay way. Suddenly, a hobo pounced on them, "I've got you now orphans!" he exclaimed. "Shaaccck!" said Sunny, meaning "Who the hell are you!" The hobo replied, "I am Count Olaf the famous actor! And you are the Baudelaire children…or orphans now…giggle, giggle goo!" "Indeed," Chubs cut in, "we're going into the strip club/bar/school." Replied the hobo, "Excellent! I will soon be in you!" Said Violet, "Sorry but we have to go, hobo/pedophile." "I well get you in my grasp one day orphans!" yelled Olaf, "!" On entering the school, Chubs said, "That was a nice man and I want to be just like him when I grow up!"
A/N- Like it, huh? You might have guessed that Olaf was a pedo. You'll find out more in the chapter, after chapter, after chapter. ;D
